1. Consider this paradox of our Christian faith: We are unable to save ourselves, yet we must be active participants in our growth and change—or growth will not happen. We are to be partners with God in cultivating our own growth. God works with us to mature us, heal us, and develop us into the image of his Son (Rom. 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18), but he requires us to be active, responsible participants in our own healing. Two popular teachings on emotional recovery, however, set forth a very passive approach.
—“Position” teaching says, “If you truly believe your position in Christ and the fact that he has secured everything for you, you will escape the undesirable emotional state you’re in” (68). God has indeed secured an eternal position for us in heaven and has blessed us with every spiritual blessing (Eph. 1:3), but we must go and possess what he has secured. What Promised Land is God calling you to conquer?
—“Get your eyes off yourself” teaching says, “All this introspection is self-centered, humanistic, and useless. Instead of worshiping yourself, just focus on the Lord” (69). The Bible, however, teaches that we must look inside and work on the things in our soul (Matt. 7:5). In Isaiah 6:1–5, what did the prophet realize about himself when he saw God? What have you realized about yourself as you’ve come to know God better?
2. As the Twelve-Step movement has grown in the church, many Christians have become confused about what we have the power to do in our own sanctification. We cannot will healing or growth; like a growing plant, in the right circumstances, it happens.
—What can we do to make the circumstances in our life right for healing and growth? What are you doing?
—The following twelve tasks are specific actions you can take to cultivate your growth. By taking these steps, you are being an active participant in your growth. So next to each, note what you are doing—or will begin doing—to work on each task.
1. We have the ability to own our problem (72). And we can do so through a prayer like this one: “God, I realize that I am stuck in (what area of your life). I have been blaming (whom) for (what) and making excuses for myself rather than taking responsibility for (what). Acting on the truth of 1 John 1:9, I confess these things and ask your forgiveness.”
2. We have the ability to confess our failure to solve our problems (72). What problems have you tried to solve? What methods and solutions haven’t proved successful?
3. We have the ability to ask for help from God and others (73). Whom can you ask for help? Have you asked God for help (James 4:2)? What kind of help will you ask God for today?
4. We have the ability to continue searching and asking God and others to reveal to us what is in our souls (73). What has God revealed to you about your sin? About any brokenness in you that needs to be loved? What have God’s people helped you see about your brokenness, your sin, love, and God’s forgiveness?
5. We have the ability to turn from the evil that we discover inside ourselves (73). What evil have you turned away from? Describe the process that doing so required. What evil do you now need to repent of and turn away from?
6. We have the ability to find out what needs were not met when we grew up in our family, and then take those needs to the family of God, where they can be met (74). What hurts have come from family relationships? What healing has come through healthy relationships with members of God’s family (Ps. 68:6; Rom. 15:1)?
7. We have the ability to seek out those whom we have injured and, when it is helpful, to apologize, admit our wrong, and ask them for forgiveness (74). With whom are you not at peace right now? What step will you take toward apologizing and asking for forgiveness?
8. We have the ability to forgive others who have hurt us (75). What is your understanding of the process of forgiveness? What steps are involved? Having received the grace of forgiveness, to whom do you need to extend that same grace (Eph. 4:32; Matt. 18:21–35)?
9. We have the ability to develop gifts and talents God has given us (75). What gifts and talents has God given you? Are you using what you have received (Matt. 25)? If so, what are you doing with those gifts and talents? If not, what is holding you back?
10. We have the ability to continue seeking God (75). What are you doing to seek God? Whom can you ask to pray for you and, ideally, with you?
11. We have the ability to seek truth and wisdom (75). What are you doing to seek truth and wisdom?
12. We have the increasing ability to follow God’s example of love (76). Are you holding on to hatred, anger, the desire for revenge, or self-centeredness? Or are you following the command to “love one another” (1 John 3:23)? Which path leads to healing? Why? Comment on your sense of how you have grown in your ability to love.
Change is hard, spiritual work—but not “spiritual” in the strict sense of referring only to prayer and Bible study. Change involves the spiritual work of learning to cry over losses, to accept comfort from people, to repent of relational patterns that keep us from loving others, to forgive those who have hurt us, and to overcome those defenses that keep us from responding to love. Prayer and Bible study enable us to do all these things, activities by which we “work out [our] salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil. 2:12) and so come to possess what God has already secured for us.