babysitter n. A person specializing in customer service or customer relations, such as the maître d' in a trendy restaurant.
back roads n. A convoluted route through formerly scenic and bucolic neighborhoods that is gridlocked due to its use as an alternate highway in a futile attempt to avoid traffic.
ballet of service n. The perfectly timed and choreographed coordination of an extensive team of personal servants at a dinner party or other social function.
BANANA Acronym. Build Absolutely Nothing Anywhere Near Anyone n. A person who has taken an extreme preservationist position in response to the destruction of the essence and character of their community from rampant commercial and residential overdevelopment.
banana peeler n. A personal assistant.
barkscaping adj. 1. Excessive use of wood mulch. —n. 2. Spec house landscaping. See cheapscape. Antonym (see) instant forest.
barnacle n. An older man who hangs out in bars, restaurants or nightclubs frequented by young people.
basking shark n. 1. A woman fishing for a rich husband, often through an overt display of sexuality that is intended to provoke a feeding frenzy. 2. A lawyer on holiday.
bay lice n. Jet skis. Also sea lice, lake lice.
bayfront adj., n. Real estate located on a bay and subject to erosion and the incessant buzz of jet skis and motor cruisers. The second highest valued property type on the EAST END.
beach, the n. 1. The Hamptons. 2. The illusion of paradise. 3. An overcrowded, limited-access public recreation area that is often littered with debris. See landmines. 4. Obsolete. The reason for having a vacation house in the Hamptons.
beached adj. Surfing. Stuffed to the gills with food.
barnacle
beater n. 1. A crappy car, such as a Range Rover or BMW, that is used specifically for basic transportation in order to protect the condition and value of one's nice car, such as a Bugatti Veyron, Koenigsegg CCX, Ferrari Enzo, Saleen Twin Turbo, Barrett-Jackson 1954 Oldsmobile F-88, etc. 2. Surfing. An often rusty, well-used and much loved vehicle that smells of salt and mold from regular exposure to wet, sandy surf gear.
beaverage n. Similar to cleaverage, but utilizing a different part of one's anatomy. Masculine. plumber's crack. See cleaverage.
bed hopping n. The practice of availing oneself of any available bed in a share house, preferably one that is already occupied by a member of the opposite sex. See share house.
beggar's waltz n. An involuntary and often impromptu form of theater, performed on demand and often without rehearsal, usually in an effort to get paid for work that one has completed. See Jaffe's First Law.
big adj. Vulgar. “Look at that big house.”
big dog n. A person with a net worth of at least $100 million, a brand-name art collection and an interest in a socially acceptable cultural pursuit such as polo, collecting vintage race cars or maintaining a winery.
big house n. 1. A McMANSION or MEGACOTTAGE. 2. A prison.
billing by the pound See paper the file.
black book n. A record, often maintained by restaurant staff, of people who have broken reservations without notice. Also black list. See reservation redundancy.
black Card n. 1. A black American Express Card, originally offered by invitation only to members who charged more than $250,000 per year on their existing platinum accounts. 2. A device that enables one to instantly get a table at any restaurant, no matter how overbooked. 3. One of the few blacks ever seen at NICK AND TONI'S or the Maidstone, Atlantic, Sebonack or Shinnecock Golf Clubs. Also Centurion Card.
black helicopter moment n. An overwhelming and fear inducing display of power. e.g., A real estate closing where the buyer pays for a multimillion dollar property with a personal check.
blank chick n. 1. A pretty but stupid young woman who will do anything. 2. A fashion model. 3. A boy's toy. 4. Ego fodder. Masculine. blank Chuck.
blockbuster n. A deal-breaking offer made on real estate that is already under contract for sale.
blood money n. Money earned through actual work, especially if it involves physical labor.
blue chipper n. A person of substantial wealth who negotiates the purchase of even the least expensive items.
blue room See green room.
BMW Acronym. Bavarian Manure Wagon. Also Break My Window.
board certified specialist n. 1. An ace carpenter. 2. A talented and experienced surfer.
boat people pl. n. Generally elderly DAY TRIPPERS who travel via ferry to Sag Harbor, commonly identified by their imitation marine apparel and a propensity for ice-cream cones.
bobo Abbr. bourgeois bohemian n. A person who futilely attempts to combine 1960's idealism with the crass materialism of the 1980's. e.g., An Earth Day bumper sticker on a Hummer.
Bonac burger (bahn'·ack) n. 1. A sandwich consisting of peanut butter and butter on a stale Kaiser roll. 2. A young girl. Also bubby burger or choker.
Bonac tonic n. Beer.
Bonacker n. 1. An often inbred native of East Hampton who can trace their local lineage back at least three generations. 2. One who was born on a kitchen table in Springs. 3. A hillbilly. See bubby. Origin: Name for early settlers of Acabonac Creek, East Hampton.
boob job n. 1. Something stupidly or poorly done. A job done by a boob. 2. A rite of passage for young women aspiring to high society or a career in the porn industry.
boondoggle n. Any construction project in the Hamptons. Conflation of boonies (the country) and dog (a bad investment). See Midas touch.
booty call n. A telephone call inadvertently made by sitting on one's cell phone.
boron n. 1. One who talks incessantly about oneself. Conflation of boring and moron. boronic —adj. 2. Relentlessly boring.
bottom feeder n. A real estate shopper, speculator or developer who only makes LOWBALL offers on properties where the seller is believed to be desperate.
Boyzilian n. The male version of Brazilian bikini waxing.
bozo explosion n. See freak show.
brand name dropping v. Attempting to impress others by casually but frequently mentioning the brand names of goods that one owns. brand name dropper —adj. See cost dropping.
bratitude n. The attitude of people who have recently acquired money or children that have never known discipline. The seven-year-old boy at the former Hampton Day School who bragged to his classmates that his daddy could fire anyone who worked there.
Bridgehampton n. 1. The Hampton that connects East Hampton to Southampton. 2. A small hamlet on the East End of Long Island comprised exclusively of real estate offices, restaurants and antique stores. See hamlet. 3. Obsolete. A farming community known for potatoes.
Bridgehampton Botanical Gardens Euphemism. Marders mega-nursery, where fully mature exotic foliage is available year round. See instant forest.
Bridgehamptonization n. The transformation of a rural farming community through the teardown and replacement of indigenous architecture with colossal NEOCLASSICAL style spec and vacation houses and massive commercial developments. Origin: The North Fork of Long island, where residents are terrified that this will happen to their beautiful farms and villages. See there goes the neighborhood.
BriHa (bree'·hah) abbr. Verbal shorthand for Bridgehampton that effectively communicates a faddish yet feigned familiarity with the area. Often pronounced with extra emphasis on the first syllable in the same manner as the classic cinematic cowboy whoop “Yeee-Haa”. “I'm going to BRIHA for the weekend!” See SoHa, EaHa.
broke adj. 1. Inadvertently without pocket cash or credit cards. e.g., Having forgotten one's wallet. See flat broke. broker —n. 2. A person whose job is to expedite the parting of a fool and his money.
brownfield n. A tract of previously developed or contaminated land; a premier site for development. e.g., The radium-contaminated Bulova factory in Sag Harbor, scheduled to be turned into luxury condominiums. Antonym (see) greenfield.
brownie n. 1. An utterly useless seasonal traffic control officer whose only authority is to issue parking tickets. 2. A police trainee.
bub, bubby n. 1. Translation from Bonac. Brother. “You ain't no bubby unless some bubby loves you.” 2. A native of East Hampton. 3. Obsolete. A native East Hampton fisherman or clam digger.
bungalow n. A diminutive term for one's McMANSION or POCKET ESTATE in the Hamptons. “We have a bungalow on the beach in East Hampton.” Also cottage. See megacottage.
buyer blur n. The feeling of numbness induced by looking at too many vacation properties listed for sale. “Was that the one with the view of Ira Rennert's driveway or the one with the fountain in the hot tub?”
BWI (bee'·we) Acronym. Boating While Intoxicated. —n. A behavior often characterized by attempting to navigate a large motor cruiser from the map printed on a restaurant placemat.