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Hibernus thundered in around us in a wave of storms within a month of Hadrian’s departure. My days became an endless cycle of prayer, study, writing, and ferrum training. The constant routine kept me sane. If my mind and body were occupied, I could ignore the gnawing sensation that I remained only half a person.
I found myself repeating the same prayer. Open my eyes, Almighty, to your will. However, my heart constantly ached for a single answer. It became a daily struggle to honestly say, Your will, Almighty.
Ferrum practice helped. Every day I tested my skills. Embracing the wildness of the winter wind, I relished the challenge it brought. After establishing a field of energy, thinning it into a bubble barely thick enough to block all the distractions, I went through stretches, drills, and exercises while maintaining my defensive shield. In general, most of the other inhabitants of the compound left me alone.
I embraced the isolation. Deep thought filled the hours easily enough. I spent time with Errol and his family twice a week when I joined them for a meal. I attended the prayer and Revelation teaching meetings with the other followers of the Almighty twice a week, but I kept to myself during them. I attempted to convince myself I was content. My efforts were rarely successful.
Then one afternoon in mid practice, my sense of control dissipated with the wind I had welcomed.
“Do you have a death wish?”
I lowered my weapon from an attack position and turned toward the speaker. Madame Arnata regarded me sharply from beneath her finely arched brows. Her usual impassively calm features portrayed surprise and concern. A few feet behind her stood two young women about my age, their early twenties. They half covered their faces with their hooded cloaks against the ice sharpened wind.
“No, Madame, I am simply drilling as I do every day.”
“Out here?”
“Yes. None of buildings have spaces large enough for ferrum practice.”
“So you expose yourself to the brutal elements of a northern winter to keep up your skills?”
“A defender must be ready when needed.” Hadrian didn’t want me. The thought didn’t hurt as much as it used to. Regardless, I still needed to be prepared. I had an oath to uphold.
She studied me for a moment. “You are the female defender the sept son brought from the south.”
I glanced down at myself. My usual distinctive blue uniform hid beneath layers of winter clothing. No amount of energy shielding could protect against cold. “Yes. I am Defender Ilar.”
“First name?”
“Zezilia.”
She nodded. “I am Madame Penelopa Arnata, Head Healer.”
“I know.”
Her eyes narrowed, but her manner remained neutral. “Master Silas directed me to deliver these girls to you.”
“Why?” The word slipped out before it registered that asking so bluntly would be rude. “Pardon, but he didn’t mention anything about it to me. What does he expect me to do?”
“Teach them.” Her eyes narrowed again. “He is overcommitted and barely managing the young ones. The older students need attention too.”
I studied the girls more closely. Both of them averted their gazes. The taller one eyed my blade nervously. The shorter woman lifted her chin when I focused on her. Clearly both women were as unsure of this new development as I was.
Madame Arnata continued. “Also, my patient wards are understaffed and the volunteers I have are undertrained for the work needed. You have the look of a woman who needs more to do. What say you to learning something new?”
Visions of the stack of books, notes, and exercises that awaited me back in Hadrian’s quarters filled my head. I wasn’t inclined to add to my studies.
“My days are full of studies.”
“I am not referring to intellectual exercises. I speak of real hand-dirtying, practical work. Feeding, bathing, communicating with those without voice, restraining those who break free, lifting, carrying, and cleaning. I will send you to bed too weary to do anything beyond sleep. Does that sound appealing?”
Three sets of interested eyes regarded me.
The prospect of a good night’s sleep did appeal. Hadrian’s absence had triggered panicked dreams of chasing him across barren countryside. I always woke by leaping from bed, sleep a distant memory as I struggled to calm my racing heart and ease the tension in my chest. Exhaustion meant no energy to worry or wonder about the man so often invading my thoughts. Perhaps it would even dispel the dreams.
Apparently seeing my answer in my expression, Madame Arnata nodded firmly. “Come to the healer’s building after the noon meal tomorrow. I will wear you out.” She turned back to the path toward the wards.
My new students and I stood staring at each other for a few heartbeats. Give me wisdom, I prayed.
Finally, realizing they weren’t going to disappear or speak first, I dropped my energy field. The short one jumped as though I stuck her with a pin.
“You saw that?” I asked her.
She muttered something in reply.
“Pardon, I didn’t hear you.” I dropped my gaze in hopes it would make my questioning less intimidating. I wiped and sheathed my ferrum while I waited for the answer.
“Yes.” Her voice was soft and hesitant.
I ventured a glance and our gazes met. “Good.” Holding her attention, I smiled warmly. “It is a start.”
She looked down again. “Lorrium—”
“—her husband—” the taller woman added.
“—he said it was a good thing.” It was clear from the way she spoke his name that she felt a great deal of affection for the man she married.
“My husband beat me if I mentioned anything he considered a manifestation of Talent,” the tall one volunteered.
Uncomfortable with broaching that subject yet, I nodded my understanding before striding over to pick up my gear satchel.
“You two know my name, but I am afraid I don’t know yours.”
“Lotus,” the tall one volunteered.
“Ariana.” The shorter one stepped toward me hesitantly, as though half afraid in her bravery. “What should we call you?”
“Zez works best for most people.” I walked toward the path, already trying to figure out if it was appropriate for me to take them to my usual studying place in Hadrian’s quarters. I knew of no better location. Perhaps I could find a spare copy or two of the Revelation and the Talents Code in the stacks of books that filled his study.
The women followed without being asked. I touched my amevo and created my usual energy shield against the wind. It spread it wide enough so all of us were sheltered. Ariana jumped when I brought it up. Lotus didn’t acknowledge its presence until the wind suddenly stopped pushing on her. Then, she lifted her head and looked about for the evidence of my energy field.
I expected her to question it at any moment, but it was Ariana who spoke first.
“Is it true that you are related to Ostin Ilar, the man claiming the high king’s throne?”
“Ariana!” Lotus hissed her horror at Ariana’s insensitivity.
“Yes.” I glanced over at Ariana. “I am his daughter, but I do not share his views or support his claim to the throne.”
“But how could you not?”
I stopped so abruptly that the girls almost walked into me. Turning to examine Ariana’s face more closely, I waited for her to explain herself.
Lotus beat me to the question. “How could you say that? You don’t support the usurper.”
“But she is his daughter,” Ariana protested.
“And you did everything your father told you to do?” Lotus demanded.
Ariana blushed. “But—”
“Don’t listen to her,” Lotus advised. “She ran off with a handsome man her father told her to avoid and ended up in the mess she is in because of it. What number child is this?” Lotus jabbed a finger toward Ariana’s cloaked middle.
Tears filled Ariana’s eyes. “Just because you can’t—”
Lotus turned white with anger before Ariana completed her sentence. “Never! I told you to never say—”
I dropped my shield. Frigid air pounded into us, silencing the two women. I reestablished the shield a moment later so they could hear me.
“In my presence, you will speak civilly to each other. If you don’t, I shall talk to Errol about seeking other arrangements. I surmise from the fact you two are here that you want to learn to use your Talent ability. Am I right?”
The affirmative duet was a start.
“That said, I do want to learn more about you. Since that is such a difficult topic at the moment, we don’t have to speak as we walk.”
I dropped my energy shield and the wind howled as it rushed in to bombard us again. I walked pointedly off toward my haven, mentally thanking the Almighty for the years I had spent in the Silas household. Without them, I would have been completely unprepared for the joined forces behind me. Having lived with fractious females, I dreaded the training and teaching to come.
The wind changed direction when we turned down the path to Hadrian’s former quarters. It chased us through the garden and blew us across the threshold when I opened the door. Every loose piece of parchment in the room beyond scattered like leaves. I wrestled the door closed again behind us. I turned, shaking ice water from my cloak, to find my two companions regarding me in shock.
“This is the sept son’s dwelling.” Lotus gestured to the tables stacked with volumes, thick carpets on the floors, and Hadrian’s spare cloak and boots stowed in the alcove next to the door. “Doesn’t he mind you living here?”
My stomach tightened in a sudden wave of panic. This was a mistake. “I am his student.”
Ariana’s eyes widened. Lotus’ gaze narrowed.
“I study here while he is traveling.”
“And when he returns?” Lotus asked.
“I will probably continue to study here.”
“It isn’t as though she sleeps here,” Ariana pointed out to Lotus.
“But—”
“The sept son is not an Elitist.” I stated it with a finality that I hoped would cut off any further questions. He didn’t believe that those with Talent were superior to those without. “I am not his wife.”
Ariana nodded in understanding.
Lotus’ suspicion buffeted my energy senses. I chose to ignore it.
In hopes of keeping the women off the sensitive topic, I began telling them about my history while I searched the shelves for extra copies of the Revelation and the Talents Code. I found two spare code books, but all copies of the Revelation were strangely missing. There had been at least three the day before. Someone must’ve been helping themselves without asking.
“You expect us to memorize that?” Lotus’ tone echoed the incredulity that washed over my amoveo-enhanced senses. “I won’t.”
“Then I won’t be training you.”
Her mouth tightened into a pursed frown as she studied my features, most likely to determine my tenacity.
I did not relent.
“Master Silas will hear of this.” Lotus’ tone betrayed her uncertainty.
“I would expect nothing else. I believe you will find he agrees. He requires the same of all of his students. Any non-Elitist tutor would do the same.”
Lotus sniffed and grabbed the book. She leafed through the pages as I offered the second copy to Ariana. Lotus harrumphed and grunted as she read.
“Where do you want us to start?” Ariana asked.
“With the rules for trainees in the second chapter.” I watched as Lotus’ upper lip curled back in disgust at what she was reading.
“We have to live by these?” she asked.
“Every one.”
“If I followed these I would be as helpless as if I hadn’t learned anything at all. Talents aren’t supposed to enter another’s mind without permission. And what is stopping some monster like my husband from entering my mind again whenever he wants after he gets me back. And this one about never using mass moving ability in anger. Who is going to know if I am angry or not?” Lotus closed the book with a snap. “These are ludicrous.”
“All they will have to do is look at your face to know if you are angry or not,” Ariana observed.
Lotus glared at her before shoving the book back at me. I barely caught it before it toppled to the ground. “In that case you can keep your code. I am not interested.” She stomped out through the door. Parchment and leaves skittered across the stone floor and the wind yanked at my hair as she left the door wide open behind her. I used my mass-moving skills to close it firmly.
Ariana and I released identical sighs of relief into the suddenly silent room.
“Is she always like that?” I asked.
“Unfortunately, yes.” Ariana looked sadly after Lotus. “Her husband messed her up badly, inside.”
“Her mind?”
Ariana shook her head. “Her heart.”
“Were you in the same...?” I stumbled over a term to use that wouldn’t strike a nerve.
“Compound?” She nodded. “My husband was a founding member and hers could never rise in the ranks. He blamed her for it.”
“A founding member? But I thought your husband was a...”
“He is Lorrium Parzifal.”
The name struck me hard. I stood next to the daughter-by-law of Thrasius Parzifal, the leader of the Elitist movement.
––––––––
Rain beat on our heads, seeped through the seams in our tents, and soaked into our food supplies. I answered my correspondence with an oiled tarp pulled over my head. Even then, I remained damp.
“The supply wagon is delayed,” Korneli announced as he came through the flaps of our shared tent. “Broken axle in the mud and no nearby wheelwrights to fix it.”
I groaned. “Sabotage?”
“Weather.” He shook his head like a dog and then scrubbed at his scalp. “This blasted weather is enough to drown a fish.”
“It can’t last forever.” I blinked and tried to focus on the letter in my hand.
“I wouldn’t bet on a break just yet, Hadrian.” Korneli sat on the edge of his cot and reached for his journal. “Letter from home?”
“No.” I rubbed at my blurry eyes. “More news of the cleanup efforts in the east. The Elitists have scattered. Our men found two more compounds already abandoned.”
“You know what that means, don’t you?”
I closed my eyes. “The Elitists are still out there. They are still plotting. Next time they won’t be as easy to spot. I am more concerned about the future for all of us, though.”
“One Elitist by himself cannot accomplish much,” Korneli observed.
“But one Elitist raising a family of strong talents indoctrinated with a toxic world view can do a lot of damage.”
Korneli mulled on my observation for a while. I returned to reading my letter.
“When is Zezilia joining us?”
The mention of her name snapped me out of formulating a reply to the letter. The constant ache in my gut jumped to the forefront of my awareness. I groaned. “You had to mention her.”
“You are better around her. Why ever did you leave her back at the compound? Our defender ranks are dwindling fast. We could use a talent like hers.”
“The dwindling numbers are improving. Since we ordered the defenders to dress like regular ranked soldiers, they are harder to identify and target.”
“We are still losing, Hadrian. Ilar and Sabine know our weaknesses. Eventually we will run out of trained defenders. What then?”
“We will deal with that when we get to it.”
Silence, heavy and uncomfortable, hung between us. I used it to begin writing a reply to the letter in my lap. The wording didn’t flow, but I got my point across. I slid the parchment into the pouch to be reviewed by Renato before it went to the tutor.
“Did you two fight?”
I glared at my best friend. He knew me well enough to know that I didn’t want to discuss it. “No. We agreed to separate until we are certain of the Almighty’s leading.”
Korneli snorted. “You decided to separate. I saw her a few weeks ago, Hadrian. She is not at peace. For that matter, neither are you.”
“I can’t marry her, Korn.” There, I said it. The awful, horrible, terrible truth.
“Why not?”
“Because if I do, I will become just like the Elitists.”
“Marrying a talented woman isn’t against the law. You don’t hold to the Elitists creed. I don’t see the connection.”
“You would be one of the few who would not draw that conclusion. A talented male marrying a talented younger woman is now so tightly connected with Elitism, I will be branded before anyone seeks out the truth. In the peoples’ eyes, actions speak louder than words. I am the strongest seventh born in fifteen generations. Her abilities exceed mine and haven’t even topped out yet. Surely, I must be power hungry.”
Cayphis was already considering legislation forbidding marriage between two talented individuals. No matter how I protested it and argued against it, he wouldn’t listen. He always replied that he needed to consider how he could prosecute those scattered Elitists that we were tracking down. I couldn’t mention this to Korneli, though.
“Even if the law does not forbid our union, I cannot marry her,” I pointed out. “It would completely undermine my authority as an upholder of the Revelation and the Code.”
“Nowhere does the Code say two talented individuals cannot marry,” Korneli protested. “Last I checked the Almighty approved of marriage. Besides, no other man will do for her now. I suspect that commisceo-link you two experimented with sealed her against any other options.”
My middle roiled. “So you are saying I need to do the honorable thing and marry her.”
“Not marrying her would be cruel. Regardless of that, leaving her behind at the compound was wrong.”
“So dragging her into this would have been better?” I waved an arm at the miserable conditions around us. “Of course damp beds, moldy food, and not a dry piece of firewood in this whole camp full of smelly, disgusting men would have been vastly superior to a warm bed, plenty of studies to keep her occupied, and the companionship of other women.”
Korneli frowned at me. “No, that is not exactly what I was saying.”
I snapped my writing desk closed. Not bothering to latch it securely, I shoved the whole thing, letters and all, into the correspondence satchel and strapped it closed. “I need to walk.”
“In this weather?”
Korneli’s protest didn’t slow me a bit. I placed the satchel in the only consistently dry spot in the tent, my worktable, and dropped the oil skin over it. “Let Renato know I will be back in time for the meeting,” I called over my shoulder as I plunged through the tent flaps and out into the freezing rain.
Water sluiced through my clothing in a matter of moments, plastering cloth to every inch of my body. I had left my cloak behind, but it was too late to go back. Korneli couldn’t know how tempted I was to take his advice. Marrying Zez and ignoring the consequences remained my utmost desire, despite distance, time, and hardship. My foolish heart still longed for her.
My body began to shake of its own volition. I ignored it, lifting my face to look up into the pouring rain. The icy drops stung at first, but eventually they would numb my skin. If only they could numb my heart as quickly.
Father, help me. You know the desires of my heart. I try to do what You want me to do, despite my longing for something else. Give me strength and clarity of mind. Help me.
I breathed deeply of cold, humid air.
Make it clear what you want me to do. I choose Your will above my own. No matter what.
“What are you trying to do, Sept Son?” Renato’s energy field closed around me and the rain ceased to strike my face. “You will grow ill. Where is your defender?”
Something in Renato’s voice brought my attention to his face. The planes of his cheeks and temples were taut with control. There was something he didn’t want to tell me. “What happened?” My first thought went to Zez, but I forced the second out of my mouth. “Is the high king safe?”
“Shaken, but well, Master.”
“What happened?”
“An ambush outside of Paloma. Thirty dead, twenty of them known Elitist sympathizers.” Renato swallowed carefully. “Your brother Emil...”
I braced for the worst. “Dead?”
“Mind-altered and unconscious.” Renato finished with his voice barely a whisper. Genuine sympathy filled his face.
“I want to see him.”
Renato shook his head. “They are taking him to the compound. The healers will take care of him until this war is finished.”
“I must write to my parents.” I turned toward my tent, but my limbs didn’t cooperate. Instead of walking, I fell to my knees in the mud. Almighty, protect him.
“Master.” Renato began helping me up immediately, but the damage was done. My trousers were plastered in mud to match my sopping tunic. At least Giles wasn’t there to scold me.