Dylan was sitting on the couch fiddling with the remote control when I came down the steps. He looked up.
“Are you okay?” He noticed my red swollen eyes.
I nodded with the awkwardness of someone who could point out every mole on his body through his clothes if I closed my eyes and concentrated hard enough.
He continued to play with the remote, taking off the back and looking at the batteries. “Hey, listen Mackenzie, this,” he motioned back and forth between us, “doesn’t have to be a big deal, ya know. Let’s just forget it.”
“You can do that?”
“If that’s what you want.” He got up and went into the kitchen.
I felt like kicking myself. How could I be such an ass? He came back with a bottle of coke in his hand and sat down. “Do you want some?” he leaned over to me with the bottle in his hand. I was thirsty. I think all the tears had left me dehydrated. I reached for the bottle and he pulled it back. “Are you sure you want some?” He asked again. “Because you have to be absolutely positive.”
“Yes.” I gave him a strange look and reached for the bottle again and he pulled it back again.
“No, I think you oughta think about it. It’s a big decision. Maybe you need to take a few days, or a week even, and then let me know.” He was joking but I could tell he was hurt.
I’d plagued him since our first meeting in his office that day. I forced myself on him in every way imaginable. Every time he turned around, there I was with some complication, some problem. Then after that little display in the woods, forcing him to have sex with me, I disappeared for days on some emotional bend and leave him to figure it all out.
But I was sure that it really wasn’t a big deal. He was still hung up on Meghan. I saw it in his eyes that night we took a walk after she’d called him. I knew it when we were laying under that tree together, when I let him take off my wedding ring, when he kissed me.
And it wasn’t lost on me when he was on top of me, when he ran his hands over my body, when I could feel him thrusting against me. I wasn’t even sure that it was me he was with in that bed. And at the time I didn’t care. Or I didn’t think I did. We were both adults. I knew what I was getting into, and I was going to resist the urge no matter how bad it was to ask him; do you still love her? Do you plan on seeing her again? How do I fit into this? And the big one, how do you feel about me? Who was I to ask questions when I couldn’t answer any of my own? I had learned the hard way that no one is really promised anything more than they have at the moment. I would just go along for the ride and see where it went.
“I am sure.” He handed me the bottle again but I just looked at it. I rolled over and straddled his legs. “I am sure.” I kissed him. “I don’t need to think about it anymore.” I had both hands on his chest when I noticed my ring less left hand. “Do you have my ring?” I asked.
“No, why? Are you going to put it back on again?”
“After you took it off I didn’t think about it again until now.”
“We must have left it outside. I assumed you picked it up when we came in. Do you want to go look?” He rolled me off his lap so I was on my back. He leaned over top of me and kissed me.
“No.” I said looking up at him. “I’m still waiting for my coke.”
Later that day we looked on the glider, on the ground, under the tree, everywhere. Even on our hands and knees. It was gone.
“I’m sorry.” He said. “I just put it on the bench. I wasn’t even thinking.”
“It’s okay.” I pushed myself to my feet. “I’d just put it in my jewelry box anyway.”
He nodded. “If I find it out here I’ll keep it for you.”
It didn’t escape my notice that it was a just a little awkward and I wasn’t going to say anymore about it, but I wanted my ring. Not to put on my finger, but just to keep. It had been a part of my life and it belonged with me, tucked away with all the other mementos I’d gathered along the way. I dug my toe into the grass and kicked it a few times. Dylan and I were face to face.
“So, what now? Do you want to go to dinner?” he asked.
“No, I have a better idea. I want you to distract Cora for me. I want to get back into her office and go through her desk again. I have keys.”
“From where?”
“I found them in Ginny’s room and I couldn’t help myself.”
“We can’t just have a normal moment, can we?” He had his hands on his hips. “How do you suppose I’m going to distract her? Go to the door and try to sell her encyclopedias? Or I know, find a woman and we’ll go to the door together and pretend to be Jehovah’s Witnesses and ply her with Watchtower literature.”
I tried not to laugh because I wanted to be serious so I looked at my feet until it passed. “Dylan, I’m serious. You could go to her door and tell her you need to talk to her about me. She’ll be interested, trust me.”
“And then what? What am I going to say to her?”
“I was thinking you’d give her little bits and pieces of information. Just enough to keep her interested without giving everything away. You know, tell her that I’ve been bothering Ginny. She knows that already but she’ll want to find out more. All I need is about twenty minutes, tops.”
“And you want to do this, after seeing those pictures and knowing what she’s capable of?”
“I want to do this because of those pictures. I’m not going to turn around and give up now. Besides, I’m not a child. I’m not helpless. She can beat up a four year old…”
“I don’t want you to do this. If you really want to know what happened, do what Nick did. Hire a private investigator.”
We were toe to toe and as close as we’d ever been to having an argument. “No. An investigator can’t go in and look through her drawers. Besides it didn’t get Nick very far, did it?”
He shook his head. “And what if I can’t distract her? What if she shuts the door in my face and goes upstairs? You haven’t planned all of this out very well.”
“I’ve been upstairs before…”
“You were lucky. Or did you ever consider the fact that she’s been letting you go through her things and just waiting for the right moment?” His face was red. Almost like his father’s the other day.
“The right moment to what? Throw me out? Gladly.”
“She’s capable of more than that. How can you be so sure she didn’t have something to do with Nick’s accident? Doesn’t it strike you as odd that he died only a couple of months after hiring someone? And that he took out a huge life insurance policy at the same time?” He was screaming.
I put my hand out. “Wait. Your father told me that he took out that policy when he made out his will.”
Dylan shook his head. “No, July. He only made three premiums. The insurance company may take some time before they pay the claim because of it. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before? And why’d your father lie to me?”
He looked at me intently. “I thought you knew. My father said he discussed everything with you about the money and the life insurance policy.”
“No.” It was a whisper.
He breathed out heavily through his mouth. “Go back to your room. Give me about a half hour and I’ll do the best I can.” My watch said six-thirty. “But I have a horrible feeling about this.”