18

While outside the bishop’s house before Preaching service the next morning, Maggie observed Grace’s beau, Martin Lantz, and his close-in-age brothers. They had lined up toward the end of the men’s line behind the house, and Maggie noticed how reverent Martin was, not engaging in talk like some of the other unbaptized fellows did at times. Grace has a real fine fella, she thought, happy for her sister while waiting to go to baptismal instruction with the other candidates.

From where she stood with her cane, Maggie could see Grace inching forward in the women’s line, Miriam right behind her. Someday my sisters will be married and have their own families. Healthy and lively as both Grace and Miriam were, she knew it was true. And fun-loving Miriam . . . goodness, she’ll be snatched right up once she’s old enough to attend youth gatherings. Maggie smiled at the notion.

Since it was the Lord’s Day, Maggie forced her thoughts toward worship, forsaking this self-pity she was sinking into and choosing instead to dwell on Christ’s redemption. Then, inexplicably recalling the chapter in Mark’s Gospel, she was once more gripped by a profound desire to experience her own miracle of healing. Like Glenn Brubaker.

If that happened, she thought, I might someday be able to become a wife and mother.

The menfolk began to move around the side of the house, to their entrance into the temporary House of Worship. Once the last of the young men had disappeared around the house, it was the women’s turn to head toward their entrance at the back door.

When everyone else had gone inside, the twelve baptismal candidates waited for one of the preachers to come for them. Meanwhile, Maggie noticed Jimmy over with the other young men. He smiled at her, as he sometimes did, and then he began to walk toward her. “How are ya doin’, Maggie?” He looked so handsome in his black suit and polished black shoes.

Taken aback, Maggie nodded. “I’m all right. How’re you?”

“Just fine,” he said; then he surprised her by saying he was glad she was taking the classes, too. “I’m learnin’ all sorts of new things,” he said, more animated than usual, and she wondered why.

She agreed with a nod of her head. “My Dat says it’s important to pay attention in these classes.” Maggie felt a little ill at ease about this unexpected conversation and inwardly kicked herself for how bland her reply seemed. If only she could have thought of something else to say to this fellow she so admired.

Jimmy smiled. “Your Dat’s right.”

And with that, she expected him to return to the other young men, but he stayed with her, and she worried his being there would become too obvious, if not awkward.

Without glancing toward the fellows across the walkway, she could feel their gaze on them. Frankly, it wasn’t considered appropriate for young men to mingle with the young women before or after Preaching.

“I’m afraid we have spectators,” she said softly. “They’re probably wondering what you’re doing over here on the girls’ side.”

“Let them wonder,” Jimmy said, eyes serious. “Will ya be at Singing tonight?”

“Not this time,” she said simply, her cheeks warming.

Another uncomfortable moment passed before he nodded. “Well, it was nice talkin’ with ya again, Maggie. I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout ya.” Another pause, and then he added, “Well, I’d better get back.”

“Jah,” she whispered.

In due time, they all filed into the house in an orderly fashion, just like the church members and children had earlier. They headed upstairs to a spare room, where they sat on wood benches to study two of the articles of the Dordrecht Confession with the minister, as well as to go over their own local church ordinance.

Maggie had no trouble paying attention, but after the class, when they made their way downstairs to join the rest of the People for the two sermons, Maggie wondered why Jimmy had approached her.

“I’ve been thinkin’ ’bout ya,” he’d said.

Surely it was just his way of being friendly. Besides, wasn’t he interested in Deborah?

After Preaching, Rachel helped the bishop’s wife, Annie Lantz, and a number of other women prepare to lay out the food for the fellowship meal. Meanwhile, Joseph and several other men were turning the wooden church benches into temporary tables for the three seatings of the light meal that always followed the service.

While working in the kitchen, Rachel noticed Maggie standing by herself on the back porch, looking quite solemn. Other young women of similar age milled about the lawn beneath the shade trees, doubtless seeking a cool breeze.

Where’s Grace? wondered Rachel. Typically Maggie and her next younger sister were each other’s shadows.

As Rachel placed utensils on the tables, she glanced out the side windows, wondering if Grace was with her sister now. But when she went to look out the back window a minute or so later, she saw that Maggie was still alone. Should I go out? Will it upset her?

Unsure of herself or the strength of her delicate connection to Joseph’s eldest, Rachel continued her duties, distributing platters of bread with cheese spread or peanut butter, and slices of snitz pie, around on the long tables. Despite Maggie’s health troubles, it wasn’t usual for her to look so forlorn. Had the tent meetings stirred up something troubling? Rachel caught herself frowning—so much so that Annie asked if she was all right.

“Oh, just deep in thought,” Rachel told her.

“Are ya sure?” the seventy-year-old woman asked, apparently unconvinced.

Nodding, Rachel decided she ought to at least attempt to talk to Maggie. Maybe this was her opportunity to reach out to the young woman. Rachel had completed her responsibility indoors, and while the first seating took place, the one meant for the oldest church members, Rachel slipped out the back door and approached her stepdaughter. “Are ya feelin’ all right, Maggie?”

“Just a little tired.” Maggie wiped her brow with the back of her hand. “I thought of sitting over on the steps, maybe.”

“Well, do what’s best for ya, all right?”

Maggie nodded.

“Is Grace around?”

“Oh . . . she’s takin’ a walk,” Maggie said, looking a bit sheepish. “And Miriam’s over yonder with some cousins.”

Rachel looked toward the springhouse and spotted Miriam giggling with some other young girls. Turning back to Maggie, she said, “I’m concerned ’bout you, dear.”

Maggie looked at her, eyes watering. “I guess I should’ve stayed home today,” she said.

“We might be able to leave earlier than planned. If not, I can run ya home.” Rachel meant it.

Maggie looked surprised, if not moved by the offer. “Ach, wouldn’t want to cut short your fellowship.” Maggie brushed tears away. “Really, I’ll just go an’ sit on the steps.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

Maggie nodded. “It’s kind of you. Denki, Rachel.”

Reluctant to leave her there, Rachel turned to head back into the kitchen, but she glanced back once she was inside. Something’s dreadfully wrong, she thought, never having seen Maggie like this.

———

Seated now on the porch steps, Maggie could see the field lanes where the bishop’s mule team came and went from the barn to the perimeter of the field. Grace was in the near distance, swinging her arms as she walked with Hallie Lantz, Martin’s older sister. Before leaving to walk with Hallie earlier, Grace had asked if Maggie minded, and Maggie had assured her it was fine. Yet Maggie couldn’t help feeling lonely, and seeing Grace so carefree and happy only served to punctuate what Maggie had thought earlier. My sisters and brothers will move away from home someday.

As she rubbed her painful leg below her knee, Maggie pondered the years her parents had taught her and her siblings about divine sovereignty. “Does God mean for me to always be this way?” she murmured.

“Are ya talkin’ to yourself?”

Maggie turned to see Miriam leaning down to look at her.

“Well, jah . . . guess I am.”

Miriam frowned suddenly and sat down next to her. “Are ya cryin’?”

Her little sister was so sweet and caring. “Come here,” Maggie said, slipping her arm around her. “You know somethin’? My stomach’s growling. Is yours?”

“I’m only hungry for some snitz pie,” Miriam said, leaning her head against Maggie. “I could eat sweets all day, I think. Like Mamm . . . remember?”

“She did have herself a sweet tooth, but she was disciplined enough not to eat them all day, silly.”

Miriam grew quiet for a moment. “Do ya think I’ll look like her when I grow up?” she asked at last.

“Well, you have her pretty blue eyes and her tiny nose.”

“Tiny noses are a gut thing, jah?”

That made Maggie laugh. “You’re a case, ya know it?”

“That’s what Mamm always said.”

“You miss her, I know.”

“Jah, but keep it a secret from Rachel,” Miriam whispered.

“Oh, but she understands. Of course she does.”

Miriam looked up at Maggie. “Are ya sure?”

“Trust me.” She nodded.

“I do.” Miriam snuggled closer. “I honestly do.”

When the call came for the second seating, Maggie took the liberty of keeping Miriam with her, since Grace would likely be sitting with Hallie. Besides, Miriam brought joy to Maggie today, on a difficult Lord’s Day—especially so now that Maggie could see Jimmy at the next table over with Cousin Deborah’s two brothers, Chester and Edwin.

Will they be his future in-laws? Maggie thought miserably.

Before supper, Rachel heard Joseph and the boys washing up outdoors after doing barn chores, their voices coming through the side door, which was open wide to let in the fresh air, warm and humid though it was.

Later, once all of them were seated in their regular spots, Joseph folded his callused hands and bowed his head for the table blessing. After a few moments, he raised his head and cleared his throat to signal the end of the prayer.

Rachel wasn’t prepared for the conversation that ensued as the sandwiches and chow chow were passed around. Joseph began by saying how glad he was to see Leroy present at the supper table. Why was her husband bringing this up now, singling Leroy out like this? True, Joseph had been displeased that his son was gone during the meal last evening. And later, when Maggie was off at the tent meeting.

“We’re a family,” Joseph said solemnly, “all of us.” He looked directly at Leroy.

“I shouldn’t have skipped out on supper yesterday,” Leroy said. “But I’m not tellin’ anyone where I went.” He stared at his tumbler of cold water.

“Well, and I’m not pryin’,” Joseph said. “I just assumed you’d gone on foot to see one of the cousins.” Joseph reached for the salt and pepper.

Rachel felt her stomach knot up and wished they’d saved this discussion for any other time, sparing the rest of them. Maggie, too, looked concerned it might move into something too heated for suppertime talk.

Leroy shifted in his seat, then eyed his father. “Guess I might as well say it—I walked clear up to the cemetery . . . to be with Mamm” came the stark words.

Miriam’s mouth turned down. “But Mamm’s gone,” she said sadly, blinking fast.

Leroy winced, his own gaze still on his father. “Jah,” he murmured.

“Aw . . . son.” Rachel’s words tumbled out before she realized it. She held her breath, knowing Leroy could well respond negatively.

After a long moment, Leroy looked across the table at her, yet he said nothing.

“I had no idea,” Joseph said, his tone gentle now. “The cemetery?”

Leroy slowly nodded. “No one but the Lord God knew.”

Sitting there, Rachel’s heart ached for him; the struggle to remain strong was apparent in every feature of his youthful face.

“I miss Mamm, too,” Stephen murmured quietly. “Awful much.”

Andy was nodding his head, too, his chubby cheeks stuffed with food like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

“It’s all right to talk about your Mamm in front of me,” Rachel said softly. “She’ll always be your mother . . . it’s only right that yous remember her together like this.”

“Rachel’s right,” Joseph said, smiling at her, then at the children. “It’s important to keep your Mamm’s memory alive.”

Surprised at the scope of emotions just displayed, Rachel decided that it was good this conversation had taken place over supper, all of them together.

A step forward in the right direction, she thought, hoping it was true.

Even so, a small emptiness unlocked in her, a sense that she might never find her own place of belonging in Joseph’s family.

But that’s all right, she thought, dismissing her discontent. With God’s help, I’ll honor their dear Mamm by taking good care of them.