As she gets on the Paris Métro and heads to Charles de Gaulle Airport, Jewel’s mind drifts back to the years spent at the château. And the brief time that Mother sent her away to England to further her education.
She’d arrived there, confident that she knew what she had to do. They’d called her Elizabeth for the sake of the visit – though that wasn’t her real name. Then the woman known as Tracey changed her name to Jewel. She’d liked it much better than her real name. ‘Jewel’ implied that she was unique and precious and above all valuable.
Mother had briefed her before the visit. It was like their other exercises when they pretended to be soldiers and fought to win Mother’s approval. Only this time, these other children, they’d all be several months into a different kind of training from the château children. Some of them had even forgotten who they once were. Like Fae. Jewel knew who she really was but she wasn’t allowed to say anything. Fae was Mother’s missing daughter and they called her Neva.
Jewel had been pleased to see her. But Neva behaved like they’d never met. She behaved as though she hated Jewel on sight, treating her like a usurper.
She realized it was impossible to befriend any of the other children – they weren’t comrades like in the château and they didn’t ‘play’ – they were pitted against each other instead like dogs in a ring. Jewel had tried so hard to prove herself worthy, mimicking their behaviour: a perfect chameleon. But then Neva had ruined it all for her when she’d started that fight in the dormitory.
Jewel hadn’t wanted to hurt her, Mother wouldn’t like that, she was sure, but as the sparring began to get personal, Jewel fought back as hard as she could.
The others had surrounded them. They watched Neva beat Jewel, without raising a hand to help. They were feral creatures, craving violence as much as they craved food or sleep.
Jewel understood later that it was a rite of passage. One of them had to lose. One had to win. And Neva had overpowered her because she wanted it more: taking away Mother’s love when Jewel failed to prove herself the best.
She remembers now Mother’s disdainful expression when she collected her. She went inside the house, and there was an argument between Tracey and Mother that Jewel didn’t understand. It wasn’t supposed to happen. The two of them had not been meant to fight each other. Mother blamed Tracey for it.
Back then though, all Jewel saw was how Mother stayed inside and sat with Neva, holding her on her lap, showering the kisses on her that Jewel deserved.
Jewel waited by the door and listened to the words of love that poured from Mother’s lips. Words that had never been said to her in such a way. Mother showed Neva a different side than her other children saw. She told Neva how proud she was of her – there was to be no punishment for her vicious turning on Jewel, even though she hadn’t merited it. Neva was absolved of fault.
‘You are what they are making you,’ Mother had said. ‘No one can blame you for that.’
Jewel was taken back to the château in disgrace. Her wounds were tended by the nurse in the medical room. But Mother never hugged or comforted her while she healed. She never said words that took away Jewel’s guilt. It was as if she was a major disappointment to Mother. And she was returned instead to the training school with instructions that she must work harder.
She never considered that Mother was the one who really had something to prove by putting her in the house in the first place. No, the blame was all Jewel’s to bear.
Jewel worked harder than the others after that. She rose in rank among Mother’s children. She became the most trusted, the strongest, and above all the most dangerous of her operatives.
When she graduated from the school, and was sent out on her first assignment, she killed her mark with emotionless skill. She hadn’t been alone, but the others with her were under instruction not to interfere. She had to win or lose on her own. It was a final test and this time she passed it.
She returned to the château immediately afterwards where Mother waited for her.
‘I’m so proud of you,’ she said. ‘Come and embrace me. My little one. My brave and strong child. You will lead my army. You will make the Network stand up and take notice. One day, the kingdom will be mine.’
Jewel had melted in her arms breathing in her musky perfume. Mother. Mother. I love you, she wanted to say. But the words wouldn’t come. I do everything for you.
And then Mother said, ‘One day Neva will return to us and then she will inherit my empire. And we will once again be a complete family.’
Jewel’s heart broke into a million pieces. The pain was worse than the physical beating she’d endured from Neva. No one had done more than Jewel to prove her devotion to Mother. But in that moment, she knew that as long as Neva lived, Mother would never love her the same. Neva was the sacrificial lamb. She was the prodigal daughter that would one day return. She was the ultimate weapon. Neva was everything to Mother that Jewel wasn’t.
Jewel had hidden her feelings. She’d let Mother hold her for as long as she wished. Then, when Mother let her go, she stepped to the door and took up the inspection stance.
‘Fall out, soldier,’ said Mother. ‘Do something fun tonight. Have sex with one of the boys if you like. You’re a woman now and can chose from any of them you wish.’
‘Thank you, Mother,’ Jewel had said.
She left her then, and went for a walk around the perimeter, checking that Mother’s other soldiers were doing the job they were meant to. She didn’t take any of them to her bed though. Jewel didn’t want the touch of anyone other than Mother, and certainly never some sweaty boy who she could beat in the arena anytime she wished.
No, it was not for her, despite Mother’s permission to indulge: such liaisons should only be used for real gain. Jewel had learned that sex and love were for the weak.