I’m glad I brought you to class. I need something to distract me. It’s pretty crowded here in the love potions workshop. The room is filled with three dozen girls and me. I guess girl scientists are much more interested in love than guy scientists. At least in middle school.
You’d think everyone would be all lovey-dovey in a love potions class, but no. Harriet is snarling at me. Most of the girls are arguing with each other. Lizzy just stomped on my foot.
The workshop started with a discussion about pheromones. Those are chemicals that animals secrete to attract mates. Male cockroaches are loaded with them. Rodents, too. Harriet seemed really interested and took a lot of notes, but I’m not sure why she would want to attract cockroaches or mice. We also learned about online mah-jongg.
Oh yeah, Mrs. Padgett is teaching the class. Twice she’s told me to be quiet, but I haven’t said a word. I guess I’m writing too loudly.
I should be spying on Claudius and Vlad and not wasting time in here. They could be up to anything, anywhere.
But without proof of their evil plot, I’ll just be ignored again, especially since Claudius has been telling everyone I’m a fraud. People believe what they want to believe, I guess.
I have to admit, arranging an elaborate loudspeaker system to cloud two hundred middle-school scientists’ brains seems like a lot of work just to win a science fair, even one as prestigious as this. But I know better than to put anything past Claudius. If he put half as much energy into science as he does into sneaking and plotting, he might actually do some good.
Ow! Harriet is nudging me. No, she’s plucked a hair from my head. Maybe this next potion needs a human hair. I better start paying attention.
Maybe I can learn a few things and slip a love potion to Roxie. My heart still belongs to her, even if she can barely stand me anymore. If only I had called her this summer like I promised! If only I wasn’t such a wimp!
An amazing wimp, though.
Ow, again. Harriet just pinched me. No, she grabbed a piece of dead skin and is putting it into a beaker. I’d better go.
Signing off,
Wilmer Dooley
During dinner there was only one loudspeaker announcement, and Wilmer and Harriet popped in their earplugs as the horribly familiar wave of disturbing blankness spread over the room. Wilmer felt a surge of anger, but he managed to keep it from frothing out.
The empty stares lasted longer this time. Ernie was completely vacant for one minute and twenty-two seconds, according to Wilmer’s estimate. Again, Claudius and Vlad were nowhere to be seen.
Roxie wore her headphones and was fiddling with her tape recorder the whole time. Good. If the loudspeakers were rigged, as Wilmer suspected, then her headphones had likely protected her.
But soon the kids in the room began acting normal again. Well, somewhat normal. Wilmer heard arguments erupt from tables. A small fight broke out.
“Dear children, are you excited for the night hike?” Elvira asked Wilmer and his friends. She had been walking around, cheerfully chatting with the students. Wilmer nearly fell off his seat in surprise; he hadn’t seen her behind him.
“Sure,” said Wilmer, spinning around on his chair. “But have you noticed everyone’s angry?”
She giggled. “Oh, I’m sure they’re just nervous about the fair. Competition can make people cranky. Studies show that stress can decrease serotonin levels, which increases crankiness. But I’m a hotel manager, not a scientist, so what do I know?”
“But it seems to go beyond just crankiness. . . .” insisted Wilmer.
“Nonsense!” Elvira interrupted, smiling.
“But—” continued Wilmer.
“She said it’s just competition crankiness!” growled Ernie.
“But then why are you cranky?” asked Wilmer. “You don’t want to win.”
“Because I can’t win? Is that what you think?” challenged Ernie.
“No, it’s just that—”
“Arguing kids are so cute!” Elvira giggled. “Well, good luck tonight. I hope a bear doesn’t eat you!” She turned to chat with the kids seated at the next table over.
Ernie glared at Wilmer. Wilmer hoped the fresh air of the night hike might clear his best friend’s head. And his own head, too.
“Darling students, please go to the front of the hotel for the night hike!” announced Elvira. “I love you all!”
Everyone began to push and bang their way out of the cafeteria. Ernie grabbed a cupcake and crammed it into his jacket pocket. It was a glowing orange Marmalade ChocoBUZZZZ! cupcake—one of Wilmer’s dad’s most popular sellers. “In case I get hungry,” he muttered. “And you can’t have any!” he added with a snarl to Wilmer.
They were split into small groups. Wilmer was teamed with the Mumpley kids: Ernie, Harriet, Roxie, Claudius, and Vlad. Good. The cousins couldn’t do much mischief under Wilmer’s observant eyes. He could keep an eye on Ernie, too; his friend seemed more irritable than anyone else.
The team was also assigned two chaperones: Dr. Dill and Mrs. Padgett.
They all rode in the back of a truck driven by Mr. Sneed. Wilmer couldn’t see a thing. He was blindfolded, as were the other students.
“I wish we had seat cushions,” said Wilmer. He sat on a hard wooden bench, and every time the truck bounced and jostled, it felt like someone was hitting him with a paddle.
“Stop whining,” groused Ernie.
“Remember,” said Mrs. Padgett, “we will drop you off in the middle of the woods and you’ll have to find your way back using science and navigation skills.”
“Can we get our iNoises back?” asked Claudius. “They come with a GPS navigation system.”
“Absolutely not,” said Mrs. Padgett. “Besides, you’d get no reception out here.”
“What if we can’t find our way back? Or get attacked by bears?” asked Roxie.
“That’s why you have chaperones,” explained Mrs. Padgett. “Not that I’ll be going. I could scuff up my brand-new shoes. A night hike! Who would have imagined! But you’ll have Dr. Dill to help you. Right, doctor? Doctor?”
Wilmer heard Dr. Dill’s familiar ringtone followed by his booming voice. “This is Dill . . . Yes? . . . He has Elbow Grease? Have you tried cleaning it? . . . Well, scrub harder, man!”
There was a big thud, the truck leaped, Wilmer flew up a good six inches before crashing back down on the hard seat, and then the truck stood still.
“We’re here,” said Mrs. Padgett. “You may remove your blindfolds.”
They were deep in the forest. With the thick tree branches blotting out the night sky, it was almost completely black. They could be practically anywhere.
The kids carefully stepped down from the truck bed one at a time. Wilmer’s eyes soon adjusted to the dark. But it was still almost impossible to see more than a few feet in front of him.
“Good luck,” said Mrs. Padgett as the truck pulled away.
“Wait! Is Dr. Dill coming?” asked Ernie.
“A rare case of Bell Bottoms has flared up? Say it isn’t so!” Dr. Dill screamed into his phone from the truck.
“Just head north!” Mrs. Padgett hollered as the truck vanished into the night.
The kids were alone and lost. A chilled air cut through their bones. Who knew how far they were from the hotel? And which way was north?
The forest was silent except for the sound of a single cricket. Chirp. Chirp.
And maybe a snake? And a bear. Definitely a bear.
Wilmer stiffened. He wasn’t afraid of the dark. Not really. Seventh-graders-to-be were too old to be afraid of the dark. Still, he didn’t feel entirely not afraid, either. Truth be told, Wilmer was most at home in front of a microscope or reading a medical book, not lost in the wild. He’d have to act brave anyway. He couldn’t show Roxie, or any of them, that he was worried.
I won’t give them the satisfaction!
Wilmer shook his head. The night air was helping him simmer down, but not completely. He needed to try harder. “Isn’t this fun?” Wilmer said bravely. No one answered right away.
“No, it’s not fun,” snapped Ernie. “It’s too dark. There’s not even a moon tonight.”
“Technically, there is a moon,” said Wilmer calmly. “It’s just not visible since we’ve begun a new lunar phase. Did you know there is no such thing as a permanent ‘dark side of the moon’? We can’t see the far side of the moon, but it still gets sunlight. And a moon day lasts thirty days.”
“You know so much,” cooed Harriet. “But you mean each lunar day is twenty-nine-point-five earth days long, right?”
“Um, right. Sure,” said Wilmer with a cough. “I was just rounding up a little.”
“This is really fascinating stuff,” said Vlad with an exaggerated yawn. “But can we head back? I hear there are cider and doughnuts in the dining hall.”
“Doughnuts?” said Ernie, snapping to attention. He took a few steps forward. “This way!”
“How do you know the way back?” asked Wilmer.
Ernie shrugged.
“We need to figure this out scientifically,” said Wilmer sternly. He sank his hands into his pockets, which felt like a good thinking pose, and was surprised to feel something small. Something wrapped.
It was a small chewy brown piece of candy. “Want this?” Wilmer asked Ernie. “It’s a homemade caramel.”
Ernie shuddered. “From your mom? It’s probably made from bologna. No way!”
Wilmer shrugged and put the candy in his own mouth. “No, it’s just a plain caramel. Not bad.”
Ernie groaned.
“Can we get going?” asked Vlad with a snarl. “Claudius and I need to get back to our exhibit.”
“Oh, yes, we’re bursting to get back.” Claudius chuckled.
Wilmer gave him an evil eye, but since it was so dark, Claudius couldn’t see him, which sort of defeated the purpose. Wilmer scratched his chin. He regretted skipping the Science Night Hike seminar, but he’d solve their problem scientifically.
He wasn’t the Amazing Wilmer Dooley for nothing.
Wilmer thought. He had read articles about being lost in the woods. What did they say? Moss grows on trees, right? The north side of trees. He bent down to look at the tree bark nearest him. He rubbed his hands against the trunk. “I feel moss here.” He pointed in the direction of a tall radio tower that loomed high above the trees. “So we go in that same direction. That way is north.”
“That’s not really true,” said Harriet. “Moss can grow anywhere. It generally prefers damp spots, and because of the position of the sun, the north sides of trees tend to be damper, but it’s hard to always predict where moss will thrive.”
Roxie pointed to the sky where a few stars were visible through the canopy of leaves overhead. “During the night hike seminar they said to look at the stars. That’s the North Star. It’s easy to find. You locate the Big Dipper. Which is there.” She pointed up, and then drew an imaginary line through the heavens. “Connect the dots from the bottom to the top and follow that line to there. Which means we go this way.” She pointed in the opposite direction Wilmer had pointed.
Wilmer jutted out his chin. “I think I know which way we should go,” he barked, his brain clouding with anger. He took a few steps to his right.
“No, it’s this way,” snapped Roxie, taking a few steps in the opposite direction.
“You’re not even a scientist! Who would listen to you?” Disdain dripped from Wilmer’s tongue. “C’mon, everyone. Let’s go!” He took a few more steps. “Who’s going with me?”
No one answered. No one followed.
“I’m going with Roxie,” said Vlad.
Roxie’s voice bounced through the air like a fragrant flower. “I knew you would. It’s nice to have someone believe in you.” She said this with so much meaning, it felt like a stick had jabbed Wilmer in the heart.