“Damn.”
Des raised her mug in a wry toast. “Damn, indeed.”
Ruby sighed, leaning on the counter across from Des, her elbows on the table and her head in her hands. “So that’s what I have to look forward to?”
“In all its glory, yes.” Des reached out and rubbed Ruby’s shoulder. “But you get used to it. And it hurts much less over time. Granted, it’ll never be Shangri-La, but it gets better. And by the time you’re Nathan’s age, it’ll barely take any time or hurt at all. According to him, anyway.”
Ruby sighed again. “God, this is all so scary. I keep expecting to have a breakdown at any moment over all of this, but then I don’t.”
“And probably won’t.” Des shrugged at Ruby’s look of surprise. “You’ve had nearly a month to get used to the idea. Plus, you’re stronger than you seem to think.”
“I don’t feel strong,” Ruby said doubtfully. “I feel like I’m living in a bubble of denial, and I’m gonna be up shit-creek when it pops.”
“You won’t be. You’ll have me and Jake and Thierry LaFours, I suppose, to walk you through it. Before and after.”
Ruby nodded, and they finished their coffee, each lost in her own thoughts for some time. “What’s it like? Being a wolf, I mean.”
Des smiled. “Pretty much the best damn thing in the world. Everything is so bright and alive and electric.” She shivered happily, her smile turning into a sharp, canny grin.
Ruby sighed, glancing away for a moment, willing a sudden blush to fade. “I just don’t know if I can do this. I mean, not just being a werewolf, but being the queen of the werewolves. I’ve seen some of what Jake’s been handling and it’s daunting.”
“Which is why you’ll have us to help you. And believe me, the only big priority you’ve got now is finding the party responsible for The Purge. And you’ve got plenty of Loups on the case. Namely Thierry LaFours.” Des sniffed disdainfully. “I suppose if anyone can find the mastermind behind that, it’s him and his Pack.”
Ruby tilted her head questioningly. “You don’t like Thierry very much, do you?”
Shrugging, Des looked away from Ruby. “I’ll admit there’re Loups that I like better.”
“Is there bad blood between you?”
Des opened her mouth to speak, then shut it with a snap, turning slightly to face the back staircase. A moment later, Holly Black Lodge came down the stairs on cat-quiet bare feet, wearing a white, silken negligee and nothing else. Her long dark hair was artfully messy, and her eyes seemed to sparkle as she spotted Des.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Des asked, standing up. Holly smiled her sexy, knowing smile and insinuated herself into Des’s willing embrace. They kissed briefly.
“Couldn’t sleep without you. Your bed’s so lonely when I’m by myself, Holly pouted. Then she looked at Ruby. “You don’t mind if I borrow my wife for a while, do you, DyreMother?”
Inwardly Ruby cringed. Being called “DyreMother” made her feel every minute of her twenty-eight years and then some. She had a feeling Holly did it on purpose, but the woman had never been anything other than outwardly polite and respectful to her.
“Of course I don’t,” Ruby said, putting on her most friendly smile. And what else could she say? Yes, I mind terribly, Des is mine? Hardly. Ruby’s chance at making Des hers, if such a thing could be accomplished, if such a thing had been her wish, had passed. No amount of late-night bonding would change that.
“C’mon, love, let’s go,” Holly murmured, taking Des’s hand and pulling her toward the stairs. Des started to follow but glanced back at Ruby questioningly. Ruby’s fake smile turned genuine.
“Go on. We’ll finish our conversation some other time.”
Des frowned and resisted Holly’s tugging. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just kinda hard for me to talk about. I think I need some time.“
“No, yeah, it’s cool,” Ruby said, waving Des off with false jocularity. “I don’t want to monopolize your time. You’ve already done so much for me.”
“When the DyreMother says go, we should probably go, Jennifer,” Holly said, and this time, Des followed when she tugged. But not without looking back, still questioning. Ruby waved again, still smiling.
She held that smile until Des was out of sight around the curve of the staircase.
Then she groaned and buried her face in her arms, resting her wet, heated cheek on the cool, dry counter—
*
—only to start awake when someone touched her shoulder.
In fact, she nearly fell off her stool, but for strong hands that caught and righted her.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” a low voice said, and Ruby laughed a little, turning to face the owner of those hands.
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry, Thierry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep in the kitchen, and I certainly didn’t mean to startle awake so easily.” She squinted in the bright, early morning light and rubbed her eyes. “What time is it?”
“A little after seven,” he replied, sounding amused. But for some reason, this didn’t bother her. She stretched and yawned, listening to her stiff muscles creak.
“Des and I were up with the twins for a while, then she went back to bed, and I fell asleep in my favorite room of the house,” she said sheepishly. “I guess I needed the sleep, but now I feel all stiff and cold.”
“Well, perhaps we could go for a walk? That will loosen your muscles up and we could…talk.” Thierry quirked an eyebrow and smiled rakishly. “Once around the manor, and then I’ll make you breakfast.” His smile did tingly things to her, almost in the same way Des’s did, but with noticeably less intensity.
“A walk and breakfast?” Ruby hopped off the stool and took Thierry’s arm. “You’ve got yourself a date, Mister.”
Thierry took her other hand, bowed over it and kissed it.
Ruby blushed and looked away, but not before she caught the return of that wry smile.
*
Des knocked on the office door and let herself in even as Jake’s harried voice said, “Enter at your own risk!”
He sat behind Nathan’s desk, typing away furiously on Nathan’s laptop. But he looked up to Des for a moment, and he smiled. “Ah, comment ca va?”
Rolling her eyes, Des dredged up her rusty French. “Eh. Ca va. Et toi?”
“Ca va.” Jake stopped typing and rubbed his tired eyes. “Been reading reports from Thierry’s guys all day. And they’re all in French.”
“Yikes.” Des approached Nathan’s huge desk and sat on the edge, across from Jake. “I don’t know how you do it, man. I’d demand that their reports be in good ol’ American.”
Jake laughed wearily. “A good portion of the LaFours Pack doesn’t even speak American.”
“Well, they ought to after, what? A hundred years?” Des crossed her arms. “But forget them. I came to find out if there’s any news about Nathan or the assholes behind The Purge.”
Jake shook his head. “Not a damn thing. All we’ve managed to ascertain is that the assassins weren’t from any pack in the U.S. There’s evidence, however, that they may have come from somewhere in Eastern Europe.”
“From the so-called ‘Old World?’”
Jake nodded. “I haven’t been able to contact Lazslo Kiraly, the European Dyre, directly, so we can’t tell if they’re declaring war or if this is an independent action perpetrated by a few terrorists. We just don’t know. And until we have an acting Dyre, we can’t officially bring up the matter with the Kiraly and his Council.” He sighed tiredly, burying his face in his hands. His long hair fell forward and for the first time, Des noticed silver in it. Jake was young for a Loup, but as of three weeks ago, he had the worries of a Loup thrice his age. Not to mention the injury he’d suffered, and from which Des suspected, he might never fully recover.
“Well, the Full’s only two more nights off. Once Ruby’s had her first Change, she can start taking over some of her responsibilities.” Des smiled her commiseration, but Jake merely sighed again.
“You and I know that the first Change is an arbitrary milestone in the Dyrehood. It doesn’t mean one is more or less ready for anything than any other Loup.” Jake leaned back in Nathan’s chair, running his hands through his hair.
Frowning, Des picked up a framed photo of herself and Jake off Nathan’s desk. In the photo, they were both mugging ridiculously: Des making her best monster face, and Jake caught in the middle of flipping his eyelids inside out.
She didn’t remember posing for the photo, or who might have taken it. Certainly not Nathan. She couldn’t remember ever noticing it on Nathan’s desk before. But then, she’d usually avoided his office. Especially when he was in it.
This touch of sentimentality on Nathan’s part surprised her, and made her feel a pang of something that was sharp and painful, and lived in the region of her heart.
We have to find him, she thought grimly, putting the picture down. Once Ruby’s had her first Change, once she’s running the place, that’ll be our first priority, Jake and me.
“You’re underestimating her because she’s inexperienced,” Des said softly. Jake blinked at her and smiled wearily.
“And you’re overestimating her because you love her.”
Des sat back so hard she almost fell off the edge of the desk. “Of course I love her. She’s my Dyre.”
Jake swung his bare feet up on the desk and leaned back until he was smiling at the ceiling. “That’s not what I mean, and we both know it.”
“Fuck what you think you know.”
“If you want her, you’d better make your affections known before Thierry LaFours does.”
Crossing her arms, Des huffed. “He can do whatever he likes. That’s not going to get him Ruby.”
“Oh, won’t it?” Jake looked at Des for a second before resuming his contemplation of the ceiling. “She’s young, lonely, scared, and clearly not used to the kind of attention and chivalry he shows her. And he’s obviously intent on wooing her.”
Des snorted. “Just because he wants to get his dick wet doesn’t mean he wants to woo her.”
“Don’t be crude, Des. And who says he just wants to ‘get his dick wet,’ as you so classily put it? Who’s to say his feelings for her aren’t as strong as yours?”
“I’m telling you, I don’t have feelings for—”
“Okay. Whatever you say. Just keep in mind that Thierry LaFours is pretty old school. The kind that will mate for life. So if anyone else was interested in Ruby, they’d better get on plighting their troth before she winds up out of reach forever.”
Before Des could respond to that—with what, she didn’t know—the door opened and James came in, bearing a tray of food and a bottle of merlot.
“Knock, knock,” he said, grinning. “It’s time for all good little Loups to have lunch.”
“You’re so good to me,” Jake said, returning the grin and sitting up. James put the tray on the desk in front of Jake and leaned down to kiss him hello. And hello. And hello.
Des took that as her cue to make herself scarce, but Jake’s words rang in her ears for hours afterward.
*
That evening, Evelyn Carnahan-Prevost and her husband arrived in town.
James and one of Thierry’s people, a silent, red-haired Amazon of a woman called Madeleine, went to pick them up from the airport, and were home a few hours later.
Ruby expected someone who either looked like Des or even Madeleine, perhaps, but Evelyn was a tall, cool, aristocratic blonde who could’ve graced any runway in the world with her high, prominent bone structure and long-legged stride.
When she stalked down the front hall of Coulter Manor, Ruby, who’d been waiting on the stairs in a sweatshirt and jeans, immediately jumped up and smoothed her rumpled clothes. Evelyn spotted her, and smiled a welcoming, hostess’s sort of smile. In her casual khaki dress, and with her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, she still managed to look elegant in a way that made Ruby feel rumpled and frumpy.
“Hello,” she said in a low, Lauren Bacall sort of purr. Her nostrils flared delicately. “You must be the new Dyre.”
“I must be,” Ruby replied dryly, holding out her hand. But Evelyn merely came up the first few steps and kissed Ruby’s cheeks, European-style. “Um…”
“Let me get a good look at you,” Evelyn said, leaning back to look Ruby over. Ruby did the same, noting that Evelyn shared the same features as James, only feminized and finer.
“Oh, but you’re so lovely!” Evelyn exclaimed, laughing. “Darling, come look at our new Dyre! Isn’t she lovely?”
Ruby then noticed the man who had been trailing in Evelyn’s wake along with James. He was tall, though not as tall as Evelyn, with sandy hair and pale, watchful blue eyes. He looked Ruby over in a way she didn’t quite like, as if she were something he wasn’t certain was worth acquiring. Then he smiled, and it didn’t reach those watchful eyes.
“Yes, quite,” he said dismissively, looking around him with an expression of weary disappointment. He ascended the stairs, gliding past Ruby without even introducing himself. He smelled of expensive leather and wool, some strange, astringent aftershave, and mulled wine. “Ellery, do be so good as to show us to our room. It’s been a long flight, and we would like to freshen up.”
James, a step behind his brother-in-law, made a face that only Ruby saw. “Of course, Julian. Evvie, let’s go.”
Linking her arm through Ruby’s, Evelyn followed her husband and brother up the stairs, all the time chattering away about the flight in from Prague.
Not once did she mention George, and Ruby didn’t have the heart to bring him up.
*
With Evelyn and Julian shown their room, James excused himself and Ruby, taking her by the arm and leading her out of their room. She and James took the back staircase down to the kitchen.
“She’s so elegant!” Ruby finally exclaimed, almost accusingly, to James. James smiled absently, looping his arm through Ruby’s much like his sister had.
“Oh, sweetie, she’s elegant when she wants to be, which is certainly not all the time. Before she settled for Julian, she used to gad about the world in khakis and tie-dyed shirts. Half the time, you wouldn’t even know she was blonde under all the road dust she was covered in.” James laughed and escorted Ruby to a stool, handed her onto it like she was a lady or something. Bemused, Ruby blushed and waved him away with a murmured go on.
Then she picked up on a part of what he’d said. “What do you mean settled for Julian?”
James grimaced. “Evvie and I have had our differences over the years, but the bottom line is, she’s my big sister, and I adore her endlessly. I want the best of everything for her, and…” He glanced back at the stairs, his nostrils flaring. “…and Julian Prevost is not the best.”
Ruby smiled in commiseration. “Well, he seems very…” she trailed off, at a loss for words that were complimentary.
“Exactly,” James sighed. “He’s an Old World snob who thinks because he’s of the Elder Packs, that he’s better than everyone. That includes my sister,” James added grimly.
Ruby frowned. “If she’s so beneath him, why marry her?”
“Why else, my dear? Power. Influence.” Smiling ruefully, he sat next to Ruby. “All of which my sister has inherited and cultivated. My father’s reign as Dyre was dynamic, if nothing else, and he carried a considerable cachet even across the Pond, upstart half-breed that he was.” That rueful smile turned almost fond. “Evvie, despite her complete lack of interest in the title, was presumed by the European Council of Alphas to be the natural heir to the Dyrehood. The Elder Packs have never accepted that this is simply not the way it works for the North American Packs anymore. That the Dyrehood is not inherited by blood-kin. In their eyes, Evvie, being the eldest sibling, sound of mind and body, and most definitely not a poor, crippled Latent, like moi, would have been the heir-presumptive, so there was, and still is, a great clamor for her society. Julian was one of the clamorers.”
“Oh.” Ruby shook her head. Just when she thought she had a handle on Loup politics, she had a whole new set of Packs to deal with. Except for Nathan’s Big Book of Begats and a few historical connections, she’d honestly never given a thought to the Loups of other continents. “So, he doesn’t love her?”
James shrugged. “Evvie’s impossible not to love, and I think Julian loves her as much as he’s able. But I don’t think he’s very much able, when it comes to loving someone other than himself.”
Ruby shook her head again. “Well, what’s he going to do now that I’m the heir-presumptive? He already seems to not like me.”
This time, James was the one to wave Ruby away. “He’s like that with everyone. Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t despise you, but he despises pretty much everyone else, too.”
“That actually makes me feel better.” Ruby laughed a little. “At least I can rest assured he won’t be sneaking into my room tonight to garrote me.”
“What, and get his hands dirty? Heavens forfend!” James chuckled then cocked his head. “Ah, my liege approaches.”
“I hate it when you call me that, Jamie.” Jake yawned as he entered the kitchen, one hand up to cover his mouth. He looked disheveled and exhausted, but James cast a covetous eye his way nonetheless.
“That’s not what you were saying last night…my liege.”
Jake turned red and leaned against the doorway, resplendent in yet another Acapulco shirt and a pair of baggy madras shorts. His feet were bare, and his hair was loose around his slightly hunched shoulders.
“Other than treating Ruby to snippets of our sex life, darling, what’re you up to?”
“Oh, just giving her the skinny on his Royal Doucheness, Emperor Julian.”
“Ah, I see.” Jake quirked a curious eyebrow at Ruby. “Has he told you about how Julian only married Evelyn for her money and influence?”
“Yep.”
“Then you’re all caught up.” Jake shuffled into the kitchen and sat on Ruby’s other side with a sigh of relief. As always, she noticed his pallor and slight breathlessness, and it hurt her heart. “At least on that front. I’ve only met him in passing, but from all accounts, Julian’s a ruthless climber. I’m surprised he hasn’t started ingratiating himself to you.”
“He was downright hostile to her,” James said, rolling his eyes.
“I guess he would be,” Jake murmured thoughtfully. “But it’s quite odd of him to show it, if he plans on getting you on his side. Through Evelyn, he’s got considerable interests in the U.S. and Canada. It’d behoove him to have the Dyre on his side to make sure his wheels get greased.”
“Grossest. Metaphor. Ever.” James mock-shuddered and Jake laughed.
“Oh, c’mon, if it weren’t for his personality—”
“—I still wouldn’t fuck him with someone else’s dick.” James finished firmly. “He’s got a face like a rabid weasel.”
“James!” Jake burst out laughing again. James shrugged unapologetically.
“Evvie absolutely hated it when I used to call him her weasel-faced fuck-toy.”
“I can’t imagine why.” Jake rolled his own eyes, now. “Still, there must be something to him that gets her going. I’ll bet he’s fantastic in bed.”
“Not even with someone. Else’s. Dick,” James reiterated. At this, Jake subsided with his hands raised in placation. “Anyway, onto happier topics. Tomorrow night is the night, huh?”
Realizing he was talking to her, Ruby smiled a little. “Yeah. The moon’s at its Full, and I’ll turn into a werewolf. It’ll be a mitzvah.”
Jake slung an arm around Ruby, like she’d seen him do with Des a hundred times, and hugged her close for a few moments. “It really will. Granted, the Change itself is kinda uncomfortable. But once you get used to it—even before you get used to it, really—it’s so worth it.” He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “The trick is not to fight the Change. To give in to it, even urge it along. Go headlong into it. Remember the faster it happens, the sooner it’s over, and the fun can begin.”
Ruby mulled that over for a few minutes as Jake got up, stood behind James and wrapped his arms around him. James leaned back into the embrace and asked Jake how he was feeling.
“Like a walking shambles, as usual, these days,” Jake said with a sigh. Then he smiled, leaning in to kiss James’s neck just below his ear. “But definitely better now that I’m out of the office and with you.”
“You’re just saying that because you want to get in my pants.”
“Am I that obvious?”
“You’re poking a hole in the front of your shorts and the back of my jeans. Yes, you’re that obvious.”
Jake chuckled, kissing James’s earlobe, where he whispered something that made James smirk.
“Sure ya got the energy, young buck?”
“At least twice as much as you do, old man.”
“Get a room,” Ruby said, good-naturedly. Jake peered at her from around James.
“Best idea I’ve heard all day. But whatever will you do without the pleasure of our company?”
Ruby thought of how Thierry always managed to find her before she’d been alone for too long, and she grinned. “I’ll find a way to keep myself amused.”
Just then the back door opened and Thierry walked into the kitchen, like Heathcliff straight in from the moors. He was frowning, but when his eyes met Ruby’s, he smiled, and she smiled back.
James’s gaze moved back and forth between them, and he raised his eyebrows slightly.
“‘Keeping oneself amused’? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” he asked dryly, then squawked when Jake smacked his thigh.
*
Shortly after Thierry arrived, so did Evelyn, which put the kibosh on James’s and Jake’s plans to go to bed early.
Evelyn, James, and Thierry regaled Ruby with stories about George, some funny, some touching, some just plain weird, during which Ruby upwardly revised her estimation of Evelyn. She was a cool customer, yes, in the way George had been sometimes, but quite effusive once she warmed to her audience, which she did quickly. She and James fought good-naturedly over who would get to tell Ruby which stories, and tried to outdo each other in the telling.
Then she and James made a simple, yet delicious dinner of steaks cooked rare with onions while keeping everyone in the kitchen amused.
“Ellie, remember how scandalized Mother was when Dad decided to teach us to cook?” Evelyn asked James as he cut onions, popping pieces into his mouth every so often. She was seasoning the steak efficiently, rubbing it with herbs and squeezing lemon everywhere.
“Do I!” James laughed, smoothly, quickly dicing onions. “She kept moaning that that was what the help was for. But Dad kept insisting that we learn to do the ‘basic necessaries’ of life. Like cook for ourselves, keep our rooms relatively clean—”
“—and that time he tried to take us hunting with that ancient blunderbuss he called a gun, and Mother put her foot down, and said no—”
“—and then he did it anyway.” James finished wistfully. “Not that Mother didn’t know he was going to. I think she just felt she should put up a token protest.”
“Well, she did get him that new set of rifles for his birthday, so I think she secretly approved,” Evelyn said, waving one seasoned, blood-smeared hand gracefully. “At least of him spending time with us.”
James popped another piece of onion into his mouth and Jake, sitting next to Ruby once more, sighed. “Go easy on those raw onions, babe. I plan on kissing you later.”
“As if you care what’s been in my mouth once we start making out.” James snorted and ate another piece of raw onion just to prove his point. Then he turned to Evelyn. “Anyway, speaking of gigantic dicks, where’s your lesser half?”
Evelyn gave James a stern look. “My husband is out hunting. You know perfectly well he prefers his meals on the fly.”
“How is Julian, by the way?” Thierry asked, and Evelyn smiled at him.
“He’s doing well, as always, Uncle Theo.” She cast a dazzling smile on Ruby. “This past summer, we helped broker a peace treaty between several of the Eastern European Packs, including the Patsonos and the Kovacs. Julian’s amazing when it comes to hammering out the fine details. I mostly just looked fabulous and said inspiring things.”
Thierry snorted. “Don’t sell yourself short, Evelyn. You’ve got something equally as important as good negotiating skills. You’ve got the common touch, something our dear Julian doesn’t quite grasp.”
“Like I said, he’s a gigantic dick,” James added, receiving another glare from his sister. “What? I’m just saying you could do better.”
“What if I don’t want better? What if I want what I’ve got, hmm?” Evelyn challenged.
James made a frustrated gesture. “Remember that really nice, cute hippie you used to see?”
“You mean Carl? The boy I went to Woodstock with?”
“That’s the one! He was all right. He had really good drugs,” James mused.
“Yes, there’s a wonderful criterion for choosing a life-mate, his ability to get LSD under any circumstances.” Evelyn rolled her eyes. “At any rate, he and I were just friends with bennies. He had the drugs I liked, and I let him fuck me. It was almost like a business arrangement.”
James rolled his eyes, too. “The common touch, indeed,” he announced to the room at large.
“Oh, don’t pretend to be such a prude.” She turned to Jake. “I could tell you stories about this one that would curl that lovely hair of yours. Have you ever heard the term ‘daisy-chain’?”
“Now, now, we weren’t talking about me, we were talking about dear Julian and you,” James said hastily, shifting his glance between his sister and his lover.
Jake, far from seeming dismayed, blew James a kiss. “You think you’re the only one in this relationship who’s been in an orgy?”
This time, James’s mouth was the one to drop open.
“I vote we stop this line of conversation,” Ruby said.
Thierry nodded. “I second that motion.”
“Motion carried.”
Everyone looked up at Julian standing in the kitchen doorway. He was dressed in what, for him, was no doubt a casual outfit: a pair of gray twill slacks, loafers, and a white linen shirt. Ruby thought its simplicity probably cost more than her monthly salary at the college.
He sauntered into the kitchen, immediately heading toward his wife, whom he pecked on the cheek.
“Ooh, careful, darling, I’ve got blood on me.” But she pecked him back carefully. “I thought you were off hunting.”
“I was, but I wasn’t terribly in the mood for rabbit and squirrel. I’ve grown so used to deer, after Hungary.” Julian glanced at Jake and smiled condescendingly. “I don’t know how you do it, Jacob. Running around chasing rodents to fill your belly. I should’ve gone quite mad.”
“What can I say? I love the exercise,” Jake replied sanguinely, smiling his own lazy smile. “And I’m not really up to running down deer, lately.”
“Ah, yes. The Incident.” Julian paused thoughtfully. “How’re you healing?”
Jake’s, James’s, and Thierry’s eyebrows went up.
“I’m getting there,” Jake said. “I still tire and get winded easily, but I’m getting there.”
“Thank you for asking,” James added warily, peering at Julian as if suspecting he was a pod-Loup.
Julian waved a hand. “Frankly, we of the Elder Packs were horrified when we received word of what had happened. As a result, the Alphas, in their panic, have circled the wagons, as you Americans say, and clamped down on security. It’s grown quite claustrophobic in the European Loup community. I must say, it’s something of a relief to get away from all that.
“And we, of course, wish to extend our aid in any way that we may,” he said smoothly. His speech had a practiced ring to Ruby’s ears. But when she glanced around the kitchen, everyone else seemed to take his words at face value.
“Julian is right. We certainly wish to help in any way possible.” Evelyn, at least, sounded genuinely interested in their well-being. Ruby saw the same earnestness in her eyes that James displayed when he was invested in something.
A silence that wasn’t exactly comfortable fell over the kitchen, but no one seemed to want to break it. Finally, Julian said, “So, Ruby, you’re now the Dyre of North America.”
Ruby nodded warily and Julian fetched her a charming, if patronizing, smile. “And I suppose that with the Incident, everyone’s been rather too busy to guide you in the traditions of leadership and ritual required of a Dyre?”
Put on the defensive, Ruby straightened her spine and sat up proudly. “I’ve actually been learning rather a lot about Loup history, ritual, and politics from Jake and James. I’ve also been able to observe Jake in his daily duties as the sitting Alpha of the Coulter Pack. It’s quite fascinating.”
“I see,” Julian said, his smile unchanged. “But I don’t suppose you’ve had your pick of advisors and tutors what with The Incident. Talented leadership must be thin on the ground, Jacob and Ellery aside,” he added as an afterthought. “In light of that, I’d like to put myself at your service. I have over fifty years’ experience serving as Beta to the Alpha of the Prevost Pack. I’m well-versed in matters politic, diplomatic, and historical.”
“Jack of all trades, master of none,” James muttered. Though everyone else ignored him, Ruby had to repress a smile.
“Thank you, Julian,” Ruby said, stalling for a moment. Then she was speaking as if her unconscious mind had already known what to say. “I’ll certainly keep your generous offer in mind. For now, I feel it’s best to concentrate on getting my feet under me, so to speak. Once I’ve gone through the Change, I’ll be in a better position to decide what’s best for me and for my Packs.”
After a nanosecond of pure and obvious shock, Julian was smiling once more. Then he gave a small, deferential nod. “Of course. I suppose it would be a bit hasty to do otherwise.”
Silence fell again, distinctly uncomfortable. Evelyn was the one to break it this time. “Will you be joining us for dinner, dearest?”
Julian glanced at his Bulova wristwatch and shook his head. “I’ve already eaten. And I find I’m rather jet-lagged. I’m afraid I’ll have to sit this dinner out. But do enjoy yourself, darling,” he said, pecking Evelyn on the cheek again. Then he nodded to each person in the room. “Goodnight, all.”
“Don’t let the door hit you where Moon Above split you—ow! Goddamnit, Jake!” James turned an affronted gaze on his partner and rubbed his just-smacked hand. Julian, meanwhile, strode out of the kitchen as if he hadn’t heard.
“Must you be such an asshole to my husband, Ellie?” Evelyn demanded in a hissed whisper, hectic spots of color at each high cheekbone.
James shrugged. “Oh, Evvie, he knows I’m just teasing,” he claimed with a charming smile of his own. “Or he would if he had a sense of humor.”
Evelyn sighed. “You do nothing but provoke him and provoke him. One day, he’ll take the bait, and then where will you be?”
“Ready and waiting for him, of course.” James had a dangerous glint in his eyes as he dumped a handful of onions into the frying pan where they immediately began to sizzle and caramelize. “I may be just a Latent, but I can defend myself.”
“But you wouldn’t have to defend yourself if you simply let the man be, love,” Jake said softly. James looked over at him, and that dangerous glint was replaced by a look as fond and yearning as any starry-eyed lover.
“You’re right. I know you’re right. He’s just so easy to needle, and so worth the needling,” James groused. Then that charming smile made a quick comeback. “But for me, I was pretty civil, wasn’t I? Don’t I get a few brownie points for being civil?”
Jake grinned. “Compared to how catty I’ve seen you be, you were downright subdued, tonight. I’m proud of you.” He leaned over the counter and James met him halfway for a light kiss on the lips.
“See?” James turned a righteous look on Evelyn, who rolled her eyes. “I was a perfect gentleman.”
“Now, I wouldn’t go that far,” Jake interjected, and Thierry laughed heartily. James ignored them both. Ruby, however, found herself staring at Thierry. Soon, he was staring right back, a half-smile playing on his full lips.
“…not my fault your weasel-faced husband makes it difficult for one to be nice to him. And it’s certainly not my fault he often mistakes condescension for cordiality. A sign of a bad upbringing, that,” James tsked. Evelyn’s mouth was a lovely ‘O’ of shock.
“He’s…not…weasel-faced,” she finally spat out.
James shrugged again. “All right,” he conceded. “But he is condescending and badly-raised? So noted.”
“You’re such a spiteful bitch, sometimes, Ellie,” Evelyn sighed, carefully adding the steak to the pan. It, too, sizzled and spat. The scent of cooking meat immediately filled the air, making everyone’s stomachs growl. Then James smiled.
“Only ‘sometimes’? Damn, I must be slipping in my old age,” he said with real regret.
*
Belly full, and her head swimming with stories about George, and Evelyn and James’s strange, rather fantastical childhood, Ruby finally pleaded exhaustion at midnight. She and Thierry left the siblings drinking and reminiscing with an exhausted but indulgent Jake.
“You don’t have to walk me to my room, you know. I’ll be perfectly safe getting there on my own,” she joked. Thierry smiled absently.
“I know. But I want to.”
“And why is that?”
Glancing at her, his dark eyes shining with amusement, Thierry’s smile widened. “Can you not guess?”
At this point, they’d reached Ruby’s door and she leaned against it. Thierry stood in front of her and took her hands. He kissed one, then the other, and he looked long and intently into Ruby’s eyes. “May I kiss you good-night?” he asked quietly.
Startled, Ruby could only stand there, gaping for a few seconds. Then she shook her head. “Me? You want to kiss me?”
“Among other things, yes.” Thierry looked down for a moment, his smile turning sardonic and self-effacing. “In my younger days, I’d have asked your father and mother if I could perhaps court you.” He looked up again, his eyes somber and direct. “But one must change with the times, or stagnate. So, I will make my intentions known to you and hope that you will at least consider them.”
Ruby’s eyebrows shot up. “Intentions? You have intentions?”
“Of course,” Thierry replied, stepping closer. His eyes were hypnotic. “My intentions are to make you fall as madly in love with me as I happen to be falling for you and, in due time, make you my mate.”
Now Ruby was really flummoxed. “I—you—what—?” she stammered. Thierry let go of one of her hands, caressing her cheek and tilting her face up ever so slightly. Ruby’s breath caught, and she shivered. “There was someone once,” she said. “Someone who claimed to love me too, but in the end, I just got strung along and wound up heartbroken.”
Thierry’s smile faded. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his thumb brushing across her lower lip. The contact sent tingles up and down Ruby’s spine, and her legs almost went wobbly.
“I was young and stupid. Despite all the warning signs, I let myself fall deeper and deeper, convinced that love would make everything work out in the end. Suffice it to say, it didn’t.” Ruby snorted. “And Casey didn’t even want me. Not really. We never were together in a sexual way. I wanted to be, but after nearly a year of bullshit excuses and asking me to wait, Casey disappeared for three days, then came back drunk and beat up and making up all these lies. I was so sick and heart-sore, I just said, ‘Get your shit and go.’ That was that.”
Thierry let go of Ruby’s other hand and cupped her face in both of his.
“I am truly sorry,” he murmured, shaking his head. “But I am not this Casey. I know what I want and how to take care of what I have, when I have it. And believe me when I say that I am not afraid or ambivalent in any way about wanting you.”
And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips gently, briefly to hers. His kiss barely felt like anything at all, but every part of Ruby sat up and took notice. Her exhaustion was eclipsed by the prickly heat that spread out all over her body, from the inside out, then back again.
She broke the kiss to look into Thierry’s sea-dark eyes. She didn’t know what she was looking for, but what she found made her brave enough to lean in for another kiss.
This one seemed to explode across her consciousness, and she gasped. Thierry took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, stroking his tongue past her lips and teasing her. Ruby heard a long, desperate moan that must’ve been hers, since it didn’t sound anything like Thierry’s low timber. Her hands had come up to rest on his chest. He wrapped his warm, strong arms around her and pulled her close. Closer, still, till her arms slid up around his neck.
He was only the third person she’d every kissed, and this kiss was far different from Casey’s tentative, half-hearted ones or Des’s languid, teasing ones. This kiss was demanding, yearning, and intense. It felt like the kiss she’d been waiting for her whole life. It was perfect.
As if a dam had been breached, ten years of repressed sexuality was suddenly released, flooding away her reservations and defenses. For once, her body was in control, and it wanted Thierry LaFours, it seemed, like it had never wanted anyone before.
She mirrored his kisses with innocently wanton ones of her own, aware that she didn’t know how to kiss, not really, but beyond caring. She let him teach her what he liked and when she felt she’d given it to him, began to improvise and experiment.
Then, feeling bolder by far, she pressed her body against Thierry’s. He was all wiry, tightly-coiled strength and heat, sheathed in long, solid muscle. He clinched her closer, shifting his stance, and she felt the hot hardness of him pressing against her stomach.
It was nothing she’d ever felt before, and those all-over tingles flooded, without delay or tangent, to the very place they’d originated. Wet, molten heat pooled at her core and she moaned again, running a hand up through Thierry’s hair.
His kisses wended their way south, down to Ruby’s throat where he mock-bit her, rumbling low in his throat. “You are lovely,” he murmured, nibbling at the spot where her pulse beat. “So lovely.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
Thierry kissed his way back up to her mouth. “I know I don’t. But it’s true, and you deserve to hear it as often as possible.” He looked into her eyes and smiled. “Ruby Knudsen, you are lovely. The loveliest woman I have ever had the pleasure of beholding. And I’ve, ah, beheld my fair share of women.”
He cleared his throat delicately and Ruby laughed. “I’ll bet. You strike me as a man who could get any woman—or man—he wanted. So, what do you want with me?”
“The same thing any other man wants from a woman with whom he’s falling in love, Ruby.” Thierry took her hands again and Ruby’s face went up in flames. “I want…you. Only you.”
*
Des lay wakeful in bed next to a deeply sleeping Holly, listening to the mini-drama going on across the hall.
“I want…you. Only you,” Thierry said, and Ruby responded by kissing him, from the sound of it. The combined scent of their pheromones grew stronger and stronger, and Ruby shyly asked Thierry if he’d like to come in.
“I’d be honored,” he replied, sounding like he genuinely was. Des rolled her eyes, anyway.
The door to Ruby’s room opened and shut on their quiet murmurs.
Des rolled onto her side, facing away from the door, ignoring the burn in her eyes.
It’s Ruby’s life. She can do whatever she wants with anyone she likes. It’s none of my business. I don’t have a prior claim on her, do I? Of course not. In fact, she turned me down twice, Des thought angrily, though whether she was angry at Ruby or Thierry or herself she honestly couldn’t tell. If she likes dick so much, she’s welcome to it. I’m just the hired muscle, and it’s time I started remembering that.
Closing her eyes, Des tried to focus on the sounds of the night coming from outside, rather than the soft, increasingly breathless laughs and gasps, interspersed with whispers, coming from across the hall.
She likewise tried to focus on the intermingled scents of herself and Holly, rather than the muffled scents of Ruby and Thierry…intermingling.
Finally, she pulled her pillow over her head and held it there.
Breathing was overrated, anyway.
*
They fell onto Ruby’s bed laughing and kissing, and Thierry instantly rolled them over so that Ruby was on top of him.
“Ow!”
“Sorry.”
Ruby pulled her right hand out from under Thierry’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I’m left-handed, anyway.”
Thierry grinned and pulled her down into another kiss, sliding his hands down Ruby’s back to her ass, squeezing and kneading. Ruby straddled Thierry’s hips and sat up, planting her hands on his chest.
“Can I tell you something?” Ruby asked suddenly.
“As long as you unbutton my shirt while you tell me,” Thierry half-joked, running his hands up and down Ruby’s thighs. “What is it?”
Ruby smiled a little, and slipped the first button through its hole. “Well, I’ve never…been with anyone. You know, like this.” She looked down at Thierry’s unbuttoned shirt and well-defined, unsurprisingly hairy chest, and she sighed. “I may not be any good at this.”
Thierry sat up and kissed her lightly. “Do you want to be here? With me?”
Ruby took a breath and for once, let herself admit to herself that yes, she wanted to be there. With Thierry. “I do.”
Thierry smiled. “That’s fifty percent of being together, right there.”
“Really?” Ruby let Thierry pull her back down on top of him. He pushed up her sweatshirt and unhooked her bra, singlehandedly. His fair share of women, indeed. “And what’s the other fifty percent?”
Thierry rolled them onto their sides and maneuvered off her bra and sweatshirt, then ran one finger down the curve of her breast. Ruby shivered and gasped.
“The other fifty percent I’d be happy to show you,” Thierry said, searching Ruby’s eyes. She shivered again.
“Show me,” she breathed.
He did.
*
They were still at it.
At false dawn, Des had yet to fall asleep. She’d changed and fed the twins all by her lonesome. For once Winkin’, like Blinkin’, mostly slept through both processes, thank goodness, so she had no trouble putting them back down for the rest of the night. Then she’d gone to get some coffee and brood out the kitchen window for nearly two hours.
Coming up the back stairs, she could hear Ruby’s gasps of oh, God…oh, Thierry…And LaFours’s breathy, panting silences.
Des could even hear, as she got closer to her room, the deliciously obscene sound of skin-on-skin. She almost saw red. By the time she opened the door to her room, she was livid and turned-on, and Holly was awake, naked, and on display. And Des mostly forgot about Ruby and Thierry LaFours.
Mostly.
“You got started without me,” Des mock-pouted. Holly grinned and arched her back invitingly.
“But I wouldn’t dream of finishing without you,” she purred. “Now get over here.”
Des shucked her shirt, stepped out of her boxers, and approached the bed.
Ten minutes later, she was flopping back down into her pillow, angry at herself and embarrassed. From between Des’s legs, Holly lay gaping.
“You called out her name while I was making you come?!”
Des flung an arm over her eyes. “Moon Above, it was an accident, Hol.”
“Accident my ass!” Sitting up, Holly smacked Des’s leg. Hard. After a few seconds, Des peeked out from under her arm. Holly’s eyes were angry and hurt. “I’ve put up with your weird fixation on her for the past month, but instead of fading, it’s getting more and more intense!” Holly put her hands on her hips. “Just what is it about her, hmm? Is it the Geas that’s doing this? Are you confusing responsibility with desire? Or is it that you just want what you can’t have?”
Des winced and covered her eyes again. “Honestly? I don’t know, Holly.”
“You don’t know? What the fuck kind of answer is that?”
“The only answer I got.”
Silence. Then Des felt the warm, familiar press of Holly’s body all alongside hers and Holly’s wet face buried in the junction between her neck and shoulder.
“Don’t you love me, Des?”
At this, Des saw red again and pushed Holly away, jumping out of bed. “In case you forgot, I fucking killed for you!”
Holly sat up, her eyes still welling with tears. “That’s not an answer, Des.”
“Then what do you want to hear?” Des demanded, and those tears filling Holly’s eyes fell. Guilt crashed onto Des like an anvil. Her voice was soft and desperate. “What do you want me to say?”
Holly shook her head. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have to ask.”
Des swore and turned away. “That doesn’t make any kind of sense.”
“It actually does,” Holly said, and her voice was a hard smile. The bed creaked as she got up. “If you loved me, you’d know that that’s all I wanted to hear you say. But I guess the fact that you didn’t say it was answer in itself.”
Des ran a hand through her hair and faced Holly, who was rooting around in Des’s closet. She came out with her wheeled Louis Vuitton suitcase, and Des felt something she couldn’t define. It may have been anxiety, or it could have been relief. In any event, it made her heart beat faster. “C’mon, Hol, don’t be melodramatic!”
“As soon as you stop being condescending.” Holly slammed her suitcase on the bed, unzipped it, and stalked back to Des’s closet. Now, the feeling Des was swallowing was panic.
“Uh, what’re you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
Des held her peace as she watched Holly carry an armful of her clothes—each item probably costing more than Des’ entire wardrobe—and cram them into the suitcase. Then she began gathering her underwear and clothes from around the room where Des had tossed them. All Des did was watch. It was all she could do, since she couldn’t lie.
“You’re not even gonna try and stop me, are you?” Holly asked incredulously, as she pulled on her underwear. “Not even gonna lie to me, huh?”
Des started, then stammered. “I-is there anything I can say?”
“Do you still love me, like you did three years ago?”
“I’d still kill for you,” Des said softly.
Holly sighed, looking over at her. “I don’t need you to kill for me anymore. I need you to say you love me, and mean it.” Des felt Holly’s scrutiny as she searched Des’s face and shook her head again. “But you can’t say it because you don’t feel it. And you never were any kind of liar at all.”
Standing up, Holly dug around in her suitcase and came up with a pair of black slacks and a jade-colored blouse that looked like it was probably made of silk.
“And the kicker is, she doesn’t even return your feelings! She’s fucking Thierry LaFours right now!” Holly exclaimed, and Des winced again.
“I know that! You think I don’t know that?” She crossed her arms over her chest and slunk dispiritedly to the bed, sitting on the foot. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Hol. I really don’t.”
“And you think I’m going to wait around for you to figure out what you want to be doing is her? You’ve got another think coming, sweetheart.” Holly slammed the suitcase shut and zipped it. Then she went back to Des’s closet for her shoes. “I’m not going to wait around for someone who doesn’t want me, no matter how much I love her. That’s the difference between you and me. I have a spine.”
And here Des had thought Holly no longer had the power to cut and wound her like a knife. “I’m sorry,” Des said, sniffing back something that couldn’t be tears, because Jennifer Desiderio did not cry. Not even at her own mother’s funeral. “I’m so sorry.”
“Still not what I need to hear.” Holly gathered up her waist-length hair and twisted it into an efficient knot at the nape of her neck. In seconds, she looked more pulled together than Des felt on her best day but for her red, swollen eyes.
Des had never seen Holly so distraught. Not even that horrible night nearly four years ago, when Des’d had to choose between her best friend and her best friend’s twin sister—to kill one, thus saving the other. No, Holly had awaited her fate with a reserve of calm Des could only marvel at, then and now.
Here she was, the same woman, come completely undone behind her hastily applied mask of calm. All because of Des.
Holly pulled her suitcase to the floor and stood looking at Des expectantly. “Last chance,” she said stonily, and Des took a breath.
“If you ever need me for anything,” Des said quietly. “Anything. You know where I am.”
Holly nodded once and tilted her head up, pulling on her mantle of Alpha with visible effort. But pull it on she did, and when she strode past Des, she held her head high.
Des listened to her footsteps and followed the sounds of suitcase wheels down the front stairs. She heard Holly call for Angus Graham, long-trusted head of Nathan’s security team. Her voice rang throughout the manor like a bell, no doubt waking anyone who didn’t sleep like the dead. And Angus, who seemingly never slept, was at her beck and call in under a minute.
“I need a ride to the airport, double-time.”
“To which gate, Mother Black Lodge?”
At this point, Des tuned out and crawled up her bed, to the pillows, which still smelled of Holly, expensive hair products and musky perfume that mingled and enhanced Holly’s own personal scent. Des crushed the pillows to her face and inhaled, letting cotton absorb the tears before they could spill down her cheeks.
*
“Oh, Thierry,” Ruby breathed, arching up to meet the languid, controlled pistoning of Thierry’s hips. She couldn’t believe how amazing it had felt from the moment he first penetrated her—painful, yes, but not without a rather wide edge of pleasure—up to and through the current moment.
It seemed as if they’d been together like this for eternity, and could be together like this for at least an eternity more, until Thierry suddenly stopped, his head cocked at a listening angle as he frowned.
“What is it?” Ruby panted, and Thierry looked at her for a few moments before smiling and leaning down to kiss her.
“Nothing,” he said softly. “Nothing more important than this.”
And he drove into her with a powerful thrust that made her clutch at him with desperate arms and beg for release. He snaked a hand between their bodies and fingered her, till she came again. She’d honestly lost count of how many times she already had, calling out his name and weeping.
Shortly thereafter, Thierry finally let himself come, pinning her wrists to the bed as he did so, a low growl rumbling out from between his clenched teeth. Then he collapsed half on top of her, breathing hard, his heart racing directly above her own.
He should have felt heavy and uncomfortable, but instead, he felt…good. Right.
Yet he was considerate enough to lever his weight up off her, anyway. When he slipped out of her, her breath caught, and he kissed her teasingly, cupping her breast and stroking her nipple with his thumb.
Laughing a little, she nudged him till he rolled onto his side, and she rolled with him. Their legs tangled together, and for a long time he looked into her eyes.
“May I stay the rest of the night?” he asked, and she kissed him long and deep.
“Even if I have to tie you to the bed.”
“I wouldn’t be averse to that,” he murmured, and his smile was pure sin.
*
Des stared into the sunlight coming into the kitchen and gnawed absently on the t-bone that was all that remained of her steak. The eggs she’d fried to go with them, covered in hollandaise sauce, were cold and untouched.
She’d cried herself to sleep sometime after dawn in pillows that smelled of Holly, then woken up shortly after eight, wracked by an intense sense of loss that’d hollowed her out. Like a zombie, she’d dressed and gone to the kitchen, ignoring the soft snores coming from Ruby’s room.
And in the kitchen she’d stayed, as the other Loups in the manor came and went making their own breakfasts before or after running errands. Even Jake had come in, looking pale and tired, to make breakfast for himself and a still-sleeping James.
He hadn’t said anything to Des at first, merely come up behind her and hugged her shoulders, rocking her a little.“I’m so sorry, Jenny-benny,” he’d said, and Des had smiled, hard and rueful.
“Not your fault my wife left me again.” Or that you were right about Ruby and LaFours.
Jake had kissed the back of her head. “I wish I could make it better for you.”
Des had grunted.
When Jake had gone back to his and James’s room, Des had finally made her own breakfast and sat there gnawing on a bone like a lonely, old dog.
“Good morning!”
Des started. She’d been so lost in her own thoughts, she’d neither heard nor smelled Ruby approaching, though the woman made no attempts at stealth ever.
But really, how could I have missed her scent? Des thought as she glanced over her shoulder. Ruby was smiling bright enough to rival the sunlight coming in the window, and she seemed to glow in its light. She smells so strongly of LaFours and sex, how could I have missed her scent?
“You look awful!” Ruby gasped, stepping close to Des and putting a cool hand on her forehead. In the sun’s light, Des could just make out the remnants of finger-shaped bruises on Ruby’s wrists. “Are you okay?”
Des moved her head away and put the t-bone down. “I’m okay. Just short on sleep.”
Ruby’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh, sugar-honey-iced-tea! I forgot to help you with the twins last night! I’m so sorry!”
“Whatever. I know you were busy,” Des said flatly.
Ruby’s eyes widened and she blanched. “How—”
Des touched the side of her nose. “The nose knows, remember? Besides, you’re, like, twenty feet away from me. Less, even. I could hear you, even if I couldn’t smell you,” Des said, and this time, Ruby turned red.
“Oh, I—I—I’m sorry we disturbed you,” she murmured, embarrassed and chagrined. She turned and fled the kitchen, for once barely making any noise as she did so. And Des wanted to call her back, to take back her tone, if not the words she’d said, but she was entirely too aware that she couldn’t.
But then she remembered the faint hickeys dotting Ruby’s neck, and she had to let her go. Back to Thierry LaFours, no doubt. But what could Des do about it? She had to find some small space in which to regain her self-control and the nice, protective wall of numb she’d had before Ruby had come into the kitchen.
Before Ruby had come into her life.
Des stood up and shucked her shirt, then peeled off her jeans and kicked off her boots. She strode to the back door and opened it. The sunlight hit her like a wall of cheerfulness and she growled, shutting the door and dropping to all fours.
A minute later, a black wolf bolted from the manor toward the treeline.
*
In the bathroom she shared with Des, Ruby sat on the hamper, wanting to cry for no reason she could put her finger on.
By all rights, this morning had felt like the happiest morning of her life before running into Des. She’d woken up in Thierry’s arms, his warm breath on the back of her neck, and she’d wanted to do something nice for him. To show him that she cared and was glad he’d stayed.
She’d decided to make him breakfast, and she hoped it wouldn’t come out as inedible as her breakfasts usually did.
But then Des had been there, and suddenly everything that’d made the morning so wonderful had seemed wrong and shameful.
Ruby sniffed, wiping at her eyes. Suddenly, more than anything, she wanted a shower. She stood up, removed her robe and stretched muscles that were still sore from her assignation with Thierry, who was still asleep in her bed, then stepped into the shower.
She let the water get as hot as she could stand, then started on her hair, letting her tears finally flow and be washed away by the shampoo and hot water. As she was rinsing her hair, the shower door opened, and Ruby turned, thinking, for some reason, that she’d see Des smiling at her. But before she could see anything but a flash of pale skin, large hands were on her hips and a hard body pressed against the back of hers.
Soft kisses graced her right shoulder, and she closed her eyes, leaning her head against the shower wall. One of the hands on her hip slid around to her stomach, then lower, slipping and sliding on her labia, teasing inward, fingering her open till she shivered and sighed. She shuffled her feet apart, and Thierry sighed in her hair, bending her forward slightly.
“Je taime, je taime, Ruby,” Thierry whispered, and then he was inside her, sliding slow and deep until he could go no farther.
Ruby clenched her teeth and her muscles, sore yet still turned on. Can Des smell this? Smell us wanting this and getting it? Hot tears leaked out of her eyes faster and hotter than the water that sought to wash them away, and behind her, Thierry stilled, wrapping his arm around her waist.
“Ma lumiere,” he breathed gently, kissing her shoulder again. “What’s wrong?”
He seemed to genuinely care, to want to know. But how could she tell him? What could she tell him, when she couldn’t even tell herself what was wrong? “I don’t know,” she said truthfully. “I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry about,” he said, still in that gentle tone. “Only tell me how I may fix it.”
Ruby sighed, willing her tears to stop. It took several minutes, during which Thierry held her silently, patiently.
He’s a good man, she thought. He deserves a woman who doesn’t let someone shame her about being with him. Because in the end, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Thierry is offering me his companionship, not just a friendship with benefits. And I have chosen to accept it. There is nothing wrong with that, despite what Des seems to think.
“You can fix it by holding me tighter, and not letting me go,” Ruby choked out, pushing back against Thierry and taking the hand that wasn’t still stroking her gently. She pulled it to her breast, drawing in a shaky breath when Thierry cupped it. “Make me stop thinking and remembering what I don’t wish to think about or remember.” And, out of pure defiance, “Make me scream.”