seventeen

We sat on a low garden wall behind Finn’s house, across from the basketball hoop. He’d agreed to listen, but he wouldn’t look at me and the muscle in his jaw kept twitching. His shirt of the day read, You’ll Regret Reading This Shirt When the Sketch Artist Asks You to Describe My Face.

I really wasn’t sure where to begin, but I figured the best option would be to start with the secret I’d been hiding the longest. That way it would be harder to chicken out.

“I like Addie.” I forced the words out as quick and straightforward as I could. “I don’t know how much of our conversation you heard yesterday, but I’m guessing at least that much.”

Finn didn’t look up, but he picked the basketball up from between his feet.

“We’ve … liked each other for a while, but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make you angry after all your bro-code talk.”

Finn laughed, cold as ice, and shook his head. “You should’ve just told me when it started.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should be saying you’re sorry to.” His fingers tightened on the ball until I thought it might pop.

“I’ll be doing that next.” I couldn’t get a feel for how this conversation was going. Finn almost seemed to be getting angrier. “You should know that I’d never intentionally hurt Addie.”

“Well, intentionally or not, you sure have been hurting a lot of people lately.” Finn stood up and threw the ball up so hard the backboard vibrated loudly for what felt like minutes.

“I get why Addie is mad at me, and I really deserve it.” Standing up, I stretched, then walked around Finn and looked him in the eye. “But why are you? You’ve seemed mad since you got back.”

“Because I’m tired of watching you hurt people I care about. What were you thinking, Parker? That you could just toy with them both and it would be fine?” Finn’s fist kept clenching and unclenching at his side. If he didn’t have superhuman levels of restraint, I was pretty sure he would have punched me already.

“Wait, toy with who?”

Finn scoffed. “Oh that’s right, you haven’t confessed to that part of it yet. Are you going to or do you just want
to keep the secrets that are convenient for you?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The fact that you’ve been messing around with Mia and Addie at the same time. It was bad enough knowing you were making out with my sister every time I turned my back, but then I found out you had something going with Mia, too. It’s just too much, man.”

“Whoa, what? I don’t understand … ” My mind whirled trying to keep up with everything he’d said. I took a step forward, but when I put my hand on his shoulder, Finn jerked back and shoved my arm away. I looked him straight in the eye and spoke slowly, emphasizing every word. “Listen to me—I have never had anything going on with Mia.”

Finn looked at me, his conviction wavering for a second, then said, “And if I’d asked you a week ago, would you have said the same thing about Addie?”

I hesitated. He had me on that one, and I wasn’t going to lie about it. I couldn’t believe he’d known all along. “Probably … but I’m telling the truth about Mia. Where did you even get the idea there was something going on between us?”

Finn walked back to the wall and sat down, looking confused. “When we were on vacation, she asked me to go get her phone and a text from you came in. When I pulled it up, I saw the text about her missing you and wanting to talk to you and everything. Did I read it wrong?”

Slumping down beside him, I pushed one hand through my hair, tugging on the strands. “I don’t know … to be honest, that message freaked me out a little, too.”

He turned to face me and I could see defeat written on his face. “So there hasn’t been anything going on, but she wants there to be?”

“I don’t know, Finn, and honestly it doesn’t matter. I want to be with Addie and as much as you deny it, I know you like Mia.”

His cheeks flushed red all the way up to his hairline, but he didn’t argue.

“I might bend your bro-code with the sister rule, but I wouldn’t stomp all over it like that.” I grinned, got up, and jogged over to the basketball. When I came back, Finn was on his feet and had a small smile on his face. He looked like the normal Finn for the first time since he’d gotten back from Disney World.

“No more vacations.” I tossed him the ball and he gave me a confused look. “They change you, man.”

He laughed, then jogged to the hoop and made a layup. When I ran up next to him, he passed me the ball and looked hesitant for a second.

“When you do find out what’s going on with Mia … ” His words came out fast and uncomfortable. Finn had always talked big about the cheerleaders and girls he’d gone out with, but I could tell pretty early on that Mia was different.

“I’ll tell you as soon as I know.” I dribbled the ball, and then looked up. “How long have you known about Addie and me?”

“Since the day of the fire at the school.” Finn frowned. “You should’ve heard her voice when she called and asked me to go after you. It was obvious. After that, well … you guys just aren’t as sneaky as you think you are.”

My mouth dropped open. “Why didn’t you ever tell us that you knew?”

He shrugged and looked a little uncomfortable. “It was nice to keep it a secret. I was afraid that if you knew that I knew, then everything would change. With the fire and you being a Watcher—I just felt like enough had changed already. I decided to wait until you told me. I just didn’t think it would take this long.”

I nodded. “I’m sorry. I’ve screwed a lot of things up.”

“It’s okay.” He looked serious, but I could see him holding back a smile. “It’s kind of what you do.”

“Sad but true.” I put up a shot and made it.

“Do me a favor, though?” Finn caught the ball, dribbled it out to the three-point line, and made the shot.

“Yeah?”

“Whether I’m okay with it or not, don’t make out with my sister in front of me. Just the few seconds I saw yesterday gave me nightmares.”

“Yeah, that isn’t something you need to worry about.”

“Oh, but it is.” He shuddered and missed his first shot all day.

“I doubt it. She said yes to a date with Jack because I was stupid. And then their date happened today because I was even more stupid. She’s angry at me, Finn, and she has several very good reasons to be.” I groaned. Just thinking about what Addie and Jack could be doing right now made me feel ill. How could I have screwed up this bad?

“Jack’s a hoser.” Finn stopped bouncing the ball and palmed it in his right hand. “Why is he going after her?”

“He basically thinks she’s the thing he’s been looking for since he became a Watcher. Oh, and that I don’t deserve her,” I muttered, kicking a small rock into the garden. “It doesn’t help that I agree with him.”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Too late.” I sat back down on the wall. “Remember how you asked who I was talking to, over by the car? Well, I’ve done a lot worse things than talk to myself. You sure you want to hear all of it?”

“One question.” Finn grabbed the basketball, sat next to me, and spun it on one finger. “Am I going to need popcorn for this?”

It took about a half an hour and a whole lot of discussion to explain everything to Finn. I told him about Darkness and how he sometimes took control, and what Jack had said about being Divided. I talked about how making eye contact with Cooper had somehow landed me in jail, the picture Darkness sent Addie, the painting episode from Mia’s dream last night, even Dr. Freeburg. I told him everything I’d been wanting to, plus a whole lot of things I wished I never had to tell anyone.

Finn asked some questions at the end: about split personalities, multiple personalities, and why I was pretty sure this wasn’t some kind of demonic possession. Finally he shook his head and stopped asking questions. He didn’t look horrified, disgusted, or—what I’d feared most—afraid of me.

He sat for a little while in silence, then tugged on his ear before saying, “Well, you sure know how to keep things interesting.”

“I guess so.”

“So you have an alternate personality type thing that likes to cause massive amounts of trouble, you may have killed some old geezer in his dreams … ”

“Probably—”

“Maybe—I’m with Addie on this one. You don’t know for certain and believe me, the rest is bad enough as it is.” Finn stared at me hard, his face unreadable. “You’ve been thrown in jail,” he continued, “made out with random girls you don’t know, are a proven stalker, have a history of screwing everything up whenever you try to help—and you want to date my little sister.”

I couldn’t meet his stare any longer. Every detail was absolutely true.

He shrugged and stood up, stretching his back. “I guess she could do worse.”

A startled laugh burst from my chest and I studied his face. Finn gave me a sideways grin, then picked up the ball and headed for the house.

“How could she possibly do worse?” I followed, a little stunned, in his wake.

“I don’t know. You could be a terrorist, or … ” He turned and gave me a horrified expression. “Someone who can’t appreciate old kung-fu movies.”

I laughed. “I’m surprised I met your high expectations.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m worried about what’s going on with you, and if you hurt her I will kill you in both my dreams and reality.” He held open the back door, his face serious as he waited for me to catch up. “But I’ve known you my whole life. You’re a good guy. I know that … and so does Addie.”

“Thanks, man.” I ducked past him out of the bright sunlight and into the dark kitchen—and ran straight into Mia. I had to grab her arms to keep her upright.

“Sorry, Mia!”

Finn came in behind me and I quickly jerked my hands back. Mia nearly lost her balance with the sudden movement. Finn gave me a small smile, and Mia glanced between us in confusion before turning to me.

“I’ve been looking for you. Do you have a second to talk to me now?”

I sat down at the kitchen table. “Sure. Go ahead.”

Finn grabbed us each a bottled water from the fridge and tossed one over Mia’s shoulder, straight into my hand.

She flinched. “Uh, can we go outside where there are less … ” She glanced toward Finn. “Flying objects?”

I looked at Finn. His face fell, but he nodded slightly and spoke up. “It’s fine. I was going to go watch some TV anyway.”

He walked past us with a wave and down the hall. I heard the TV turn on, but I wondered if he was actually watching it.

Pivoting in my seat, I kicked the chair across from me out and Mia slid into it. Her long brown hair was pulled back from her face and it made her eyes look even bigger than normal. She was really pretty, but even so, I just didn’t feel that way about her. She was more like a sister to me, one that I alternated between tormenting and wanting to protect—a lot like a sister, actually. At least, what I’d think it would be like to have one. Now, I just hoped I didn’t have to hurt her more than I already had.

“What did you want to talk about?”

She smiled. “Did you get my text while I was in Florida?”

I hesitated. “Yes.”

“You know which one?”

“I think so … ”

“And you were in my dream last night?” She looked at me intently.

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“I w—was really tired.” What was I supposed to say? I did talk to you, but it went so horribly wrong I was afraid I’d damaged you for life so I made you forget it all? Yeah … better not.

“Oh.” She looked disappointed. She’d wanted me to talk to her about this in her dream? Why?

“Listen, Mia, you’re amazing.” I really had no idea how to let someone down gently. I usually just avoided them until they got tired of trying. That wasn’t exactly an option with Mia. The irony of the fact that she’d spent the first couple of months we knew each other trying like hell to avoid me was not lost on me. “I am so happy that we’ve gotten to be friends.”

“Uh … yeah, me too.” She looked uncertain, confused. “But did you notice anything different?”

“Why would we want anything different than friends?” I could tell this was going downhill from the deep frown that spread across Mia’s face.

“Parker … why are you acting so weird?”

“I’m not.” My words came out a little too quickly. “I just really think you’re great … that what we have, as friends, is great.”

Mia’s eyebrows shot up sky high. “Are you … do you think that … I like you?”

“Uh … ” I abruptly suspected that the answer to this question was a big, resounding “no.”

Then she started laughing … really hard. And one more balloon of tension released in my chest.

“You dork.” Mia shook her head, wiping a tear away from her eye. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I, uh … ” My cheeks felt like they were on fire; there was no denying it. “I’m apparently not capable of coherent speech anymore.”

“Aww, and you were trying to let me down easy? How cute.” She smiled broadly at me.

I grumbled. “All right, all right, Parker is an idiot. We get it. So what is all this about, if not that?”

“It’s about my dreams. You see them clearer than I do. I wanted your help and advice. Did you notice the difference in my dream? The red paint?” She leaned forward and lowered her voice like she was telling me some kind of secret. “You saw it, right?”

I swallowed and nodded, forcing a smile as I remembered vividly all the images of her parents in the fire. “I saw it.”

“What do you think it means?” She shook loose one long strand of brown hair and wrapped it around her pinkie finger. “Do you think it’s a good thing?”

This time my smile was not forced. “I think it’s a really good thing. I don’t think you should rush it, but I think when you feel ready to paint, you should.”

She looked at me but her mind was somewhere else, somewhere distant. “I really loved it once.”

The back door opened and Mr. Patrick came in with a bag of groceries in each arm.

“Hi Mia! Hi Parker!” He grinned and tried to wrap his fingers around the door handle without dropping the bags. We both stood immediately. I took both bags and put them on the counter, and Mia closed the door. Mr. Patrick laughed. “Who needs to pay servants when you can just feed teenagers?”

Finn popped his head around the doorframe. “Did I hear you say ‘feed teenagers’?”

“Exactly.”

While Mr. Patrick went to the living room to make a phone call, Finn and Mia unpacked the groceries together. When she wasn’t looking, Finn raised one eyebrow in my direction. I shook my head and mouthed the words, “all yours” to him. He grinned widely and stole one of the boxes from her hands to slide onto the top shelf. She laughed and swatted his hands away when he tried to steal her other box. Mia definitely treated Finn differently than she did me. It was subtle, and I wasn’t sure if she even realized it, but it was definitely there. I’d seen Addie look at me that way before.

“I think I’m going to vomit.” Darkness appeared right next to me, staring at Finn and Mia.

“I think I’m going to leave.” I stood up and moved toward the back door. Finn and Mia both looked at me.

“You aren’t staying for dinner?”

“No. I’m going to go home and work out a few things. Please … do the protective big brother bit when Addie gets home?” I looked at Finn, and Mia’s eyes widened.

“Sure.” Finn nodded. “And if Jack shows up with her, I’ll kick him out.”

Mia looked confused, but I left it to Finn to tell her whatever he wanted to. I trusted him to decide how much Mia needed to know.