label whore n. 1. A person who wears name brand clothing and accessories, especially those of high cost, with the brand name or logo conspicuously displayed. An unpaid walking advertisement for brand name merchandise. 2. A person who carries shopping bags from ritzy stores in a vain attempt to appear stylish or wealthy. Also brand slut. See cost dropping.
labialplasty n. Cosmetic surgery of the labia to improve appearance, often performed in conjunction with ANAL BLEACHING.
labor tourist n. A person who lives in one country but works in another. See four footer.
Lake Atlantic Surfing. adj. 1. Flat; calm. —n. 2. Summertime surf conditions on the East End. Antonym surf's up.
land yacht n. An extraordinarily large SUV.
landmine n. Hidden or camouflaged beach debris of the hazardous type; such as broken glass, dog poop, the still hot remains of a beach fire, etc.
landscraping Literal “earth removal.” n. 1. Of or relating to the destruction of wide swaths of the natural environment for replacement with man-made structures typically consisting of UPSCALE MEGACOTTAGES with guest houses, tennis courts, swimming pools and acres of herbicide, pesticide and fungicide sprayed pedigree lawn, etc. 2. The removal of all native species of vegetation in preparation for the transplantation of exotic imported foliage including fully mature trees. See instant forest. landscrape —v. [OLD ENGLISH lond (soil), OLD NORSE skrapa (erase)]
latte (lah·teh') n. A weak cappuccino made with extra milk specifically for the timid palates of Americans. If ordered in Italy, one would receive a glass of plain milk.
leisure sickness n. A rampant behavioral malady characterized by frenetic activity during one's time off from work, common among those who spend the majority of their time in the aggressive pursuit of money. See relaxation.
less than fabulous adj. Not on the A-LIST. One who must wait in line at a restaurant, night club, etc.
LIE Oxymoronic Acronym. Long Island Expressway. Also Long Island Distressway.
liedentity n. 1. A false identity assumed to make restaurant reservations. See reservation fraud. 2. A fictitious personal history intended to enhance one's status. “I designed that house with Norman Jaffe.” See foreploy. 3. A carefully constructed ego, especially if built from material goods. See glass house.
liposculpture n. Surgical transplant of fat cells from one place to another, undertaken with the desperate hope of making one appear somewhat more attractive, often with the opposite effect.
Lizzie Grubman Effect n. 1. The inevitable result of growing up with the proverbial silver coke spoon; nannies and au pairs, world travel, access to celebrities, etc., everything one could possibly want or desire except for the love and attention of one's parents. 2. Sociopathic behavior by the wealthy. e.g., Going into a fit of rage and reversing, in Daddy's Mercedes FUV, over 16 people outside a nightclub at which one has been rejected.
local n. 1. A person who is under contract to purchase property in the Hamptons. 2. A person who owns property in the Hamptons. 3. A person who has lived in the Hamptons for more than five minutes. 4. A person who lives in the Hamptons year-round. 5. Archaic. A person born on the EAST END. An East Ender. 6. A person whose great-grandparents were born on the EAST END. See Bonacker. 7. A rude, uneducated person. 8. A moron. “I was stuck in traffic behind a local all the way from East Hampton.” See staff.
local price n. Obsolete. A discount for locals. The practice of changing prices on a seasonal basis, rising for the SILLY SEASON and returning to normal after Labor Day. Since true locals are nearly extinct, and prices are no longer lowered when the season is over, local price has all but disappeared from common use. See local service.
local service n. Preferred or otherwise expedited service for locals. A practice that rewards those who provide the bread and butter of off-season business, often deliberately and pointedly performed in front of CIDIOTS and self-appointed MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE.
localization v. The process of transformation from CIDIOT to moron. See local.
Long Island Builder's Institute Slang. The Southampton Town Board.
Long Island Iced Tea Recipe. 1. A drink consisting of vodka, gin, rum, tequila, and triple sec mixed with Coca Cola. 2. A drink consisting of whatever alcohol is immediately available, either straight up or combined with whatever mixer is within reach.
Long Island lobster n. A lobster imported to Long Island from Maine.
lotto n. A retirement fund for people doing the Hamptons Shuffle. See Hamptons Shuffle.
lowball n. 1. A medical condition common among the wealthy. —v. 2. Make a purchase offer substantially below the asking price. See mize.
lowbread adj. Poor.
lucky sperm club See hit the trifecta.