I’d made it. Finally. Here I was at a beautiful hotel on a hilltop overlooking a gorgeous vineyard in Santa Barbara, California, with Keanu possibly on the other side of the door, and I was hesitating.
All I could think about was how pissed True was going to be that I snuck out early, took the car and left him sleeping. I also really wished he were with me to share this moment, this view and maybe have some wine with me.
I shook my head. It was nuts. I was nuts. Keanu was in my reach, and I just needed to finish this. Sure, True would be mad, but I had to do this on my own. I had to show him that I could make a fool of myself, take the rejection and still stand. Stand and get on with my life, by myself, and move on. Just as he should too.
Everything went shaky inside of me with that thought, though I knew it was right. Even after our talk last night, even after our lovemaking, even though I still wanted True. We couldn’t let our youth and past pain control us. Not anymore.
Oddly, getting past security in the hotel and to this point felt easyish, almost too easy. Using my CIU method and using it with authority got me past all security and checkpoints. I just acted like I belonged and just didn’t know quite where I was going. I took a breath and tried to shrug off my feeling of unease.
Maybe it was easy because it was meant to be. The voice in my head sounded so much like Keanu that I almost thought he’d said it through the door. Yeah, I was losing it. But if I had calculated correctly, Keanu was just past this door, and either my ending or my next chapter would be on the other side.
“It’s now or after the ‘I dos,’ Lu,” I told myself as I let out a breath and opened the door.
In the span of that opening it was as if the past ninety days flashed before my eyes. True chasing that bus, the Wonder Wheel, the festival party, Aquaman and loving True under the stars. I could see him in my mind’s eye as he was when I silently shut our hotel room door. Naked and lovely and thankfully breathing well and evenly after the surfing accident. I was thankful. Grateful that he was okay but so afraid he wouldn’t be the next time he did something ridiculous for me.
True didn’t hear me as I’d said my final goodbye, since I’d only said it to myself. But I hoped when he read the note I left he’d understand. When he got the breakfast I sent and the first-class ticket back to New York. I hoped he’d forgive me and not be too mad. I had to believe he wouldn’t be, that he’d understand and in that way remain my True.
Oh well, this was it. Time to face Keanu. I cleared my throat and smiled, only to face two bodyguards when I opened the door.
Well shit. I looked at one and blinked because he seemed so familiar, like Dave Chappelle or maybe a cousin of his? And to his side was that intern from the Wonder Wheel.
Before I could form what to say, a voice rang out: “Let her through, Gary.”
Keanu.
I knew it was him. Just as I’d imagined in every dream I’d had when the world closed in tight, or worse, got too big. And here he was standing in front of an altar that faced an open window that looked out on nothing but sky. He could’ve been posing for another movie.
“Breathtaking,” I whispered.
And as he turned, I got a head-on, face-to-face look at my dream for the first time.
“No, you are,” he said and smiled.
I blinked as my mind stuttered and Keanu laughed. “Sorry, that was too easy. It’s nice to meet you, Lu. Or is it Beth?”
His smile was beautiful, he was beautiful, but still I couldn’t help but prickle when he called me Beth. “Um, Lu is fine, thanks. That’s what all my friends call me.”
He came toward me and stopped about ten feet away. “I’m glad you consider me a friend.”
“And I’m glad that you consider not having me immediately kicked out of here.” My eyes darted around quickly. “Unless the police are already on their way and if that’s the case, let me start with an apology and then I can leave. You’ll never again see this highly suspect but in no way stalkerazzi face again.” I took a step back.
He frowned and cocked his head to the side. “Is that what you came for? All this way to say we’re ‘friends’ and then leave?”
The air was heavy as he waited for an answer to what should have been a simple question, but the problem was I still had no answer. I lived having no answers.
“I don’t know,” I said, then leaned on one of the spindly chairs and almost fell over. Keanu stepped forward, but I held up a hand to stop him as I righted myself. “I’m fine. I will be fine,” I said, looking into his beautiful brown eyes.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I am. Or I will be. The truth is, I came to say don’t get married. Don’t get married and please don’t quit acting. You and your movies are a wonderful escape from…I don’t know if you know, but it’s a lifeline for some. And if you need a rest, I get it. But maybe not announce retirement and just continue to give people hope that there will be something coming next.” I cleared my throat. “It’s the hope that’s the important part.”
His brows rose and I laughed. “Annnnd now you’re probably rethinking the cops thing. I get it. I might as well end with a bang. I also was going to make a plea for you to marry me. Me, a person you don’t even know, the same as I don’t know you.” I smirked at myself then. “Ugh. I’m sorry, I should go. Yes, it was crazy and I apologize once again for taking up your time.” I turned and took two steps back toward the door.
“But why would you want to marry someone you don’t know?”
Dammit, Keanu! Can’t you just let me and my mortification go?
I turned back and looked at him. “Just for that reason. I don’t know you and you don’t know me. The idea of not having a past to pull pain from. Doesn’t that sound amazing?” I laughed then, trying my best to find someplace within myself to fall back on. “And hey, I’m not the worst catch.”
Keanu chuckled and nodded. I took it as a good sign. “No past pain,” he said. “Now that is interesting.”
“Yep, no past. Only future. The possibilities are endless. No attachments, no engagements, no boyfriends. No—”
He cut me off. “True love?”
I frowned, for the first time the whole situation really sinking in. How had he known it was me coming in? How did he even know my name?
“Wait. What are you talking about true loves?”
“I’m just wondering what past you’re running from to bring up marriage to a stranger and if there was a regret you were leaving behind.”
“We all have those. But maybe I’m just trying to right some wrongs. Let someone in to let someone go. Let him know he doesn’t have to take up my empty spaces anymore, bring me coffee, walk my dog. Sit with me in a dark movie theater. That I’ll still be just fine.”
“I don’t know. Sounds like you’re leaving a lot to chance.” He took a step closer and looked me in the eye. “I mean, what if we’re not compatible?”
I shook my head. “We? Now you’re just screwing with me, Keanu. Of course we are probably not compatible. I’m not compatible with anyone right now. The quicker I get that into my head, the quicker I can let True go and be over him.”
There was silence as we stared at each other. I narrowed my eyes. True love, he’d said. I looked over at the Ferris Guy and the woman. “Yo, Gary,” I said quickly, and he turned. I raised a brow.
Keanu laughed. “I guess it’s coming together. How you got in here so easily.”
“I think it’s starting to,” I said.
“And I think you’ve been regretting everything that’s transpired this morning since you left your hotel room.”
“You really know everything, don’t you?”
He raised his shoulders and shrugged. “I don’t know everything. But you can rest assured, I’m not getting married.” I opened my mouth, but he continued. “At least not today. This is all for a shoot and I really need to get on the studio about their social media postings. And no, I’m not retiring. I’m having too much fun on this adventure. I also know that for you, I’m not the one. You already know that in your heart.”
I sighed. “That is literally something The One would say. And of course I know it. But I ruined my One, or if I stay with him I will. I can’t take that risk.”
“But isn’t that what love is? A risk.”
I frowned. “Who knew you could be so infuriating, Keanu?”
He laughed. “Believe me, plenty of people know.”
I stared at him. “So you spoke to True?”
He nodded and I lowered my head. “Shit, he must really be pissed to have found a way to get in touch with you. I guess I should say goodbye and call him.”
“Or you could head out that side door and try and catch him. He was just here. Do you really think you could have gotten through security as easily as you did?”
“Here, as in here-here?!”
He nodded. “About ten minutes ago. I have to say your whole plan, though flawed, made for one hell of an adventure…When he told me about the Hero Con, what a near miss.”
Keanu was still talking, but all I could think of was True and where he was now. The fact that he’d gotten up, rented a car and beat me here was amazing. Maybe I shouldn’t have stopped for those souvenirs or for coffee, but there was no way I was making the trip without it.
“Thanks, I have to go,” I blurted, and Keanu went silent and wide-eyed. I didn’t think many women voluntarily leave his presence, but hey. Then he nodded and pointed to the side door again.
“He went that way,” he said.
“Do you think I can catch him?”
“If anybody can, I bet it would be you,” he said.
I stood and looked at him for a moment more, fully taking in my dream and then silently letting it go.
“Are you going to go, or are you going to stand here staring at me while the man you really want is out there wandering the vineyard hoping you’ll appear?” Keanu broke in.
I shook my head and smiled. “You’re right. And thank you. Wish me luck, Mr. Anderson.” I headed through the chairs, toppling and righting a few.
“I would, but I have a feeling you won’t need it, Ms. Carlisle.”