If you've never met a Gila monster, let me tell you: They are tough customers. They're big, strong, and dumb, and they have really bad breath. Seriously. You wouldn't want to kiss one.
Oh, and one other thing: They're poisonous.
Of course, I didn't tell Shirley her little brother had gone to meet a poisonous goon the size of a refrigerator. Instead I said, "Herman, huh? Do any of Billy's little friends know Herman?"
One of Shirley's eyes rolled back as she thought about it. The other eye kept looking at the ground. I shuddered. What a creepy habit.
But then, we geckos lose our tails sometimes, so I guess I shouldn't talk.
"Billy has been hanging out with the Rat Sisters lately," she said. "Maybe they'd know about Herman."
The Rat Sisters are a couple of sweet girls who like to pull the wings off flies and make umbrellas with them. With the wings, I mean. I made a note to see the Rat Sisters at lunch.
And thinking of lunch reminded me of my fee.
"Will you take the case?" Shirley asked.
"That depends," I said. "Can you afford me? I get a hundred bucks a day, plus expenses." I had read that in a detective book somewhere.
Shirley coughed. "I can afford fifty cents a day," she said.
"Shirley, you jest," I replied.
Shirley groaned. My stomach grumbled.
"Look," she said. "My dad is a good cook. Maybe I could just feed you lunch for a week."
I raised an eyebrow. "Your dad?"
"What's so funny about that? Some of the world's best chefs are men, and—"
"All right, all right, it's a deal," I said.
Shirley beamed. "We're having stinkbug pie for dessert tonight. I'll bring you leftovers tomorrow—if you find Billy in time."
My stomach growled. "I'll get right on the case," I said.
I stood up to go, and stepped around the aquarium. But just then, Old Man Ratnose glared at me from his desk at the front of the room.
Oh yeah. School.
"Chet Gecko, where is your reading book?" he demanded.
"Teacher, it's a mystery to me," I said. Mr. Ratnose bared his front teeth. I whispered to Shirley, "I'll start at recess."
"Oh, thank you, Chet," she said.
She kissed my cheek. Then Shirley turned and wriggled back to her desk.
I wiped the cooties off my cheek. Dames. What's a guy supposed to do?