Chapter 6

 

Gently rocking back and forth in the rocker Rachel was reflecting about the worries she had been wrestling with that night. Her eyes were becoming heavy and she reckoned that she had done all she could do. She walked to the bedroom door to check on Ben who was asleep in his bed and covered with thick quilts that her mother had made when she was well. She could see his head by the faint light of the radiating fire through the windowed door of the stove. She loved Ben and her heart yearned to have him not be disappointed in the morning. Even though she placed the apples under the tree she was wishing there would be more, hoping that her father would make it home in time.

While she was standing there looking at Ben, a special feeling came over her as if her mother was standing next to her. She couldn’t describe it. It made tears well up in her eyes as she felt the most sensational warm radiance filling the emptiness in her heart. She had had several instances where she could swear her mother was near but, she had never witnessed anything as strong as this feeling that filled her heart. Occasionally in the past she had felt a warmth come over her when either her mother or Nora would talk about families being forever and that they would reunite someday. But, this feeling was similar but, different. It was almost overwhelming. Rachel wished the feeling would never leave, it filled her entire being. It was as though something took all of the built-up anxiety and let it sail into the sky of forever. She was in a trans-like state for the longest time and had the clearest perception that all would be well. The fire popped with a crackle bringing her back into the focus of the moment. She had forgotten to close the door tight on the stove which had made the crackle louder. After she closed the door to the stove she stood up and reflected back, “Was that really Mom?” She wanted to believe even more. She could never accept the notion that her mother was gone forever. Somehow she wanted more than ever to believe what her mother had told her.

Rachel went to her bedroom, changed into her nightgown and slipped under her mother’s homemade quilts. She couldn’t help but realize that her mother’s influence surrounded them in every aspect of life even though she was not there, and what was that feeling she had? Was it really true about living forever together? Maybe she felt that feeling because it was Christmastime, but these feelings were starting to make Rachel’s heart swell and to hope even more for her mother’s words to be true. Until now she listened to the words and knew what they said, but the conviction had not yet taken full hold upon her heart. Rachel eased out from under the quilt and slid down onto her knees. She offered a prayer different than any of the past. She wasn’t just going through the motions of praying. She was talking to her Heavenly Father hoping somehow he wouldn’t remember the frustration and blame she felt towards him. Suddenly she was filled with gratefulness for the life of her mother, for her father, for Ben and for life itself. Thoughts whirled in her mind, crowding upon each other. She knew what she wanted to say, but tears filled her eyes while feeling for the words of love and gratitude that flooded her heart. It was some unseen power tearing down all her inhibitions and barriers from the innermost part of her heart allowing the soothing warmth of pure joy to fill her whole soul in complete submission. All she could do was offer her heart in gratitude for all she had.

After she finished her humble prayer she slipped back under the quilts and remembered the burning candle in the window. She jumped up and carefully but quickly tiptoed on the cold wooden floor to the cupboard to get another candle to replace the one that had been burning. It was very low as she expected. She wanted a new one so it would burn longer into the night through the window showing the way in case her dad would come home in the dark. She removed the old candle and securely placed the new one in the candle holder while using the still burning candle to ignite the wick of the new one. She then placed the holder back in the window and blew out the spent candle. Hurriedly she scampered towards her bedroom and as she passed the stove she couldn’t help feeling the warmth and how she felt earlier in the doorway of Ben’s room. She was very grateful for that experience as she now felt again a reassuring confidence. It was the same feeling of satisfaction she used to feel when she was doing her mother’s bidding while she was bed ridden. She knew that whatever came her way that her mother would be there and everything would be okay. She carefully slipped past Ben’s door into her bedroom and quickly covered herself again with the quilts. She pulled them clear over her head and rolled up into a ball to keep the warmth in one area while waiting for the quilts to get warmed up. As she was lying there contemplating the next day’s activities, she focused more closely to when the home teachers came by bringing the apples as a gift. The apples seemed much more than a casual gift she pondered. There was something special about them and how convenient it was to have them as a surprise for Ben, when there was nothing else to give.

She began to feel better about the prospects of her dad’s return and Christmas in general. She slowly drifted into a semi-sleep state reliving some of the memories she had had on previous Christmas mornings and trying to think of what else she could do to fill Ben’s expectations. She would drift away in and out of sleep and fighting to keep alert; however her drowsy eye lids couldn’t help but close as she faded off into a restful sleep.      

The next thing she knew she had opened her eyes and it was just before 7 A.M. the time of morning when she normally arose. As she peered outside her bedroom window it was transitioning from night to dawn. The colors of the early morning sunrise were beginning to identify themselves and reflect off of the fresh snow crystals in shimmering colors of red, pink, and salmon with the shadows still holding the saturated blues of the lingering dawning sky. She hurriedly jumped out of bed in anticipation that her dad had arrived. She went to her dad’s room and peered through the opened door. The bed was still made, so she went to the door to check if he was in sight. She gave a worried sigh as she closed the door. Going straightway to the stove she wanted to check out the thermometer to see if it was warm enough to cook the Swedish pancakes for breakfast. It was only 120 degrees on the stove top thermometer and she needed it to be at least 350 degrees. She hurriedly grabbed all of the wood she had brought in the previous night and stoked the stove. With the door open she could feel the radiating warmth of the fire more strongly and she couldn’t help but marvel about the warm feeling she had the night before and how it made her feel inside. There is nothing like a warm stove when it is cold outside, she deliberately thought out-loud.

Knowing she would need more wood she walked over to the kitchen door and went out to the stack of wood on the porch. As she looked at the wood pile she was thankful that her dad was industrious and had cut enough wood to last the whole winter. While picking from the wood pile she noticed through the field a light at Nora’s house. “Nora!” She exclaimed out loud. How could she have ever forgotten about Nora? She chastised herself and stood motionless trying to figure out what she might give her for Christmas. A cold shiver ran up her spine and jogged her into remembering why she was standing outside on the porch in her nightgown without a coat. She quickly gathered up enough wood to make an arm full and hurried inside. She had been so engrossed with her own challenges that she had totally forgotten about Nora. Nora wouldn’t have anyone else to wish her Merry Christmas or have any presents. How could she have forgotten her beloved friend? She chided herself again.

The only thing she could offer Nora as a gift would be some apples. There were plenty left in the sack that she didn’t use in the basket under the tree. These would make a perfect gift for Nora, as she loved to make her famous apple pies. Quickly she grabbed the sack, polished the remaining apples and placed them in another basket wrapped with a red and white gingham napkin the same as she had done for Ben. She figured that she could make it over to Nora’s and give her the apples and return before Ben awoke.       

She hurriedly changed out of her nightgown and went over to the bench where the boots and coats were kept. Grabbing her tall boots she pulled them on and reached up to the coat rack to fetch her red coat, and scarf. After she put them on she reached into the pocket and pulled out the knitted gloves that her mother made and she couldn’t help but feel her mother’s presence again as she gratefully remembered what she had felt the evening before looking into Ben’s room. She pulled the gloves over her hands and as she grabbed the basket. The words of her mother spoke quietly but clearly to her mind, “Love makes miracles happen.” Tears of gratitude formed in her eyes as she hastened over to the back door and walked out onto the veranda. After hesitating a second, she plunged into the knee-high fresh snow with both feet. She took extra long steps as she forged her way across the yard to the lane. The sky beyond the painted clouds was a vibrant cobalt blue with faint glint of the stars still twinkling. There was a quiet reverence that enveloped the countryside. An impression of one of her favorite songs Silent Night came softly to her mind. The peace and stillness seemed to pervade the cold air that had settled in the vale. As she hummed the song there was something very special and sacred about the fresh white snow with the bright moon still shimmering through the thin veiled clouds. She pulled the hood of her coat over her head to keep herself warm from the biting cold. When she reached the lane, it seemed extra beautiful as the pure white snow clung to the branches making a tunnel of white where only one set of tracks from a vehicle had driven through it making it easier to walk. It was a good feeling to do something nice for someone else and it made it even sweeter and more impressionable braving the pristine frozen elements. Nora always gave her a big warm hug whenever they met and she looked forward to that embrace this morning.