CHAPTER THIRTY

BAMBI

 

While in the passenger seat of Kevin’s truck, I was frozen. I just received news that I never wanted to hear. One of my sons was murdered and the other was in a coma fighting for his life. He had been in the hospital for four days and since he didn’t have an ID on him, no one knew who he was. It wasn’t until a nurse, the chick that Kevin fucked with recently, saw him that he was identified.

As Kevin continued to steer the truck ahead, with only silence between us, I had one unreasonable request. That if one of my boys were alive it would be Melo instead of Noah. I knew it was wrong and my heart ached due to the thought but it was true.

“Whichever one of them is alive, it’s still a blessing, Bambi,” Kevin said looking over at me. “You do realize that, don’t you?”

How did he know what I was thinking? Did something in the way my body hunched forward give my guilty thoughts away?

“I don’t know what you talking about,” I lied. “Whoever is in that hospital, I just want him to survive.”

He sighed and looked ahead. The glow from the headlights shined against his handsome face and I saw a tear trickle down his cheek. “Bambi, you a good mother. I know you don’t feel that way but as your husband, I need you to know that it’s true.”

I sighed, unable to accept such a bold compliment. “Don’t say that,” I said turning my head to the right to look out the window. “Look what has become of Camp. Look at what’s happened to us. One of our sons has been murdered and the other is lying on his deathbed! If it isn’t my fault, then whose the fuck is it?” I yelled beating my chest.

Silence.

Kevin exhaled. “Do you know that after all of these years, I can still see your face on the first day I met you? In my mind it’s like it was yesterday.”

“Kevin, I don’t want to fucking reminisce right now!”

“Bambi…if I don’t remember the good times…right here and right now…I don’t know what will happen with me,” he said, his voice shaking as if he were trying to hold it together. “Because to lose a brother and a son in the same week would bring even the strongest man to his knees.”

My chest felt heavy. Throughout this ordeal, I never once thought about the fact that his pain was greater. Because although I loved Camp, I could never understand what it would feel like to lose a brother and a son so close.

I looked over at him and said, “I’m sorry, Kevin. Go ahead.”

“I still remember the first day I met you. You were at the airport, just coming back from serving overseas.” He smiled although his face was so wet with tears that it appeared to sparkle. “You were wearing your fatigue pants and a t-shirt. And I knew the day I met you that you would be my wife.”

Silence.

“But I was selfish, Bambi,” he continued.

“Selfish?” I asked in a low voice. “How?”

“Yes. In my plight to have you, I never thought about what it would mean for you. How your life would change. I wanted what I wanted and I knew that nothing would stop me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I should’ve left you alone, knowing that the life I was involved in was not fit for the woman I loved.” He paused and looked over at me. “You said it was your fault all of this happen but you’re wrong, Bambi. The fault lies with me and it always will. I’m sorry.”

“Kevin, don’t say that.”

“Bambi, it’s true. I’m not playing the martyr and I need you to hear me loud and clear. I know that you’re strong but I would never allow you to bear a cross that is rightfully mine to carry. I put you into this life, not the other way around.” He touched my thigh. “And I could only hope that you would forgive me for what I have allowed to happen to our children. To our marriage.”

My body felt like it was going into convulsions as I cried so hard it hurt. My husband wanted to free me and in the process, he made me love him even more. Kevin pulled over on the side of the road and held me in his arms.

I wept for fifteen minutes.

 

****

 

When we made it to the hospital floor that my son was on, the doctor stopped us before we could see him. My knees were knocking together because I was anxious. I needed to know which one of my children was alive and I needed to know now.

I felt like I was in a nightmare.

But I couldn’t wake up.

“As the police told you earlier, they found one of your sons in a wooded area off a major highway,” he explained. “He was dead upon arrival with a gunshot wound to the head.” He paused. “Your other son suffered the same wound but for some reason, he was able to survive.”

“But how is he doing?” Kevin asked as I tried to look over the doctor’s shoulder and into the room to see who was alive.

Was it Noah? Or Melo?

I wanted to know but Kevin pulled me closer to him and held me tightly.

“He’s in a coma. The bullet penetrated his brain and he lost a lot of blood. We were able to stop the bleeding but we won’t know if he’ll survive until the swelling goes down. But we’re doing all we can.”

“Can we go in?” I asked. “I…I have to see him.”

“Yes,” the doctor said moving out of the way. “He isn’t conscious but it’s okay.”

The moment I walked into the room, I felt lightheaded. On the edge of the sink in a plastic bag was the white shirt Noah was wearing. Immediately I knew the truth. God saw fit to take Melo and leave me with the son who hated my guts.

I passed out.

 

****

 

Yesterday after seeing my son, I made a decision that I didn’t want to live anymore. I poured so much alcohol into my body that you could smell it from my pores.

Half drunk, I made the mistake of telling Kevin about my suicide attempt and he kept coming in and out of the room, putting his finger under my nose to see if I was still alive.

Unfortunately, I was.

Needing a break, I left our room and decided to take a nap in Denim’s since she and Bradley had a soft bed and they were out.

I poured half a bottle of vodka down my throat and was just about to get some sleep when the door opened. Hoping it wasn’t Kevin, I was relieved when I saw it was Bradley.

“I’m sorry, Bradley,” I said trying to sit up. I was too woozy to make any real moves. “I’ll leave.”

“No, you fine,” he responded quietly as he walked closer to me. “I’m sorry about everything, Bambi.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “I just talked to Kevin and he told me what you said.”

“About what?” I asked trying to keep my eyes open.

“That you wanted to kill yourself.” I saw his throat buckle as he swallowed. “Is it true?”

I didn’t know what was odder. The fact that Kevin would tell him about my suicide attempt or the fact that he would feel comfortable enough to ask me. Bradley and I were cool but we didn’t have a relationship where he could come to me about something so sensitive.

“I just lost my son. I guess I would say anything.”

He sighed and rubbed his hands on his thighs, as if he were trying to do something but couldn’t build up the nerve. “I want to trust you, Bambi. I want to trust you so much but I don’t know how.”

What was he talking about? Whatever it was, I didn’t feel like discussing it now. “Bradley, I don’t know what you mean but I don’t want to talk.” I paused. “I want to be alone. Besides, where is Denim? I thought you guys were going out.”

“Scarlett said that she was with Race taking care of something.”

He looked over at me and his eyes appeared to twirl around in his head.

“Well can you give me an hour and come back to talk to me later?” I asked him.

“I love Denim. I love her a lot and I can’t sleep wondering. Wondering if you will tell her about Grainger or—”

“Bradley, I know I’m in your room but all I want—”

My oxygen flow was cut when Bradley reached down and squeezed my neck. The mattress rattled quietly as he straddled me and tightened his grip. With each squeeze, I could feel my life draining from my body.

I looked up at my brother-in-law again and I could say for sure that I didn’t recognize him. The vein down the middle of his forehead pulsated and his face reddened as he struggled to snatch the breath from my body.

Desperate, I scratched at his arms and face but nothing seemed to work. At that moment, I knew one thing for sure. That suddenly I wanted to live. I wanted to be there for Noah. I wanted to be there for my husband and I wanted to stay alive to find Arkadi and kill him myself.

And when I felt some warm shit on my leg I was grossed out. Glancing down, I noticed that this nigga had pissed on me.

Realizing that in this moment he was weaker than I thought, I did the only thing I could imagine.

I raised my right knee and hit him in his balls. It must’ve worked because he released his hold and I rolled off of the bed. My knees slammed into the floor as I coughed a few times to suck in oxygen. Using the wall to stand up, I struggled to pull air back into my lungs. But no sooner than I was on my feet, Bradley was behind me again.

With my neck in the pit of his forearm, he continued to do what he started. Try to kill me. There was one problem. Now I was stronger and I wasn’t the victim anymore. I resorted to my old days in the army.

So with him in tow, I pulled his weight toward the dresser. Once there, I reached for the lamp, snatched it with a hard pull out of the wall and brought it down on the side of his head.

Bradley was now on the floor and I managed to crawl on top of him. I was about to take his life until Denim rushed out of the bathroom. I didn’t even know she was in the room.

Didn’t she hear us?

It was so big that I guess she couldn’t until all the commotion.

Dripping wet, with a towel wrapped around her body, she looked at the horrifying scene. “What the fuck is going on?”

I stood up and leaned on the dresser just as Race pushed the door open and walked inside of the bedroom. “What the fuck is all that noise? Is everybody okay?”

Out of breath, I put my hand on my chest and said, “Lock the door, Race. We gotta get this shit over with.”

She must’ve known what I meant because her expression changed from worry to realization. When the door was closed, she locked it and walked back over to us.

I faced Denim and said, “Bradley just tried to kill me.” I exhaled and inhaled, trying to normalize my breath.

Bloodied and bruised, he held his head down.

“Is that true?” Denim asked in shock.

Slowly and almost inaudibly, he said, “Yes.”

She looked at his pants and my leg. “Wait, why are you wet?”

“I…I had to go to the bathroom,” he responded.

“So you peed on her?”

Silence.

“What is going on, Bradley?” she asked with a hand over her chest. And then she looked at me as if I did something. “Were you two having an affair?” I guess they pissed on each other in the bedroom but that was not my thing.

I was blown away by her question because I would never do something so cold blooded to one of my sisters. I might fuck a nigga if I had to save our lives but it would never be out of lust and it would never be one of my brothers-in-law. “You want to ask me another question?” I asked seriously. “Or would you prefer to continue to disrespect me like I’m some chicken head who doesn’t love you?”

Denim looked into my eyes and exhaled. “I’m sorry, Bambi. I just don’t know what’s going on.” She looked at Race and then me. “Can somebody please tell me?”

I looked over at Bradley; he stood up and took a deep breath. Walking toward the edge of the bed, he clasped his hands together and plopped down. Staring at the floor he said, “When I was arrested for raping Grainger, I…I…”

“Finish the story, Bradley,” Denim said when he grew quiet.

He looked up at me and Race and then Denim. “I called Bambi and Race to have her killed,” he said softly. “And they did it. That’s why I was able to get out of jail.”

Denim shook her head. “So you’re just telling me this now, huh?” She laughed softly. “It took all this time?”

He looked over at her. “What you mean?”

“Bambi and Race told me weeks ago, but I was waiting on you to say something.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You understand exactly what I’m saying. When you didn’t tell me about what you did to my sister, that shit hurt because we were always honest about everything. And I had to hear it from my sisters. Your betrayal was another reason why I didn’t want to have your baby.”

Bradley’s jaw hung as he looked at Race and me. I didn’t know why he was surprised. I had no intentions on keeping the secret from her only for it to come out in anger years later.

But there was still something I was waiting on him to say. That he actually fucked Grainger before we killed her.

“You aren’t mad?” Bradley asked Denim. “About Grainger being killed?”

Denim walked over to the wall and leaned against it. She wrapped the towel tighter around her body and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m beyond mad. I’m devastated, Bradley. But I always knew my sister would do something she couldn’t take back. I always knew in my heart that if she didn’t get herself together her life would come to an end. And to be honest, a part of me is relieved that I don’t have to worry about her anymore.” She paused. “But what hurts the most is your dishonesty. So I need to know right now, is that the only thing you have to tell me? Is there any other lie in your heart? In our marriage?”

He looked at Race and me. I wanted her to know that he slept with Grainger but it was not my place to tell her. I would leave that part to him. “Yeah, that’s it,” he said looking at me. “I’m sorry, Bambi. Please forgive me.”

I smiled. “Sure, Bradley. Everything is all good.”

 

****

 

It was midnight the next day and Bradley was in the shower. I could see the steam flowing from under the door and hear the water splashing against the wall. I was patiently waiting for this clown, even though he’d been in there for almost thirty minutes.

The moment he opened the bathroom door and crossed the threshold, I knocked him in the head with the butt of my gun. Race, who was there with me, pointed her chopper at his dick and we both cocked our weapons.

“Open your mouth,” I said to him softly.

“Bambi, I’m sorry about that shit yesterday. I—”

I knocked him upside his head and repeated, “Open your fucking mouth, nigga.” He did and I slid the barrel inside. “You put your hands on me yesterday and I’m here to send you a clear message. If you ever do it again, you will be walking down the street one day and the next you’ll be meeting your maker. Do you understand me, Mr. Kennedy?”

He nodded and Race and me backed up and walked out the door. Leaving him alive.