A bank of the Thames.
Enter both the Touchwoods.
TOUCHWOOD SENIOR
I had been taken, brother, by eight sergeants,
But for the honest watermen; I am bound to them,
They are the most requiteful’st people living,
For as they get their means by gentlemen,
They are still the forwardest to help gentlemen.
You heard how one ‘scaped out of the Blackfriars
But a while since from two or three varlets
Came into the house with all their rapiers drawn,
As if they’d dance the sword dance on the stage,
With candles in their hands like chandlers’ ghosts,
Whilst the poor gentleman so pursued and banded
Was by an honest pair of oars safely landed.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
I love them with my heart for’t.
Enter three or four Watermen.
FIRST WATERMAN
Your first man, sir.
SECOND WATERMAN
Shall I carry you gentlemen with a pair of oars?
TOUCHWOOD SENIOR
These be the honest fellows; take one pair,
And leave the rest for her.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
Barn Elms.
TOUCHWOOD SENIOR
No more, brother.
[Exit.]
FIRST WATERMAN
Your first man.
SECOND WATERMAN
Shall I carry your worship?
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
Go, and you honest watermen that stay,
Here’s a French crown for you;
There comes a maid with all speed to take water,
Row her lustily to Barn Elms after me.
SECOND WATERMAN
To Barn Elms, good sir. Make ready the boat, Sam.
We’ll wait below.
Exit [with First Waterman]. Enter Moll.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
What made you stay so long?
MOLL
I found the way more dangerous than I looked for.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
Away quick, there’s a boat waits for you,
And I’ll take water at Paul’s wharf, and overtake you.
MOLL
Good sir, do, we cannot be too safe.
[Exeunt.] Enter Sir Walter, Yellowhammer, Tim and Tutor.
SIR WALTER
Life, call you this close keeping?
YELLOWHAMMER
She was kept
Under a double lock.
SIR WALTER
A double devil.
TIM
That’s a buff sergeant, tutor, he’ll ne’er wear out.
YELLOWHAMMER
How would you have women locked?
TIM
With padlocks, father, the Venetian uses it,
My tutor reads it.
SIR WALTER
Heart, if she were so locked up, how got she out?
YELLOWHAMMER
There was a little hole looked into the gutter,
But who would have dreamt of that?
SIR WALTER
A wiser man would.
TIM
He says true, father, a wise man for love will seek every hole: my tutor knows it.
TUTOR
Verum poeta dicit.
TIM
Dicit Virgilius, father.
YELLOWHAMMER
Prithee, talk of thy gills somewhere else, she’s played the gill with me: where’s your wise mother now?
TIM
Run mad I think, I thought she would have drowned herself; she would not stay for oars, but took a smelt boat: sure I think she be gone a-fishing for her.
YELLOWHAMMER
She’ll catch a goodly dish of gudgeons now,
Will serve us all to supper.
Enter Maudlin drawing Moll by the hair, and Watermen.
MAUDLIN
I’ll tug thee home by the hair.
WATERMEN
Good mistress, spare her.
MAUDLIN
Tend your own business.
WATERMEN
You are a cruel mother.
[Exeunt Watermen.]
MOLL
O, my heart dies!
MAUDLIN
I’ll make thee an example
For all the neighbours’ daughters.
MOLL
Farewell, life.
MAUDLIN
You that have tricks can counterfeit.
YELLOWHAMMER
Hold, hold, Maudlin.
MAUDLIN
I have brought your jewel by the hair.
YELLOWHAMMER
She’s here, knight.
SIR WALTER
[To Yellowhammer and Maudlin] Forbear or I’ll grow worse.
TIM
Look on her, tutor, she hath brought her from the water like a mermaid; she’s but half my sister now, as far as the flesh goes, the rest may be sold to fishwives.
MAUDLIN
Dissembling, cunning baggage!
YELLOWHAMMER
Impudent strumpet!
SIR WALTER
Either give over both, or I’ll give over:
Why have you used me thus, unkind mistress?
Wherein have I deserved?
YELLOWHAMMER
You talk too fondly, sir,
We’ll take another course and prevent all;
We might have done’t Iong since; we’ll lose no time now,
Nor trust to’t any longer: tomorrow morn as early
As sunrise we’ll have you joined.
MOLL
O, bring me death tonight, love-pitying Fates,
Let me not see tomorrow up upon the world.
YELLOWHAMMER
Are you content, sir, till then she shall be watched?
MAUDLIN
Baggage, you shall.
Exit [with Moll and Yellowhammer].
TIM
Why, father, my tutor and I will both watch in armour.
TUTOR
How shall we do for weapons?
TIM
Take you no care for that, if need be I can send for conquering metal, tutor, ne’er lost day yet; ’tis but at Westminster. I am acquainted with him that keeps the monuments; I can borrow Harry the Fifth’s sword, ‘t will serve us both to watch with.
Exit [with Tutor].
SIR WALTER
I never was so near my wish, as this chance
Makes me; ere tomorrow noon,
I shall receive two thousand pound in gold,
And a sweet maidenhead
Worth forty.
Enter Touchwood Junior with a Waterman.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
O, thy news splits me.
[FIRST] WATERMAN
Half drowned, she cruelly tugged her by the hair,
Forced her disgracefully, not like a mother.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
Enough, leave me like my joys.
Exit Waterman.
Sir, saw you not a wretched maid pass this way?
Heart, villain, is it thou?
SIR WALTER
Yes, slave, ’tis I.
Both draw and fight.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
I must break through thee then, there is no stop
That checks my tongue and all my hopeful fortunes,
That breast excepted, and I must have way.
SIR WALTER
Sir, I believe ‘twill hold your life in play.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
Sir, you’ll gain the heart in my breast at first?
SIR WALTER
There is no dealing then, think on the dowry
For two thousand pounds.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
O, now ’tis quit, sir.
[Wounds Sir Walter.]
SIR WALTER
And being of even hand, I’ll play no longer.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
No longer, slave?
SIR WALTER
I have certain things to think on,
Before I dare go further.
TOUCHWOOD JUNIOR
But one bout?
I’ll follow thee to death, but ha’t out.
[Exeunt.]