faddict n. One who obsessively follows all of the latest trends and fads in fashion, technology and travel. Faddicts are readily identified by chrome wheel spinners on an SUV, trips to the latest Condé Nast Traveler hotspot, a Krups Panini Press, GPS enabled Blackberry, etc. Also fadget.
fake and bake n. A tanning salon. See instant tan.
fake entrepreneur adj. A person who was born on third base and thinks they've hit a home run. See hit the daily double.
False Authority Syndrome n. The tendency to assume that a person of financial wealth also has refined behavior, higher education, a sophisticated palate, social consciousness, depth of knowledge or expertise in at least one field, etc. False Authority Syndrome can take any of several forms ranging from self-delusion to mass hysteria.
fantasy n. 1. The ability to dream, the measure of which is inversely proportional to the amount of one's liquid wealth. When a person can afford to buy anything they want, there is nothing left to dream about except how fast they can acquire it, thus the necessity of the wealthy to have instantaneous service. 2. The stuff that dreams are made of. “I'm having a 1963 Ferrari 400 Superamerica delivered Thursday. I expect you to build me a climate-controlled four-car garage by then.” See timed-out.
farble n. Faux marble.
farm stand n. 1. The last vestige of once thriving and widespread local agriculture. 2. A roadside tourist trap. “Pumpkins? They're $7 a pound.”
Farmer's Law Adage. “Anything with tits or wheels is nothing but trouble.”
fashmere n. Faux cashmere. Also trashmere. See Salvation Armani.
fasod (fa·sahd') n. An attempt to act sober while totally bombed. “Just take the keys; don't fall for Billy's fasod.” Variation of facade.
fat choice n. 1. Selecting one's next opulent expenditure, “I can't decide between the king-size Mink bedspread or the Chinchilla one. I guess I'll just have to get both.” 2. The options usually available at a SIDEWALK SALE.
featuritis n. A consumptive disease characterized by the tendency to add every conceivable option, no matter how frivolous, useless or expensive, to one's purchases.
Feng Shui (fung' shway) n. 1. The ancient Chinese art or practice of positioning graves. 2. A marketing technique commonly used to sell high-profit and otherwise unsaleable objects to socially insecure people who are not Chinese. See inferior decoration.
fifty footer n. A person who looks attractive from a distance due to an extreme effort to maintain their appearance or the failing eyesight of the observer. See MDL.
file cinco Law Enforcement n. An unlicensed, unregistered and uninsured motorist. Formerly file five.
filter factor n. The effect of real estate prices and the cost of living on the type of people able to visit, live or own property in the Hamptons.
filthy rich adj. 1. Less than obscenely rich. 2. A self-deprecating expression often used by the obscenely rich, seemingly to disparage their wealth but actually to celebrate it. “I'm not obscenely rich, I'm just filthy rich.” See obscenely rich.
fire zone n. Reserved parking for Range Rovers.
fiscalamity n. An economic disaster. e.g., Being convicted of tax evasion or insider trading, or cleaned out in a divorce. Also cashtastrophe.
555 v. Give a bogus telephone number to a pickup con artist. “555 that jerk and let's get out of here.”
flat broke adj. Having a net worth of less than $10 million. See penniless.
flatinum n. Fake jewelry. Also blang. Antonym bling. See noisy jewelry.
flip v. 1. Purchase a piece of property and then immediately resell it for a profit. flipper —n. 2. A real estate day trader.
foak n. Faux oak. e.g., Formica.
foreploy n. A mistruth or fabrication about oneself told with the intent of convincing another to have sex or enter into a business deal. “I'm a partner at Goldman Sachs.”
Fourbucks n. Starbucks, where “tall” is tiny and a cup of coffee is both smaller and considerably more expensive than anywhere else. Proof that a fool and his money are soon parted.
four footer n. An illegal immigrant, especially one working as a day laborer. See labor tourist.
franchise terrorism n. The indiscriminate placing of franchise and chain stores, such as the Starbucks in Bridgehampton, without consideration or respect for the surrounding community.
franite n. Faux granite. e.g., Corian.
Frankenhouse See monster house.
freak show
freak show n. 1. An outlandishly or inappropriately dressed person. Ralph Lauren wearing a duck hunting outfit to the Candy Kitchen, pretending to be a local. 2. Any Hamptons Main Street during the SILLY SEASON, even more so on a Friday or weekend, especially at night. 3. The payload of a tourist bomb. See tourist bomb. Also bozo explosion.
free rider n. A wealthy person who attends a fund raiser for free. e.g., Arranging to see a Hamptons Designer Show House through a real estate broker rather than making the $30 per person donation to Southampton Hospital.
freeboater adj., n. 1. One who pirates accommodations on board a ship headed to or moored in Sag Harbor, Conscience Point, Three Mile Harbor, etc. 2. A yachting groupie.
fresh meat n. New arrivals in the Hamptons. Easy prey for unscrupulous real estate brokers, attorneys, general contractors, restaurant proprietors, landscapers, etc.
fresh out's n. Thayer's Hardware in Bridge-hampton, where the last of whatever one was looking for was sold just a moment ago.
frozen asset n. One's face after a botox treatment.
FUV Acronym. Fuck You Vehicle n. 1. Any extraordinarily large, exotic or expensive SUV. e.g., A Hummer, Lamborghini LM002, Mercedes-Benz G Series, Range Rover, Porsche Cayenne, Lexus LX, etc. 2. The WEEKEND WARRIOR'S vehicle of choice.