This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap.
—GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
When people meet Richard and find out that he is a life coach, they invariably ask him, “Got a minute? Can you tell me what to do with the rest of my life?” In response to this inquiry, he has them do what we call the “Napkin Test.” You can try it right now, yourself. Grab a cocktail napkin (or similarly sized piece of paper). On it, write down the following simple recipe: G + P + V = C, where G stands for “gifts,” P stands for “passions,” V stands for “values,” and C stands for “calling.”
Gifts + passions + values = calling. It is really that simple. Uncovering our calling means identifying our natural gifts, applying them in support of something we are passionate about, in an environment that is consistent with our values. To do so is the key to unlocking the power of purpose.
Now that you have considered your calling, where do you express it? For the sake of what? An important next step is to identify your passions and find out what moves you. This is the hard part for many of us because we believe the old adage that “anything worth doing is worth doing well.” Most of the emphasis—mistakenly, we believe—has been put on the “worth doing well.” The real question is, What’s worth doing? This is a much-neglected question for many of us. What issues, interests, causes, or curiosities capture your genuine enthusiasm? What keeps you up at night?
Found within the answers to questions like these, we can identify and articulate our passions. Simply stated, our passions are our curiosities—those things we care most deeply about. Whatever form they take, passions are identified by a “felt sense.” They are “alive” and we feel them deeply. A passion moves us to action in the world. A passion doesn’t quit but keeps recurring in our thinking and experiences. When you have a good idea of what your gifts are and what moves you, you will have two of the three key ingredients of the power of purpose (the third is your values, as we alluded to in chapter 5 and elsewhere). Life and work choices based on gifts, passions, and values produces a good life.
The answer to the question What’s worth doing? will be different for each of us. But we must ask ourselves this question to unlock our passions.
Writing the first edition of this book, Richard worked at a small antique desk in his hundred-year-old, hand-hewn cabin built by immigrants—people who were new to the United States—in the north woods of Wisconsin. He was surrounded by books on purpose, so absorbed in his writing that he sometimes felt he was in an altered state of consciousness. He often lost track of time as idea after idea popped into his mind from some deep well of curiosity.
According to the late Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, distinguished professor of psychology at Claremont Graduate University, Richard was in “flow”—so curious about his topic that he lost touch with time. In Csikszentmihalyi’s book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, he states that we come closest to total fulfillment when in the flow state. He has concluded from his research that a passionate drive to solve problems and meet challenges causes us to derive pleasure from performing the task itself. By losing ourselves in our passions, we lose ourselves in time. To consider potential opportunities where we can plug in our gifts, we must tap into the flow state to clarify what moves us in our work, our organization, our family, our community, or society in general. We must then examine those problems, issues, or concerns we feel curious about.
What are the needs of your family, neighborhood, community, business, spiritual organization, the world? What needs doing? What issues do you feel someone ought to do something about?
But how do we find our passions? To stimulate curiosity, ask yourself these questions:
The answers to these questions can help reveal your passions. Your passions, then, can help reveal your purpose. Unlocking your passion therefore is key to unlocking your purpose.
Going on two decades ago, when Richard turned sixty-five, his Medicare card arrived, triggering a new curiosity about purposeful aging. Dave’s “official” entry into being a senior citizen is more recent, but he too found turning sixty-five to be a watershed event for inciting his interest about how to live with purpose in later life. And we’re not alone. Today, we “seasoned citizens,” who represent one of the world’s largest demographic segments, find ourselves deeply curious about aging and what it means to be old. In fact, research points to curiosity as one of the key ingredients in longevity.
Trekking in the great outdoors, looking at the moon through a powerful telescope, saving a wild and scenic ruin, building a home with Habitat for Humanity, becoming a mentor for Big Brothers / Big Sisters. What do these activities have in common? They all evidence the power of curiosity. As a teacher, Dave is privileged to work with young people whose innate curiosity about the world drives them to further study. Of course, it’s not always the case that every student is interested in every question, but time and again, Dave gets to see that little light go on in the eyes of his students as they become hooked on some question or interest that inspires them and connects them with a deeper sense of purpose and passion in their lives.
Both of us—Richard in his coaching practice, Dave in the classroom—are fortunate to encounter people who seem driven by something outside themselves. Their passion for work or volunteer activities, their community, or their cause inspires them. Indeed, we say that in such people we see the power of purpose! We recognize that in these moments their lives are guided by a powerful curiosity—something more important than simple survival but not merely intellectual. Something in their souls. It’s beyond our power as human beings to look into the souls of our fellow human beings to measure their power of hope or curiosity. Our best possibility for understanding, let alone replicating, this inner fire that contributes so greatly to the world is to study their present passions, their stories, the longing look in their eyes, and the joy they bring to those around them.
On his path to becoming a school psychologist, Richard became a life coach, a keynote speaker, an author, and an expedition leader. In his early twenties he was a counseling psychology graduate student with the military draft board hounding him to complete his studies and begin his compulsory military service. In an effort to find a solution he could live with during a war he didn’t support, Richard joined a United States Army Psychological Operations reserve unit. That choice required him to leave his schooling in Colorado with his master of arts degree and return to Minnesota.
Along with the move came the necessity of supporting a family. During his job-hunting process, he fortuitously discovered the corporate human resources field. Joining a large Fortune 100 company, Richard worked under a great mentor in a variety of human resource positions, ending up, after two years, as training manager. In his training role, he had the opportunity to use his coaching gifts with a large number of employees who were questioning their calling. Richard knew from his counseling psychology training that there were multiple ways to help people clarify their calling. In the late 1960s, however, there were few practical books or programs available. So he created his own ideas, exercises, and programs and tried them out with coworkers when free time could be found. Soon he had a growing career-coaching practice during lunch hours. “Lunch Hour Ltd.” grew Richard’s reputation and his waiting list! As his family and financial needs expanded, he moved to a large bank holding company, where, in addition to a much larger human resources job, he continued to hone his life coaching skills both inside the organization and during lunch hours. However, he still felt like a lone voice in the career wilderness.
A fortuitous encounter with author Richard (Dick) Bolles fueled Richard’s career coaching fires and affirmed his growing lunch hour coaching practice. Dick gave Richard the opportunity to preview what would later become his best-selling book What Color Is Your Parachute? From Dick, a former Episcopalian priest, Richard received support for his intuitive feeling that every individual has been created with a mission in life. Dick helped Richard gain confidence in a belief for which he remains eternally grateful. He sparked Richard’s interest in further studying about purpose—a passion that has guided his work and remains with him to this day.
For theologian Matthew Fox, spirit and life are synonymous. A spirituality of work is thus about bringing life and livelihood together, with meaning, purpose, joy, and a sense of contributing to the greater community. A 2024 feature in the Seattle Times offered a lovely example of this. It profiled Tony Illes, a young man who had been making his living in the gig economy for a number of years, driving and delivering food for Uber and other rideshare companies. Due to changes in how gig drivers were being paid, Tony went freelance and created his own company, Tony Delivers, to deliver takeout within a single neighborhood.
But Tony’s decision was not primarily a financial one. Rather, he wanted to foster a sense of community where he works. In the article Tony stressed that he can recall the face of every person he’s delivered to, their names and sometimes even their addresses, long after delivering their food. For Tony, that’s what the gig is all about. He looks at it as an effort to expand food delivery beyond convenience and into something that nurtures social connections that have been lost to the age of modern technology. He is creating what he calls an “empathy-based” economy. In this way Tony is bringing life and livelihood together, squarely within his own community.
At the end of Flow, Csikszentmihalyi offers a prescription for the power of purpose. He says we can transform our whole life into a unified flow experience by approaching our activities in a certain way, by pursuing what Csikszentmihalyi calls a “life theme.” Whatever our passion, “as long as it provides clear objectives, clear rules for action, and a way to concentrate and become involved, any goal can serve to give meaning to a person’s life.” Can you detect a life theme in your activities? Are you pursuing it?