pacemaker n. A CIDIOT in a hurry.
package n. One's body or physical attributes.
packaging n. One's clothes or outfit.
padding n. The amount added to invoices by contractors in anticipation of not getting a final payment. [LOW GERMAN pad (bundle of straw to lie on)]
pandephonium n. The sudden panic and confusion experienced by all cell phone users in the area when a cell phone rings. Also ringxiety.
panzerwagen (pant·sur·vag'·en) German, literal “armored wagon.” n. A Mercedes G500 or G55, especially if carrying a full platoon of shock troops on an assault mission to a retail or culinary objective such as The Gap or the Candy Kitchen. See FUV.
pap (pop) v. 1. To stalk for photographs or a news story. papped —adj. (pop·t) 2. Ambushed by photographers or journalists. Derivation: paparazzi.
paper the file v. 1. Create a massively thick legal file solely to justify an exorbitant attorney's fee. e.g., A 600 page stack of documents at a real estate closing, 95% of which are utterly useless except as a means of justifying a high five-figure fee for handling the closing on a multi-million dollar property. Also billing by the pound. 2. Generate exhaustive documentation of an architectural or construction project in preparation for the legal action that will invariably be necessary to collect payment for services rendered or to defend against a lawsuit initiated to avoid payment due for work that has been successfully completed. See Jaffe's First Law.
parking lot effect n. Landscape or garden lighting surrounding a McMANSION or MEGACOTTAGE that is bright and evenly distributed, much like the lighting in a typical shopping center parking lot.
party whore See social slut.
parvenu (par·ve·noo') French. adj. A person who has recently or suddenly acquired wealth, importance, position, or the like, but has not yet developed the manners, dress, education, surroundings, etc. appropriate to their position. Synonym nouveau riche.
patience n. The withholding of arrogance for a brief period of time.
penniless adj. No longer a multi-millionaire. See destitute.
peripherals pl.n. 1. A person's entourage. e.g., Bodyguards. Also perfs. Singular peripheral 2. A person's date, especially if primarily for image. Also perf. See blank chic.
permanent place setting n. A table in a restaurant that has been purchased by an individual for their exclusive use. “No, sir, I'm sorry. That table is reserved.”
personal manager n. A person hired to perform the basic functions that another is incapable of such as laundry, shopping, answering the telephone, walking the dog, etc. Also banana peeler. See acquired incompetence.
pest control device n. 1. Landscaping, fencing, etc. intended to screen the view of neighboring property. See spite hedge. 2. A fence installed to prevent access to the public beach in front of a private oceanfront property. 3. A security gate, call box, driveway sensor or other device preventing, controlling or monitoring access to property. 4. A caretaker or estate manager.
pettygree n. A less than desirable family tree.
philandrapist (fi·land·ra'·pist) n. A real estate developer, especially one that acts as if anything they build is an improvement over what already exists, including nature. “J.R., meet Carol. She's a philandrapist, too.”
pig-out n., v. 1. A grotesque display of wealth. e.g., A birthday party for a five-year-old with three hundred guests held at an oceanfront estate in Southampton, catered by Balducci's and featuring acrobats, jugglers, clowns, mimes, caricature artists, live music by Christina Aguilera, amusement park rides, fireworks, etc. —n. 2. Voracious consumption of material goods. e.g., Building a MEGACOTTAGE, collecting vacation properties, etc. pigging out, pigged out.
pillow talk Expression. Construction Industry. Sweet talk a subcontractor. Promises made to tradesmen such as tickets to Knicks games, work on other projects, bonuses, etc., in an effort to secure favors such as discounts, immediate service, etc.
place setting n. The art of selecting a seat at a restaurant for the highest possible status.
playstation n. A vacation house in the Hamptons.
plush toy n. 1. A wealthy person that one keeps around, usually by means of sex, for financial support. 2. A meal ticket. See ATM.
pocket estate adj. 1. A poor man's estate. — n. 2. A marketing term used to sell houses to people who can't afford a proper estate. See estate.
poisonal check n. A check that is destined to bounce.
poisonal space n. A vacation house that was so expensive or otherwise frustrating that one can never be happy or comfortable in it. e.g., A poorly built house that requires constant maintenance; a custom house that ran way over budget and took several years to complete, the house where one's spouse was caught having an affair, etc.
Polo Effect n. Social and economic effects on a community directly attributable to national and international franchises and high-end retailers. Loss of community character, rising prices, reduction in wages, etc. due to a surplus of chain stores and franchises such as Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Saks Fifth Avenue, Starbucks, etc. See golden ghetto.
pondfront adj., n. Real property located on a pond, often plagued by mosquitoes, no-see-ums (biting midges), flooded basements, etc. The third highest valued property type on the EAST END.
Poop Patrol n. An indispensable luxury service that collects dog droppings from one's yard on a regular schedule. “We're On Duty For You.”
poor man's beach n. 1. Obsolete. The beach at the end of Ocean Road in Bridgehampton. 2. Any beach that does not require a parking fee or permit.
poor rich adj., n. 1. Wealthy people who complain they never have any money. See crying poor. 2. Wealthy people who agonize over or complain about the cost of every purchase, no matter how small. “I was going to buy a nice card to go with the teacher's gift, but it was $4 and that seemed so expensive.” 3. Wealthy people who can't afford a second (or third or fourth) house in the Hamptons. 4. Working class people whose property has quadrupled (or more) in value but are barely able to afford to live in the Hamptons.
poorist n. A person who vacations close to home to save money. See day tripper.
porcupine n. 1. A Porsche. “What's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.” 2. Any expensive sports car. See implant.
poser adj. 1. One who adopts the behaviors and attributes of different social class than the one to which they belong. e.g., Pretending to be a local. —n. 2. Surfing. A surfer wannabe, readily identified by a Hawaiian shirt, Huarache sandals and a surf board that is never removed from the roof rack of a late model Range Rover. Also Benny. See Chubby Checker. [French poseur (affect an attitude)]
post modernism n. 1. A mixture of contemporary and neoclassical architecture styles that is admired by CIDIOTS, who believe it projects high culture and refined taste. 2. An architectural style that can best be described as minimalist NEOCLASSICAL with FEATURITIS.
Potato Prince n. The son of an East End farmer who will one day inherit a family farm worth more than the GNP of a small European country. Projecting an aura of humility, Potato Princes are often found driving tractors or maintaining farm equipment. Also spud stud or spud royalty. Feminine POTATO PRINCESS. See Sagaponack.
Potato Princess n. The daughter of an East End farmer who will one day inherit a family farm with a value equivalent to a modest oil sheikdom. Projecting an aura of humility, Potato Princesses are often found working in the farm fields or running the family's roadside farm stand. Also spud royalty. Masculine POTATO PRINCE. See Sagaponack.
Potato Royalty n. The near divine status of down-to-earth local farmers whose land value has made them CENTIMILLIONAIRES. Also spud royalty.
poverty See crying poor.
potato prince
power see black helicopter moment.
power bitch n. An arrogant faux Buddhist, often seen at power yoga classes wearing Thai fisherman's pants with diamond jewelry and a smugly superior attitude.
price up v. 1. Construction Industry. Create forged subcontractor invoices to justify fraudulent construction charges and fees. “John, price up a new roof for the South Main Street job.” 2. Retail Trade. Raise prices in anticipation of the SILLY SEASON.
pride n. Taking more than one needs. See entitlement.
private club n. A weekend house used for weekday parties by service staff. e.g., The Southampton house where a raucous party was thrown every Wednesday night by house watchers, pool cleaners, landscapers, window washers, etc., with full knowledge that the cleaning service, scheduled for Thursday, would provide thorough clean up and complete restocking at the owner's expense. Also after hours club.
private reserve n. A formerly scenic area of land, the development rights for which have been acquired for the public benefit, that has been intentionally hidden behind a McMANSION FARM or dense screen of landscaping to increase the value and privacy of adjacent property. Also agricultural reserve.
privet compound n. An enclosed, highly secure area designed to protect MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE and their offspring from exposure to nature or humanity in any of their virulent forms. See big house.
privet sector n. The estate section, where privacy is assured by immaculately pruned towering privet hedges, often 16 feet or more in height.
privilege n. An exclusive license, granted by wealth and wholly without responsibility, to be completely and exclusively preoccupied with oneself. See MOTUS.
pro-detail Euphemism. Anal.
proletarian drift n. 1. The tendency for elements of high culture to appeal to the lower socio-economic classes. 2. The tendency for originally upscale products and services to become popular with the working class. 3. The reduction in price and quality necessary to provide what were once luxury goods and services to the middle and lower classes. [LATIN proletarius (citizen of the lowest class), MIDDLE DUTCH drift (to drive)] Also prole drift.
prosperity blight n. The negative effects of wealth on areas such as the Hamptons, where a child's one-hour tennis lesson costs $100 and summer day camp costs $1,200 a week. See golden ghetto.
pump and dump n., v. Quick, inexpensive visual improvements to an aging or decaying property to improve its resale value. Also pump the dump. See house fluffing.
punch list n. 1. A list of often niggling complaints and demands for work on a construction project that must be completed before negotiation over final payment can begin. 2. A device used to justify non-payment of a contractor's invoice. 3. A list that makes the one responsible for the items on it feel like punching the one who made it.