One year ago
Janine didn’t see Neva again for a couple of years. By then she’d decided she never would. She worked the dark web, taking hits, honing her skills alone and she grew in confidence. Her stash of money was slowly building. She hid in plain sight as Neva had taught her. But there wasn’t a day when she didn’t think about her mentor and wonder where she was and what she was doing. She’d been tempted a few times to go back to Neva’s house. But she remembered Neva’s reaction to her spying and didn’t want to repeat the mistake she’d made. She was sure it was why Neva had severed contact. And Neva’s burner phone was no longer in play.
Neva’s absence in her life hurt Janine more than she ever thought it could do. She’d thrown herself into her work, it was a diversion and it paid well, after all. As her life settled down into a pattern of death juxtaposed with normality, Janine began to wonder more and more what it would be like to have a relationship with someone. She wanted to know what it would be like to truly walk away from killing and become a regular person.
Not knowing how to meet people under normal circumstances, she tried a few dating sites. But after a few dates she realized that she just wasn’t attracted to anyone she met. They all seemed to expect her to jump into bed with them, and after breaking the nose of one of them who came on too strong, Janine deleted her account.
That’s when she met Kady.
It wasn’t a fling; it was something more. Kady was young, beautiful and flirty. In a way, Janine hadn’t stood a chance. It was as though Kady had searched her out. And Janine was ripe for the picking. Of course, she’d considered what her sexuality was. On the whole she’d thought herself frigid. The general’s aggressive pursuit of her had been enough to put her off men initially and then his death and the near-miss that had become also played a big part in how Janine felt about the opposite sex.
Kady started working in a local coffee shop that Janine frequented. Going in once or twice a month, it was one of the few routines Janine allowed herself. As soon as Kady started there, Janine felt an impulse to go more often. The girl’s smile always dialled up when Janine came in, and it wasn’t long before Janine realized Kady was as interested in her as she was in Kady.
‘Do you drink anything other than coffee?’ Kady asked her one morning, when she rushed to wipe the table Janine was sitting at.
‘Vodka,’ said Janine.
‘You’re Russian, right?’ said Kady.
Janine looked around to see if they were being overheard. No one else in the coffee shop was paying attention to them.
‘Yes,’ she said finally.
‘I like vodka too,’ said Kady. ‘I finish at six.’
It took Janine a moment to realize that Kady was telling her this for a reason.
‘Don’t leave me hanging,’ said Kady. ‘Go for a drink with me?’
Janine found herself blushing.
‘Jeez. Sorry. I thought you were like me. I didn’t mean to offend you,’ Kady said.
‘You didn’t offend me,’ Janine answered. ‘I don’t know if I’m…’
Kady smiled again. ‘But you had a crush on a girl once?’
Janine’s blush deepened. ‘I think so.’
‘We can just go for a drink,’ Kady said. ‘Just be friends?’
Janine felt a rush of excitement at the thought of spending time with Kady. Even a simple friendship would break up the monotony and loneliness that her world revolved around. She didn’t say anything and Kady walked away looking disappointed, but at 6pm Janine was waiting for her outside the coffee shop.
They’d gone for a drink together and it was the start of a long affair. One that Janine couldn’t walk away from too easily, but when she learnt of Kady’s betrayal with another woman, Janine had to end it.
Being with Kady had made her vulnerable. It had stopped her working, and now Janine had to get back to the world she knew the best. But it had also taught her who she was as a woman.
That’s when Neva came back into her life.
Neva is standing on a corner outside a cake shop as though she’s arrived there by complete accident.
By then Janine has her own permanent home. A small flat in Cardiff. She lives frugally, retaining as much money as she can. She even has a regular job by which she pays all of her bills.
Janine is afraid even as she hurries to Neva’s side. Perhaps this is the moment when Neva will take back the life she’s given her.
Neva has barely changed. Without hesitation Janine holds out her arms to hug her.
‘I thought I wouldn’t see you again,’ says Janine.
Neva blinks, surprised by the show of affection. She doesn’t respond to it. That is when Janine understands that the passage of time is irrelevant to Neva. She has not been missed at all during this long hiatus. She realizes that the absence means she just wasn’t needed.
‘I have a job for you,’ Neva says as Janine’s arms fall back awkwardly to her sides.
‘I need to be you again?’ Janine asks.
‘No. You need to be Ingrid Rouille,’ she says.
Janine doesn’t know what Neva is planning, but she takes the details of who and what Rouille should be. She walks away from the life she’s established, dropping the boring office job, and with money Neva provides, she buys clothes and styles her hair as instructed.
In London she rents an apartment for Neva under Rouille’s name.
They meet there once the rental agreement is signed. Janine watches Neva as, wearing another disguise, she examines the flat, leaving some possessions behind that Rouille’s identity will need.
‘You won’t be needed again for a while,’ Neva tells her.
Then she wires Janine fifty thousand pounds for the trouble she’s gone to.
‘Take this. I’ll be in touch,’ Neva says, giving her a new burner phone.
Janine takes it, thrilled to be back in. She has questions about where Neva has been. How she is, but she doesn’t ask them. Any such behaviour might make Neva cut her off. She can’t risk being out in the cold again.
As she and Neva part again a growing excitement of rebuilding their relationship surges into Janine’s mind. It takes her thoughts away from the promiscuous Kady, and back to why she’d followed Neva from the start: she loves her. How, and in what way, Janine still isn’t certain. But for now, her confused feelings have a focus and all Janine wants is to show Neva that she can be trusted again.