Casey pushed the loaded utility cart with her clipboard, barcode scanner, and boxes of new inventory down the aisle that housed drawing materials. Before he left, her manager had instructed her to stock the shelves when she didn’t have customers, as nights tended to be slow. She began by replenishing the Carbothello colored pencils, checking each one for a sharpened point before she slid it into its labeled slot.
She’d worked at this family-owned art supply store for a few years, making her way up to assistant manager. If she had more time and flexibility, she’d have a managerial role and salary by now. However, she enjoyed quiet nights like this after a day of classes, not that she’d been there a full day or attended Leighton’s class. Still, she’d been busy. At least skipping class had allowed her to sort out her thoughts.
As she recalled her walk through the park, she opened a cardboard box. It contained sets of Unison pastels, and she admired the hand-rolled, oblong sticks. They lacked uniformity, and their unique shapes appealed to her. She considered buying them. After all, she’d sold a painting and won an award. Plus, she’d never tried pastels with any true intention. Instead, she shelved the set and told herself she’d consider it.
A bell on the door signaled a customer had entered the store. Casey stepped out of the aisle to offer a greeting, but it caught in the back of her throat. Leighton glanced around until she spotted her. She crossed the distance between them in a few purposeful strides. When Leighton followed her into the aisle, Casey turned to her cart of inventory and resumed working.
“People are questioning why you weren’t in class today.”
Leighton hadn’t bothered with a greeting. Not a good sign.
“People? Or you? I’d think you would’ve had a pretty good idea why.” She scanned pan pastels and placed them on the shelf. While she’d been expecting they’d need to talk at some point, she hadn’t expected Leighton to show up at her work, and it unsettled her.
Leighton flipped her hair over her shoulder with a vigorous shake of her head. “You can’t skip class.”
“I missed one. I attended the afternoon session.” For once, the store’s lack of customers pleased her. At least no one would overhear their terse conversation.
“You missed my class.”
The hurt in Leighton’s expression and the disappointment in her tone surprised Casey. She’d expected anger.
“Why?” Leighton’s voice had grown quiet. “Why weren’t you there this morning?”
“The way you reacted,” Casey shuffled her feet, her sneakers squeaking on the linoleum floor, “made me believe it wouldn’t be long before you regretted what we’d done. Especially after the parameters you established early in the year.” She gave a half-hearted shrug. “I simplified things. If I’m not your student, then there’s no issue for you.” She resumed stocking.
“You think you’re doing this for me?” Leighton sighed. “This is your grand plan? Aren’t you splitting hairs with your definition of a student? You’re still a student in my atelier.”
“Yes, but you’re not my teacher.” Casey sliced open another box, the tearing sound as unpleasant as Leighton’s disappointment had been.
Leighton rubbed her temple. “Don’t you think we should’ve discussed this and found a solution together?”
It hadn’t occurred to her before, but when Leighton phrased it like that, Casey should’ve talked with her first. However, the last time she’d seen her, Leighton had handed her clothing and asked her to leave.
Silence descended over them, broken only by the occasional beep of Casey’s scanner as she emptied the boxes on her cart.
Leighton picked up a set of Sennelier soft pastels. “These are really nice.” She turned it over, then replaced it.
Casey remained quiet but glanced at the clock. How long would she have before a customer walked in? She hadn’t said what she needed to say, and she trembled thinking about it. The last thing she needed was an interruption.
Leighton touched Casey’s arm. “No, I don’t regret it, at least not how you probably think.”
Her soft, affectionate tone almost allayed Casey’s nervousness.
Leighton withdrew her hand. “Come back to class, and we’ll somehow make it work. It’s only for a few weeks.”
Something had bloomed within her when Leighton said she didn’t regret their night together, but her hand shook, making the scanner’s laser wobble where it hit the box. What seemed like good news earlier now made her question it, but it meant they’d be together. At least she hoped.
“About that.” Casey rested her hand on her cart to stop it from shaking. An awareness hit her that she didn’t know Leighton well enough to predict how she’d react. “I emailed the chair of the exhibition, and I declined the opportunity to go to Florence. I’m staying.”
* * *
“You’re what?” The flatness of Leighton’s response echoed off the art store’s hard floors and walls, making her voice sound foreign even to her ears, which was fine, because Casey sounded strange, too. Surely, she’d imagined Casey say she turned down Florence. Leighton’s chest tightened, and she searched for somewhere to sit before she ended up on the grimy floor. There was nothing nearby, so she held onto the shelf for support.
Casey tugged the strings of her apron tighter. Leighton imagined she’d need scissors to get the knot free at the end of her shift.
“I decided not to go.”
“Decided not to go?” Leighton pressed her palm to her forehead. She needed to stop echoing everything Casey said, but it was so unbelievable, she couldn’t help it. “What in the hell were you thinking?”
Casey blanched. “And what do you suppose I was doing all morning?” She appeared offended as she pushed the cart down the aisle and through the swinging door of the storeroom.
Leighton hesitated, then followed her.
In the back, Casey stood with her hands on her hips, facing away. “I know it’s you because I’d know the sound of your walk anywhere. We don’t allow customers back here.”
Leighton wasn’t a customer, and she had no intention of leaving. She turned Casey with a gentle touch to her shoulder. “Now you’re worried about breaking rules? You need to contact them again, and tell them you’ve made a mistake.”
Casey’s arms fell. “I can’t. We emailed back and forth today. The chair wanted to make sure of my decision. They’ve already awarded it to the person who’d earned the second most points, the first-place winner.”
“Oh, no.” Leighton covered her mouth with her hand. This time, she found a place to sit on a stack of pallets. “Oh, God.”
Casey sat beside her. “I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but it’s my choice.”
Leighton looked at her. “Disappointed for you, yes, but you didn’t consider the impact. You made an entire production of wanting to celebrate with me. Don’t you realize what people would give for the opportunity? It’s a dream come true, yet you’ve thrown it away.”
Casey shot to her feet. “I didn’t throw anything away. If you’ll recall, attending Atelier Vaughn was my dream, so by going, I’d be throwing that away. You brought the exhibition to my attention and encouraged me to enter, while I would’ve been happy finishing out the school year.”
Leighton pressed her palms to her thighs. She needed to remain calm. “Why did you turn it down?”
Casey sat. “When you told me your reasons for not wanting to go, it got me thinking.”
Leighton angled her body toward her. They sat so close, she saw the carotid artery pulsing in Casey’s neck. She’d had her lips there not so very long ago. Her stomach swooped at the thought she never would again.
“You were right. They weren’t aware I had a child because I never mentioned Andy on my entry application. The small room provided wouldn’t fit us both, so the additional expense of a suitable arrangement would have been mine.” Casey cleared her throat. “I hadn’t considered childcare, not only finding someone I trusted who spoke English but also how to pay for it.” She picked at her thumbnail. “And when I told Aileen I’d won, the look on her face almost killed me. It hadn’t occurred to me I’d be taking her only grandchild away for six months with little warning. She couldn’t hide her tears even while insisting I go. I can’t do that to her. Frankly, I can’t do that to Mark or Andy either. Mark might not want to be a father, but he loves Andy, and Andy loves him. How could I tear the most important people in Andy’s life away from him for that amount of time?” She sniffed. “When I looked at it that way, seeing David or the Duomo didn’t seem that important. Besides, studying abroad won’t guarantee I’ll become successful. Success has many forms, and if I’m not respecting the people I love, what does it matter anyway?”
They sat without talking, with Casey’s ragged breathing the only sound in the room.
Leighton’s head spun as she tried to make sense of it all. “I can’t believe you’re not going.” The hollowness of her tone matched the ache in her heart.
Casey made a wounded sound. “Are you that eager to get rid of me?”
Leighton couldn’t look at her. “Do you realize what this means? I slept with you because you’d be leaving, because you’d no longer be my student.” Leighton pressed her fingers into her forehead as she reconsidered what she’d said. “I mean, I slept with you because I wanted to. I’d wanted to for weeks—no, months—but I allowed myself that pleasure because you’d be leaving. And while I’d miss you something terrible and you might never have been part of my life again, it was an amazing opportunity for you, and I wanted you to have that. The selfish part of me wanted to spend a night with you before I lost you.”
Casey took Leighton’s hand. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay. We’ll make it work.” She sounded like she was convincing herself. “We don’t have to tell anyone.”
Leighton withdrew her hand. “How do you envision us in that scenario? Sneaking around for another year and a half without getting caught? Mark’s a smart guy. I’m sure he already knows. Or did you think we’d be able to keep our hands off one another after having sex and pretend it never happened?” Leighton laughed, but it sounded scornful. “No, Casey, we made a mistake. I made a mistake. What I did wasn’t right.” She stood and paced. Her stomach felt like someone had wrung it like a wet rag.
“What’s going to happen?” Casey’s voice cracked. “Why is everything going so wrong?”
“Because what I did was wrong.” The despondency in her voice surprised Leighton. “I need to tell Maxine and face the consequences. I slept with a student, and I can’t hide it.”
“That’s only going to make things worse.” Casey’s eyes brimmed with tears.
“We’ve always been close, but she’s been like a second mother to me since my mom died. It feels wrong to keep secrets from her.” It was Leighton’s turn to sniff. She wished she had a tissue.
A bell dinged, like the one on the door Leighton had entered.
“Jesus Christ. Please, don’t leave yet.” Casey pushed through the swinging door.
* * *
Grateful the green-haired guy knew what brand and colors of spray paint he needed, all Casey had to do was unlock the case, make sure he was eighteen, and ring him up. She returned to the storeroom in less than five minutes. Leighton hadn’t moved.
Casey wrung her hands. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry for doing your job. I shouldn’t have bothered you at work, but I didn’t know when I’d have the chance to talk to you in person privately if I didn’t.”
“I understand why you want to tell Maxine.” Casey fidgeted from foot to foot. “However, if you tell her, it’s going to ruin any chance of us dating or being together.” As she said it, she realized she might be off base by assuming what Leighton even wanted.
“Casey.”
She hated when Leighton said her name like that, all breathy and pitiful, like she were a child who refused to believe Santa wasn’t real. Maybe she felt more for Leighton than Leighton for her. The thought clamped her chest, and she struggled to breathe through the tightness.
“We cannot be together.” Leighton pulled her to sit beside her. “Not while you’re my student.”
Casey could hear her life crashing down around her. There had to be some other way. She bit the inside of her lip and vowed not to cry, even while tears filled her eyes. Strength was her forte, and she’d figure this out. While Leighton sat quietly, likely letting her regain her composure, she tried to brainstorm another option.
“I’m going to quit school.” She bobbed her head. It hurt her heart to think about it, but what choice did she have? “It’s the only way.”
Leighton scoffed. “Stop it.”
“No, listen. I’ve learned a lot, and I can still borrow notes from Mark or Jenna. We need a solution where I’m not your student. This is it.”
“I refuse to let you quit.” Leighton faced her, arms crossed.
Casey frowned. “Well, if I never go to class, what can you do?”
Leighton’s jaw twitched. “Don’t be juvenile. You’ve already given up one incredible opportunity. I won’t allow you to give up another. You just said Atelier Vaughn was your dream, and I won’t stand in the way of that.”
Casey also stood. “I have to. It’s our only option.”
Leighton stared at her. “No, Casey, it’s not. You’ll skip no more classes or, God forbid, quit school.” She scoffed. “Well, you’re free to do what you want, but I won’t be in a relationship with you if that’s the choice you make. I can’t be with someone who throws away talent and opportunity.”
Casey tried to swallow. Her life was falling apart, and the harder she tried to gather the pieces, they scattered even more. “What will happen?”
Leighton held up her hands. “I won’t know until I have that discussion with Maxine. I imagine I might need to step down as an instructor.”
“That’s not fair.” Casey would shake her head, but she was afraid it might dislodge her unshed tears. “Teaching at your atelier was your dream. I don’t want to destroy yours any more than you want to stand in the way of mine.” She hugged herself to keep the sickening feeling down. “If I’d chosen to go to Florence, we wouldn’t be together. Now, because I’ve chosen to stay, we still can’t be. When did it get to be a lose-lose situation?” The stark realization a relationship with Leighton wouldn’t happen and she had no available moves left struck her like a rogue wave.
Leighton stepped close and rubbed Casey’s upper arms. “We were never in a winning situation, I’m afraid. Sometimes life is unfair.”
Casey hated that saying. It was only that way when people were too disinterested or cowardly to find creative ways to make it so.
“Then we agree that attending Atelier Vaughn is your dream, and you will skip no more classes. I expect you to be there tomorrow, even if I might not be your instructor.” Leighton straightened.
Casey looked away, hating it had come to this.
Leighton brought her face around with a finger to her chin. “Yes?”
Casey nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“It’s all about brush miles. You need to be in the studio learning, painting, and developing as an artist. I can’t stand to see you waste your potential or your scholarship. Deep down, I know you realize what I’m saying is true. If it was just you, you could act with reckless abandon and quit, but you have Andy to think about. And I meant what I said. Nothing will ever happen between us if you throw away the opportunity in front of you. I have no interest being with anyone self-destructive, and that’s how I’d view it.”
With Leighton’s ultimatum, there’d be no point skipping class, and when she returned, things would never be the same. Even Leighton hypothetically referencing being with her couldn’t raise her spirits.
Leighton caressed her cheek. “It’ll be okay, Casey.”
Her voice was so gentle, but instead of being reassuring, for the first time, Casey didn’t believe her.
Leighton embraced her, and Casey soaked in the warmth and scent of her. Like this, in Leighton’s arms, everything felt right. Why couldn’t they stay like this forever?
When Leighton pulled away, Casey wiped her eyes on her apron. The sharp rap of Leighton’s shoes as they met the concrete floor echoed off the cinder block walls. A few seconds later, the bell on the door signaled her exit from the store. Casey’s heart felt as empty as the sparse storeroom where Leighton had left her.