Chapter 10

At some point, my head started clearing. The suspicion that my family wanted me dead lingered, but I accepted their ministrations with less resistance. Perhaps I was succumbing to the idea of death, preferring anything to this life of repeated nightmares. Yet something felt physically different. My foot was heavy, and the rest of my body had started to cool down. I even shivered at points as I lay alone in my soaked linens.

One morning I woke, feeling conscious again for just a few moments. I could hear voices outside rather than within. I tried to sit, but the pain was too intense. 

A skin of water hung near my pallet. I managed to reach it and drink, desperate for water for the first time in days. I tried to curl my body inwards to see my foot. It was heavily wrapped in linen, and a green mixture in a bowl lay near the foot of the bed.

This simple exertion was enough to exhaust, and I fell back into a  sleep slightly less fretful. 

I must have slept through that entire day, for when I next woke, it was morning again. Sunlight streamed beneath the skin at the entrance to my hut. On the other side, Chayim was still asleep. He hadn’t moved hut since the wolf attack.

The wolves! That seemed like an age ago. How many days had I been asleep? The timeframe for Havel and Awan’s return must have passed. Were they dead? Once again, I tried to sit up. The pain was bearable, so I pushed through it.

My movement woke Chayim. He immediately rose and came to me. ‘Kayin! Are you finally with us?’ 

‘I think so,’ I replied. ‘What day is it?’

‘The day before Shabbat.’

‘Again? So how long…?’

‘You’ve been unconscious seven days. We thought we lost you on the fourth, then Havel and Awan returned with the ointment late that morning. Havel spent the whole afternoon and night in the hut praying and caring for you. The next morning you started showing improvement.’

‘They are home. Are you sure? I thought they were dead.’

‘They are here; I will fetch them.’ Chayim smiled and left, returning a few moments later.

My mind couldn’t reconcile what was in front of me. I had seen their lifeless faces so many times, yet now my siblings approached, smiling sleepily and rubbing their eyes. 

I stammered, unable to bring words to my lips. Awan beamed and fell beside my pallet, throwing her arms around me and kissing my cheek. I stiffened in anticipation of pain, but it was only slight. 

‘Havel said you would be fine, but I’m ashamed to say I doubted. I feared for your life.’ She looked into my eyes, and I saw hers brimming with tears.

I managed a few words. ‘You thought I would die? I was convinced it was you who had left forever.’

A puzzled look crossed her face, then she brushed my cheek and whispered, ‘I would never leave you.’

I found it hard to tear my eyes away to look at my brothers. They were standing next to each other; arms crossed over their chests and grins plastered on their faces. 

‘You’re back, and I am alive.’ I said to Havel, ‘You saved me again.’

‘Oh, I’d say we’re even now. After all, you once saved me and my sheep.’ He laughed, then moved to sit on the end of my pallet, gingerly putting a hand near my injured ankle. Awan extricated herself from my arms and sat on the floor beside me, lifting my wet tunic sightly to inspect my shoulders.

‘They are good,’ she said. ‘Merely scratches now.’ 

I looked at my foot properly then. There was something solid underneath the linens, and it looked straight on the end of my leg. 

Havel explained how they had quickly found the tree they were seeking and had collected the pieces they would need for my wound straight away. The delay had occurred on the way home. 

‘I’m sorry we were later than planned. But Yahweh assured me you were in His hands, and I could trust Him.’

Following my line of sight, he unwrapped the linen on my foot slightly so I could see beneath. As he did so, my mind tried to focus on what he had just said. They had been delayed but Havel had spoken to Yahweh? Had been told to trust Him? Was he suggesting that the delay was part of Yahweh’s plan? 

Havel continued talking over my wandering mind. He was explaining about the ointment, poultice and herbs, fixing my foot back into the correct position, using sticks to hold it in place, then wrapping linens tightly to keep it all together. No wonder my foot felt so heavy, though the pain had lessened.

I had no idea how he had known what to do – what my wound had needed. Yet, no one else seemed to find that strange, so I kept quiet. Perhaps I had missed his explanation.

Just then Ima and Abba entered. Ima took my face in her hands and tentatively placed a kiss on my cheek. There was something strange in her eyes, but she looked pleased to see I was well. Abba stood by my bed and put his hand on my shoulder, ‘I am relieved you are awake, my son,’ he managed, before backing away. 

‘I’ll bring you something to eat,’ Ima said. ‘Awan, come and help me prepare.’ Awan obediently rose and left with my mother. The others followed, except for Havel, who remained at the end of my bed, looking at me pensively. 

‘I have so many questions…’ I began.

‘I know, Kayin, but you need to build up your strength first. I saw you when you were close to death.’ He shook his head, and a tear ran from his eye. ‘I tried to protect Awan from it so she wouldn’t be scared.’ He paused. ‘We should talk through what happened, but for now, you must rest. You still have a season of recovery before you.’

Considering my brother and hearing his words, I could scarcely believe he was just a fraction older than I’d been when he and Awan were born. At that age, I’d already exceeded my father in knowledge and skill, and I was helpful to my parents, but I’d been nothing like the person I saw before me. Now, at thirty-seven summers, I certainly looked more mature than him, with greater height and physical strength. Yet Havel had what I lacked: complete confidence in who he was, along with quiet authority and influence.

There was something about Havel that was different from everyone else. It drew people to him. And whatever it was, I wanted it.