I wake to Penny’s nose nuzzling my cheek. Sunlight streams in through the windows in Dale’s bedroom. I jerk upward.
It’s late!
Dale lies next to me, naked and uncovered. His hair is tangled and knotted. His skin covered in soot.
I’m covered in soot from him.
I hardly care.
I touch his unshaven cheek, only lightly so as not to wake him. He needs to sleep. If he sleeps the day away, it still won’t be enough.
I sneak out of bed as quietly as I can and don a robe before heading to the kitchen to let Penny out while I get her breakfast ready.
Speaking of breakfast, I’m famished. Dale took me for quite a ride last night, and I can’t begin to imagine all the calories I burned. I’m craving carbs. No bacon and eggs for me today. Toast. Toast with some spiced peach jam. I grab the jar out of the fridge and throw two slices of white bread in the toaster.
It’s a brisk morning, but still, I take my plate of toast outside. The sun is shining through a haze of orange.
The fire may be contained, but it’s still burning. I grab my phone out of the pocket of the robe to check the weather forecast. Showers this afternoon.
Good. Rain is good. That will help put out the last of the fire.
I check a news feed on my phone to see what’s happening. This fire is small compared to most, which is why they were able to get containment so quickly. Another good thing.
Except it wasn’t small enough to stay away from Dale’s Syrah.
How much was harvested before the fire? Enough for Dale to create his old-vine wine?
I hope so. I hope with all my heart.
I polish off my toast, grab Penny’s empty bowl, and head back inside. Does Ryan have work for me today? I feel like a bum for sleeping in so late. It’s nearly eight o’clock.
I text him quickly.
His response is immediate.
Stay home. Take care of Dale today.
Good enough. Normally I’d balk at not working, but today? After what Dale’s been through? I need to be with him.
One problem.
He’s going to wake up eventually, and he may decide he needs to be alone again.
In which case, I’ll let him be alone.
I can’t try to hold Dale. If I squeeze my fist around a handful of sand, some of it escapes. If I hold it in the palm of my hand without squeezing so hard, it stays put.
Dale isn’t like a handful of sand, though.
No matter how much leeway I give him, he’ll leave if he wants to be alone. I can’t make him want to be with me.
I have no doubt of his love, but I have even less doubt of that need inside him to be alone at times.
I have to let him be the man he is.
I need a shower, but I don’t want to wake Dale, so I sneak into the master bath, grab my supplies, and head into one of the guest rooms to take care of things. Once clean and fresh, I head back to the kitchen to tidy up the breakfast mess. The drip coffeemaker beckons. Should I start a pot for Dale?
No. I want him to sleep.
I take my phone into the family room to check emails, when it buzzes.
Hmm. I don’t recognize the number.
“Hello?”
“Ashley?” A man’s voice. It’s familiar.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, it’s Brendan.”
It takes me a second to remember Brendan Murphy, even though we shared a bottle of Château Latour a few days ago. A lifetime seems to have passed since then.
“How are you?” I ask.
“I’m good. I called to see how you’re doing. I heard about the fire taking out some of the Steel vines.”
“Yeah. It sucks.”
“You’re actually lucky. The Pikes took most of the damage.”
Right. Colorado Pike Winery owns the land north of Steel Vineyards. They’re a smaller ranch, but they concentrate only on wine, and they produce more wine than the Steels. And they don’t have Ryan and Dale. Their wines are good, but they don’t have that special something that the Steel wines possess. Not that any of that matters. It’s a shame they lost so much.
“I understand,” I say. “I doubt that will be much consolation to Dale and Ryan.”
“Maybe not, but there’s always someone who has it worse than you do.”
His comment puts me on edge. “Did you call to chew me out, Brendan?”
“You think that was getting chewed out?” He chuckles.
He’s right. “Of course not. I’m sorry. It’s just that Dale’s a mess.”
“I’m sure. He’s a lucky man, though.”
“I doubt he sees it that way at the moment.”
“If he doesn’t, he should.”
I scoff. “Why is that?”
“Because he has you, Ashley.”
I smile. After I asked the question, I expected a smartass comment about Dale’s financial situation. I deserved no less. Instead, I get something nice. Brendan’s words are sweet, and he means well. Sure, he has a little crush on me, but he knows where my heart lies.
“Have you checked in with Ava?” I ask.
Brendan also has a little crush on Dale’s cousin, the baker.
“A few minutes ago. The bakery’s up and running. The air is a little smoky here in town, but we’re all okay.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
My phone beeps in my ear. “Hold on a minute, okay?”
“Sure,” he says.
Jade is calling, so I quickly put Brendan on hold. “Hi, Jade.”
“Hi, Ashley. I’m checking on Dale.”
“He’s asleep. Worn out.”
“But he’s okay?”
That’s another question, but, “Yes, he’s okay.” At least physically. He proved that last night.
“All right. Good. We need you both to come to the main house for dinner tonight. Big family meeting to deal with the fallout from the fires.”
“If it’s a family meeting—”
“You’re family, Ashley. You’re working with Dale and Ryan, and you’re Diana’s friend. We want you there. Could you tell Dale when he wakes up?”
“Sure. I have someone on the other line…”
“No problem. That’s all I have for now. Take care of my son. Please.”
“I will. Bye, Jade.” I go back to Brendan. “Sorry about that.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Big family meeting tonight at Talon and Jade’s.”
“Ugh,” he says. “I hate family meetings.”
“I’ve never been to one.”
“My mom and dad have them from time to time. I have to run. If you need anything, please let me know.”
I smile into the phone. “That’s kind of you.”
“Hey, anything for a friend. Take it easy.”
“You too, Brendan. Bye.” I shove my phone into the back pocket of my jeans, and—
“Ashley.”
Dale stands in the kitchen, his gaze burning into me. He wears nothing but a pair of jeans. His hair is still tangled and messy, makeshift dreadlocks forming from the dirt and soot. His flesh is still covered with streaks of gray and brown.
“Good morning,” I say. “Let me start some coffee for you.”
He shakes his head.
“You should still be in bed, then. You’re exhausted, Dale.”
“Phone woke me up.”
“Someone called you?”
“No, a text. The bell woke me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“My dad says there’s a family meeting tonight.”
“Yeah, I just got off the phone with your mom. She wanted me to tell you.”
“She and Dad must have gotten their signals crossed.”
“Maybe,” I say.
“I need you to be there,” he says.
“Of course. Whatever you need. I’ll go with you. Your mom already invited me anyway.”
He shakes his head, his tangled hair brushing his shoulders. “No, that’s not what I mean. I need you to be there because I won’t be.”
I widen my eyes. Not that his words surprise me. He’s going to run off again. Part of me already knew that was coming.
“Don’t,” I say, my throat closing against the sobs that want to erupt. “Please.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“You do, Dale. You always have a choice.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I walk toward him. “I do. I understand. Your Syrah vineyards were harmed.”
“Not harmed, Ashley. Burned.”
“Not all of them, and you don’t know that they won’t come back.”
“I know the harvest is lost.”
“Only half of it. Plus, most of it has already been harvested.”
He rakes his fingers through his blond mane of hair, catching them on a tangle. He tugs, his lips turning down in a frown. “You don’t get it.”
“Maybe not. Maybe I don’t know what you’re feeling, but Colorado Pike—”
“Fuck the Pikes,” he roars.
I love him. I love Dale so much, but this comment rubs me the wrong way. “Fuck the Pikes? Really? That’s self-absorption on your part. They lost way more than you did in this fire.”
“Did they?”
“Haven’t you seen the news? Didn’t the guy who found you tell you?”
“It was still happening when he found me,” Dale says.
“Turn on the fucking news, then. Check your phone. They lost three quarters of all their vines, Dale.”
“Then they didn’t adequately prepare.”
“Firebreaks aren’t guarantees. If they were, you wouldn’t have lost what you did. Think about that. You lost half of one varietal. That’s it.”
“You don’t know me at all,” he says in a monotone. “You don’t now, and you never will.”
I whip my hands to my hips. “I know you’ve suffered a loss. It’s a loss to me too. I know what those vines mean to you. I know better than anyone. But they’re things, Dale. Just things.”
Then a thought pops into my mind. He just lost his birth father as well, and though I don’t know what the man meant to Dale, I do know it sent him on a trek into the mountains to deal with something alone.
I open my mouth to say as much, but he beats me to it.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, so stop it, Ashley. Just stop it.”
“I was going to apologize,” I say. “You just lost your father. Birth father, I mean. He’s not a thing. I’m sorry, Dale. I wasn’t thinking.”
He scoffs. “Floyd Jolly didn’t mean shit to me.”
“Then why did you—”
He rakes his hand through his locks once more, snagging his fingers again. “You’ll never understand. No one will ever understand.”
“You’re right,” I tell him. “No one will because you don’t give anyone a chance. Talk to me, Dale. Tell me what’s going on. Let me help you.”
“Fuck you,” he roars.
“Yeah? Well, fuck you too!” I advance toward him. “You’re not the only one who’s ever been hurt. You may think you are, but you’re not. I’m sorry, Dale. I’m so fucking sorry about the Syrah. I’m sorry about whatever happened with your birth father. I’m sorry for every horrible thing that’s ever happened to you. I am. Truly. But until you let someone crash through that wall you’ve built around yourself, you’re never going to heal. I’m going back to your parents’ house.”
He grips my shoulders. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“Oh, yeah? You want to watch me?” I pull away, but his grip is too strong. “Let go of me!”
“No,” he says.
“You want me to scream? I swear I’ll scream so loud your parents will hear me.”
“They’re a half mile away,” he says. “No one will hear you, Ashley.”
“Fuck you!” I whip my head toward his hand on my right shoulder and sink my teeth into the space between his thumb and index finger.
He releases me. “What the fuck?”
“I’m out of here. I love you, Dale, but until you let me in, we have nothing.” I grab my purse off the kitchen table and walk out the back door.
“Fine,” he says. “Get the fuck out of here, and don’t bother coming back!”
The tears come then, welling in the bottom of my eyes. I sniff them back. I have to make it to the main house. Penny pants at my heels.
I pet her soft head. “Bye, sweetie. I love you.” Then I open the gate and head up the pathway to the main house.
Shit. The tears come. I can’t stop them with all the willpower I possess. I rummage through the purse hanging off my shoulder and find a tissue. Only one, but it will have to do. I blow my nose, soiling the tissue in record time. A heavy sigh leaves my throat.
And I walk.
I walk away.
Away from the man I love.