What Is Your Mental Age?
DIRECTIONS:
You have two minutes to answer these questions. If you do not have a timer, start counting.
1. What’s the word for the stuff you sprinkle on your food but it’s not pepper? No, not salt but like salt but supposedly better for you because it doesn’t have salt in it?
2. What’s that thing that you put in the thing? The thing you take pictures with. That thing. What’s the thing you put inside that?
3. What’s the car that’s not a Toyota Camry?
4. Who’s the guy who isn’t Robert De Niro?
5. What is the little plastic person you play with called?
6. How do you spell the drink that’s made with rum, lime juice, and sugar and comes with a tiny umbrella, and don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about?
7. Do you need tomato paste or do you have some in the cabinet, and “I never use tomato paste” is not an acceptable answer?
8. Off the wagon? On the wagon? Which is the good one, and by good one, I mean the bad one that’s not fun?
9. Remind me which is better: Baptist or Methodist?
10. What number is next?
11. Why is there a Post-it on the cutting board?
What? Why are there answers on the same page as the questions?! One explanation is that I trust you. Another is that if you wanted a sketch pad, you would have bought one.
ANSWERS:
1. NoSalt salt substitute. Mrs. Dash is also accepted.
2. Memory card. “Film” is not accepted. Get with it.
3. Honda Accord
4. Al Pacino. One-half point for Harvey Keitel or James Caan.
5. Barbie
7. You are on the honor system.
8. I don’t remember.
9. This was a trick question. Quaker. Half-credit for Unitarian.
10. Depends on how you define next.
11. I thought you put it there.
SCORING:
1 point for every correct answer.
| 0: | Older than the hills |
| 1–3: | Same age as Father Time’s uncle |
| 4–7: | If you took your gray matter to Antiques Roadshow, they’d be impressed. |
| 8–10: | Younger than springtime |
| 11: | Will you write the rest of this book? |