With her visit to the fabled Kennedy compound, Carolyn Bessette had been granted an insider’s view of what it was like to be a Kennedy, entrée that, doubtless, many people would have envied considering the family’s long and storied history. As often happens, though, a person’s idea of what it might be like rubbing elbows with the rich and famous can sometimes clash with the reality of the situation. Carolyn, as it would turn out, was deeply disappointed by her first time at the Kennedy compound.
“She called me as soon as she got back,” said Stewart Price, “and I was waiting for her call because she’d been so excited about the trip. I was dying to hear about it. Much to my surprise, she sounded pretty sad. ‘It was awful,’ she told me. I asked how that was possible. She said, ‘I didn’t fit in. They’re all so athletic and there are so many of them, and they all know each other so well and have this unspoken language between them, as if each always knows what the other is thinking. They looked at me like I was from another planet. Everything I said and everything I did was wrong. I didn’t stand a chance.’
“This amazed me in some ways, but maybe not in others. Carolyn always had a streak of insecurity in her that she was able to hide very well. The weekend with all of those outgoing, über-confident Kennedys struck a nerve in her. ‘So, what is it about these people that makes you feel so insecure?’ I asked her, trying to get to the bottom of it. Carolyn said it was a mystery to her. She said she just felt she didn’t belong, ‘and that didn’t feel good.’”
“What was Ethel Kennedy like?” Stewart asked, knowing how filled with anticipation Carolyn had been to meet her. There was a long pause. Carolyn then answered that Ethel had made her feel “pretty stupid.” She said she didn’t wish to get into it, but she sounded crushed. Stewart then asked her if she had told John how she felt. No, Carolyn said. She explained that it was so obvious to her that John loved his relatives—she recalled that he’d stated without reservation, “there’s nothing more important than family”—and she didn’t want to say anything that would upset him or, worse yet, maybe ruin things between them. Stewart then suggested that perhaps the next time she went to the compound, she could make certain adjustments in the way she looked at things and have a better time. Carolyn didn’t hesitate responding. “Oh, there won’t be a next time,” she said with great assurance. “I’m not going back there. Are you kidding me? That’s never going to happen.”
“Never?”
“Never.”