So it was that, as soon as Connie was deemed fit to travel, Iris found herself once more in the dark saloon with Dr Leeson at the wheel. They had set off bright and early, in the hope of getting there and back in one day. That would depend on there being no raids, or damage to the roads. Iris settled Connie and the baby in the back seat, in great contrast to the previous journey. Now Connie was happy and smiling rather than groaning in agony.
Iris sat in the passenger seat and made conversation, turning round to the patient, while Dr Leeson was content simply to drive, deftly avoiding the many potholes, ignoring the pair of them.
The roads opened out once they left the farthest reaches of the capital’s suburbs, and Iris sat back to enjoy the unfolding countryside. Most of the other cars on the road were military vehicles of one sort or another, and they were blessed with good driving conditions, with no rain and few diversions. If the driver himself was silent, Connie had enough to say for both of them, and now that she was safe, with a healthy child, there was no stopping her. Iris recognised she was also probably covering her nervousness at the forthcoming encounter with chatter. She was even determined to make a fresh start in the little town she had previously hated. ‘I’m doing it for Jonathan,’ she said.
Iris had only to nod in approval and make encouraging noises, and Connie did the rest. Jonathan slept for most of the time, rocked by the movement of the car. Iris had to admit that Dr Leeson was a smooth driver, unflustered by the occasional poor surface or, in one case, cows crossing the road. Despite the lack of road signs he seemed to know his way and she hadn’t needed to consult the maps she’d remembered to bring.
He didn’t seem to be worried by the circumstances in which he found himself, but Iris couldn’t help but wonder. Yesterday evening, Ruby had knocked on her door as she was packing a light bag for the trip.
‘I heard what you’re going to be doing tomorrow,’ she’d said, rather hesitantly.
‘Come in, come in. I’m nearly done, so let me move this bag and you can sit on the bed.’ Iris had made space for her guest, and sat down herself on the one chair. The lampshade cast a rosy colour to the light in the room.
Ruby twisted her hands awkwardly. ‘I’m not sure how to say this and maybe you already know …’
Iris’s head went up in surprise. ‘Know what? Whatever can it be? Has something dreadful happened, Ruby?’
The younger nurse bit her lip. ‘No. Yes. Well, sort of. That is to say, it must have been dreadful at the time but it was years ago, back at the start of the war.’
Iris was both puzzled and concerned. ‘I really don’t know what you mean, Ruby. Please, tell me what it is?’
Ruby cleared her throat and dropped her gaze to her slippered feet. ‘It’s about Dr Leeson. You know I did that operation with him and Dr Patcham last year?’
Iris nodded. ‘I heard, yes.’
‘Well, after it was over, Dr Patcham took me to one side and said not to mind about Dr Leeson being a bit … well … you know, rude. That he had his reasons.’
Iris was confused now. ‘And they were?’ She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know but she could not turn Ruby away.
‘There was a raid.’ Ruby’s words tumbled out all in one go. ‘He had a wife and child and they were being evacuated, meant to be heading for safety and … and a lone bomber dropped its load right over this village, out in East Anglia I think. They died.’ She stopped abruptly. ‘So he’s never been the same since.’
Iris let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding. ‘I see,’ she said, though she hadn’t yet begun to take on what this might mean. ‘That’s a terrible story.’
Ruby nodded. ‘And now you’ll be in a car with him, and you’ll be taking a mother and baby to safety …’
Iris nodded, and shut her eyes briefly. She couldn’t imagine what quiet torment that might mean for the doctor. Or, on the other hand, he might be so immured in his sorrow that it might not mean anything. Yet he had volunteered. He must be prepared. Now, at least, so was she.
‘Thank you for telling me,’ she’d said, frowning, wondering what she should do with this new information.
‘I’ll let you get ready for bed now.’ Ruby had risen and made for the door. ‘I just wanted you to know. In case it makes a difference.’
Iris had kept all of this to herself as the morning went on, the doctor as inscrutable as ever sitting at her side. While she pitied him, her focus had to be on her patient and her son. All in all it was a relief to arrive at the convalescent home and to have the excuse to get out of the car. ‘I’ll show Connie and the baby inside and take the chance to see Eddie,’ she said, keeping her voice bright. ‘I’m sure there’s somewhere in the building where you can get a cup of tea, maybe a sandwich?’
The anaesthetist looked away. ‘I’ll make my own arrangements and meet you in this exact spot in an hour,’ he told her, speeding off as soon as Iris had lifted Connie’s big suitcase from the boot.
‘Come along, then. Let’s not mind him,’ Iris said, determinedly cheerful, ignoring the sound of departing tyres on gravel.
As Iris stood waiting for her lift home to arrive, she reflected on the miracle she had just witnessed. It wasn’t an exaggeration to describe it like that. She had kept to the doorway when Connie had brought baby Jonathan to see his father, not wanting to interfere, but to be close enough if things went wrong. She had no idea how this might go; Eddie could react in many ways or, possibly worse, in none at all.
Connie grew nervous right at the last moment but walked straight ahead anyway, into a room painted a calming shade of pale golden yellow, with a view over well-tended gardens. Eddie sat in a wing-back chair, his posture indicating to Iris’s eyes that he was much improved physically, at least, but his expression was dead.
Little by little he turned and then seemed to back away when he realised who it was. Connie did not falter but went straight to him, holding out the precious bundle that was their son. For a moment Iris was afraid that Eddie would recoil, rejecting the child, but then Connie drew back the delicate, lace-edged blanket so that he could see Jonathan’s face. ‘He’s the image of you,’ she heard Connie murmur.
Eddie gasped, almost in disbelief, and then said, ‘It’s true! He is.’ His voice was rasping and hesitant from disuse but he had spoken nonetheless. Iris felt it best to withdraw, to leave them to it. They would have much to say and now that she was satisfied he wasn’t going to turn his back on his wife and child, she could happily step away.
It was the best possible outcome, one that she hadn’t dared to hope for. Eddie had spoken and accepted his child. That meant he believed his wife and they could begin to mend everything that the lack of trust had broken. There would be a long way to go, but the main step had been taken. Iris could not have wished for more – and could do no more. It was all up to Eddie and Connie now.
Iris brushed a crumb from her jacket as the saloon rounded the far corner of the street. She had taken the chance to have a ham sandwich in the convalescent home’s tea area, and very welcome it was too. She sighed to herself. They were in farming country – the very thing that Connie hated, but where she felt completely at home. The butter had been spread thickly and the ham was a generous slice, all served with home-made piccalilli. She had been tempted to buy an extra one to wrap and take with her in the car, but that would have been greedy. The patients were all there to be built up, to recover. Their need was greater.
Dr Leeson pulled into the neat gravel driveway and Iris got back into the passenger seat. She was not looking forward to the return leg but perhaps it would be as smooth and problem-free as the outward one. ‘It went well,’ she said as she straightened her collar, then placed her bag at her feet. He hadn’t asked, but she assumed he would be interested.
Instead he nodded briefly and turned out of the gate, the last few houses of the town soon giving way to the gorgeous open country. Iris exhaled slowly. She didn’t need conversation. She would make the most of being out in the rural surroundings, beginning to come to life now spring was actually here.
The hedgerows were full of new buds and flowers, primroses peeping between the clumps of grass at the verges. Birds were singing, which made her smile. It was good to hear different types of birdsong again, aside from the sparrows and pigeons that lived on Victory Walk. Her thoughts drifted, remembering how her mother had been able to identify so many birds by their songs and calls. She’d tried to pass on this knowledge to her daughter but Iris had never been able to tell the difference …
The next thing she knew she was jolted awake by the chill of the side-window glass against her face. Hurriedly she sat upright, appalled that she could have drifted off. How could that have happened? She’d fallen into a doze, and in the presence of this forbidding doctor. How unprofessional – what must he be thinking?
‘Ah, awake, are we?’ Dr Leeson noticed her discomfort and cast a quick look in her direction before returning his gaze to the road ahead.
Iris cleared her throat. ‘As you can see. I do apologise.’
‘No need,’ he said smoothly, and Iris cast a glance over to him in turn. If she hadn’t known him better, she could have mistaken that for a friendly comment. She might even have thought he was smiling. That couldn’t be right. Even now, knowing what she did about him, she still clung to the thought that he was by nature a cold and unfeeling man, which was how he had always been around her. Except, a little memory murmured, he had tried to compliment her in his own awkward way, that unforgettable evening when Jonathan had been born.
‘We’ve been delayed,’ he went on, ‘and you missed the excitement. A butcher’s van had run into a ditch but luckily nobody was hurt or we’d have had to pull over and offer our services.’ He cast her another look. ‘Happily I didn’t have to disturb your beauty sleep.’
Iris was deeply affronted. ‘It was no such thing! Anyway I would have been pleased to help.’
‘I know.’ His eyes flashed with what might almost have been amusement as he indicated for a turn onto a main road. They drove along for a few minutes in silence once more, but Iris was aware it was a new kind of silence. There was none of that studied indifference of earlier. ‘It shouldn’t be too long now.’
She nodded back at him, unable to return the silent treatment. If he wanted to talk it was only good manners to join in.
‘Oh. Good. That’s to say, I’m sure you’re tired as well, with all that driving.’ Damn, that wasn’t what she’d meant to say at all. ‘I could take over for a spell if you like,’ she offered. ‘I haven’t always travelled around riding those old bikes. Where I was before, I had use of my mother’s car for a while.’
He nodded. ‘I am perfectly all right,’ he said, and Iris thought she should never have made the suggestion. But he wrongfooted her. ‘Thank you for mentioning it,’ he continued. ‘Why am I not surprised? You are a woman of many talents, Nurse Hawke, and of course I should have guessed that driving was one of them.’
He was definitely making fun of her now. Iris’s cheeks flamed and she hoped he hadn’t noticed. ‘It was necessary, out on Dartmoor,’ she said shortly.
He nodded again. ‘Dartmoor. Beautiful part of the world. How lucky you were to work there.’
If it had been someone else, she would have loved to talk more about her beloved home, asked him which areas he knew, if he’d gone there on holiday, if he’d walked on the magnificent moorland. Yet she didn’t feel she could trust him not to mock and couldn’t bear the thought of his sarcasm. ‘Yes, I was,’ she said.
Now she could make out the faint skyline of London in the early evening light. They would be back soon, as he’d predicted. They couldn’t get there soon enough as far as she was concerned. She was confused by Dr Leeson. She could not understand what had brought about this sudden thaw in hostilities, although she understood well enough that the hostility wasn’t reserved for her alone but directed at the world in general. And no wonder, really, after what he’d suffered. Perhaps she should cut him some more slack. It had been bad enough losing Peter, but if they’d had a child …
Their brief foray into conversation lapsed and Iris began daydreaming once more, snapping out of it when she became aware of a soft noise. For a moment she wondered if she was imagining things. No, her mind was not playing tricks. Dr Leeson was humming a tune. He was doing it extremely quietly but there was no doubt about it, the man was humming. Something by Glenn Miller, if she wasn’t much mistaken – a tune that Mary had taken to playing on the piano in the common room when the wireless wasn’t on. Iris could hardly have been more amazed if he’d pulled the car over, got out and started dancing.
‘Sorry, am I disturbing you?’ he asked, eyes flashing as they’d done before. Now she was sure it was with amusement, not antipathy.
‘No, no, not at all.’ Iris clasped her hands in her lap.
He looked back at the road once more, the traffic growing busier now, and resumed his tune, at such a level that she could hardly hear it. This was far and away the strangest journey she had ever been on. She just wanted it over and done with.
By and by they came into London proper. Iris willed them to get back before her stomach started to rumble. Perhaps she should have taken that extra ham sandwich. If they made it back within the hour she might catch the end of the evening meal. Maybe Gladys or one of the others would have saved her something anyway. Ruby would have thought of it, she was sure.
Suddenly the car swerved and for a moment she was flung against Dr Leeson, catching the scent of his tweed jacket as her face made contact with his lapel. She was too stunned to say anything. A jolt of electricity had shot through her. It must be the shock.
‘Are you hurt?’ he demanded urgently. ‘That stupid cyclist suddenly turned left without so much as a by-your-leave. I only just missed him. He’s fine, I checked in the rear-view mirror. But are you all right?’
There was nothing mocking about his tone now. It had a deep sincerity to it that Iris could not take in or make sense of. ‘Yes, yes, just a little shaken,’ she assured him. ‘That’ll teach me not to pay attention. My mind was elsewhere.’
‘As long as you’re sure?’ He certainly sounded as if he meant it.
Iris laughed off her embarrassment. ‘I am, don’t worry. I’d know if I was injured. All that nursing training, you know.’
He gave a brief chuckle. ‘Ah, of course. Well then, you’d know better than most.’
‘I most definitely would.’ Iris almost pinched herself. This was almost like a normal conversation. Wait till she told Ruby. Her friend would never believe it.
The change in mood lasted until the car finally reached Victory Walk, now guided by its shielded headlights. Darkness had fallen and she really hoped that Ruby had set aside some of tonight’s meal.
‘Thank you for driving us,’ Iris said formally as she got out.
‘No, thank you, nurse,’ the doctor said, his face now indistinct in the low light, but once again she registered that sincere tone, so utterly different from how he’d spoken before.
As she made her way up to the big front door, she couldn’t get it out of her head – that, and the sensation of being thrown against him.