CHAPTER 18
I Made a Mistake
Coco was home with her kids. She was in the living room trying to place decorations all over her Christmas tree, a surprise gift that Calhoun brought home the night before. She recalled how last night she had given her man a suspicious look when he dragged the live tree through the front door. It smelled like pine cones and left a trail of debris across the hardwood floor.
“Hello to you too, beautiful,” Calhoun said, ignoring her stare. He stopped to give her a kiss on her cheek, then set up the tree in the corner of the room next to the fireplace. He told her to find something pretty to put on it.
“You dumbass. We’ve never had a tree before,” she hollered at him. “I don’t have any ornaments lying around. I have nothing.”
“Then our good smelling tree will be looking crazy.”
“Why don’t you go get the rest of the stuff and not be so half-assed?” she said, challenging him.
Her directness brought on an entirely new argument. They spent the next hour fighting, until Calhoun begged Coco to shut up and come give him some loving. She complained but obliged. Even though she was twenty-four weeks pregnant, and didn’t really want to have sex because she felt self-conscious about her size, she did it anyway. Anytime he asked. Every time he asked.
And now, she felt happier because Calhoun brought home several bags of ornaments. He even brought lawn decorations, an inflatable Santa Claus and reindeer that lit up. It was beginning to really feel like Christmas.
Coco was impressed with the pine cones, red-and-gold decorations, and the strands of red, white, and purple lights.
“Glad you like everything,” Calhoun said. “Make everything pretty for us and make this place feel like a home.”
“I thought we already had a home.”
“We do, but we can make it even better. I know what you going through. I know I can do better.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“I ain’t blind. Not a total asshole.”
“Thanks for saying that too.”
He laughed and pressed his thick, wet lips against her neck and made a trail of kisses.
“Ma, you know I gotta work today, but I trust you to do a good job.” He swatted her on the butt. “I’ll be back later to see what you working with.” He winked and left.
Coco ran to the window and watched as Calhoun drove off. She yelled for Cadee to bring her a footstool.
Coco concentrated on placing ornaments on the lower part of the tree. She felt guilty when she saw little Cadee was all out of breath as she tried to drag the footstool across the floor.
“Stop making all that noise. And be careful. We can’t be scratching up the hardwood. What if I want to sell this place one day?”
Cadee started crying and stopped dragging the stool.
“Bring it here. Oh, never mind. Damn. I’m too pregnant to be standing on this stool anyway. If I didn’t know any better I’d think my man was trying to kill me.”
Coco knew that Calhoun would be at work for several hours. She used her cell phone to call Q, feeling deliciously naughty about what she was getting ready to do.
“What you doing?” she asked Q, trying to sound nice but overly sexy.
“I’m out and about. Getting some gas. ’Bout to go get something to eat. Why? You miss me?”
“Shut up, fool. Stop playing.”
“I ain’t playing. You know what I told you.”
Coco couldn’t believe Q was counting the days till she wasn’t pregnant anymore.
“Yeah, I remember, but I wish I could forget. Anyway, drop everything you doing. I need help with my Christmas tree.”
“What kind of help?”
“I was hoping you could help me put some decorations on the top. I can’t reach it.”
“Where your man at?”
“Your best friend is at work just like you know he is. Don’t even front.”
Coco’s palms began to feel moist. She never liked to talk to Q on the phone for longer than a minute or two. She never wanted Calhoun to check her phone records and know she was holding long conversations with his boy.
“So what you gonna do?” she asked him. “Can you come?”
“Oh, baby, you know you can make me come anytime, anywhere.”
Coco’s face flushed. She hung up on him and wished she had never called. She didn’t know why she even bothered with him. Their one sexual encounter rated a seven out of ten, nothing to jump up and down about. But Q’s swagger made her curious and gullible enough to play with the fire he presented to her each time he came around.
Ten minutes later Q showed up. She made Chloe and Cadee go to their room and watch their little brother.
She came back to the living room and barked orders.
“Hurry up,” Coco said. “I don’t have all day.”
“That’s not my problem, though.”
‘In a way it is,” she retorted. “Because when you come over here, you on a time schedule, so make it quick.”
Q placed all kinds of ornaments on the tree as Coco handed them to him as he stood on the ladder. Every time she raised her hand toward him, her chest rose up. And when her chest rose up, so did his eyes. He stared at her breasts, her luscious lips, and that huge behind. He nodded with approval and licked his lips.
The room smelled like pine cones and peppermint sticks, cinnamon and bayberry candles. The few lights that Coco wrapped around the tree were now twinkling off and on.
“This shit is popping,” he said, impressed with how things were coming along. “I’m feeling kinda sick, though . . . helping you out like this.”
“Why? Are you saying it should be your tree?”
“Not just that. It’s Christmas,” Q explained. “That boy is my seed. You should be my woman.”
“Boy, you must be out your mind.”
“Boy?”
Chance waddled into the living room happily talking to himself. He smelled like apple juice and cheese. A speechless Q quietly observed Chance. He was well dressed in his red “Let It Snow” pajamas. And the boy had the fattest cheeks Q had ever seen.
Q suddenly stretched out his arms gesturing at the boy. Feeling happy and excited, Chance galloped toward Q.
“No, no, uh uh. That ain’t happening. You gon’ have to leave.” Coco ran and scooped up their son. “I think he’s getting too attached to you.”
“That boy ain’t dumb. He knows—”
“He’s only two. His brain ain’t developed. He knows nothing.”
“But I do.”
Q was one of those types who barely showed emotion. He always acted as if nothing bothered him. But by the pained look on his face Coco could clearly see that was a lie.
“Look, I’m sorry, Q.” She stopped handing him ornaments. “I think this is enough. You did good.”
“We only half done.”
“We’ll have to call it a day. I can do the rest myself.”
“Stop lying.”
“Or I can get Chloe to stand on the ladder for me.”
“Coco, motherhood is a waste on you. You still ain’t shit.”
Coco gasped. “What you say? How dare you call me out with your irrelevant ass.” Coco knew she demanded the impossible: for Q to be a loyal keeper of her sordid secrets. She expected him to play along with a game that no longer felt like fun. It felt torturous and deceitful.
“Look, Q. I’m sorry. I’m pregnant, I’m stressed. My blood pressure has been high. I’m sorry.”
Q told her, “Okay. It’s cool.” He sighed and said, “I guess I’m done with the tree. But before I go, I have something for little man.”
“Something like what?”
He hesitated, then reached in his jacket pocket. He pulled out a Chevy racing car with spinning wheels, headlights, the hood that could open, doors that opened and closed. It even had louvers, and the entire thing was painted blue and white, Chance’s favorite colors.
“What are you doing, Q?”
“It’s Christmas.”
“But this wasn’t the agreement, and you know it.”
“I still got rights.” His voice sounded threatening. And hearing him sound so adamant made her heart race.
Chance’s eyes lit up. “Give me,” he said.
“Dammit, Q.”
“I bought this toy a couple weeks ago. It’s a good time to give it to him.”
“Lord Jesus, please don’t do this. I made a mistake. A huge mistake.” Her voice trembled. “Q, I’m sorry, but you gon’ have to go. Now!”
Chance screamed at the top of his lungs. Coco heard a door fly open. Chloe and Cadee peeped out of their room, took a look at Q, and their eyes widened.
“Get your nosy asses back in that bedroom before I beat the black off you.”
The girls screeched and slammed the door shut. That made Chance cry even louder.
“How can you talk to kids like that? You fool, don’t you ever talk to them kids like you crazy.”
“You can’t tell me how to raise these damn kids,” Coco argued. “Now get the fuck out.”
“I can tell you what to do with mines.”
“No, you cannot.”
“Oh, this is some bullshit.” Q’s voice croaked. He kicked the wall as he walked past. His shoe left a black mark the size of a quarter.
“And you got the nerve to call me crazy?” Coco felt dizzy with anger and nearly fell over from stress. “Q, man, why you do that? Really? See, that’s what I’m talking about. I’m in no condition to deal with all this stress you putting on me.”
“I’m putting on you? You expect me to pretend like—”
“This is not going to work, and you know it’s not. Stop tripping. You yourself said we gotta keep it on the low. So play your role.”
Q getting to see the boy felt like a mistake, but not on his part. It felt as if his feelings did not matter. And he wondered why couldn’t a father openly acknowledge his kid?
With the toy still clutched in his hand, Q glanced at his son.
Chance raised his own hand, his hopeful eyes bright and clear and completely glued on the blue-and-white car.
“Give me,” Chance demanded again.
“No, baby boy,” Coco quickly told him in a much nicer voice. Then to Q she said, “Please leave.”
When Chance began to cry again, nearly snorting from anger, Q gave Coco a hateful look. And when Chance dropped to the floor and kicked his little legs in the air, Q had had enough. He opened and slammed the door so violently that the walls shook. Paint chips fell from the ceiling. Coco heard Q’s car start and its tires screeched as he backed out of the driveway and sped off.
“I hate I ever messed around with that fool.”
Coco took time to calm down Chance. He was screaming and yelling like he’d been bitten. She went to the refrigerator and filled his sippy cup with some apple juice and diluted it with a little bit of water. She said sweet words to him, and sang to him and forced him to take a nap. Then she hurriedly swept the floor and mopped and carefully got rid of the paint debris.
She wound a long string of garland around the tree and nearly broke her neck trying to set a wire angel on top. She had the girls climb up a tall ladder and put the rest of the ornaments on the tree.
Coco stood back and admired her handiwork, feeling happy and proud that the decorating had turned out nicely; she loved how the lights seemed to magically illuminate the entire room. And she couldn’t wait until Calhoun got home so she could see the look on his face.
Coco talked to her girlfriends on the phone to pass the time. A couple hours went by. She hadn’t heard from Calhoun since he left, and her mind raced.
She picked up her cell, thought about calling, but changed her mind.
She played games with the kids until another several hours had passed. By then it was bath and bed time. She gave the girls a bath together and washed up Chance real good. She was so drowsy that her eyes opened and closed every time she yawned. After the kids climbed into bed, she looked out the window at the driveway, but Calhoun’s parking spot was empty. She thought about going out and searching for her man, but her car was low on gas.
“Fuck it.” She dialed Calhoun’s cell. It went straight into voice mail.
She punched in Q’s number and hung up before it could ring even once.
Coco lowered herself to the floor. She scooted back until she sat against the living room wall. She stared blankly at the pretty blinking lights, listening to classic carols and singing softly until exhaustion forced her to fall asleep.
* * *
By the time Christmas Eve arrived, love, peace, joy, and harmony seemed to raise people’s spirits. Even though she still hadn’t found another job, Alita wasn’t worried or angry.
In fact, she spent that afternoon baking a few dozen peanut butter cookies, a chocolate cake, and two apple pies. She carefully packaged the baked goods, set them in the trunk of her car, and drove off. She arrived unannounced at Burgundy’s door around five-thirty that evening. Darkness had just settled, and the evening air was marked by a crisp, wintery chill.
Alita pulled on her long-sleeved jacket and was glad when Nate answered the door.
“You remind me of Julianne,” he told her in a not-so-nice manner. “You just show up at my house whenever you ready.”
“Yeah, um, thanks for letting me in through the gate. I wanted to drop by here tonight and give you all these desserts. I thought I’d get to spend the holiday with you all tomorrow, but I won’t. I’m supposed to hang out with my boo thang and Leno. But you can eat the dessert and think of me.”
“How nice,” Nate dryly told her. “Can’t wait.”
Before Alita could give him a piece of her mind, Natalia and Sidnee entered the hallway. They both squealed in delight when they started sniffing and noted the sweet aroma of fresh apples, peanuts, and chocolate icing.
“How’s my two little nieces?” Alita asked and gave them each a hug.
“We’re good,” Natalia said. “My daddy is so nice. He gave me a Christmas present just now, even though it’s not Christmas yet.”
“Oh, don’t you mean Santa Claus gave you the gift, Natalia?”
“No, Auntie. My daddy is my Santa Claus.” She went and held his hand as he patted the top of her head.
Alita felt like she was about to get even more annoyed.
“How nice. Anyway, is she here?” Alita sweetly asked her brother-in-law.
“She who?”
“Who else? Burgundy!”
“Don’t sound so impatient, Alita. Remember, two of your sisters stay here.”
“Right! My bad.”
“It’s cool. The wife is doing some last-minute shopping. I will put your desserts in the kitchen and let her know you stopped by.” Nat tried to grab the food, but Alita shook her head.
“That’s okay. I can wait here till she gets back. I need to tell her something.”
Nate gave her an odd stare. “Sorry, but that won’t be necessary. If you need to tell Burg something, just pick up the phone and give her a call. She’s at the mall. I think Target closes at eleven, so you might be waiting awhile.”
“Nate, are you trying to get rid of me?”
“No, no. I just don’t want you wasting your time hanging around when Burgundy won’t be back for hours. I know you have better things to do on Christmas Eve.”
“Yep, like visiting Baby Sis. I’ll go up to her room for a minute.”
Nate looked as if he wanted to say more, but he changed his mind.
Alita ran up the front staircase. She walked over to Elyse’s bedroom door and twisted the knob.
“Damn, why she lock the door?” Alita reached inside her purse and took out her pocket knife.
She unsecured the lock, then entered the room.
“Baby Sis?”
Elyse’s yellow-and-white-striped comforter remained unruffled, pillows intact.
By sheer instinct, Alita ambled toward the closet and swung open the door. Elyse was on the floor, sprawled sideways. A wool blanket covered her from the waist down.
Thinking her sister was asleep, Alita got on her knees and gently shook her until she stirred. The closet smelled like sweat and ammonia.
Alita violently shook the girl again. Elyse sat up with a start and quickly pulled the blanket up to her chin.
“Sorry if I scared you, Sis. You all right? Why you in here?”
Elyse smiled awkwardly. Her eyes reminded Alita of Chance after he’d been crying.
“Baby girl, why you in here all by yourself?”
Elyse smiled even wider and nervously played with a black hat that she was wearing. She didn’t say a word.
“Elyse, we need to talk. Last time we had a real good conversation, and I loved how you opened up to me, but now you acting scared again.” She paused and closely examined Elyse and everything around her. “You haven’t done anything to hurt yourself, have you?”
Elyse’s eyes widened. She shook her head no. Her eyes swept past Alita. Nate was standing in the doorway, quietly staring down at her. He reminded her of a judge sitting on his bench, and she felt like the criminal waiting to be sentenced.
Alita scrambled to her feet. “Nate, do you know why she’s in this closet?”
“I have no idea. Maybe she’s playing a game with her nieces. Hide and go seek, maybe?”
“My sister is not the type to play these kind of games. I think I may need to take her back to the doctor.”
“Did you say the doctor? What are you talking about?” Nate asked. His tone was sharp.
“Um, nothing,” Alita said. “Never mind. Family business.”
He glared at her for so long that Alita finally said, “Okay, I think I’d better go now. Um, you sure you okay, Elyse? You want to come spend the night with me?”
She stared down at her lap, then grabbed her pillow. “I all right. Just sleepy.”
“Then go get in the bed like a normal person.”
“I had accident. In da bed.”
“Then go take a shower. Damn!”
Disgusted, Alita decided to leave. She wanted to make Elyse go home with her, but she decided to hold her tongue and avoid any arguments. She left the house and walked outside and stood under the thick, slow-moving clouds. She placed a call to Burgundy, but the woman didn’t answer. Alita made a mental note to call her sister back in twenty minutes. She got in the car and headed toward home.
Meanwhile, Burgundy had been catching last-minute sales for hours. Her final stop was at Target, where she scooped up adorable winter wear for Coco’s kids. She found a couple of small appliances for her kitchen and grabbed a few holiday bedspreads and pillows that caught her eye.
Even though it was getting late, and she really needed to use the restroom, there was one more item on her list. Burgundy was dying to surprise the girls and buy them something really special. It was called a Disney Princess Carriage Ride-On, a battery-operated pink carriage that could fit two people. It went backward and forward, and it cost four hundred dollars. Earlier that week, after Natalia sweet-talked him, at the last minute Nate had secretly had a conversation with his wife, and he agreed the girls could have one.
So Burgundy was in Target, on a shopping list mission. But this store was out of them; after doing a search and placing a few calls, Burgundy gleefully discovered that a Walmart located fifteen miles away still had a few left.
“Please hold one for me. My daughters will die if they wake up and this carriage ride-on is under the Christmas tree.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll hold it for you.”
Burgundy hurriedly drove to the Walmart Supercenter and rushed inside.
The pickup department was located in the back of the gigantic store. A lot of shoppers were milling about. As Burgundy walked to the rear of the store, she sneezed very hard and felt a trickle of urine wet her underwear.
“Damn it,” she said to herself as she raced down the aisle. “I can use the bathroom first, then pick up the toy.”
When Burgundy went into the women’s restroom, the room seemed quiet. She noticed there were four stalls on the right-hand side. She began to walk toward them. But as she approached the first stall, she noticed that the door was closed. A handwritten “Out of order” sign was taped against it.
“Dammit,” she said.
As she kept walking she noticed that all the doors had the same sign taped on them. When she reached the last stall there was no sign on it. The door was slightly ajar. Feeling relieved, Burgundy tucked her fingers on her slacks and was about to pull them down.
She pushed open the door and gasped.
A heavyset woman was already seated on the toilet. Her underwear and pants were resting around her ankles.
“Oops. I’m so sorry,” Burgundy said as she began to back away. But then she got pushed back into the stall by someone behind her. The person shoved her so hard that soon her lips touched the shirt of the woman sitting on the toilet. She was so close she could smell the chick’s perfume.
She grunted and wanted to tell the lady sorry again.
But before she could do it, Burgundy felt something hard being shoved against her back.
“Hand over your purse, lady. If you don’t do it, you’re dead.” A female voice behind her made her knees weaken. She locked eyes with the woman on the toilet, letting her know that she needed help. But the lady just gave her an amused smile and held out her hand.
Burgundy realized that a scarf was being tied around her head, and she could no longer see anybody. She heard the women laughing and digging around in her purse. The woman rose up and she aggressively pushed Burgundy until she bumped her head against the stall door. Then she collapsed to the cold, hard, smudgy floor.
By the time it was all over, and Burgundy was sure that she was alone, she got up and yanked off the scarf and grabbed her purse. It felt much lighter than usual. Burgundy cupped her mouth with her hands, left the bathroom, and practically ran out of the store.
By then she knew she’d totally wet her pants. She felt dirty and naked, disrespected and violated. She kept looking behind her hoping that no one was following her.
Burgundy managed to get inside her SUV and quickly locked the door. She turned on the ignition, pressed her foot on the gas, and backed out of the parking space.
As soon as she was a mile away from the store, she burst out crying. She searched around in her purse. Her cell phone and wallet were missing.
“I can’t even call the police,” she said. Her mind raced as she tried to think of what to do next. She ended up driving to a gas station a couple of miles away. The store clerk let her use the phone to report the robbery.
“Thank you, sir. Now I need to call my husband. My driver’s license was stolen, all my credit cards, my cash.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Go ahead, take your time.”
Her underwear was drenched in urine, and she could smell herself. For the first time, she realized that even a woman like her could hit rock bottom.
Burgundy let out a moan and dialed Nate’s phone number. It rang and rang. She hung up and called their landline. When no one picked up, she slammed down the phone.
“Where is everybody?”
The clerk watched Burgundy, her face puffy by now due to the tears she openly let fall from her eyes.
“No one is ever there when you need them,” she said aloud. “You give and give and give. You try to be supportive to the people that you love, but they don’t even care when you go through things.” She laughed and shrugged, by then not caring that she was talking to herself. “Maybe this is what I deserve for acting like I have it all together, that I’m on top of the world, like they need me more than I need them.” She let out another frustrated groan.
Burgundy decided to go home to the Woodlands. Even though she was upset, she drove the speed limit, not wanting to draw attention to herself. And when she stepped foot inside the door of her house, it was eerily quiet.
“Nate?” she called. “Elyse?”
Alita had left already. It was Christmas Eve and pretty much the worst night of Burgundy’s life. She went into their bedroom. And there her husband was, knocked out on his back, mouth open, his face buried in the pillow, and she could hear him snoring.
Burgundy thought for a second, then went over to Nate and violently shook him until he sat up. He blinked and scowled when he saw her glaring at him. Her eyes were void of light; they were dark, sad, and hollow.
“Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called you? I tried to get you like ten times, Nate. I called your cell, the house. Why didn’t you pick up? Were you even here?”
“Where else would I be?” he answered and scrambled to his feet. But the big man immediately fell back down on the bed. He was drowsy like he’d been aroused from the deepest kind of sleep.
“I was knocked out cold,” he commented. “I-I didn’t hear the phone.” He closed his eyes for a long moment. “Did you finish getting that Disney thing for the girls?”
“No!” she snapped at him. “I couldn’t.”
“What do you mean you couldn’t? They ran out of them or something?”
“I did not buy the fucking toy because two low-down women robbed me at gunpoint. When I went to the restroom, they forced me to hand over my wallet and cell phone. I hate Walmart. It’s so ghetto, and I won’t ever go there again.” She broke down for a minute. “Here I am once again. Trying to do good for others, make someone else happy . . . but where are the people that want to make me happy. I am so tired, Nate. Tired of you, tired of my sisters, tired of everything. I give and give. But people take and take.”
“Burg?” he said, now more alert. “Are you blaming me for what happened to you?”
“You weren’t there for me, Nate.”
“Burg, come on. I’m sorry about what happened.”
“You sure don’t act like it. You act like it means nothing to you. You don’t seem upset at all.”
Now Nate was really listening, as well as thinking. He thought about what he’d been doing while his wife was getting a gun pointed into her backside. What if the situation had grown worse and her assailants had shot her and left Burgundy for dead? Nate blinked a few times, wondering how it would have been if the worst has happened to his wife: his wife getting gunned down while he was getting Elyse to service him for the second time that night. The first time was right before that stupid-ass Alita decided to pop over. And after he got her to leave, Nate went to Elyse for a second helping. Man, it felt so good. Releasing the stress, getting rid of his sexual frustration. And now this? All of this was Burgundy’s own fault.
He came back to the present and saw his wife’s lips moving, her hands frantically waving as she went on and on about how she was the real victim of the family.
“My sisters, they have nothing to lose. But me?” She barked out a long list of what she brought to her family, to the community. Nate quietly and skillfully tuned her out. He nodded but pondered evil thoughts. He wondered what gunshots would sound like if the robbers had pulled the trigger. Would it take four bullets to bring her down? Or would two have done the job? What would life be like if Burgundy wasn’t around anymore? Who would be her replacement? Could a wife as giving as Burgundy Reeves even be replaced?
The instant Nate realized where his mind had gone, he mentally apologized to her. This was his wife, for God’s sake. When he imagined his better half no longer being around, he felt stiff and cold inside.
Nate allowed himself to become more present in the moment; soon he heard the sound of his wife’s voice again.
“Nate, it was so scary. I never ever thought anything like that could happen to me. Women victimizing women. Of course, both of them had to be black. Why’d they have to be black?”
“Would you have felt better if they’d been white?”
“Fuck you, Nate.”
He walked over to Burgundy, hugged her tightly, then calmly told her that they’d need to make some calls.
“I’ll tell them to cancel all those credit cards. And we’ll go and apply for a replacement driver’s license as soon as we can. And we’ll buy you a new smart phone, and a smart watch too.”
She said nothing. Nate finally told her he was glad she got home safe.
“I’m glad about it too,” Burgundy answered. “But I still didn’t get the girls their toy. I wished I could have gotten that for them, Nate.”
Instead of answering, he crawled into bed, turned his back, and stared into space.