Griffin looked out the back window, debating whether or not to go for a run around the lake. It was a cold and rainy forty-five degrees. Crappy weather had never stopped him in the past. For some reason, today it did. He wasn’t himself. Ever since he’d left Harmony Harbor, he’d felt…Hell, he didn’t know what he was feeling. Something just felt off. He wasn’t even sure it had anything to do with Ava ripping him a new one at the hospital.
His family had tried to convince him to go back that morning and talk to her. Instead, using Lexi as an excuse, he’d headed home to Virginia Beach. She was dropping by after work, so he had at least an hour to kill.
He looked around the open layout of the two-bedroom bungalow for something to do. The landlord had been going for a cottage look, he supposed. The walls were cloud white while the built-ins and kitchen cabinets had been painted a dusky blue. It was kind of girlie. He liked the potbellied stove sitting inside the river rock fireplace though. About the only thing the place needed was some furniture. He’d moved in after he and Lexi had split and hadn’t brought much with him. What he did have didn’t really suit the place—it was too dark and masculine.
Rent was reasonable though, the view of the lake was great, and it was an easy bike ride to Little Creek. But other than hanging out at the base with his crew, he had no real reason to be there. He was retired. Jesus, God, he was retired at freaking thirty-eight. What the hell had he been thinking?
That he’d put in his time. That his luck would hold out for only so long. On their last mission, he’d lost a member of his team. It made him reevaluate his life. And now he was a civilian with no idea what to do with his time. He flicked a piece of peeling ocean-blue paint from the window frame, reminding himself of Sully’s offer. The guy hadn’t let up. Maybe that’s why Griffin couldn’t get the reason he wouldn’t take the job out of his head. At least since he’d gotten home he wasn’t constantly being woken up by a voice telling him Ava needed him. Now it was just his own conscience bugging him—wondering how Gino was doing and if she was okay.
Griffin gave up fighting the need to know and walked to his favorite chair. He made himself comfortable, pulling up the wooden lever to raise the footrest. An image came to him, sitting there with a book in his hand and a bottle of beer in the other. Is that really what he wanted his life to look like ten years from now?
He brushed the thought away. Everyone deserved some downtime. He’d only been nonactive for a month…It’s January, dumbass. You’ve been sitting on yours since November. Scowling, he thumbed through his contacts on his phone. Instead of texting his brother, he decided it might be better to talk to someone rather than talking to himself.
“Hey, I was just about to call you,” his brother said as soon as he picked up.
An uncomfortable feeling twisted in Griffin’s gut at the serious tone of his brother’s voice. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. “What’s up?”
“Ava was just hospitalized.”
Griffin slammed the lever down and shot to his feet. “What the hell do you mean she was hospitalized?”
“Jesus, you just about blew out my eardrum. Chill. It’s nothing serious.”
“Chill? You tell me something like that and you expect me to chill? And since when did you start saying shit like chill?”
Liam snorted a laugh. “Blame Mia. It’s her favorite new word.”
“If you don’t tell me why Ava was hospitalized, you’ll be hearing my favorite word.”
“For a guy who says he doesn’t care, you sound pretty worked up about this.”
“Liam,” he gritted out.
“Okay, okay, she has a hairline fracture in her arm.”
“Goddamn, the woman’s stubborn. I told her it wasn’t just a bruise.”
“Yeah, well, here’s the thing. It was just a bruise, a bad one. But, uh, Gino woke up, and he wasn’t himself. He was ripping—”
“Swear to God, I’m going to kill that old man. He hurt her again, didn’t he?”
“Seriously, big brother, you’ve gotta calm down. It wasn’t intentional. Gino was off his head and pulling out the lines. Ava tried to stop him, and he pushed her. She tripped.”
Griffin sat on the arm of the chair and dragged a hand down his face. “They wouldn’t hospitalize her for a hairline fracture. What else is going on?”
“She fainted. She’s been at the hospital since they brought Gino in and hasn’t slept. Before you give us grief, we all tried to get her to go home. Like you said, she’s stubborn.”
“Are they sure that’s all it is? I’ve gone without sleep for forty-eight hours. I’m sure you have too. I didn’t faint. Did you?”
“Hello, I’ve never gone without sleep for that long. And you’re a SEAL; nothing affects you. But it’s not just the past two days. Dorothy, their next-door neighbor, says Ava hasn’t had more than a couple of hours of sleep a night since she moved in beside them. Over the past month, Gino’s been drinking more and staying up all night. Ava’s afraid he’ll hurt himself and doesn’t go to bed until he does. Then she’s up at the crack of dawn getting him and his meals ready for the day. Doc Bishop says she’s burned out. He’s beating himself up for not recognizing the signs and stepping in sooner. We’re all feeling pretty bad. We’ve seen the changes, the weight loss, signs that she might be depressed, and none of us took her aside and talked to her about it.”
“Take it from me, it wouldn’t have done you any good. She would have told you she’s fine.”
“That what she did with you?”
“Yep.” He watched the rain stream down the windowpane, remembering how hard he’d tried to get her to open up all those years ago. “In the end, this is probably the best thing that could have happened to her. She won’t be able to pretend anymore. How long is Doc keeping her in the hospital?”
“A few days.”
“Gino?”
“He’s got pneumonia, and they’re monitoring his heart. Looks like he’s going to make it though. He’s a tough guy. If he continues to progress, Doc figures he’ll be released in a couple of weeks.”
And unless someone got through to Ava, she’d end up back in the hospital. Only next time it might be worse. But there wasn’t much Griffin could do about it. He was the last person she’d listen to. There was something he could take care of though. “I need Sophie to do something for me. Other than you, I don’t want anyone else to know.” When his brother agreed, Griffin continued. “Give Ava a month paid leave. I’ll cover the cost.”
“You’re forgetting the DiRossi pride. She won’t take it.”
“Make something up. Tell her she hasn’t used up her holidays, and if she—”
“She’s never taken holidays, Griff. She takes the money instead.”
“Are you telling me that Ava hasn’t taken any time off in over ten years?”
“That’s what I’m saying. You gotta know we’ve been thinking about what we can do to help her too. Grams said she’s always refused time off. She thinks it’s because coming to work is Ava’s escape.”
From her father. Griffin wanted to go to the hospital and shake her, ask her why she couldn’t open up, let him in, and let him help. “So tell her if she doesn’t accept, she’s fired.”
“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”
“What other choice do we have?”
“I’ll talk to Sophie about it. Maybe we can figure out something else. By the way, I saw Sully this morning. He says you’ve been avoiding his calls.”
“I’ve been busy. I’ll get back to him.”
“You got a job I don’t know about?”
He chose to ignore his brother’s wiseass remark because Liam probably had a few comebacks he’d been saving up about Griffin’s interest in Ava. So Griffin took away his opportunity by saying, “I’ve gotta make dinner for Lexi. Call me when you’ve come up with a way to handle the Ava situation. I’ll transfer the money to you.”
“I’ll probably get back to you tonight. Say hi to Lexi for me.”
“Will do.” He disconnected and stood up, glancing at the time on his phone. He thought about calling Sully and then decided to put it off, telling himself it was because his old friend would ride his ass for rejecting the job offer. But lying to yourself never really worked, at least for long. After hearing about Ava, there was a part of Griffin that was almost desperate to take the job.
With the aim of killing time and shutting off thoughts of his first ex, he walked into the kitchen to figure out what to make for his second one. Lexi was easy to please. As long as she didn’t have to make it, she’d be happy with whatever he served for dinner. He opened the refrigerator, almost hoping he didn’t have the ingredients for a meal and he’d have to head to the store. Shutting down thoughts of Ava wasn’t working out as he’d planned. His conversation with his brother kept playing in his head. The changes in Ava had started months before her father was paralyzed in the accident. Nothing to the degree they were seeing now, but the signs had been there.
Griffin scrubbed his hands over his face. He couldn’t go there again. Refocusing on the contents of the refrigerator, he decided to make a chicken stir fry…which would take him all of fifteen minutes to prepare. Right then, he solved the mystery of that feeling of unease that had been hovering over him. He was bored. He wasn’t the kind of guy who would be happy sitting on his ass or working out twenty-four-seven. He was the kind of guy who needed a purpose, a focus, to make a difference.
A message pinged on his cell. He dug the phone from his front jeans pocket. Lexi was bringing takeout. So much for his killing-time plan. And that’s the thing with too much time on your hands—you do something stupid like calling your ex’s doctor.
“Hey, Doc, Griffin Gallagher here.”
“I had a feeling I’d be hearing from you. Your brother told you about Ava?”
And that was the thing about growing up in a close-knit community—people knew you too damn well. Because of patient confidentiality, Doc Bishop couldn’t tell Griffin much more than his brother had. But those same rules applied to what Griffin told him, so for the first time in twelve years, he opened up about the month leading to the end of his and Ava’s marriage.
The doc had some interesting insights. Things Griffin hadn’t factored in, like their ages when they married, the loss of the baby, the amount of time they spent apart, and the stress they were both under—Ava with school and Griffin with the military. And being a man who’d been the Gallagher’s family physician for what seemed like forever, the talk eventually turned to the loss of Griffin’s mother and sister and how he’d dealt with it.
By the time the call ended, Griffin felt like he’d gone through an intensive therapy session. He wasn’t sure he liked the feelings Doc Bishop had stirred up. But Griffin had accomplished the goal he’d had when he’d initiated the call. The doc was now aware that the changes had started in Ava long ago. More importantly, he was aware of Griffin’s concerns for her safety. Though the older man didn’t believe Gino had, or would, intentionally hurt Ava, he had some concerns of his own. So when Griffin suggested that Gino deal with his alcoholism and anger issues in a rehabilitation center instead of at home, Doc Bishop agreed the idea held merit and that he’d look into it.
With his mind somewhat at ease over Ava, Griffin’s thoughts turned to Lexi. He’d called her yesterday, thinking she’d come over right away. He hadn’t seen her in months, not since his great-grandmother’s funeral, which wasn’t unusual. They were both busy with their careers and lives. She was at least. But she’d put him off until today. It was late, and she was tired. At least that’s what she’d said. She’d sounded more nervous than tired. Lexi wasn’t the type of woman who got nervous. And that worried him. It didn’t escape his notice that he was spending an inordinate amount of time lately worrying about his ex-wives.
At the sound of a car pulling into the driveway, Griffin walked to the window. Lexi sat behind the wheel of a blue sedan. A sun-kissed blonde with chin-length hair and brown eyes, she was pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way. She had a long, lean frame and kept herself in great shape. He’d been gun-shy after his split from Ava, but Lex had managed to break down his barriers. She was tough, no bullshit, and he liked that about her. They had a lot in common. It was one of the reasons he’d convinced himself to give marriage another shot. Ava and Lex were complete opposites, so he’d figured they stood a good chance of making their marriage work. At least they were still friends.
He frowned when Lexi didn’t immediately get out of the car. He went to the door and opened it. She gave him what looked like a forced smile and got out of the car. “Hey, Griff,” she said, walking toward him with a takeout bag in her hand.
“Hey, yourself,” he said, pulling her in for a hug when she reached the porch. What the…He slowly drew back, looked down at what had felt like a football between them, and then lifted his eyes to hers.
She pulled a face. “Surprise.”
“Seriously? You’re pregnant?” he said as he drew her into the house. She nodded with that wry expression still on her face. Griffin laughed and pulled her in for another hug. “That’s fantastic. I’m happy for you, babe.”
There was nothing Lexi wanted more than a baby. She’d wanted one so bad that she’d made Griffin promise they’d make a baby together if neither of them was in a relationship by her thirty-ninth birthday. Lexi’d made it clear she wanted his sperm and nothing more. Griffin hadn’t known how he felt about that, but he’d agreed. He loved Lexi and had felt guilty that they couldn’t make their marriage work. It was his fault. He hadn’t loved her the way she deserved to be loved. And Lexi wasn’t the type to settle. She was an all-or-nothing kind of girl. He didn’t blame her.
She’d turned thirty-nine last June. Since neither of them was in a relationship back then, she’d called in her marker. They’d tried for a few months. He was a guy, he loved sex, and he loved Lex, but it got weird fast. And it sure as hell wasn’t fun. It was like he was a baby-making machine.
Lexi became obsessed. It was all about charts and timing and temperatures. So he was over the moon that she’d found someone to make her dream come true. Maybe even a little relieved that it wasn’t him. Still…
He stepped back. “I thought you agreed to let me interview the baby-daddy candidates.”
“Yeah, about that—”
He crossed his arms. “Do not tell me he’s army.” There was a friendly rivalry between the branches. Okay, sometimes not so friendly. Since Lexi was army, every so often it had leaked into their relationship.
She didn’t answer him right away. Instead she placed the takeout bag on the console table and took off her black coat, hanging it on the hook by the door. “No, he’s not army.” She turned, her hand resting protectively over her baby bump. “He’s navy, a SEAL.”
“All right, that’s more like it.” Only he was afraid it wasn’t. She wouldn’t meet his eyes, and her face was flushed. “Lex, don’t tell me it’s one of my guys. You know I love them, but they’re players. None of them are ready to settle down. Jace might be though. You two always got along. Is it Jace?”
She shook her head, pushing her sun-streaked bangs from her eyes. “No, it’s, um”—she lifted a shoulder with that wry smile back on her face—“it’s you.”
What the…
Afraid his legs were going to give out, he reached behind him for the console table. He sat down and then, worried it wasn’t going to hold his weight, stood up. At least he tried to but his legs were like wet noodles, so he parked his ass on the table again. He met brown eyes that appeared to be filled with amusement. Lex always did have a dry sense of humor.
He let out a relieved laugh that cracked a little with residual nerves. “You had me going there for a minute, babe.”
She wrapped an arm around her expanding waist and brought her other hand to her mouth, chewing her thumbnail. “I’m not joking, Griff. You’re the baby’s daddy.”
“You’re serious?”
She nodded. “I get it if you’re not happy—”
He didn’t know what he was, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to take away from Lexi’s happiness by acting like an ass. “Of course I’m happy. I’m just surprised. This is…wow…this is so…cool.” Jesus, he was completely blowing it.
He always told Lexi the truth, so he stood up and took her hand, leading her into the living room. He needed to sit down for this. “I really am happy for you. Whatever you and the baby need from me, you’ve got. I’m here for you, for both of you. I’m just kind of surprised. You never said anything. We were at GG’s funeral in November—”
“I didn’t know then. I wasn’t keeping it from you, honest. I just thought I was going through the change of life early or something. I went to my doctor a few weeks ago, and…and that’s when I found out.” An emotion flickered in her eyes, and then it was gone. Because he knew her so well, he could have sworn it was sorrow.
He gently tugged her onto the couch, taking both her hands in his. He searched her face. She looked tired, a bluish tinge under her eyes. She looked like she’d lost a little weight too. “Are you okay, Lex? There isn’t anything wrong with the baby, is there?”
“God, no. The baby’s perfect.” Her face lit up, and she gave him a watery smile. “I’m having a baby. Can you believe it?”
He smiled, truly happy for her. “You’ll be an amazing mom.”
“You’re going to be an amazing dad. If you want to be, I mean. I know I said—”
“Do you want us to live together, get married again?” As he waited for her to answer, it felt like he stood on a cliff with a foot dangling over the edge. He knew why. If that’s what Lexi wanted, he’d do it. He’d marry her. And Ava would be lost to him for good.
There it was—another answer. No matter how hard he’d tried to deny it, he still had feelings for Ava; he’d never gotten over her. He didn’t know if he wanted closure or a second chance, but after talking to his brother and Doc Bishop, he knew he wanted to be there for her.
“That didn’t really work out the first time,” Lexi said, playfully nudging him in the ribs, and then she grew serious. “But I want you to be the baby’s father in every sense of the word. I want the baby to have your name, and if…if anything ever happened to me, I want you to raise him or her.”
“Don’t talk stupid. Nothing’s going to happen to you,” he said, his voice sharper than he intended. Maybe because he knew better than anyone that bad things happened to good people. One minute they’re laughing and smiling, giving you grief for not tagging along, waving goodbye, telling you not to eat all the cookies, that they’d be home in a few hours from their early Christmas shopping trip in Boston. Only they never came home. And Harmony Harbor never felt like home again.
As though she realized where the underlying anger was coming from, Lexi rubbed his arm. “None of us like to think about it, honey. But with a baby on the way, sometimes we have to talk about the hard stuff.”
“I’d rather talk about the fun stuff. But you want to talk about the hard stuff, okay then. You know there’s no way this kid is enlisting in the army, right?”
She laughed. “Okay, I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”
“Just putting it out there.”
“There’s something I want to put out there too.” She looked down, her hair falling forward to hide her face. “I want the baby to grow up with family close by.”
Lexi didn’t have any family. She’d been an only child of only children. A late-in-life baby whose parents had both died before she was nineteen. Griffin tucked her hair behind her ear. “You know my family loves you. We can visit anytime. Grams and Dad are going to be over the moon.”
“No, I mean, I want us to move there.” At what he imagined was a look of shock on his face, she hurried on. “I love your family. I love Greystone. I seriously love everything about Harmony Harbor.”
She was forgetting one thing, one person, because she definitely did not love his ex. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to bring up Ava.
“What do you think?” Lexi asked, a hopeful expression on her face. Actually it was a little beyond hopeful, and he was kind of wondering if more was going on than she was telling him.
“So you do want us to live together?” he asked, his chest tightening once again.
“I was thinking maybe you could live in one of the cottages on the estate, and I can live in one a couple doors down. That way you won’t get in my space, and I won’t get in yours.”
His family would love it. Though seeing Lexi was pregnant, they might not be too happy with him. They’d no doubt expect him to marry the mother of his child. “I guess. What about your job?”
A shadow crossed her face but was gone so quickly he thought he must have imagined it. “I thought I’d apply with HHPD. Just part-time though. It’d be a lot less stressful than my job now. And I’m eligible to retire anyway. I’d collect my pension and make some money on the side.” She looked at him, an expectant expression on her face. “What do you think?”
There were some pros to moving to Harmony Harbor. He liked the idea of raising his child in his hometown and being close to his family. And being around if Ava needed…
Yeah, not something he’d share with Lex. “It’s a good idea. I think we should do it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He laughed when she threw herself into his arms. She wasn’t a demonstrative woman. It had taken a while for her to get used to his family’s easy display of affection.
Pulling back with a wide smile on her face, Lex looked happier than he’d seen her in a long time. “Okay, so don’t get offended, but, Griff, you’ve gotta get a job. You’re too young to retire. It’s not healthy.”
Leave it to Lexi to put her finger on his problem. At least one of them. “I’ve been offered a job in Harmony Harbor with the Coast Guard. All I have to do is accept.”
“That would be perfect for you. But don’t you have to train or something?”
If they were really going to do this, he had to tell her what happened. She’d find out about it anyway. As he told her about Gino and Ava, she stiffened. When he finished, she crossed her arms and stared across the room for a few minutes. Then she looked at him, pink blotches spreading on her cheeks. She was ticked. “I need you to promise me one thing.”
“Okay.” But he was thinking it might be far from okay.
“You need to stay away from that woman. You can’t have anything to do with Ava DiRossi. She’s your kryptonite, Griffin.”
“I think you’re exaggerating, babe. But you don’t have to worry about Ava. The last thing she’d want is to see me again. She’ll probably try to have me run out of town.”
Looking every inch the cop that she was, Lexi said, “She’ll have to go through me first.”
He said his favorite word in his head.