APPENDIX A
[dingbat]

At Plum Village, couples, family members, or friends often sign this treaty in a ceremony in which the whole community is present. However, you can adapt it in any way that makes you feel comfortable. At the end are Buddhist references, but please feel free to change them to match your own spiritual tradition.

PEACE TREATY

In Order That We May Live Long and Happily Together, In Order That We May Continually Develop and Deepen Our Love and Understanding, We, the Undersigned, Vow to Observe and Practice the Following:

 

I, the one who is angry, agree to:

  1. Refrain from saying or doing anything that might cause further damage or escalate the anger.
  2. Not suppress my anger.
  3. Practice mindful breathing and go back to myself to take care of my anger.
  4. Calmly, within twenty-four hours, tell the one who has made me angry about my anger and suffering, either verbally or by delivering a Peace Note.
  5. Ask for an appointment later in the week, like Friday evening, either verbally or by note, to discuss this matter more thoroughly.
  6. Not say: “I am not angry, it’s okay, I am not suffering. There is nothing to be angry about.”
  7. Look deeply into my daily life, while sitting, walking, lying down, working, and driving in order to see:

    The ways that I myself, have been unskillful at times.
    How l have hurt the other person because of my own habit energy.
    How the strong seed of anger in me is the primary cause of my anger.
    How the other person is only the secondary cause.
    How the other person is only seeking relief from his or her suffering.
    That as long as the other person suffers, I cannot be truly happy.

  8. Apologize immediately, without waiting for the Friday appointment, as soon as I recognize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness.
  9. Postpone the Friday meeting if I do not feel calm enough to meet with the other person.

I, the one who has made the other angry, agree to:

  1. Respect the other person’s feelings, not ridicule him/her and allow enough time for him/her to calm down.
  2. Not press for an immediate discussion.
  3. Confirm the other person’s request for a meeting, either verbally or by note, and assure him or her that I will be there.
  4. If l can apologize, do so right away and not wait until Friday evening.
  5. Practice mindful breathing and deep looking to see how:

    I have seeds of anger and unkindness as well as the habit energy, which make the other person unhappy.
    I have mistakenly thought that making the other person suffer would relieve my own suffering.
    By making him/her suffer, I make myself suffer.
  6. Apologize as soon as I realize my unskillfulness and lack of mindfulness, without making any attempt to justify myself and without waiting for the Friday meeting.

We Vow with the Presence of the Lord Buddha as Witness
and the Mindful Presence of Our Sangha,
to Abide by
These Articles and Practice Them Wholeheartedly. We Invoke the Three Gems for Protection to Grant us Clarity and Confidence.


Signed,


The ___ Day of ________ in the Year ____ at ________.