Vindici’s house
Enter Castiza the sister.
CASTIZA
How hardly shall that maiden be beset
Whose only fortunes are her constant thoughts,
That has no other child’s part but her honour
That keeps her low and empty in estate.
Maids and their honours are like poor beginners:
Were not sin rich there would be fewer sinners.
Why had not virtue a revenue? Well,
I know the cause: ’twould have impoverish’d hell.
Enter Dondolo.
How now, Dondolo?
DONDOLO
[Madonna], there is one, as they say, a thing of flesh and blood, a man I take him by his beard, that would very desirously mouth to mouth with you.
CASTIZA
What’s that?
DONDOLO
Show his teeth in your company.
CASTIZA
I understand thee not.
DONDOLO
Why, speak with you, Madonna!
CASTIZA
Why, say so, madman, and cut of a great deal of dirty way. Had it not been better spoke in ordinary words that one would speak with me?
DONDOLO
Ha, ha, that’s as ordinary as two shillings! I would strive a little to show myself in my place: a gentleman usher scorns to use the phrase and fancy of a serving-man.
CASTIZA
Yours be your [own], sir; go direct him hither.
[Exit Dondolo.]
I hope some happy tidings from my brother
That lately travell’d, whom my soul affects.
Enter [Vindici] her brother disguised [as Piato].
Here he comes.
VINDICI
[Giving her a jewel] Lady, the best of wishes to your sex,
Fair skins and new gowns.
CASTIZA
Oh, they shall thank you, sir.
Whence this?
VINDICI
Oh, from a dear and worthy friend, mighty!
CASTIZA
From whom?
VINDICI
The duke’s son!
CASTIZA
Receive that!
A box a’ th’ ear to her brother.
I swore I’d put anger in my hand
And pass the virgin limits of myself
To him that next appear’d in that base office
To be his sin’s attorney; bear to him
That figure of my hate upon thy cheek
Whilst ’tis yet hot, and I’ll reward thee for’t.
Tell him my honour shall have a rich name
When several harlots shall share his with shame.
Farewell; commend me to him in my hate!
Exit.
VINDICI
It is the sweetest box
That e’er my nose came nigh,
The finest drawn-work cuff that e’er was worn.
I’ll love this blow forever, and this cheek
Shall still hence forward take the wall of this.
Oh, I’m above my tongue! Most constant sister,
In this thou hast right honourable shown;
Many are call’d by their honour that have none.
Thou art approv’d forever in my thoughts.
It is not in the power of words to taint thee,
And yet for the salvation of my oath,
As my resolve in that point, I will lay
Hard siege unto my mother, tho’ I know
A siren’s tongue could not bewitch her so.
[Enter Gratiana.]
[Aside] Mass, fitly here she comes; thanks, my disguise. —
Madam, good afternoon.
[GRATIANA]
Y’are welcome, sir.
VINDICI
The next of Italy commends him to you,
Our mighty expectation, the duke’s son.
[GRATIANA]
I think myself much honour’d that he pleases
To rank me in his thoughts.
VINDICI
So may you, lady:
One that is like to be our sudden duke;
The crown gapes for him every tide, and then
Commander o’er us all. Do but think on him;
How bless’d were they now that could pleasure him
E’en with anything almost.
[GRATIANA]
Ay, save their honour.
VINDICI
Tut, one would let a little of that go too
And ne’er be seen in’t: ne’er be seen [in’t], mark you;
I’d wink and let it go.
[GRATIANA]
Marry, but I would not.
VINDICI
Marry, but I would I hope; I know you would too,
If you’d that blood now which you gave your daughter.
To her indeed ’tis this wheel comes about:
That man that must be all this, perhaps ere morning,
For his white father does but mould away,
Has long desir’d your daughter.
[GRATIANA]
Desir’d?
VINDICI
Nay, but hear me:
He desires now that will command hereafter.
Therefore be wise; I speak as more a friend
To you than him. Madam, I know y’are poor
And ‘lack the day, there are too many poor ladies already:
Why should you vex the number? ’Tis despis’d.
Live wealthy, rightly understand the world,
And chide away that foolish country girl
Keeps company with your daughter, chastity.
[GRATIANA]
Oh, fie, fie,
The riches of the world cannot hire
A mother to such a most unnatural task!
VINDICI
No, but a thousand angels can:
Men have no power; angels must work you to’t.
The world descends into such base-born evils
That forty angels can make fourscore devils.
There will be fools still, I perceive, still [fools].
Would I be poor, dejected, scorn’d of greatness,
Swept from the palace, and see other daughters
Spring with the dew a’ th’ court, having mine own
So much desir’d and lov’d by the duke’s son?
No, I would raise my state upon her breast
And call her eyes my tenants; I would count
My yearly maintenance upon her cheeks,
Take coach upon her lip, and all her parts
Should keep men after men, and I would ride
In pleasure upon pleasure.
You took great pains for her, once when it was;
Let her requite it now, tho’ it be but some:
You brought her forth; she may well bring you home.
[GRATIANA]
Oh, heavens! This overcomes me.
VINDICI
[Aside] Not, I hope, already?
[GRATIANA]
It is too strong for me; men know that know us:
We are so weak their words can overthrow us.
He touch’d me nearly, made my virtues bate
When his tongue struck upon my poor estate.
VINDICI
[Aside] I e’en quake to proceed; my spirit turns edge.
I fear me she’s unmother’d, yet I’ll venture:
“That woman is all male whom none can enter.” —
What think you now, lady? Speak, are you wiser?
What said advancement to you? Thus it said:
The daughter’s fall lifts up the mother’s head.
Did it not, madam? But I’ll swear it does
In many places; tut, this age fears no man:
“’Tis no shame to be bad, because ’tis common.”
[GRATIANA]
Ay, that’s the comfort on’t.
VINDICI
[Aside] The comfort on’t! —
[Giving her gold] I keep the best for last: can these persuade you
To forget heaven and —
[GRATIANA]
Ay, these are they —
VINDICI
[Aside] Oh!
[GRATIANA]
That enchant our sex; these are the means
That govern our affections. That woman
Will not be troubled with the mother long
That sees the comfortable shine of you;
I blush to think what for your sakes I’ll do!
VINDICI
[Aside] Oh, suff’ring heaven, with thy invisible finger
E’en at this instant turn the precious side
Of both mine eye-balls inward, not to see myself!
[GRATIANA]
Look you, sir.
VINDICI
Holla.
[GRATIANA]
[Giving him gold] Let this thank your pains.
VINDICI
Oh, you’re a kind [madam].
[GRATIANA]
I’ll see how I can move.
VINDICI
Your words will sting.
[GRATIANA]
If she be still chaste I’ll ne’er call her mine.
VINDICI
[Aside] Spoke truer than you meant it.
Enter Castiza.
[GRATIANA]
Daughter Castiza.
CASTIZA
Madam.
VINDICI
Oh, she’s yonder.
Meet her.
[Aside] Troops of celestial soldiers guard her heart;
Yon dam has devils enough to take her part.
CASTIZA
Madam, what makes yon evil-offic’d man
In presence of you?
[GRATIANA]
Why?
CASTIZA
He lately brought
Immodest writing sent from the duke’s son
To tempt me to dishonourable act.
[GRATIANA]
Dishonourable act? Good honourable fool,
That wouldst be honest ‘cause thou wouldst be so,
Producing no one reason but thy will.
And ‘t ‘as a good report, prettily commended,
But pray by whom? Mean people, ignorant people;
The better sort I’m sure cannot abide it.
And by what rule should we square out our lives
But by our betters actions? Oh, if thou knew’st
What ‘twere to lose it, thou would never keep it!
But there’s a cold curse laid upon all maids:
Whilst other[s] clip the sun, they clasp the shades!
Virginity is paradise, lock’d up.
You cannot come by yourselves without fee,
And ’twas decreed that man should keep the key!
Deny advancement, treasure, the duke’s son!
CASTIZA
I cry you mercy. Lady, I mistook you.
Pray did you see my mother? Which way went you?
Pray God I have not lost her.
VINDICI
[Aside] Prettily put by.
[GRATIANA]
Are you as proud to me as coy to him?
Do you not know me now?
CASTIZA
Why, are you she?
The world’s so chang’d, one shape into another:
It is a wise child now that knows her mother.
VINDICI
[Aside] Most right, i’faith.
[GRATIANA]
I owe your cheek my hand
For that presumption now, but I’ll forget it.
Come, you shall leave those childish ‘haviours
And understand your time; fortunes flow to you.
What, will you be a girl?
If all fear’d drowning that spy waves ashore,
Gold would grow rich and all the merchants poor.
CASTIZA
It is a pretty saying of a wicked one, but methinks now
It does not show so well out of your mouth,
Better in his.
VINDICI
[Aside] Faith, bad enough in both,
Were I in earnest, as I’ll seem no less. —
I wonder, lady, your own mother’s words
Cannot be taken, nor stand in full force.
’Tis honesty you urge. What’s honesty?
’Tis but heavens beggar,
And what woman is so foolish to keep honesty,
And be not able to keep herself? No,
Times are grown wiser and will keep less charge:
A maid that has small portion now intends
To break up house and live upon her friends.
How bless’d are you; you have happiness alone:
Others must fall to thousands, you to one,
Sufficient in himself to make your forehead
Dazzle the world with jewels, and petitionary people
Start at your presence.
[GRATIANA]
Oh, if I were young,
I should be ravish’d!
CASTIZA
Ay, to lose your honour.
VINDICI
‘Slid, how can you lose your honour
To deal with my lord’s grace?
He’ll add more honour to it by his title;
Your mother will tell you how.
[GRATIANA]
That I will.
VINDICI
Oh, think upon the pleasure of the palace:
Secured ease and state, the stirring meats,
Ready to move out of the dishes,
That e’en now quicken when they’re eaten,
Banquets abroad by torch-light, musics, sports,
Bare-headed vassals that had ne’er the fortune
To keep on their own hats but let horns [wear] ‘em,
Nine coaches waiting. Hurry, hurry, hurry!
CASTIZA
Ay, to the devil.
VINDICI
[Aside] Ay, to the devil! — To th’ duke, by my faith.
[GRATIANA]
Ay, to the duke: daughter, you’d scorn to think
A’ th’ devil and you were there once.
VINDICI
True, for most
There are as proud as he for his heart, i’faith.
Who’d sit at home in a neglected room,
Dealing her short-liv’d beauty to the pictures
That are as useless as old men, when those
Poorer in face and fortune than herself
Walk with a hundred acres on their backs,
Fair meadows cut into green foreparts? Oh,
It was the greatest blessing ever happened to women
When farmers’ sons agreed, and met again,
To wash their hands and come up gentlemen;
The commonwealth has flourish’d ever since.
Lands that were [mete] by the rod, that labours spar’d:
Tailors ride down, and measure ‘em by the yard.
Fair trees, those comely foretops of the field,
Are cut to maintain head-tires, much untold.
All thrives but chastity; she lies a-cold.
Nay, shall I come nearer to you? Mark but this:
Why are there so few honest women but
Because ’tis the poorer profession?
That’s accounted best that’s best followed:
Least in trade, least in fashion,
And that’s not honesty. Believe it, and do
But note the [low] and dejected price of it:
“Lose but a pearl, we search and cannot brook it,
But that once gone, who is so mad to look it?”
[GRATIANA]
Troth, he says true.
CASTIZA
False! I defy you both!
I have endur’d you with an ear of fire;
Your tongues have struck hot irons on my face!
Mother, come from that poisonous woman there.
[GRATIANA]
Where?
CASTIZA
Do you not see her? She’s too inward then.
Slave, perish in thy office! You heavens, please
Henceforth to make the mother a disease,
Which first begins with me, yet I’ve outgone you.
Exit.
VINDICI
[Aside] Oh angels, clap your wings upon the skies,
And give this virgin crystal plaudities!
[GRATIANA]
Peevish, coy, foolish! But return this answer:
My lord shall be most welcome when his pleasure
Conducts him this way. I will sway mine own;
Women with women can work best alone.
VINDICI
Indeed, I’ll tell him so.
Exit.
Oh, more uncivil, more unnatural,
Than those base-titled creatures that look downward!
Why does not heaven [turn] black, or with a frown
Undo the world? Why does not earth start up
And strike the sins that tread upon’t? Oh,
Wert not gold and women, there would be no damnation;
Hell would look like a lord’s great kitchen without fire in’t!
But ’twas decreed before the world began
That they should be the hooks to catch at man.
Exit.