It had been difficult leaving Dylan’s earlier. He didn’t want me to go. Samantha didn’t want me to go. It’s not easy to stand up to two people who have joined forces. Samantha even tried to use her injuries as leverage in the argument but it hadn’t worked. I had to finish what I started. My concession was that I would be back before midnight. Dylan wanted to come with me but I’d refused. It would be hard enough for one person to sneak around the house let alone two. Too conspicuous, especially after his recent conversation with Cora. She’d know something was up if he was spotted anywhere near the place. No, this was something I had to do on my own.
Sometime during the past night when Dylan and I were in bed together and we’d both gone to our corners to recuperate, I’d looked over at him and realized how easy it would be to fall in love with him. He was attractive, smart, funny, generous. He was educated, ambitious. His family had money, which seemed like it would be a positive, but since coming here, I wasn’t so sure. Maybe he wasn’t what you would call down to earth, but he wasn’t really pretentious either.
I’d thought he was a little bland at first because he didn’t carry his anger around like a shield that you had to get through before you could possibly experience any other emotion. That’s what it had been like with Nick. But the thought of Dylan being boring had slowly faded, and was nothing but a distant memory when he was licking icy beer off my body with his tongue only a little while ago. Everything was sticky. My hair, my body and the bedding. We’d taken a shower together and changed the sheets. I pulled one of his big T-shirts over my head and slid into bed next to him.
I was so tired and wanted to sleep but he started talking and the conversation drifted to his family. He told me why he was so angry with his father, and how much pressure and responsibility he had put on him. How he had expected him to always be perfect and accommodating but his brother could do whatever he wanted. I lay there by his side and listened as he pulled at pieces of my wet hair. And then the conversation turned to my family, and though I had no intention of talking about it, I ended up giving him all the details. Things that I don’t ever talk about. Every so often I’d turn my head to see if he’d been bored to sleep, but his eyes were open.
When I was finished, he’d leaned over to kiss me. That simple kiss turned into something more. And when we’d made love that last time, I knew I was in trouble. It might not have involved any wild contortions or food groups, in fact, I don’t even think his face left mine, but it was sweet and touching and maybe a little more emotional than I’d ever intended it to be. I lay there looking at him as he fell asleep and I knew I had to get the hell out. Regroup. I’d been a fool to think that I could continue to sleep with him and still keep my emotions in check.
And so I ran away from him again, and was biding my time, staring out into the back yard towards the woods at Cora’s house. I didn’t intend to keep the midnight curfew we’d agreed upon. I just wanted to be away in a space of my own without all the emotion and confusion. I needed to be alone; not only to search for the truth about my husband but also to screw my head back on before it fell off completely.
The sun would go down in a few hours and it would make it easier for me to go back to the cemetery without anyone noticing. I wanted to look around. I also wanted to go upstairs and try and find James’ room but I didn’t know if that would be possible. And that was the end of the line. There was nothing else I could do. I’d finished everything on my list and I couldn’t think of anything I’d missed. I’d have to face the reality that the rest of my questions were going to remain unanswered.
I was deep in thought when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye in the direction of the woods. I stared into the dusk for a few minutes until I recognized the frail form slowly making its way out of the woods. I jumped up and ran out the door and intercepted Ginny before she had made it all the way to the clearing, pulling her back into the cover of the foliage.
“What are you doing, Ginny? How did you get out?” She had pulled a wool coat on over her thin dress. She wore little white socks and sneakers on her feet.
“I was looking for you. I can see the light in your room from my window but your lights haven’t been on until tonight.” She was talking in a near whisper. “I waited for Ella to go to the basement and then I left through the back door.” Her cheeks were slightly red. “I haven’t been taking these for four days now.”
She held out her hand showing me dozens of pink capsules. I picked one up and looked at it. Benadryl.
“What’s wrong Ginny?”
“I had to talk to you.” She pulled me a little further over into the woods. “There’re some things I need to tell you.” She leaned against the tree. “I lied to you the last time you came to see me and I knew you’d find out the truth so I decided to come and find you.” This was as lucid as I’d ever seen her.
“Lied to me about what?” I stuffed my hands in my pockets.
“Nick never disappeared when he was little.”
“I know.”
She leaned towards me and looked warily back towards her house as if someone might come and snatch her up. “How do you know?”
“We need to go somewhere and talk.” And I knew where.