The palace
Enter [Vindici] and Hippolito, Vindici out of his disguise.
HIPPOLITO
So, so, all’s as it should be; y’are yourself.
VINDICI
How that great villain puts me to my shifts!
HIPPOLITO
He that did lately in disguise reject thee
Shall, now thou art thyself, as much respect thee.
VINDICI
‘Twill be the quainter fallacy; but, brother,
‘Sfoot, what use will he put me to now, think’st thou?
HIPPOLITO
Nay, you must pardon me in that, I know not:
H’as some employment for you, but what ’tis
He and his secretary, the devil, knows best.
VINDICI
Well, I must suit my tongue to his desires,
What colour soe’er they be, hoping at last
To pile up all my wishes on his breast.
HIPPOLITO
Faith, brother, he himself shows the way.
VINDICI
Now the duke is dead, the realm is clad in clay:
His death being not yet known, under his name
The people still are govern’d. Well, thou his son
Art not long-liv’d; thou shalt not ‘joy his death:
To kill thee then, I should most honour thee,
For ’twould stand firm in every man’s belief
Thou’st a kind child and only died’st with grief.
HIPPOLITO
You fetch about well, but let’s talk in present.
How will you appear in fashion different,
As well as in apparel, to make all things possible?
If you be but once tripp’d, we fall forever.
It is not the least policy to be doubtful;
You must change tongue: familiar was your first.
VINDICI
Why, I’ll bear me in some strain of melancholy
And string myself with heavy-sounding wire,
Like such an instrument, that speaks merry
Things sadly.
HIPPOLITO
Then ’tis as I meant:
I gave you out at first in discontent.
VINDICI
I’ll turn myself, and then —
[Enter Lussurioso.]
HIPPOLITO
[Aside to Vindici] ‘Sfoot, here he comes!
Hast thought upon’t?
VINDICI
[Aside to Hippolito] Salute him, fear not me.
LUSSURIOSO
Hippolito.
HIPPOLITO
Your lordship.
LUSSURIOSO
What’s he yonder?
HIPPOLITO
’Tis Vindici, my discontented brother,
Whom ‘cording to your will I’ve brought to court.
LUSSURIOSO
Is that thy brother? Beshrew me, a good presence;
I wonder h’as been from the court so long. [To Vindici] Come nearer.
HIPPOLITO
Brother, Lord Lussurioso, the duke[‘s] son.
[Vindici] snatches off his hat and makes legs to him.
LUSSURIOSO
Be more near to us; welcome, nearer yet.
VINDICI
How don you? God you god den.
LUSSURIOSO
We thank thee.
How strangely such a coarse, homely salute
Shows in the palace, where we greet in fire
Nimble and desperate tongues; should we name
God in a salutation, ’twould ne’er be stood on’t. Heaven!
Tell me, what has made thee so melancholy?
VINDICI
Why, going to law.
LUSSURIOSO
Why, will that make a man melancholy?
VINDICI
Yes, to look long upon ink and black buckram: I went me to law in anno quadregesimo secundo, and I waded out of it in anno sextagesimo tertio.
LUSSURIOSO
What, three and twenty years in law?
VINDICI
I have known those that have been five and fifty, and all about pullen and pigs.
LUSSURIOSO
May it be possible such men should breath,
To vex the terms so much?
VINDICI
’Tis food to some, my lord. There are old men at the present that are so poisoned with the affectation of law-words, having had many suites canvass’d, that their common talk is nothing but Barbary Latin: they cannot so much as pray but in law, that their sins may be remov’d with a writ of error, and their souls fetch’d up to heaven with a sasarara.
[LUSSURIOSO]
It seems most strange to me,
Yet all the world meets round in the same bent:
Where the heart’s set, there goes the tongue’s consent.
How dost apply thy studies, fellow?
VINDICI
Study? Why, to think how a great, rich man lies a-dying, and a poor cobbler tolls the bell for him; how he cannot depart the world, and see the great chest stand before him; when he lies speechless, how he will point you readily to all the boxes; and when he is past all memory, as the gossips guess, then thinks he of forfeitures and obligations; nay, when to all men’s hearings he whirls and rattles in the throat, he’s busy threat’ning his poor tenants; and this would last me now some seven years thinking or thereabouts. But I have a conceit a-coming in picture upon this: I draw it myself, which, i’faith la, I’ll present to your honour; you shall not choose but like it, for your lordship shall give me nothing for it.
LUSSURIOSO
Nay, you mistake me then,
For I am publish’d bountiful enough;
Let’s taste of your conceit.
VINDICI
In picture, my lord?
LUSSURIOSO
Ay, in picture.
VINDICI
Marry, this it is:
“A usuring father to be boiling in hell,
And his son and heir with a whore dancing over him.”
HIPPOLITO
[Aside] H’as par’d him to the quick.
LUSSURIOSO
The conceit’s pretty, i’faith,
But take ‘t upon my life, ‘twill ne’er be lik’d.
VINDICI
No? Why, I’m sure the whore will be lik’d well enough.
HIPPOLITO
[Aside] Ay, if she were out a’ th’ picture, he’d like her then himself.
VINDICI
And as for the son and heir, he shall be an eyesore to no young revellers, for he shall be drawn in cloth-of-gold breeches.
LUSSURIOSO
And thou hast put my meaning in the pockets
And canst not draw that out; my thought was this:
To see the picture of a usuring father
Boiling in hell, our rich men would ne’er like it.
VINDICI
Oh, true, I cry you heartily mercy! I know the reason, for some of ‘em had rather be damn’d indeed than damn’d in colours.
LUSSURIOSO
[Aside] A parlous melancholy; h’as wit enough
To murder any man, and I’ll give him means. —
I think thou art ill-monied.
VINDICI
Money! Ho, ho!
‘T ‘as been my want so long, ’tis now my scoff.
I’ve e’en forgot what colour silver’s of.
LUSSURIOSO
[Aside] It hits as I could wish.
VINDICI
I get good clothes
Of those that dread my humour, and for tableroom,
I feed on those that cannot be rid of me.
LUSSURIOSO
[Giving him gold] Somewhat to set thee up withal.
VINDICI
Oh, mine eyes!
LUSSURIOSO
How now, man?
VINDICI
Almost struck blind!
This bright, unusual shine to me seems proud;
I dare not look till the sun be in a cloud.
LUSSURIOSO
[Aside] I think I shall affect his melancholy. —
How are they now?
VINDICI
The better for your asking.
LUSSURIOSO
You shall be better yet if you but fasten
Truly on my intent; now y’are both present,
I will unbrace such a close, private villain
Unto your vengeful swords, the like ne’er heard of,
Who hath disgrac’d you much and injur’d us.
HIPPOLITO
Disgraced us, my lord?
LUSSURIOSO
Ay, Hippolito.
I kept it here till now that both your angers
Might meet him at once.
VINDICI
I’m covetous
To know the villain.
LUSSURIOSO
You know him: that slave pander,
Piato, whom we threatened last
With iron’s perpetual prisonment.
VINDICI
[Aside] All this is I.
HIPPOLITO
Is’t he, my lord?
LUSSURIOSO
I’ll tell you,
You first preferr’d him to me.
VINDICI
Did you, brother?
HIPPOLITO
I did indeed.
LUSSURIOSO
And the ingrateful villain,
To quit that kindness, strongly wrought with me,
Being as you see a likely man for pleasure,
With jewels to corrupt your virgin sister.
HIPPOLITO
Oh, villain!
VINDICI
He shall surely die that did it.
LUSSURIOSO
Ay, far from thinking any virgin harm,
Especially knowing her to be as chaste
As that part which scarce suffers to be touch’d,
Th’ eye would not endure him.
VINDICI
Would you not, my lord?
’Twas wondrous honourably done.
LUSSURIOSO
But with some [fine] frowns kept him out.
VINDICI
Out, slave!
LUSSURIOSO
What did me he but in revenge of that
Went of his own free will to make infirm
Your sister’s honour, whom I honour with my soul
For chaste respect, and not prevailing there,
As ’twas but desperate folly to attempt it,
In mere spleen, by the way, waylays your mother,
Whose honour being a coward as it seems
Yielded by little force.
VINDICI
Coward indeed!
LUSSURIOSO
He, proud of their advantage, as he thought,
Brought me these news for happy, but I,
Heaven forgive me for’t —
VINDICI
What did your honour?
LUSSURIOSO
In rage push’d him from me,
Trampled beneath his throat, spurn’d him, and bruis’d:
Indeed I was too cruel, to say troth.
HIPPOLITO
Most nobly manag’d.
VINDICI
Has not heaven an ear? Is all lightning wasted?
LUSSURIOSO
If I now were so impatient in a modest cause,
What should you be?
VINDICI
Full mad: he shall not live
To see the moon change.
LUSSURIOSO
He’s about the palace;
Hippolito, entice him this way, that thy brother
May take full mark of him.
HIPPOLITO
Heart, that shall not need, my lord,
I can direct him so far.
LUSSURIOSO
Yet for my hate’s sake,
Go, wind him this way; I’ll see him bleed myself.
HIPPOLITO
[Taking Vindici aside] What now, brother?
VINDICI
Nay, e’en what you will: y’are put to’t, brother.
HIPPOLITO
An impossible task, I’ll swear,
To bring him hither that’s already here.
Exit Hippolito.
LUSSURIOSO
Thy name, I have forgot it.
VINDICI
[Vindici], my lord.
LUSSURIOSO
’Tis a good name, that.
VINDICI
Ay, a revenger.
LUSSURIOSO
It does betoken courage: [thou] shouldst be valiant
And kill thine enemies.
VINDICI
That’s my hope, my lord.
LUSSURIOSO
This slave is one.
VINDICI
I’ll doom him.
LUSSURIOSO
Then I’ll praise thee.
Do thou observe me best, and I’ll best raise thee.
Enter Hippolito.
VINDICI
Indeed, I thank you.
LUSSURIOSO
Now, Hippolito,
Where’s the slave pander?
HIPPOLITO
Your good lordship
Would have a loathsome sight of him, much offensive.
He’s not in case now to be seen, my lord;
The worst of all the deadly sins is in him:
That beggarly damnation, drunkenness.
LUSSURIOSO
Then he’s a double slave.
VINDICI
[Aside to Hippolito] ’Twas well convey’d
Upon a sudden wit.
LUSSURIOSO
What, are you both
Firmly resolv’d? I’ll see him dead myself.
VINDICI
Or else let not us live.
LUSSURIOSO
You may direct
Your brother to take note of him.
HIPPOLITO
I shall.
LUSSURIOSO
Rise but in this and you shall never fall.
VINDICI
Your honour’s vassals.
LUSSURIOSO
[Aside] This was wisely carried.
Deep policy in us makes fools of such:
Then must a slave die when he knows too much.
Exit Lussurioso.
VINDICI
Oh, thou almighty patience, ’tis my wonder
That such a fellow, impudent and wicked,
Should not be cloven as he stood,
Or with a secret wind burst open!
Is there no thunder left, or is’t kept up
In stock for heavier vengeance? There it goes!
HIPPOLITO
Brother, we lose ourselves.
VINDICI
But I have found it.
‘Twill hold, ’tis sure; thanks, thanks to any spirit
That mingled it ‘mongst my inventions!
HIPPOLITO
What is’t?
VINDICI
’Tis sound and good, thou shalt partake it:
I’m hir’d to kill myself.
HIPPOLITO
True.
VINDICI
Prithee mark it:
And the old duke being dead but not convey’d,
For he’s already miss’d too, and you know
Murder will peep out of the closest husk.
HIPPOLITO
Most true.
VINDICI
What say you then to this device,
If we dress’d up the body of the duke?
HIPPOLITO
In that disguise of yours.
VINDICI
Y’are quick, y’ave reach’d it.
HIPPOLITO
I like it wondrously.
VINDICI
And being in drink, as you have publish’d him,
To lean him on his elbow, as if sleep had caught him,
Which claims most interest in such sluggy men.
HIPPOLITO
Good yet, but here’s a doubt:
[We], thought by th’ duke’s son to kill that pander,
Shall when he is known be thought to kill the duke.
VINDICI
Neither. Oh, thanks, it is substantial!
For that disguise being on him, which I wore,
It will be thought I, which he calls the pander,
Did kill the duke and fled away in his apparel,
Leaving him so disguis’d to avoid swift pursuit.
HIPPOLITO
Firmer and firmer.
VINDICI
Nay, doubt not ’tis in grain;
I warrant it hold colour.
HIPPOLITO
Let’s about it.
VINDICI
But, by the way too, now I think on’t, brother,
Let’s conjure that base devil out of our mother.
Exeunt.