The grounds of the Lord Governor’s house, a banquet laid out
Enter Sebastian and Fernando.
SEBASTIAN
My three years spent in war has now undone
My peace forever.
FERNANDO
Good, be patient, sir.
SEBASTIAN
She is my wife by contract before heaven
And all the angels, sir.
FERNANDO
I do believe you;
But where’s the remedy now? You see she’s gone:
Another has possession.
SEBASTIAN
There’s the torment.
FERNANDO
This day, being the first of your return,
Unluckily proves the first too of her fastening.
Her uncle, sir, the governor of Ravenna,
Holding a good opinion of the bridegroom,
As he’s fair-spoken, sir, and wondrous mild —
SEBASTIAN
There goes the devil in a sheepskin!
FERNANDO
With all speed,
Clapp’d it up suddenly. I cannot think, sure,
That the maid overloves him; though being married
Perhaps, for her own credit, now she intends
Performance of an honest, duteous wife.
SEBASTIAN
Sir, I’ve a world of business. Question nothing;
You will but lose your labour. ’Tis not fit
For any, hardly mine own secrecy,
To know what I intend. I take my leave, sir.
I find such strange employments in myself
That, unless death pity me and lay me down,
I shall not sleep these seven years. That’s the least, sir.
Exit.
FERNANDO
That sorrow’s dangerous can abide no counsel.
’Tis like a wound past cure; wrongs done to love
Strike the heart deeply. None can truly judge on’t
But the poor, sensible sufferer, whom it racks
With unbelieved pains, which men in health,
That enjoy love, not possibly can act,
Nay, not so much as think. In troth, I pity him;
His sighs drink life-blood in this time of feasting.
A banquet towards, too? Not yet hath riot
Play’d out her last scene? At such entertainments still
Forgetfulness obeys, and surfeit governs;
Here’s marriage sweetly honour’d in gorg’d stomachs,
And overflowing cups.
Enter Gaspero and Servant.
GASPERO
Where is she, sirrah?
SERVANT
Not far off.
GASPERO
Prithee, where? Go fetch her hither;
I’ll rid him away straight.
[Exit Servant.]
The [duke’s] now risen, sir.
FERNANDO
I am a joyful man to hear it, sir;
It seems h’as drunk the less, though I think he
That has the least, h’as certainly enough.
Exit.
GASPERO
I have observ’d this fellow: all the feast-time,
He hath not pledg’d one cup, but look’d most wickedly
Upon good Malaga, flies to the blackjack still,
And sticks to small drink like a water rat.
Enter Florida.
[Aside] Oh, here she comes. Alas, the poor whore weeps:
’Tis not for grace now, all the world must judge,
It is for spleen and madness ‘gainst this marriage.
I do but think but how she could beat the vicar now,
Scratch the man horribly that gave the woman,
The woman worst of all, if she durst do it. —
Why, how now, mistress? This weeping needs not, for though
My master marry for his reputation,
He means to keep you, too.
FLORIDA
How, sir?
GASPERO
He doth, indeed;
He swore ‘t to me last night. Are you so simple,
And have been five years traded, as to think
One woman would serve him? Fie, not an empress!
Why, he’ll be sick o’ th’ wife within ten nights,
Or never trust my judgment.
FLORIDA
Will he, think’st thou?
GASPERO
Will he!
FLORIDA
I find thee still so comfortable;
Beshrew my heart if I knew how to miss thee.
They talk to gentlemen, perfumers, and such things;
Give me the kindness of the master’s man
In my distress, say I.
GASPERO
’Tis your great love, forsooth.
Please you withdraw yourself to yond private parlour:
I’ll send you venison, custard, parsnip pie;
For banqueting stuff, as suckets, jellies, syrups,
I will bring in myself.
FLORIDA
I’ll take ‘em kindly, sir.
Exit.
GASPERO
Sh’as your grand strumpet’s complement to a tittle:
’Tis a fair building; it had need. It has
Just at this time some one and twenty inmates;
But half of ‘em are young merchants, they’ll depart shortly:
They take but rooms for summer, and away they,
When ‘t grows foul weather. Marry, then come the termers,
And commonly they’re well-booted for all seasons.
Enter Almachildes and Amoretta.
But peace, no more: the guests are coming in.
[Withdraws.]
ALMACHILDES
The fates have bless’d me; have I met you privately?
AMORETTA
Why, sir; why, Almachildes!
ALMACHILDES
Not a kiss?
AMORETTA
I’ll call aloud, i’faith.
ALMACHILDES
I’ll stop your mouth.
AMORETTA
Upon my love to reputation,
I’ll tell the duchess once more.
ALMACHILDES
’Tis the way
To make her laugh a little.
AMORETTA
She’ll not think
That you dare use a maid of honour thus.
ALMACHILDES
Amsterdam swallow thee for a puritan
And Geneva cast thee up again, like she that sunk
At Charing Cross and rose again at Queenhithe!
AMORETTA
Ay, these are the [holy] fruits of the sweet vine, sir.
[She leaves him.]
ALMACHILDES
[Aside] Sweet venery be with thee, and I at the tail of my wish: I am a little headstrong, and so are most of the company. I will to the witches: they say they have charms and tricks to make a wench fall backwards, and lead a man herself to a country house some mile out of the town, like a firedrake. There be such whoreson kind girls, and such bawdy witches, and I’ll try conclusions.
Enter Duke, Duchess, L[ord] Governor, Antonio, and Isabella, Francisca.
DUKE
A banquet yet? Why, surely, my lord governor,
Bacchus could never boast of a day till now
To spread his power, and make his glory known.
DUCHESS
Sir, y’have done nobly, though in modesty
You keep it from us; know we understand so much
All this day’s cost ’tis your great love bestows
In honour of the bride, your virtuous niece.
GOVERNOR
In love to goodness and your presence, madam,
So understood, ’tis rightly.
DUKE
Now will I
Have a strange health after all these.
GOVERNOR
What’s that, my lord?
DUKE
A health in a strange cup, and ‘t shall go round.
GOVERNOR
Your grace need not doubt that, sir, having seen
So many pledg’d already; this fair company
Cannot shrink now for one, so it end there.
DUKE
It shall, for all ends here; here’s a full period.
[Brings forth a skull.]
GOVERNOR
A skull, my lord?
DUKE
Call it a soldier’s cup, man.
Fie, how you fright the women! I have sworn
It shall go round, excepting only you, sir,
For your late sickness, and the bride herself,
Whose health it is.
ISABELLA
Marry, I thank heaven for that.
DUKE
Our duchess I know will pledge us, though the cup
Was once her father’s head, which as a trophy
We’ll keep till death, in memory of that conquest.
He was the greatest foe our steel e’er strook at,
And he was bravely slain. Then took we thee
Into our bosom’s love; thou madest the peace
For all thy country: thou, that beauty did.
We’re dearer than a father, are we not?
DUCHESS
Yes, sir, by much.
DUKE
And we shall find that straight.
ANTONIO
That’s an ill bride-cup for a marriage-day;
I do not like the fate on’t.
GOVERNOR
Good my lord,
The duchess looks pale; let her not pledge you there.
DUKE
Pale?
DUCHESS
Sir, not I.
DUKE
See how your lordship fails now,
The rose not fresher, nor the sun at rising
More comfortably pleasing.
DUCHESS
[To Antonio] Sir, to you,
The lord of this day’s honour.
ANTONIO
All first moving
From your grace, madam, and the duke’s great favour.
[To Francisca] Sister, it must.
FRANCISCA
[Aside] This the worst fright that could come
To a conceal’d great belly: I’m with child,
And this will bring it out, or make me come
Some seven weeks sooner than we maidens reckon.
DUCHESS
[Aside] Did ever cruel, barbarous act match this?
Twice hath his surfeits brought my father’s memory
Thus spitefully and scornfully to mine eyes,
And I’ll endure ‘t no more; ’tis in my heart since:
I’ll be reveng’d, as far as death can lead me.
ALMACHILDES
[Aside] Am I the last man then? I may deserve
To be the first one day.
GOVERNOR
[To Duke] Sir, it has gone round now.
DUKE
The round? An excellent way to train up soldiers.
Where’s the bride and bridegroom?
ANTONIO
At your happy service.
DUKE
A boy tonight at least: I charge you look to’t
Or I’ll renounce you for industrious subjects.
ANTONIO
Your grace speaks like a worthy and tried soldier.
Exeunt [all except Gaspero].
GASPERO
And you’ll do well, for one that ne’er toss’d pike, sir.
Exit.