Julian stayed in the shower until the water ran clear of blood. And then he stayed longer to let the hot water ease some of his remaining hostility. What remained of the red and black color covering his body was fading, but his skin felt too tight as he turned his hands before him.
For a disorienting second, he thought Gerald’s blood had seeped into his skin, marking him for life as a vicious murderer. Gerald deserved to die, and he would gladly kill him all over again, but he never should have lost control like he did. The feel of his fists tearing apart flesh and breaking bones would always haunt him.
But when Gerald hit her…
Julian’s breath hissed out of him as his shoulders tensed, and his hands flexed. The veins in his arms stood out; his muscles vibrated as he tried to regain control. He couldn’t think about the sound of that punch; if he did, he would pummel this shower into pieces. Losing his temper wouldn’t help him regain Aida’s trust or put her at ease.
Think of her. Think of her.
Closing his eyes, he flexed his hands as he conjured an image of Aida smiling at him while she draped her arms around his neck and kissed him. His heartbeat slowed when he recalled the scent of her engulfing him and the loving memory of her enveloped him.
It will be more than a memory, he vowed.
Finally feeling stable enough to face Aida again, he turned off the water and left the shower. It was time to set her memories free… hopefully.
When he erased himself from her memories for these past two weeks, he implanted in her mind she was to remember him when he commanded her to do so, but he didn’t know if it would work. Because he was so ingrained in her memories, and because of her love for him, he dug deeper into her mind than he ever had with anyone else. He’d used more power than he was required to use before too.
If he’d been a turned vamp instead of a purebred looking to protect his mate, he never could have done it. It had taken a lot of work, but eventually, he eradicated himself from the past two weeks of her life. If Gerald killed him, Aida never would have remembered their relationship. He loathed the idea of her forgetting everything they shared, but her heart wouldn’t have broken.
The only problem was, he didn’t know if he’d done too good of a job.
If he couldn’t fix this, he would earn her love again. He would not lose her. It might be a whole lot more challenging to get her to love him again after learning he’d played with her mind, but he would never give up.
He dried off, dressed quickly, and left the room. Steam followed him into the hall as he strode into the living room. Cassidy and Kyle sat on the couch, but Aida stood in the kitchen with her hands clasped behind her back as she stared out the window.
The kitchen light shone on her black hair and porcelain skin. She’d showered before him, and her hair was still damp as it tumbled down her back in thick curls. He recalled the scent of those curls while he ran them through his fingers.
He couldn’t lose her.
When her head turned toward him, the black bruise marring her face sent a fresh jolt of fury through him. His nostrils flared, and the clawing need to maim tore at his chest like a caged wolverine. He considered retreating until he got himself under control again, but the more time he spent away from her, the worse it would get.
Aida smiled and stepped toward him before catching herself and looking confused. He suspected some of her feelings for him were starting to break through the barrier he built in her mind, but she didn’t understand them, which only added to her dread.
“Can I know what is going on now?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said.
He ran a hand through his damp hair and tugged on it until it stood on end. He made himself stop by fisting his hands and pushing them into his thighs. Kyle and Cassidy rose from the couch.
“We think it’s best if it’s only the two of you. Are you okay with that?” Cassidy asked Aida.
Aida hesitated, and Julian held his breath while he waited for her reply. “Yes,” she whispered.
Cassidy glanced between them as Kyle walked to the door. “We’ll be back later,” she said. “If you need anything, Aida, just call, okay?”
“I will,” Aida murmured, and they grabbed their coats before leaving the apartment.
Julian half expected her to change her mind and run out the door behind them, or call them back, but she remained where she was as the door closed.
“Are you okay being alone with me?” he asked.
“Is there a reason I should fear you?”
“No! You never have to fear me, but after what you saw me do to Gerald, I’m surprised you’re not trying to run away from me.”
Aida gulped as she considered his words. “I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m not afraid of you. Every rational part of me says I should be terrified. I haven’t seen you in years, and I just watched you brutally beat a vampire to death, but for some reason, all I want is to hug you. Maybe I’m going insane, or maybe Gerald’s blow rattled my brain.”
Julian suppressed a growl at the reminder of what that piece of shit did to her, but growling at her would not help this situation.
“I would never deny a hug from you,” he said.
Knowing it made him vulnerable to rejection, he still opened his arms to her. Aida hesitated before rushing into them and throwing her arms around his waist. He crushed her against him and lowered his head to nuzzle her ear.
Her body came alive in a way she’d only ever experienced when he kissed her four years ago. How could she react to him in such a way when she hadn’t seen him in years? How could she hug this man when he’d beaten someone into a bloody pulp only a few hours ago?
Despite everything she’d witnessed and everything she knew, desire bloomed hot and fast inside her. She dug her fingers into his back as her body pressed against a wall of muscles that weren’t there the last time she held him.
This thickly muscled man was so different than the lean boy with his long legs and gangly appearance. Back then, he’d been like a colt trying to figure out his legs and arms. He’d always possessed the inherent grace of vampires, but his feet and hands were too big, and he couldn’t consume enough blood to keep weight on him.
That obviously wasn’t the case anymore. Turning her head, she rested her ear over where his heart beat in his chest. Unexpected tears burned her eyes; it was such a good heart. He’d always been so kind to her, so tender and supportive. He’d been her best friend, and then he kissed her and became someone who haunted her for years.
Everything about him felt so different than the boy she recalled, yet it was all so strangely familiar. She’d never been held by the man before, but her body recognized the curve of his and the solid wall of muscle. It was all so disorienting in its familiarity, and she clung to him to keep from sinking to the ground.
He was here again, and she’d missed him so much. He screwed with your mind.
The reminder was a cold bucket of ice on the strange sense of security she experienced in his arms. Leaning back, she examined the stubble lining his cheek as a vivid image of that scruff scraping the inside of her thighs burst through her mind.
The world lurched, and if he hadn’t been holding her, she would have staggered back and collapsed on the couch. How could she so vividly recall something that never happened? She was losing her mind. Had he done that to her? Had he screwed with her brain so much it broke?
When a lump clogged her throat, it took a minute to find her voice. “What’s going on?” she demanded with more strength than she felt. “How can you be so familiar to me when I haven’t seen you in years?”
“Because I love you, and you love me.”
Aida’s eyes crossed as she watched him lift a strand of her hair and run it through his fingers. I love you, and you love me. She wanted to deny it, but it felt so true. How could it be true when she couldn’t remember any of it? And if it was true, then why would he take the memory from her?
Feeling like she was on a bad acid trip, she lifted a hand to the side of her head. She’d be less confused if the walls started talking to her. “How can that be true when I haven’t seen you in years?”
“Because you have seen me.”
Julian clasped her cheeks and lifted her head so she had to look at him. Love shone in his eyes when he bent to kiss the tip of her nose. She should pull away from him, but she didn’t trust her legs to support her.
“Then why would you take the memory of our love away?” she asked.
“Because it was necessary.”
Taking her hand, he led her over to the couch. Slumping onto the couch, she clasped her hands in her lap while he knelt before her. The world lurched again as the familiarity of his matured face struck her. All she’d ever known was the face of the boy who could go days without shaving and still not have a five o’clock shadow.
Julian brushed back her hair to reveal more of the dark purple bruise on her cheek. The lump, standing out at least an inch from her cheekbone, had caused her eye to swell shut. “This never should have happened,” he murmured.
His fingers stroking her cheek were as soft as a butterfly’s wings. Unable to take this tenderness on top of everything else, she caught his hand and pulled it away. “I’m fine. Just tell me what is going on.”
“I’ll let you remember it all,” he said. “Or at least I’m hoping you’ll remember it all because I need you to love me again and to know I’m not a monster.”
“I don’t think you’re a monster.”
“How could you think I’m not after what you witnessed tonight?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted.
She didn’t understand anything anymore, but Julian could never be a monster, not to her. No matter that he hurt her when he walked away, he would always be the beautiful boy who gave her a swan, held her when she cried, and helped her through the worst time of her life. She’d witnessed him murder another tonight, but he would never be a monster to her.
“I should have run out of the gallery after what I saw and heard tonight. I never should have come back here, but I feel”—she rested her hand over her heart—“like I can trust you, and even if we haven’t seen each other in years, I don’t think you’d ever attack me. Besides, I know Kyle and Cassidy would never put me in danger. You may be their brother, but they still wouldn’t leave me with you if they believed you’d hurt me.”
Julian buried the surge of hope her words brought with them. Her trust had to come from her buried memories and love for him. He had to be able to set her memories and love free. He couldn’t let himself consider the possibility he might fail.