A street.
Enter Gerardine disguised [as a porter].
GERARDINE
Thou sacred deity, Love!
Thou power predominate, more to be admir’d
Than able to be express’d, whose orb includes
All terrene joys which are, all states which be,
Pay to thy sacred throne, as tribute-fee,
Their thoughts and lives. Like Jove’s, so must thy acts
Endure no question; why, thy hidden facts
The gods themselves obey; heaven-synod holds
No gods but what thy awful power controls.
The Delphian archer proud with Python’s spoil,
At Cupid’s hand was forc’d to take the foil;
Nor Mars his warlike adamantine targe
Could free his warlike breast at Cupid’s charge;
And Jove, whose frown all mortal lives bereaves,
[His] marble throne and ivory sceptre leaves,
And in the likeness of a bull was seen,
As forc’d by him to bear the Tyrian queen
Through Neptune’s watery kingdom. If these submit,
My metamorphose is not held unfit.
And see, in most wished occasion, Dryfat the merchant presents himself. Sir, in the best of hours met; my thoughts had marked you out for a man most apt to do them the fairest of offices.
DRYFAT
What! Art thou a Welsh carrier or a northern landlord, th’ art so saucy?
GERARDINE
ls’t possible, sir, my disguise should so much fool your knowledge? How? A northern landlord? Can you think I get my living by a bell and a clack-dish?
DRYFAT
By a bell and a clack-dish? How’s that?
GERARDINE
Why, by begging, sir. Know you me now?
DRYFAT
Master Gerardine, disguised and ashore! Nay, then I smell a rat.
GERARDINE
Master Dryfat, shall I repose some trust in you? Will you lay by awhile your city’s precise humour? Will you not deceive me?
DRYFAT
If I deceive your trust, the general plague seize me; that is, may I die a cuckold.
GERARDINE
And I say thou shall die a true citizen, if thou conceal it. And thus in brief: it stands with thy knowledge how seriously I have and do still affect Maria. Now, sir, I have so wrought it, that if thou couldst procure me a fellow that could serve instead of a crier, I myself would play Placket the paritor, and summon Doctor Glister and Maria to appear at thy house; and as [I play] the paritor, so wouldst thou but assume the shape of a proctor, I should have the wench, thou the credit, and the whole city occasion of discourse this nine days.
DRYFAT
How’s this, how’s this? I should procure a fellow to play the [crier] and I myself should play the proctor? But upon what occasion should they be summoned?
GERARDINE
Upon an accusation that Doctor Glister should get Maria his niece with child, and have bastards in the country, which I have a trick to make probable.
DRYFAT
And now I recall it to memory, I heard somewhat to that effect last night in Master Beardbush the barber’s shop; but how will this sort? Who shall accuse him?
GERARDINE
Refer that to me, I say, be that my care; all shall end in merriment, and no disgrace touch either of their reputations.
DRYFAT
Then take both word and hand, ’tis done; Club, Mistress Purge’s prentice, shall be the [crier].
GERARDINE
O my most precious Dryfat, may none of thy daughters prove vessels with foul bungholes, or none of thy sons hogsheads, but all true and honourable Dryfats like thyself.
DRYFAT
Well, Master Gerardine, I hope to see you a Familist before I die.
GERARDINE
That’s most likely, for I hold most of their principles already. I never rail nor calumniate any man but in love and charity; I never cozen any man for any ill will I bear him, but in love and charity to myself; I never make my neighbour a cuckold for any hate or malice I bear him, but in love and charity to his wife.
DRYFAT
And may those principles fructify in your weak members. I’ll be gone, and with most quick dexterity provide you a crier. Tomorrow at my house, said you, they should appear?
GERARDINE
Be that the time, most honoured Dryfat; but be this known to none, most loved sir, save Club, or to some other whom your judgment shall select as a fit person for our project.
DRYFAT
Thus enough; time out of sight.
Exit.
GERARDINE
Maria, thou art mine.
Earth’s [perfection] and nature’s glory:
Woman; of what an excellency, if
Her thoughts and acts were squared and levelled
With the first celsitude of her creation!
T’ enjoy a creature, whose dishevell’d locks,
Like gems against the repercussive sun,
Gives light and splendour; whose star-like eyes
Attract more [gazers’] loves to see there a move
Then the Tartarians’ god, when Egeon’s hill
‘A mounts in triumph; a skin more pure and soft
Than is the silk-worm[‘s] bed; tooth more white
Than new-fall’n snow or shining ivory,
Is happiness sought by the gods themselves.
Celestial Venus, born without a mother,
Be thou propitious; thee [do] I implore,
Not vulgar Venus, heaven’s scorn and Mars his whore.
Exit.