ad rags
A-list n. A catalog of assholes.
accumulated wealth n. The definitive basis of self-esteem.
acquired incompetence n. The loss of ability to care for oneself or perform even the most rudimentary personal functions after adopting a lifestyle of dependence on BANANA PEELERS, maids, cooks, nannies, ESTATE MANAGERS, etc.
ad rag n. Any of dozens of landfill-clogging, advertising-driven free publications such as DAN'S PAPERS or HAMPTONS MAGAZINE that are delivered in superabundance to every real estate office, restaurant, antique shop and storefront. See doorstop.
addition n. An increase in the size of a house that is at least triple the area of the existing structure. What the original house looks like after expansive improvements have been completed.
affluent adj. 1. Less than wealthy. 2. Having a net worth less than $10 million. A disparaging term used by the wealthy to denigrate the merely rich. See wealthy.
affluential adj. Having influence based solely upon wealth.
affluenza n. A virulent malady characterized by a voracious, insatiable appetite and complete loss of bowel control. The reason McMANSIONS have so many bathrooms. Also Wealth Disease. See consumption.
affordable housing n. A house in the Hamptons that is listed for sale for less than $1 million. See mobile home.
aggression n. A primate behavior stimulated by over-consumption of resources and characterized by verbal or physical attacks on those perceived as competing for those resources, especially when those resources are in short supply. e.g., Reservations at NICK AND TONI', bagels at Breadzilla, a parking space anywhere in the Hamptons during the SILLY SEASON, etc.
aggrichvation n. The aggravation of having to deal with the rich. aggrichvated —adj.
alarm system n. 1. A device for people who can't afford a caretaker. 2. The illusion of security, especially when installed in a Hamptons VACATION HOUSE that is rarely occupied. Also insecurity system.
alcofauxlic (al·co·fo'·lik) n. A person who pretends to have a drinking problem for the sole purpose of sucking up to wealthy celebrities at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Also psychophant.
Alda v. To be ignored or rudely dismissed while seeking an autograph. “Martha Stewart gave me an Alda.”
ambulance chaser n. A person who follows an ambulance for the purpose of beating traffic.
AMT Acronym. actress-model type n. 1. One who makes a living based on their appearance.—adj. 2. A woman with little intelligence and low morals. See blank chick.
anal bleaching n. The practice of bleaching the darker pigmentation of the skin around the anus for cosmetic purposes, often performed in conjunction with LABIALPLASTY.
Angri-la n. 1. A weekend retreat for the never satisfied. 2. A vacation house or summer rental that is too expensive to enjoy. 3. The Hamptons during the summer, when tens of thousands of CIDIOTS and self-styled MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE aggressively compete for parking spaces, restaurant reservations, coffee at Starbucks, a copy of the Sunday NEW YORK TIMES, etc.
annuity n. Construction industry. A poorly built house that requires constant maintenance. See spec house.
anonymity n. The condition of being a multimillionaire in the Hamptons. When everybody is somebody, nobody is anybody. See Do you know who I am?
appliance garage n. A countertop storage area with roll up door designed to shelter indispensable small appliances such as a Miracle Pro Juice Extractor, Krampouz Electric Double Crêpe Maker, Impressa One-Touch Cappuccino System, etc.
architorture n. 1. A Hamptons house tour. 2. The futile practice of trying to satisfy the neurotic fantasies of the nouveau riche. 3. A meeting, conducted loudly in a public place such as a restaurant, between a property owner and their architect or decorator, especially if using visual aids such as building plans and specifications. See talkitecture. 4. Any McMANSION.
aristobrat n. The insufferable offspring of a MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE. See bratitude.
aristocrap adj., n. Expensive, showy stuff, particularly if mass-produced. e.g., A McMANSION, BMW or Range Rover, etc. See noisy jewelry.
aristocrat n. One who manages, without any visible effort, to thoroughly exasperate others.
arriviste (ahr·re·veest') French. adj. Newly arrived to wealth or social position. See parvenu.
artist n. Any competent service person such as a house painter, automobile mechanic, floor refinisher, etc. See drain surgeon.
assfluent adj. 1. Capable of dealing with people on the A-LIST. 2. Promiscuous.
assfluential adj. Having influence based solely upon one's sexuality or family lineage.
assignation n. 1. An unoccupied house, listed for rent or sale, that is used by real estate salespeople for sexual liaisons. assignate —v. 2. Designate a place for a meeting between lovers.
assoholic adj. A chronic asshole.
asspiration n. 1. The desire to acquire objects perceived to belong to the social class to which one aspires, such as a LAND YACHT or a McMANSION in the Hamptons. 2. The desire to get into someone's pants.
ATM Acronym. Automatic Teller Machine n. A rich boyfriend.
au pair n. 1. An attractive young woman working as a surrogate mother. See nanny. 2. Nice tits.
august adj. 1. Extreme, over the top. “The traffic is august out there” —n. 2. The peak of the SILLY SEASON, when CIDIOTS, DAY TIPPERS, and WEEK-END WARRIORS reach critical mass, making it all but impossible to perform such routine tasks as grocery shopping, going to the Post Office, etc.
auto compensation n. The propensity of an expensive vehicle to expose the stupidity of its owner. A Range Rover window-deep in ocean surf; an exotic sports car that has been stopped by the police or abandoned in the middle of a muddy potato field. Also revenge effect.
avant-tarde (a'·vant tard') n. 1. A pioneer of idiocy. 2. A follower of the latest fashion trends and styles. See fadget. —adj. 3. Adorned or equipped with the latest cutting-edge style goods. [FRENCH avant (advance), LATIN tardus (stupid)] Antonym avant-garde.
aw shucks n. An affected style of dress intended to demonstrate a modest lifestyle or limited economic means, invariably betrayed by a conspicuously worn 18 carat gold Rolex Oyster Perpetual or Chopard Tourbillion watch, one-half pound gold bracelet or other symbol of immodesty. e.g., A person wearing Lee overalls and driving a BMW 760. See stunting.
awvenue (aw'·ven·yoo) n. 1. An estate of truly astounding expense, proportion or (rare) quality. 2. Part of a swank address. “We have a COTTAGE on Ocean Awvenue.”