“Particularly,” Bodley Bonkers continued, still grinning and turning towards the table at which Benny and his friends were sitting, “over this way!”

“Oh my days!” said Jasper. He got up and ran towards Bodley. Immediately, the two very large people stepped forward, forming a shield in front of the Bonkers Burgers! CEO. They each held out a single hand, palm up.

“Steady,” said the man.

“Steady,” said the woman.

“That’s OK, Michael, Michaela. Don’t worry,” said Bodley, pushing through them, with some difficulty.

“Yes!” said Jasper. “Don’t worry, big bodyguards! I just want to tell Bodley how much I love Bonkers Burgers! And how much I’d like to work here one day!”

Bodley beamed at him. “That’s nice, little boy. I’m sure that could happen. Margot!”

“Yes, sir?” said Margot, running forward and seeming to curtsy as she did so.

“Get the little boy a hat! Pronto!”

Margot frowned. She looked around helplessly, as if wanting to say, Um, but we don’t have a large stock of spare hats . . . Then her face relaxed and, reaching up, she took off her hat and handed it to Jasper.

“Thank you!” he said. He turned back to Bodley. “I was thinking more . . . you know . . . design . . . brand management . . . big ideas . . . but . . .” He put the hat on his head. “This is great!”

“Mm-hm,” said Bodley. “But it wasn’t actually you, my friend, that my eye – and ear – was taken by.”

“Oh,” said Jasper.

“No,” said Bodley, brushing past him, followed by Michael and Michaela, which meant that Jasper was very brushed aside. “It was more . . .” And now he was standing by Benny; he was, in fact, pointing down at Benny’s head. “THIS GUY!”

“Oh,” said Jasper again.

“Really?” said Benny nervously.

“YES!” said Bodley. “I mean, what a hilarious funny speech that was! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!” he said. He did actually say “ha ha ha”. It sounded much more like he was saying something than . . . laughing. “About our burgers not being burgers. Oh my,” he went on, wiping his eyes, although there didn’t seem to be any tears there. “You know what that is? BONKERS. It’s the most bonkers thing I’ve ever heard!”

“Oh,” said Benny. “Right. It wasn’t really meant to be a joke, though.”

“HA HA HA HA HA!” said Bodley, now sounding like he was shouting the “ha”s, but still not sounding like he was laughing. “Even funnier!”

“Er . . . Mr . . . Bonkers?” This was Mina speaking.

“Yes, little girl?”

“Well, I’m eleven, so . . . Is your surname actually Bonkers?”

“Never mind that,” said Bodley, and he stopped grinning for the first time since he’d arrived.

“OK . . .” said Mina, looking a bit worried. “What I really wanted to say was . . . Why have you stopped doing the No-Beef Burger?”

“Aha! I’ll tell you why, little eleven-year-old. Not bonkers enough!”

“Pardon?”

“No beef. Not bonkers!”

“Right,” said Mina. “What does that even mean?”

“HA HA HA HA HA HA!” said Bodley. “Also, they didn’t sell as well as the others. Anyway, look – the point is, well done for your joke . . . What’s your name, boy?”

“Benny. Benny Burns.”

“Kenny Burns? Not the Kenny Burns who we forced to . . . No, of course you can’t be.”

Benny frowned. “No, not Kenny. Benny. Kenny was my grandad’s name.”

“Of course it was! How BONKERS of me! You’re eleven. I mean, Kenny – he’d have to be . . .”

“He’s dead.”

“Right. HA HA . . .” Bodley began, and then stopped, realising that ha-ha-ing might not be appropriate here. “ANYWAY . . .” he said loudly, with a sense of moving on. “Brilliant.”

“What, my grandad being—”

“NO! The joke. About the Bonkers burger not being real,” said Bodley.

“Well, as I say, it wasn’t—”

“I mean, they are unreal. In a way. Yeah? They’re so good they’re unreal. AREN’T THEY?” Bodley said, looking around.

The staff who had been standing watching Bodley’s conversation with the children – although some of them seem to have drifted off – snapped back to attention and applauded.

“YEAH!” said Bodley, punching the air. He put his arm round Benny. “You know what I’m saying!”

“Not re—”

“Have a Bonkers Day!” said Bodley, and with a nod to Michael and Michaela, who flanked him immediately, out he went through the automatic doors of Bonkers Burgers!