sacred adj. Expensive. See spirituality.
sacrificial lamb n. 1. A child maintained only for the sake of appearances. A necessary ornament. 2. A child, often adopted, to impress others and enhance the status of the parent or parents. A trophy child. 3. The neglected child of a wealthy person or couple. e.g., A child whose parents provide everything except love and attention. See Lizzie Grubman Effect.
sacrilegious adj. Out of fashion. See divine.
Sagaponack n. A place where farmers are CENTIMILLIONAIRES and the only retail establishment features lobster salad at $100 per pound.
Salvation Armani n. Quality fashion found at yard sales and thrift shops.
sand facial n. Surfing. Dermal abrasion from wiping out and being dragged face first along the ocean floor. See Neptune cocktail.
sand trap n. Sinking millions of dollars into an oceanfront house that could easily be washed away in the next Nor'easter.
sandbag n. A less-than-attractive woman sunbathing. Also sandhag.
sandcastle n. An oceanfront estate.
sandhog n. The owner of an oceanfront house who treats the public beach in front of it as if it were private property. e.g., The actor who fenced off the public beach in front of his Sagaponack house.
sanitrashion (san·i·tray'·shen) Literal “sanitize trash.” n. The act of removing all traces of personal information and identity from one's household garbage prior to dumping it in a restaurant or construction site dumpster, public refuse container, on a nature trail, etc., in order to assure security and prevent possible legal repercussions. See trashole.
sausage fest n. 1. A gay beach, such as Two Mile Hollow in East Hampton or Fowler's in Southampton, especially one where Speedos are routinely packed with kielbasa or other faux meat. 2. Any bar, nightclub, party or other event that is attended exclusively or primarily by males.
sausage fest
scene whore n. A person who attends every possible social event, including funerals, at which celebrities or other notables may be present. Scene whores are easily recognized as they are always overdressed and never have anyone to converse with except for other scene whores, who avoid each other like the plague out of fear of being compromised. The East Hampton art gallery owner who went to the funeral of a renowned architect wearing a veil, as if she were his wife.
schneider v. 1. Eliminate one's competition by buying them out. 2. Choke to death on one's own fabulous success. Origin: Allan Schneider, the undisputed king of Hamptons real estate, who choked to death on not one, but two pieces of steak after a day spent drinking in celebration of the purchase of a real estate office in Amagansett that further expanded his empire. schneidered —adj.
screaming meme n. A particularly loud or shrill meme. See meme.
screwercide n. A self-imposed CASHTASTROPHE. e.g., An extra-marital affair that results in the loss of one's meal ticket.
SCUM Acronym. Self Centered Urban Male.
service charge n. A behavioral tax added to the bill of a belligerent, impatient or overly demanding customer. Also aggrichvation fee. See aggrichvation.
shadow yacht n. 1. A service and supply ship with quarters for security personnel and additional staff, storage facilities, helipad, automobiles, motor launches, jet skis, submarine, etc. that accompanies one's yacht. 2. A component of a personal seagoing fleet.
shags to riches Expression. Sleeping one's way to the top. See queen of diamonds.
shake and bake n. 1. A previously created architectural design resold to clients deemed unworthy of an original design effort. 2. A rehashed architectural design with minimal modifications. A custom spec house. 3. The architecture of McMANSIONS.
share house n. A house illegally rented to a large number of people on a time sharing basis, such as alternate weekends “I'm only paying $3,500 for my share in Water Mill.” Also hampster cage.
sheeple pl. n. Easily led people following each other, herded by insecurity, peer pressure, popular culture, mass-marketing and other dogs of conformity. e.g., The people who suddenly and without warning descended in droves upon Breadzilla in Wainscott, but only for black and white cookies, and only after they were mentioned in THE NEW YORK TIMESs, an approved CULTURAL GUIDE.
shitterati n. 1. Poorly behaved celebrities featured in the media. e.g., Paris Hilton, Sean Combs, etc. See tabloid people. 2. Highly unfashionable celebrities. 3. Attendees at many Hamptons events and soirees, such as the HAMPTON CLASSIC.
show kitchen n. A food preparation center outfitted with the latest commercial grade appliances including multiple sinks, refrigerators, dishwashers and appliance garages; exotic imported granite countertops; All-Clad cookware; William Henry custom cutlery, etc., especially if never used except to microwave defrost or reheat pre-prepared food. See cold war.
sidewalk sale n. The less than fabulous people hanging around a nightclub at closing time hoping to find someone with whom to conclude their evening. See less than fabulous.
silly season n. The period of time between Memorial Day and Labor Day, when the population of CIDIOTS in the Hamptons quintuples.
single digit millionaire adj. Having a net worth of less than ten million dollars. Also junior millionaire. See affluent.
SKI Acronym. Spend the kid's inheritance.
slaughterhouse n. A singles bar where the patrons are desperate.
Slick and Phony's Slang. Nick and Toni's Restaurant in East Hampton Village, a celebrity and wannabe hangout.
slimber (sly·mer) n. 1. A person who thinks a reservation at NICK AND TONI'S will improve their social status. 2. A NAME DROPPER. 3. A COST DROPPER. slimbey —adj. 4. Shallow; phony; affected. Conflation of social and climber.
sloppy tits n. Natural, un-enhanced female breasts. See boob job.
slumming v. Hanging out in a squalid area. “We spent two weeks slumming in Southampton.” See Eurotrash.
small world effect n. The high likelihood of the wealthy to run into each other because of their tendency to frequent the same places. e.g., NICK AND TONI'S in East Hampton, the Little Nell in Aspen, Hotel Mirabeau in Zermatt, etc.
smart house n. A house equipped with a wide variety of technological features (including digitally controlled programmable climate, lighting, entertainment, maintenance, food preparation systems, etc., all made by different manufacturers and supplied with lengthy, extensively detailed and often incomprehensible operating manuals) that is exceedingly difficult to operate, even more so when it is only used occasionally, such as for weekend getaways. The reason the digital clock on the $9,400 TMIO refrigerated internet-controlled double wall oven is always blinking “12:00”. See cold war.
smell test n. 1. The practice of using whatever means are necessary to sniff out the business and legal history of a potential client. e.g., Hire a private investigator to perform a thorough background check on the owner of a project one is considering bidding on. 2. An intuitive sense developed after years of experience dealing with BLUE CHIPPERS. “I was thinking of sending him a proposal, but he didn't pass the smell test.”
snob appeal Oxymoron. Appeal is one of a number of things that snobs lack.
snob effect n. 1. The desire to purchase something only because it is expensive. e.g., A house in the Hamptons, a diamond encrusted computer mouse, etc. 2. The tendency for the price of a product or service to increase when it is perceived to improve one's social status.
social climber n. One who attempts to scale a mountain of insecurity by purchasing the most expensive climbing gear available.
social demotion n. Reduction of one's social class due to a faux pas or uncontrollable behavior. e.g., A seemingly upper class person who is immediately reclassified when they try to wheedle a discount.
social dominance n. The act of throwing one's weight around, demonstrated by the ability to get a table at NICK AND TONI'S just by showing up. See black card.
social insecurity n. Fear or unease about one's position in society. “My assistant has a nicer summer house than I do – I'm going to have to fire him.” See status quotient.
social promotion n. An increase in rank based solely on money. The inclusion of swimming pool contractor John Tortorella alongside Martha Stewart, Billy Joel, Leonardo DiCaprio, Ron Perelman, Steven Spielberg, etc. in HAMPTONS MAGAZINE'S listing of notable people.
social recession n. Loss of status, most often due to CASHTRATION. e.g., Losing one's ability to get a table at NICK AND TONI'S just by showing up.
social script n. The role one performs for a particular audience, such as those who have employed one to work on their Hamptons summer house. See beggar's waltz.
social security n. Owning a house in the Hamptons.
social Siberia adj. The Hamptons in the offseason. Locally known as Heaven.
social slut n. 1. One who attends every possible social event, even if only for a few minutes squeezed in between other events. 2. A person who not only never refuses an invitation, but one who lives to seek them out. Also party whore.
sodomist n. A person who is obsessed with the quality of their lawn at the expense of all other life on the planet.
SoHa (so·hah') abbr. Verbal shorthand for Southampton that effectively communicates a faddish yet feigned familiarity with the area. Often pronounced with extra emphasis on the last syllable to express one's fabulous success and superiority (so-Hah!). See BriHa, EaHa.
SoHi abbr. See south of the highway.
south of the highway n. 1. The geographic area between the Montauk Highway and the Atlantic Ocean. —adj. 2. Expensive; exclusive in reference to the value of real estate or the relative wealth of people with houses there. “We have a cottage south of the highway.” Also SoHi. See north of the highway.
Southampton Slam Recipe. 1/2 oz. Green Creme de Menthe and 1/2 oz. Anisette with club soda.
Southampton Village n. A village with East Hampton envy, primarily because the median house price in East Hampton Village is double that of Southampton.
spandex rule
spandex rule Adage. “It is a privilege, not a right [to wear spandex].”
spec house n. A house designed and built for maximum profit without concern for function, quality, durability, ease of maintenance, etc. See McMansion.
spendthrift n. One who spends extravagantly on oneself, but is miserly when it comes to others. e.g., A person who maintains a residence in the Hamptons, a townhouse in Manhattan and a collection of rare and exotic sports cars while dabbling in speculative Hamptons real estate ventures, yet who refuses to pay the $125 fee due for their child's extracurricular class.
spirituality n. A higher form of arrogance. A religious ceremony at Saint Andrew's Dune Church in Southampton, where ostentatious display of wealth in the form of jewelry, apparel and automobiles is de rigueur.
spite fence n. A fence installed with the malicious intent of blocking one's view of or access to property.
spite hedge n. A hedge planted with the malicious intent of blocking one's view of or access to property.
spite house n. 1. A house, addition, pool house, garage or other structure purposefully built to block the scenic view from a neighboring property. 2. A trophy structure built solely to OUT-CASTLE another.
spleefcake n. A highly attractive but highly stoned man. Variation of beefcake.
spotlight effect n. 1. The belief that others are paying closer attention to one's appearance and behavior than they really are or possibly could.
spotlighting —v. 2. Acting as if one is always the center of attention.
SPRICK Acronym. spoiled rich kid n. 1. A child with a net worth larger than a U.S. Senator's and a MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE attitude. 2. A MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE in training. See bratitude.
spud royalty See Potato Royalty.
staff n. A term used by seasonal visitors to describe local residents. Also staph.
staging see house fluffing.
Star Room, the n. A hyper-marketed Hamptons nightspot for TIN LIZZIES, A-LIST and TAB-LOID PEOPLE.
Starbucks See Fourbucks.
starchitect n. Architect to the stars. e.g., Norman Jaffe.
starfucked adj. 1. Dazzled, or worse, by celebrities. Paris Hilton in a micro mini skirt with no underwear, flashing patrons and staff at the Candy Kitchen in Bridgehampton. 2. Overcharged at Starbucks.
starstruck adj. Having received physical or economic damage from a celebrity. e.g., The architect who was stiffed over $70,000 in fees for the design of a television sitcom star's Water Mill vacation house. Also starfucked.
starter castle n. An overly large house built on a tiny piece of land.
starter jet n. A timeshare in a jet aircraft. e.g., A $400,000 annual NetJets membership that includes 50 hours of flight time.
starter marriage n. A short-lived first marriage that quickly ends in divorce.
starter Mercedes See entry-lux.
status n. A relative and constantly changing state or condition that is wholly dependent upon external circumstances. See status quotient.
status cymbal n. A blaringly loud or glaringly bright symbol of social position such as a six-figure Chopard diamond wrist watch, Lamborghini FUV, Lily Pond or Further Lane estate, etc. Also bling.
status panic n. The feeling of fear experienced upon finding oneself in an inferior social position. See social insecurity.
status points n. A system of scoring social position. e.g., Driving an Aston Martin, 50 points; owning an Aston Martin, 500 points; wearing a tradesman's tool belt, 5,000 points.
status quotient n. A complex, constantly variable equation performed on the fly to determine one's standing in any given social situation by comparing the cost, brand, vintage and condition of other's cars, clothing, jewelry, furnishings, housing, etc. with one's own.
Stop & Shop Slang. The Southampton Town Planning Department, where the financial interests of real estate developers are diligently catered to. See candy store.
stunting (stunt'.in) Ebonics. v. Displaying one's wealth. e.g., Sean Combs' summer rental in the Hamptons. See White Party.
sublebrity (sub'·leb·ri·tee) n. 1. A lesser celebrity; a person on the B-list. e.g., A writer or radio personality. 2. One who has received their 15 minutes of fame and is unlikely to get any more; a one-hit wonder. e.g., Lizzie Grubman, Daniel Pelosi, the party-crashing club-hopping girls featured in the ABC television documentary “The Hamptons,” etc. 3. A person who hangs around celebrities, hoping that some of it will rub off on them.
subsidy n. Construction Industry. A construction project with many change-orders. “Move that window half an inch to the left.” See renovation.
suck down n. v. Attempt to curry favor from one's inferiors. e.g., The Hamptons vacation house owner desperately in need of a DRAIN SURGEON. Antonym suck up.
sunbird n. One who summers in the Hamptons and migrates to Florida for the winter.
surf and turf n. 1. An oceanfront vacation property. 2. Lobster and steak.
SUV Acronym. Satan's Unholy Vehicle n. 1. The mandatory form of personal transportation in the Hamptons, championed by the PARVENU. 2. A popular vehicle that's rate of gasoline consumption has forced American troops to secure and protect overseas oil supplies. 3. Any four wheel drive car or truck that is never taken off-road. See UAV 4. Oxymoron. A vehicle that is used for neither sport nor utility.
swell adj. Full of oneself. “He's a swell guy.” [OLD ENGLISH sweall (swollen)]
swinging dick n. 1. A man who acts aggressively in all situations, especially those involving finance. 2. A self-styled dickhead.
swiped out adj. 1. Exhausted after a long day spent shopping. 2. A credit card magstripe that has been worn out from extensive use.
