21 AFTERWORD

From March 4, 1988, to April 5, 1989, my writing of this book was off and on until I finally finished the first draft. Early this spring I was seized by a whim and decided to transcribe it for a final draft. By June 3, three months later, the work was done. But the final draft is quite different from the first, almost totally rewritten.

Originally I laid down a rule for myself; in the course of writing, I would avoid making scathing remarks, suppress my anger and try to provide an objective account of reality. However, I am an emotional human being. As the writing went on, rage surged inside me and gradually ran out of control; tears welled up in my eyes and biting words kept appearing on the paper. I was not in a position to check my feelings. So I let the rest of the writing take its own course. Otherwise I would have told lies. Eventually I revised the writing and came up with a final draft that was studded with fewer harsh remarks and characterized by subdued fury. In fact I acted against my will by making such changes. But, to avoid stirring up trouble and offending some people, moderation was the only alternative left with me.

In the book I have mentioned many people. A careful reader will notice three different methods that I have used to narrate their stories. In some cases I did not give the names of the persons concerned. In others I only gave the last names of the persons, dropping the first names. In the rest I listed the whole names. Thus I protected some people's identities in one way or another. In the case of those whom I thought were considerably harmful to a socialist society, I revealed the full names so that the scum would be disgraced in history, in an effort to ring warning bells to forthcoming generations.

However, I do not mean to deliberately hurt any category of people. I vow that my accounts are presented with honesty. After the Cultural Revolution, I was restored to the position of department head. Later I was promoted and "rode high" in the national institutions of power. Therefore I do no lack avenues for revenge.

I hope the people whom I touched upon directly or inadvertently in my memoir will understand that I have written with a good intention to present a true chapter of history. My friendship with them, established either before the Cultural Revolution or strengthened after it, should be maintained.

I calculate that the academic works I have produced in my life total about eight million words, including both original writings and translations; eighty percent of them were written after the Cultural Revolution. If I had "taken my own life against the people" by committing suicide in the Revolution, I would have been unable to be so academically fruitful.

Is this result something that deserves honor or contempt? I can't figure out the answer now. I will let this concern drop.

Completed on June 3, 1992