tabloid people pl. n. Undesirable celebrities. See shitterati.
tag and release v. The act of picking up a potential love interest and setting them free prior to having sex, often practiced by husbands who don't want to cheat on their wives but who thrive on the ego boost the experience provides. Also catch and release.
talkitecture n. Discussion, in a public place such as a restaurant, of one's plans for a custom vacation house, loudly enough to insure that innocent bystanders will be subjected to a demonstration of one's fabulous wealth and success, often with the display of visual aids such as actual building plans. A poor choice of status behaviors, especially if one's architect is not Santiago Calatrava, Norman Jaffe, Rem Koolhaas or Kenzo Tange. See designer babble.
tanorexia n. A psychological disorder characterized by an abnormal fear of becoming pale, persistent tanning (natural or artificial) and an even toasty-brown complexion, advanced cases of which may be accompanied by malignant neoplasms of the skin.
tanscaping n. The art and practice of arranging or eliminating one's tan lines. See fake and bake.
tax holiday n. The practice of writing off the expense of purchasing or building an architect designed custom vacation house by claiming it as a business expense such as a satellite office, warehouse, corporate retreat, etc.
teardown n. The intent or inevitable result of most house purchases in the Hamptons.
tennis bracelet n. A circlet of diamonds or other precious stones worn on one's wrist while exercising or participating in a sporting event.
tennis pro Euphemism. Gigolo.
tennis racket n. 1. High court fees. “Ninety dollars for an hour of court time?!” 2. The noise, typically a grunt, that some players make every time they hit the ball. “Unngh!”
tennis pro
TGIT Acronym. Thank God It's Tuesday. A phrase used to indicate some small degree of relief that another long weekend is over and that traffic, congestion and the overall concentration of CIDIOTS will be at least marginally reduced until Thursday, when the next stampede of SHEEPLE headed to the Hamptons for an extended weekend begins.
thank queue Expression. Gratitude towards a person who has given one their place in a line.
Them pl. n. Seasonal visitors; tourists. Origin: The 1954 science fiction film “Them' about giant mutant insects that devour everything in their path. See cidiot. Also They. e.g., “They're here.”
there goes the neighborhood Expression. The change in property prices, social activity, etc., in a neighborhood when wealthy people move in.
thinking globally v. Contemplating the import of a classical marble bath from a 16th century Italian villa for the master bathroom in one's vacation house.
13 n. 1. Construction Industry. A verbal code used to alert construction personnel that the general contractor has arrived at the site.
Formerly 22, until Benny Krupinski caught on. 2. Bad luck. See 21.
three-comma Ebonics. adj. Wealthy. Derivation: the three commas in $1,000,000,000. Formerly two-comma, back when $1,000,000 was actually worth something.
tick n. 1. A persistent, blood-sucking parasite that travels from host to host, seeking a juicy bite. e.g., A real estate broker. tick off —v. 2. Aggressively pursue new sources of sustenance. e.g., Solicit new real estate sale listings. ticked off —adj.
time n. The ultimate symbol of wealth, displayed simply with an abundance of patience. See urgent haste.
timed-out Literal “out of time.” adj. 1. Able to afford anything but the time necessary to acquire or enjoy it. —n. 2. The extreme impatience demonstrated by anyone whose time is worth more than one's own.
tin lizzy n. 1. False royalty. [OLD ENGLISH tin, (cheap, spurious) and Lizzie (nickname for Queen Elizabeth)] 2. A Mercedes SUV like the one used by Lizzie Grubman to mow down late-night partiers. See Lizzie Grubman Effect.
3. A dose of low-quality drugs, often combined with alcohol. 4. A speedball. —v. 5. DWI. 6. Obsolete. A cheap or dilapidated car.
tits adj. Terrific; really great. “My new Porsche Cayenne is tits.”
tits up adj. Dead. “Hello? Emergency towing? My new Porsche Cayenne is tits up on the LIE.” See Farmer's Law.
too much See not enough.
touch of class n. Meeting a celebrity, especially if there is physical contact. See starstruck.
tourist n. 1. An amateur traveler. 2. A person who, while traveling, ignores local culture and social customs. See cidiot. —adj. 3. One who follows the crowd. See sheeple.
tourist bomb n. A full HAMPTON JITNEY.
tourist management n. A diet consisting primarily of humble pie. The vital economic necessity of having to deal with masses of CIDIOTS and MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE without offending them. See babysitter.
tourist season n. A time of year that has locals reaching for their shotguns. “If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?”
tourist uniform n. Any style of dress that makes one instantly recognizable as a tourist. A woman wearing a full black leather body suit to the Candy Kitchen at 8:30 Sunday morning. See Manhattan blonde.
tourists syndrome n. A severe neurological disorder characterized by bizarre and apparently uncontrollable behavior which may include rapid movements and loud, irreverent vocalizations.
touron n. Half tourist, half moron.
tourrorist n. A vacationer whose behavior inspires fear and dread in others.
town n. 1. Diminutive term for New York City. “I'm going into town on Monday.” 2. A small village or hamlet. “I'm going into town on Monday.” See downtown.
trade parade n. Crushing daily commuter traffic consisting of people who work, but can't afford to live, in the Hamptons.
trustafarian
trashole (trash·hol') n. 1. One who disposes of their weekend garbage in a restaurant or construction site dumpster or public refuse container prior to returning to their home in the city, a behavior justified by the $42 per month cost of garbage pickup that was not included in one's $50,000 summer rental, usually performed after dark on Sunday evenings or very early on Monday mornings in an attempt to avoid discovery. The guy who puts his shit in your dumpster. 2. A person who dumps construction debris in the woods or at the beach to avoid carting fees. trasholed —adj., trasholing —v. See sanitrashion.
trickle down theory Economics. The idea that if you feed a pig enough, something will pass through undigested for the rats to eat. Antonym pour down theory.
trump v. Solve a problem with brute application of money rather than intelligence.
trust slug n. One who has become pathetically self-centered, ignorant and indolent from living off the proceeds of a trust fund. See acquired incompetence.
trustafarian n. An unemployed person whose bohemian lifestyle is financed by a trust fund.
turn signals n. An optional feature that is invariably omitted from most luxury automobiles, presumably due to the cost. See hamputee.
tutor n. A babysitter with a high school diploma whose native language is English.
21 n. 1. Construction Industry. A verbal code used to alert construction personnel that the project owner has arrived at the site. 2. Blackjack. See 13.
