20

Love It Forward

I spent a few months quietly grieving and processing the end of my relationship with Miriam. Reflecting on the blessings, ready-making for whatever would come my way next. And then I began to date. Again. Lots of lovely souls, but no beloved.

Then, one stormy night, the winds of change struck. I had a profoundly vivid dream. It was more of a life-changing event, manifest in dream form. The kind of dream you can’t possibly ignore except at your own peril.

In the dream, I was sitting in the sunroom of my apartment writing. The room had become a wild creative space. There were love words and phrases written all over the walls. The branches from Sarah’s favorite tree had broken through the window and were stretched out all over the ceiling. The squirrels were inside the room, running to and fro. I was naked and tearful and happy as a lark. It was a kind of chaotic magnificence.

Suddenly I spotted Sarah’s familiar hand-writing. In big red letters across the side wall was a phrase that I had never heard before: LOVE IT FORWARD. The words reminded me of the words the crone had spoken to me, when she had told me to become the gift and bring it to the world.

I woke up the next morning completely clarified about the next step of my journey. I was going to write a love story about Sarah and I. All that love needed some place to go. This was the way I was going to gift back to the universe for blessing me with a taste of ecstasy. This was the way I would convert our suffering into gold. This was my offering to the beloved. Perhaps we couldn’t make it all the way through the passage, but we could surely help others to walk a little further together.

Perhaps, even, that’s why it came our way.

Cave of Remembered Dreams

That morning, I drove to Goshen Provincial Park. I found my way to the tiny cave we had discovered that magical afternoon on our walk through the forest. The place we had made crunched up love, merging with each other like horny little pretzels. I crawled inside it, and remembered the dream that was our love, the greatest gift this soul had ever received.

I closed my eyes and meditated on my intention to put our uncommon bond to words. My whole body relaxed and softened. Yes, this felt true to path.

When I was ready, I said aloud:

We will live on. In our breath, in our hearts, and in the words I write, I will love us forward.

The cave echoed back my benevolent intentions. Then I scrawled the words LOVE IT FORWARD on the cave wall with chalk and left.

I would return here many times in the writing process. To remember my pledge. To remember what is never truly lost. To commune with the beloved in the cave of remembered dreams.