A street in London
Enter at several doors, old Lucre, and old Hoard, Gentlemen [Lamprey, Spitchcock, Sam Freedom and Moneylove] coming between them to pacify ‘em.
LAMPREY
Nay, good Master Lucre, and you, Master Hoard, anger is the wind which you’re both too much troubled withal.
HOARD
Shall my adversary thus daily affront me, ripping up the old wound of our malice, which three summers could not close up? Into which wound the very sight of him drops scalding lead instead of balsamum.
LUCRE
Why, Hoard, Hoard, Hoard, Hoard, Hoard; may I not pass in the state of quietness to mine own house? Answer me to that, before witness, and why? I’ll refer the cause to honest, even-minded gentlemen, or require the mere indifferences of the law to decide this matter. I got the purchase, true; was’t not any man’s case? Yes. Will a wise man stand as a bawd, whilst another wipes his nose of the bargain? No, I answer no in that case.
LAMPREY
Nay, sweet Master Lucre.
HOARD
Was it the part of a friend? No, rather of a Jew — mark what I say — when I had beaten the bush to the last bird, or, as I may term it, the price to a pound, then like a cunning usurer to come in the evening of the bargain, and glean all my hopes in a minute? To enter, as it were, at the back door of the purchase? For thou never cam’st the right way by it.
LUCRE
Hast thou the conscience to tell me so, without any impeachment to thyself?
HOARD
Thou that canst defeat thy own nephew, Lucre, lap his lands into bonds, and take the extremity of thy kindred’s forfeitures, because he’s a rioter, a wastethrift, a brothel-master, and so forth — what may a stranger expect from thee, but vulnera dilacerata, as the poet says, dilacerate dealing?
LUCRE
Upbraid’st thou me with nephew? Is all imputation laid upon me? What acquaintance have I with his follies? If he riot, ’tis he must want it; if he surfeit, ’tis he must feel it; if he drab it, ’tis he must lie by’t; what’s this to me?
HOARD
What’s all to thee? Nothing, nothing; such is the gulf of thy desire, and the wolf of thy conscience; but be assured, old Pecunius Lucre, if ever fortune so bless me, that I may be at leisure to vex thee, or any means so favour me, that I may have opportunity to mad thee, I will pursue it with that flame of hate, that spirit of malice, unrepressed wrath, that I will blast thy comforts.
LUCRE
Ha, ha, ha!
LAMPREY
Nay, Master Hoard, you’re a wise gentleman.
HOARD
I will so cross thee.
LUCRE
And I thee.
HOARD
So without mercy fret thee.
LUCRE
So monstrously oppose thee!
HOARD
Dost scoff at my just anger? Oh, that I had as much power as usury has over thee!
LUCRE
Then thou wouldst have as much power as the devil has over thee.
HOARD
Toad!
LUCRE
Aspic!
HOARD
Serpent!
LUCRE
Viper!
SPITCHCOCK
Nay, gentlemen, then we must divide you perforce.
LAMPREY
When the fire grows too unreasonable hot, there’s no better way than to take off the wood.
Exeunt. Mane[n]t Sam and Moneylove.
SAM
A word, good signior.
MONEYLOVE
How now, what’s the news?
SAM
’Tis given me to understand that you are a rival of mine in the love of Mistress Joyce, Master Hoard’s niece: say me ay, say me no.
MONEYLOVE
Yes, ’tis so.
SAM
Then look to yourself: you cannot live long. I’m practising every morning; a month hence I’ll challenge you.
MONEYLOVE
Give me your hand upon’t; there’s my pledge I’ll meet you!
Strikes him. Exit.
SAM
Oh, oh! What reason had you for that, sir, to strike before the [month]? You knew I was not ready for you, and that made you so crank. I am not such a coward to strike again, I warrant you. My ear has the law of her side for it burns horribly. I will teach him to strike a naked face, the longest day of his life; ‘slid, it shall cost me some money, but I’ll bring this box into the Chancery.
Exit.