That title is not correct
this is a poem for my mothers
My first mother
Korean
gave birth to me
in the Land of the Morning Calm
My second mother
Korean
cared for me
from the orphanage to the plane
My third mother
White
abducted, bought, adopted me
raised me in the Promised Land
Three mothers
One child
One daughter
To my Korean mother
I don’t know who you are
I don’t know your name
I don’t know your face, your history,
family, interests, home,
how you conceived me
yes, I know how babies are made but
I don’t know if you were someone’s wife,
someone’s mistress,
someone’s victim
when I was conceived
I don’t know if I was your only child
sent away from our divided country
I don’t know if you understand
how your choices impacted my life
I don’t know if you’re even alive anymore
I don’t know if you think about me
but I know I think about you
I know you look like me
or should I say
I look like you
but which parts of this body you gave me
belong to you?
To my foster mother
Ahn-Soon Lim
I waited over three decades
seven thousand miles to know your name
maybe you’re now in your seventies if you’re still alive
Does not recognize her foster mother.
Recognizing the foster mother.
Will look for her own foster mother.
Says “mom” now and then.
This is what my adoption file says,
but what do you say?
we know the papers lie
but we don’t know when
To my white mother
Mother
I’m not sure why I have to use this term when addressing you
so I have abandoned it
a purchase agreement and a
promise to raise a child in the Christian faith
do not require me to address a woman twice my age
who looks nothing like me by this title
therefore, I don’t
I’ve been told I need to be thankful to you
for giving me a better life
rescuing me from the war-ravaged country of Korea
here is what I have to be thankful for
when you told me
you paid a lot of money for me
when you told me
if you hadn’t adopted me
I’d be living a life of prostitution
on the streets of Korea
I’d be homeless or dead.
Did it ever occur to you
I can do all of those things in America?
I can go back to Korea and fulfill this destiny
or all of the above?
I’m told I should be thankful
for everything you’ve taught me
you taught me that control,
manipulation, brainwashing, and
spiritual abuse are normal in childrearing
that I am responsible for how you feel and look
that when we die we go to heaven
but the only way to get there
is to do the right thing
but no matter what I did
it would never
be good
enough
you taught me
that I was responsible for how God felt
that God was a white man
that it is best to be white
or at least an honorary white
but it’s good to have at least one black friend
as long as he is married to a white woman
you taught me interracial marriages aren’t always okay
that I should be ashamed of my body
that I am not beautiful
that college was my only option after high school
actually, you taught me a Christian college
was my only option
because I would marry someone I would meet there
you taught me that as a woman
my success would be measured by the man I would
marry and children I would birth
that it wouldn’t be right to
marry someone outside of your faith
that the only political choice
was to be a pro-life Republican
you taught me that being narrow-minded,
self-righteous and judgmental are normal
you taught me that it is okay for you
to be a hypocrite
but not for me
so for all these things I cannot
and will not
be thankful
To my Korean mother
you had no choice, no power
To my foster mother
a surrogate
To my white mother
you had choice, power, privilege
and you chose to abuse it.
Three mothers.
One daughter.
who traveled this journey
alone.