Kneeling before her, he took her clasped hands and held them in his. “Do you give me permission to control your mind again so I can set your memories free?”
“Did I give you permission to do it before?”
“Yes.”
She’d given him permission to take control of her mind and mess with her memories? There was that damn rabbit hole again as the world lurched in some odd way. She couldn’t imagine ever agreeing to such a thing. She’d been helpless and at the mercy of vamps on the island; she never wanted to be so vulnerable again, and having someone invade her mind was about as vulnerable as it got.
She resisted putting her head between her knees as the coppery taste preceding vomit filled her mouth. What would he do if she threw up all over him? She almost laughed as she imagined the shock on his face, but if she opened her mouth, she really would unleash the meager contents of her stomach all over him.
Julian rested his hand on her shoulder when her skin took on a greenish hue. He didn’t know what was wrong, but she looked ill. “It’s okay. Deep breaths. It should all make sense soon.”
“Should?”
He sighed as he massaged her shoulder. He didn’t want to upset her more, but he couldn’t lie to her. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to unlock everything. It took a lot of power and time to bury the memories we’ve built over the past couple of weeks.”
“Weeks?” she croaked.
“Yes.”
“And we’ve been together that whole time?”
“Just about.”
“Are we really having sex?”
“Yes.”
She lowered her head between her knees. How could she not remember that?
Because he’s been inside your head.
But you gave him permission to do it.
Had she really, or was he just saying that?
Well, the only way to answer that question was to let him into her mind again. But how could she be sure what he unleashed was the truth?
She could go on with these questions and possibilities and never-ending doubts forever, or she could hand herself over to him. Or she could walk out of here and never look back. She could never shut Mollie out of her life, but she could shut out the Byrnes and every other vampire who had screwed with her life.
Lifting her head from her knees, her gaze went to the door. “Would you let me leave?”
His hand tightened on her shoulder. He’d never survive if she left him, but he would never deny her. “Yes.”
She turned her attention back to him as he released her shoulder and leaned away from her. The sorrow etching his face created pinched lines around his mouth as red flickered in his eyes. The idea of her leaving tormented him, but she suspected he would let her walk out the door.
Her feet remained frozen in place. She didn’t understand why, but she couldn’t do that to him.
He loved her. The realization hit her like a hammer between the eyes. He’d said he did, but now she saw that love etched onto the planes of his handsome face. He really loved her, and he was terrified of losing her. He might be more terrified of losing her than she was of letting him into her head.
Unable to resist touching him, she cradled his cheek in the palm of her hand. “If I let you into my mind, will I understand everything?”
“I hope so. I told you to remember everything when I said you could, but something could have gone wrong, or I might have buried your memories so deep that I can’t set them free again. However, I’m going to do everything I can to unleash them.”
“Then do it.”
Julian bent to kiss her hands before placing his palm against her uninjured cheek. Pride swelled inside him as he took in the steely determination on her face. “You are so strong.”
Aida’s mouth parted on a breath, and feeling like she’d taken a shot of whiskey, a warm, fuzzy feeling spread through her insides. She hadn’t survived the island by being weak, but for some reason, hearing Julian say she was strong turned her insides to goo.
Julian’s smile faded as his power swelled inside him until it filled his cells and swirled up through his body. He kept his eyes locked on hers while he pushed his power out to take control of her mind. He hated doing it as much now as he had the first time, but the desperation driving him now hadn’t been there before.
“You are to remember everything I told you to forget. Remember me telling you that only I could set your memories free again, and I am setting them free. Remember me, Aida, and everything we’ve shared. Remember our love and everything I told you to forget.”
Instinctively, Aida tried to resist him taking control of her mind, but her walls toppled beneath the wave of power he emitted. She lost herself to the beauty of his lapis-colored eyes as memories rushed over her. Caught up in the tsunami of emotions and images battering her, she lost her ability to breathe as the truth replaced everything she believed she knew.
How could she have forgotten so much? How could the life she’d believed she lived for these past few weeks be so different than what it truly was?
The power he possessed and the way he so effectively changed her memories caused goose bumps to erupt across her flesh. Yes, she’d given him permission to invade her mind, and she would do it again if it meant keeping him safe, but this ability unnerved her. She needed a few minutes to orient herself. Screw minutes, it would probably be years before she made sense of all this.
Aida looked a little green again, and when Julian went to hug her, she held up a hand to keep him away. “Just give me some time.”
His hands fell to his sides as frustration and apprehension warred within him. She agreed to let him into her mind, but was it the final straw? She’d dealt with so much from vampires over the years and suffered far more at the hands of them than any mortal should. She loved him, but had he driven her away?
Aida leaned forward and put her head between her knees again. Her stomach revolted when she recalled Gerald’s violation of her mind and what he made her do to Julian. “I stabbed you,” she moaned.
When Julian reached for her again, his hand hovered over her shoulder before he pulled it away. She’d lost control of her mind and body because someone else invaded them. No matter how badly he ached to hold and comfort her, he would respect her wishes.
“You were compelled to do it, but you still broke through his control enough to fight against what he ordered you to do,” Julian said. “Your love for me is so strong you resisted the control of a vampire. That’s an amazing feat.”
Tears burned her eyes as she recalled the torment tearing her mind apart. She had to kill him, but she loved him so much the idea of doing it fractured her into a million little pieces. Thankfully, she hadn’t killed him, but she’d never forget the feel of plunging a stake through his flesh before striking bone.
“I’m so sorry,” she whimpered.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
Aida took some comfort in his words as her nausea subsided. Still, it was another few minutes before she pushed herself up to meet Julian’s troubled eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
Aida leaned forward and, clasping his hands in hers, squeezed them. “I’m okay.”
“If there had been another way, I wouldn’t have taken control of your mind.”
“I know.” Aida rested her palm against his cheek as she studied the face she loved so much. “I can’t believe I forgot about you.”
Julian turned his mouth into her palm and kissed her. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
She hugged him when he rested his head on her lap. “What would you have done if you couldn’t free my memories of us?”
“I would have found a way to make you fall in love with me again.”
“And I would have.”
She didn’t doubt that. She couldn’t imagine never remembering the joy of their time together, but she would have grown to love him again.
Pulling away, Julian sat up and studied her as if he were scared she wasn’t real. Aida slid off the couch, and encircling her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his chest. The reassuring beat of his heart burned away her remaining tension.
“It’s over; he’s dead,” she whispered.
Julian ran his fingers over her silken hair as he held her against him. “I brought him here.”
“None of this was your fault. Gerald was a fucking psycho; you never could have anticipated he would stalk you like he did. You did the right thing by saving that woman. You couldn’t have let her die.”
“I know, but—”
“But what?” she demanded. “There is no but. He’s dead; that woman is alive because of you, and we have each other. Are there any other vamps who might crawl out of the woodwork to hunt you down?”
“Not that I’m aware of, but I wasn’t aware of Gerald either. Who knows if the Savage I killed when I first arrived or the vamp from the bar has any friends or family out there?”
“If that happens, then we will deal with it. I think we’ve proven we’re pretty strong together.”
He smiled before kissing her. “That we have. I’ll never let anyone take you from me.”
“No one ever will,” she assured him.