Through her tears, Elizabeth watched Mr. Darcy, followed by Mr. Bingley, go. Her father wrapped her in his arms.
“I thought there was little danger in your brother meeting with Mr. Darcy, or I would have forbidden it.”
Elizabeth had no words. All she was capable of doing at present was shaking her head. It was not his fault that Mr. Darcy had left her.
“Come,” he said gently. “You may ride my horse, and I will walk beside you.”
“No,” she managed to force from her lips.
“You cannot stay here,” said William.
She pushed away from her father and turned toward her brother. “Do not speak to me!” She blew out a breath. “Ever,” she added. “I did not choose you, nor will I ever. And I will not return to the house with you!” Fury such as she had never felt rose within her. How could he be so stupid as to not see that Mr. Darcy was a perfectly honorable gentleman?
“Lizzy,” her father said softly, “you will eventually have to speak to William.”
She shook her head.
Mr. Bennet sighed. “I will send Jane to you. You will be under your tree?”
Elizabeth nodded.
“I do not want Jane to have to wander hither and yon trying to find you,” he cautioned.
“I will be where you said.” She drew a sleeve of her pelisse across her eyes in an attempt to dry her tears, not that, at this moment, she thought they would ever stop flowing.
“Will you accept both my handkerchief and that of your brother?” Mr. Bennet held out his handkerchief to her as William withdrew his from his pocket.
Gratefully, Elizabeth took the piece of cloth from her father but hesitated before accepting William’s. She did not wish to even touch something which belonged to him at present, but she did have need of something to dry her eyes and nose. She murmured a thank you and turned to leave them and go to her tree.
“Lizzy,” William called after her. She could hear his concern for her in his voice, and despite her anger, it pricked her heart.
“Do not speak to me,” she threw the words over her shoulder. Then she stopped. She would not listen to him, but he could listen to her. Perhaps now he would be more willing to do so. “You know nothing of him! Nothing! When you know about him. When you can tell me all you know about him which you have heard from his own lips – not from the lips of another profligate schemer – “ she smiled at his look of shock at her choice of words. “—only then, will I allow you to speak to me.”
And with those words, she turned away once more and made her way to where she could attempt to gain control of her sorrow. She could not return to the house and her mother as she was right now. She would need to gather some semblance of fortitude before facing her mother’s concerned coddling.
She sank down under the tree, heedless of her gown or pelisse. Not much seemed worthy of consideration presently. She pulled her knees up and rested her forehead on them as she allowed herself to fully indulge in the misery of her heart. She berated William for his actions for several minutes until her anger was spent. Then she turned her thoughts to Mr. Darcy.
She lifted her head and looked toward Netherfield. “I love you,” she whispered. She had not known it until she had been met with William’s demand. She had known she admired Mr. Darcy and that she longed to know more about him. She had known that she wished for him to take her hand and, she smiled through her tears, she had known when he kissed her that she would like to have him do so again. But in the instant when she had to choose between giving him up and remaining as she had always been or stepping away from the familiar confines of her family to be at his side, she had come to realize just what it was that drew her to him. It was not his wealth or his handsome features. It was him – his heart, his character, the way he smiled when he saw her, the ease with which they entered into intimate conversation – it was who he would be even if all his riches were removed and his features, disfigured. And she had known that she could not give him up any more than she could hand William her own heart.
How such a love had developed in so short a time was beyond her comprehension. But then, it did not matter how it happened. It only mattered that it had and now it been torn from her.
She buried her head in her arms which still rested on her knees and wept without thinking for a few moments. Then, determined that she would not be a complete watering pot when Jane arrived, she lifted her head, dried her tears, and attempted to keep more from spilling as she replayed the events of the morning in her head. She had been so excited to see Mr. Darcy when she had left the house, and then… The sound of metal clashing with metal and the sight of her brother and Mr. Darcy engaged in battle had frightened her.
“Elizabeth?” Jane touched her shoulder to alert her sister to her presence before carefully taking a seat next to her on the ground. She wrapped her arms around Elizabeth’s shoulders. “Papa told me what happened.”
“When will I learn to hold my tongue?” Elizabeth shook her head. “If I had remained silent…”
“Shhh,” Jane cooed. “What has been done is done. We cannot alter that now.”
“I love him, Jane. I love him most ardently.”
Jane squeezed her close.
“This is my fault. If I had not allowed my anger to overcome me, William would not have said what he did, and Mr. Darcy would not have left me.”
“William was wrong,” Jane said firmly. “I will not excuse your actions, but I will also not allow you to bear all of this on yourself. You may have been demanding, and you may have spoken in anger. However, none of that would have happened if William had been reasonable.”
Jane always had a way of framing a picture as it should be when Elizabeth was beginning to scramble the pieces and create scenarios that were less than accurate as her mind spun in its distress and struggled to right whatever cart had been upset.
“Papa said that Mr. Darcy has not given you up completely.” Jane drew and released a deep breath. In it, Elizabeth could hear the weight of concern Jane bore. “We have only to hope William will regain his senses soon, and I think he will.”
“He is so stubborn,” Elizabeth refuted.
“As are you,” Jane said as she smoothed Elizabeth’s hair behind her ear on the far side of her head where Jane’s arm rested around her sister’s shoulders. “He was greatly shaken when I saw him. I have never seen him so.”
Elizabeth shrugged as if she did not care, even though she did. Her heart hurt because of the fracture that had occurred between her and her brother.
“Give him some time. He is not without sense. He will see reason. Papa will make certain he does.”
Elizabeth sighed. She hoped it was true.
Jane removed her arm from around her sister, wrapping it instead around Elizabeth’s arm and snuggling into her side. It was often how they would sit and tell stories to one another at night when they were younger. They still did it now, though not so often.
“Do you remember when William first arrived?” Jane asked.
Elizabeth nodded. “He was so big, and he scowled so much.”
Jane laughed. “That is what you said. You looked up at him and said, ‘you are very tall’ which you followed with ‘why do you not smile?’”
“And Papa explained to me what it meant for someone to die.”
Jane nodded. “And you decided it was your duty to see William smile. The torment you caused him with your questions! ‘Do you like apples, William? They are a very cheery fruit. Do you like horses, William? I like riding with Papa. Would you like to have my kitten? She is very good at catching mice and at snuggling with me when I am afraid of the thunder.’”
Elizabeth laughed. “I was a trying child, was I not?”
“Excessively,” Jane agreed. “And yet, you became the sister William loves best. No matter how you teased him about his incorrect sums or how often you followed him around when he had told you to stay home.” She laughed softly again. “Do you remember falling in the stream? I think you were about eight, were you not?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I was, and that water was not warm.”
“You had been told to stay home, but you wished to fish with William and his friends, who thought it great fun to challenge you to stand on a rock in the middle of the stream.”
“On one foot,” Elizabeth added.
“And you did it for about five seconds before falling into the water.”
“William fished me out and wrapped me in his jacket.”
“And proceeded to earn himself a black eye and a bloody nose venting his displeasure on his friends because they had caused you harm,” Jane finished the story quietly. “He loves you. He acted foolishly, but he did it because it was you. He did not challenge Mr. Bingley.”
Elizabeth dried her eyes again. She knew it was true. William was a determined protector of all his sisters, but he was downright immovable when it was anything that threatened her. When she was ill, it was he who would sit beside her bed reading or who would fetch tea and broth as needed. He had held her hand when the surgeon had stitched up the gash on her leg from another of her escapades when she had been following him without his permission. She could still see the ashen sheen of his face as she bit her lip to keep from crying out with each poke. He had made her look at him when her curiosity begged her to watch the gruesome work of the surgeon. And he had, after he had seen she was well, emptied the contents of his stomach.
“He means well, Lizzy.”
“I know,” Elizabeth admitted. “But he is wrong.”
Jane rested her head on Elizabeth’s shoulder. “And he will move the heavens above to correct his wrong for he will not be parted from you for anything in the world.”
Elizabeth hoped with all her heart that it was true, for though she longed to see Mr. Darcy again and eventually be his wife, she knew that she would never be truly happy if it came at the expense of an irreparable breach between her and her brother.
They sat in silence for some time. Elizabeth’s tears had finally stopped – or nearly had. There were a few that insisted on filling her eyes whenever she would think of either William or Mr. Darcy.
“Are you ready to go home?” Jane asked.
Elizabeth nodded. “I believe I am.”
Jane rose first and helped Elizabeth up.
“What does Mama know?” Elizabeth asked as they began the walk back to Longbourn.
“She heard everything Papa told me, and she has instructed that a bath be waiting for you as well as a cup of tea and a piece of toast.”
“Am I to be confined to my bed?”
Jane nodded her head. “You know Mama. She would take to her bed, and therefore, it is expected that you will as well. However, that will likely be for the best, as you will not need to see William, nor will you have to hear Mama’s moans over the situation, for I am certain I will be assigned to your care.”
Elizabeth smiled. “I am sorry to be such a burden to you.”
“You are never a burden, my dearest sister.”
“Unless I have angered William and caused Mr. Bingley not to be allowed to call,” Elizabeth teased.
“Well, yes, there is that,” Jane agreed with a small laugh. “Perhaps that should be how we pass our time – teaching you how to hold your tongue.” She pulled Elizabeth close. “I own that it is a fault and needs correction, but I love you just as you are, you know.”
“I know, and I love you. However, I do not think I will need much instruction. If I can remember this day and the way my heart hurts for those I love, it will be enough.”
“He loves you. Mr. Darcy, that is,” Jane said. “Papa told me before I left to come to you about how he promised to wait for you and that he cried.” She sighed. “You must admit that that is very romantic.”
“Jane!”
“I know, the rest of the story is not pleasant, but to be loved so dearly.” She sighed again. “I almost wish William had challenged Mr. Bingley.”
“You do not,” Elizabeth said with a laugh. Jane could be just as given to fanciful notions as Lydia at times.
Jane shrugged. “Perhaps I do not, but I would adore having a gentleman be so moved at the thought of losing me even for a short time.”
Elizabeth shook her head. “You are impossible at times,” she chided playfully, but she would not have Jane any other way, and she was excessively thankful for such a whimsical conversation that would put her in better spirits before she was to face her mother’s sighs and lamentations before being tucked into bed.