Chapter Two

 

Psychologist and author Colin Ferris was the living representation of his author photo, the one Em had looked up before bed the previous night — that is to say, serious, uptight, and extremely stiff. And to think she'd been assuming it was simply the black-and-white aspect that made a potentially attractive figure look so imposing on his book jacket.

He was already seated in the broadcast booth when Em arrived at the studio ten minutes before the show. The curse of a flat tire had left her stranded on the freeway until a tow truck and her cab arrived. She could feel her hair escaping its various pins and barrettes as she dropped her clutch and blazer on the desk and slid into her hostess chair.

"Hi," she said, endeavoring to hide her breathlessness as she extended her hand. "I'm Doctor Emma, nice to meet you, sorry I'm late." She motioned to Isabel, whose expression was extremely exasperated for some reason. "Your radio headset is there, if you'll just pop that on, we'll be on the air shortly."

He shook her hand. Limply, she noticed, although his fingers felt strong in her grip. "Thank you, Miss Benton." His voice was curt. He obeyed her request.

Isabel's introduction purred soothingly over the air waves as the 'on air' light glowed red. "Good afternoon, listeners, and welcome to Heart Therapy with Doctor Emma, where we discuss love and relationships in an open and honest forum. The number is one eight hundred H-O-N-E-S-T-Y, and, remember, first-time callers have priority as always. Now, here's your host Doctor Emma."

"Thank you, Isabel. Before we take your calls, listeners, we have a special guest to introduce in the studio today. Eminent psychologist and author Colin Ferris —"

"Doctor Ferris." he interrupted. "If you would."

She glanced at Isabel, whose expression was giving nothing away rather than laugh, probably. "Doctor Ferris," corrected Em, "whose book Relationship Realities: Dating Truths for Modern Men with Traditional Manners is currently number five on the Self-Help Bestseller's List. Throughout today's show, we'll be talking with him about the response of both fans and critics to his work." She flashed Doctor Ferris a smile, albeit an inauthentic one. "It's a pleasure to have you on the show."

"Thank you, Miss Benton," he answered.

Emma mouthed Isabel from behind the booth's glass. Doctor Emma. If Doctor Ferris saw her, there was no sign of it. Isabel gave up.

"Our listeners are looking forward to knowing more about what's behind your best-selling advice volume, Colin ..."

"Again, it's Doctor Ferris."

"Please, don't feel the need to be formal on our show."

"I'd rather be formal, if you'll permit it. I prefer to be addressed by my actual title when discussing my work. My background in this field is an academic one, after all — I have a Ph.D in psychology and a Masters in social therapy."

Rude. Cold. Arrogant. These words were supplanted by one single definition in Em's mind: snob. If Em and Isabel were staring at him like a Martian unable to grasp simple Earth manners, he didn't seem to care. He straightened his tie, then cleared his throat away from the mic.

"Let's get right to the phones." There was a touch of ice in Em's voice, which melted only beneath the instinct that radio hosts should sound calm and controlled at all times. "Who do we have on the line, Isabel?"

"We're making an exception to the rules today, Doctor Emma, so Claire from Omaha is on the line."

Claire Bates was a regular caller — lonely and talkative, well-past middle age, working from home so she could care for her elderly mother with senile dementia, she was the show's self-proclaimed biggest fan. Izzy clearly sensed a softball was needed for the first round, a buffer between the cold guest and the new callers.

"Welcome to the show, Claire."

"Oh, Doctor Emma, thank you for having me! You know how much I love your show — me and Mom, when she's having her good days. There are more bad days than good days now, but, still, we keep on, faithful every afternoon here in Omaha."

"Tell us how you've been, Claire. Last time we talked, you were still struggling to cope with the effects of your mother's advancing symptoms and the isolation you felt as a single woman and caregiver. Are you still feeling burdened by those issues? Or did the outlet for your feelings we talked about last time finally help?"

"Oh, it helped, Doctor Emma. I did just what you said and wrote all of those things down. Boy, it took a lot of paper! But afterwards, I felt a lot clearer, like I'd just said them all aloud and they just went 'poof' up in the air. Since then, I've been having a lot fewer of those little dark episodes of loneliness we talked about —"

"Do you think you're ready for the support group we've talked about before?" From the corner of her eye, Em was watching her guest. Doctor Ferris gazed with boredom across the studio. Wood and bored go together, her mind impishly suggested.

"I don't know about that. It's so hard to go out, you know. And dating would be impossible. Even when the home health aid is here, I still feel funny about leaving Mother. But I'm trying to go out to the grocery store once a week. And to the library sometimes — you know, to drop off Mother's magazines. Those darn subscriptions never run out! But she loves them so much ... and I go to the recycling center once a month..."

"Well, keep trying, Claire," Em intervened at this point, since it would take Claire forever to recite her list of small errands. "It's important for you to have a life, too. And we look forward to hearing more about your progress on our upcoming 'Relationships in Review' broadcast."

"Thank you so much for saying so, Doctor Emma. I guess it just means everything to me to have you and all the listeners pulling for me while I'm struggling. Just me and Mother trying to make it day after day..."

"Thanks for calling, Claire. And keep trying with those changes." Isabel had mercifully cut Claire off, much to Em's relief. Sometimes those calls lasted too long, and threatened to lose the rest of her listening audience. "Who do we have next?"

"We have Harriet from Seattle, a first-time caller. Welcome to Heart Therapy, Harriet, you're on with Doctor Emma."

"Am I on the air?" A nervous voice chimed over the line.

"Yes, you are, Harriet. Don't be nervous. Tell us about your issue."

"Um...I'm single, see? I've ... I've always been single. And I — I just feel like I can't be anymore, you know what I mean? I'm twenty-six, and practically nobody has ever noticed me —"

"Loneliness is a hard battle, Harriet. It's brave of you to admit it, since most sufferers hide it. And by 'most sufferers' I mean 'most people on the planet.' So you're not alone in this."

Something in the misery of this girl's voice was making Em think of long-ago Charles. Charles, lovelorn and unreachable, still haunting her a little in moments like this.

"I don't have anyone to talk to. I mean, everyone I know's in a relationship, or just came out of one. They just don't understand what it's like, Doctor Emma. What it's like to feel unloveable."

"I'm sure you're not unloveable, Harriet."

"But I feel like I might be. Like since it's never happened, there's nothing about me that would make somebody else happy..."

"That's not true."

"I don't know..."

"Well, I do, Harriet —"

"Excuse me, Miss Benton, pardon my intrusion on your apparent advice to this caller, but it is impossible for you to know that. In a less-than-literal sense of that nonexistent word you've both been using, I'm sure you're aware that it isn't impossible for someone to be 'unloveable' in terms of how surrounding people view them."

It was Doctor Ferris's voice on the air. He had signaled for Isabel to let him join in, although Em knew this was the last thing Isabel expected him to say afterwards, given the expression on her producer's face. Their eyes met for a second, during which moment she read the cluelessness in Isabel's.

Em recovered herself almost instantly. "What Doctor Ferris means, Harriet," she said, quickly, "is that some people in society are less accepting of others' flaws —"

"I don't know..." Harriet sounded doubtful. "I think ..."

"What I meant is, the presence of self pity and low self-esteem in this caller could create a chemical and psychological aversion in others. We're programmed as a species to detect and avoid those qualities when we form social bonds."

"Are you saying that I really do repel the people around me? Like, repel men?" The girl's voice on the line sounded upset now.

"Harriet, I'm sure you have many wonderful qualities, and people in your life who appreciate them," Em said, firmly. "I think you're selling yourself short when it comes to the possibility of relationships, and that, yes, would definitely cause possible romantic partners to turn shy around you —"

"Which is a polite way of saying that you are possibly the obstacle to your happiness, caller, and it won't be changed by someone telling you to imagine it away." Her annoying guest was on the air again. She glanced at Izzy's face, where an equally disbelieving pair of eyes met her own. Where did he get off saying this to her caller?

"Excuse me, Doctor Ferris, but your opinion isn't the one Harriet phoned in to hear."

"I'm only trying to offer this caller some advice with an actual basis in human psychology and relationships, which I feel is grounded in the reality of what she's facing." He pronounced this matter-of-factly.

Em's swift, cutthroat motions for Izzy to kill his mic had come through with the producer's thumbs up. "Doctor Ferris's opinion of your situation and my own are very different, Harriet. So let me assure you that I think confidence will help you more than anything. And more than just imagining it, let's commit you to believing in yourself as a valuable person."

A long pause. A noisy exhale of breath on the line. "Well...okay. I guess I can try." From the sound of Harriet's voice, she wouldn't be trying hard anytime soon.

"You can do this for me, Harriet. And for everybody who thinks they're insignificant, but has so much more to offer. Look deep inside and find that part of you, Harriet, and hold onto it. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Thank you so much for calling. After the break, we'll hear from our next caller, and stay tuned for our special interview segment in the second half."

Izzy had cued the commercial from her booth, the 'on air' light momentarily dark. Em pulled off her headphones. "You're not on the air for another half hour, Doctor Ferris. Feel free to tour the station in the meantime. Get some coffee. Browse the magazines in the lobby for awhile."

"Would this be because I spoke to your caller?" Colin Ferris's features had shifted in what Em could only assume was a change of emotion — not that there was much sign of it in that wooden expression.

"Guests typically don't participate in our call-in segment. So let's just say it's for the best that you find something else to do, all right?" Em's smile wasn't sincere with these words. "So leave now, if you don't mind. Or, if you prefer, you can sit here in boredom and silence for the next twenty or so minutes."

"All right." He crossed his arms and settled more comfortably in his chair, gazing at the wall again.

She could make him leave. But that didn't seem worth it. With a quiet sigh of her own, Em slipped her headphones on again. The corner of her eye was still trained on her bored guest. If it wasn't for that stony frown, he might almost be good-looking. Even so, she'd rather stare at the potted ficus tree in the corner.

"And we're back. Who's our next caller, Isabel?"

"Nathan from Muncie is on the line, Doctor Emma."

For the next twenty minutes, Colin Ferris was mercifully silent. After the mid-show break, Isabel gave her the signal. The red light blinked to life again, and Em drew a deep breath.

"Listeners who tuned in for the first half of the show know we have a special guest in the studio today. Doctor Colin Ferris, author of the best-selling self-help book Relationship Realities: Dating Truths for Modern Men with Traditional Manners. Thanks so much for being here today, Doctor Ferris."

"It's a pleasure, Miss Benton." Nothing in his voice suggested this was true. From the booth, Em saw Isabel roll her eyes with despair over the fourth 'Miss Benton' uttered on the air.

"Please, tell us about your work."

"There's not a great deal to say. It's a frank and honest essay on modern romantic relationships and the challenges for men who are traditionally-inclined on the subject of dating."

"Traditionally-inclined. That means ...old-fashioned, I assume?"

Colin Ferris's tone was dry. "The guide is geared towards men who prefer traditional aspects of chivalry common in relationships of the past. Certain public and private gestures of thoughtfulness, or certain acts of respect towards their romantic partner. In other words, gentlemen."

At this point, she couldn't imagine Doctor Ferris as an expert on politeness or chivalry — not that it mattered, since it wasn't her place to judge his qualifications, was it? "Your book has certainly drawn more than enough fans since its release ... and its fair share of critics. What do you say to those who argue that your book is a throwback to male chauvinism — or the nicer ones who simply say it's a nice thought, but unrealistic?"

She had looked up a handful of reviews the previous night also, reading some of its critics' more scathing comments. A return to the era of coats spread on muddy streets and handkerchiefs presented by ladies.... Every male chauvinist's guide to putting women on pedestals.... Advice for a dying breed of humanity — one not far removed from the Neanderthal in terms of how it defines gender roles in relationships. She'd made a note to herself to read it someday — but that day could wait after meeting the author, she decided.

"Every analysis of modern dating has its critics. Of course, I expected more than my fair share, given the nature of the subject. It would be dishonest of me to deny it."

"We're all about honesty on this show, Doctor Ferris."

"Yes," he answered dryly. "And empathy, it would seem. Which brings us back to the caller from earlier."

"Does it?" Em's voice was slightly curt. "I hardly think so."

"Far be it from me to question your show's sympathetic ear, but don't you think, in this case, it would be more helpful to suggest a long-term therapist for that young woman? She sounds ill-equipped to comprehend the reasons behind her emotional distress."

"I often recommend counselors and support groups to listeners," answered Em. "I'm sure listeners are more aware than you, Doctor Ferris, that my advice to Harriet wasn't meant as a cure, but as a starting point for change."

"Change into what, Miss Benton?"

"I think Doctor Emma is trying to make the point that this show is about taking the first step," intervened Izzy, helpfully. She offered Em a conspiratorial smile.

"Not to offend you or your producer, Miss Benton, but I think the first step for this young woman, given her apparent emotional denial, may demand something bigger than her public confession over the radio. Fifteen seconds of shame, as critics call it."

"Are you saying that everyone who asks for help from a radio therapist is making a cheap cry for attention?" she shot back.

He seemed startled. For a fraction of a second, uncomfortable. "No, not at all," he answered. "I'm questioning the odds of callers helping themselves more than the desire for it. Questioning how realistic it is that many of them have the strength to actually help themselves after publicly exposing their problems."

It was Em's turn for a moment of shock. "A reassuring voice matters when someone is struggling, Doctor Ferris. Are you arguing with that?"

Don't be angry, she told herself. She tried to imagine what listeners would think about hearing her voice grow more passionate by the second.

"Are you arguing with the idea that it makes sense for your caller to be realistic about her own limitations or weaknesses?" he countered. "I'm not suggesting she doesn't deserve to feel better —"

"Feeling better is sometimes all it takes for someone to face circumstances and change their life. Or face problems that seem too big to handle at first glance."

"Let's be honest about it — honesty is the point of your show, after all." Sarcasm dripped from the last half of this sentence. "That young woman's problem was expressed in a handful of sentences, all of which indicated she was desperately looking for validation from the world — she's clinging to a straw in a cruel world of indifference, without understanding the real reasons she's struggling."

Em bristled. "She's not asking me, or any other radio therapist, to make that call for her yet. She simply wants reassurance that the answer is out there, and that she will find it when she's ready."

"Which you gave her, regardless of whether she's capable of understanding it, or helping herself."

"And you're aware of her circumstances? Her strengths and limitations? Which is why your advice is so much more qualified than mine?" Emma challenged.

"I didn't offer her advice, only statements on possible personality types, which any qualified therapist would assess. And I'm using the term 'therapist' in its traditional sense, not as a substitute for the word 'host,' for which it seems a popular substitute in radio these days."

"There's no reason to be subtle. I don't pretend to have a degree, Doctor Ferris. Only a gift for listening to people's problems on their own terms, which, apparently, escapes some licensed counselors."

"Meaning me?"

"Meaning you and dozens of others who are practicing in the field." Her voice rose, despite her usual self-control. "Don't you agree that feeling connected to someone who offers help — as opposed to affronted by them — makes people more open?"

"I made no assumptions about your degree, Miss Benton. I'm not a — practicing therapist." Doctor Ferris cleared his throat with this statement. "As my biography clearly states, my career was largely academic before the book."

"I think that's fairly obvious without reading your bio," answered Em, sweetly. "But I'm sure listeners will understand that being able to write about relationships is different from talking to others about them. Or having one yourself, for that matter. Are you in a relationship?" she added, glancing at Doctor Ferris with this question.

She could see Izzy grin behind the glass, a thumbs up for 'good shot' in response to this remark.

"No. I'm not." His voice was brusque. "My career's pace doesn't allow me to have that sort of ... of personal connection."

"Yet, you've written a book telling others how to make that connection?"

"Experience is hardly a qualifying reason to counsel others. By that token, unless you've experienced the full range of human relationships and their failures, you are unqualified to help them."

"Me, personally? Or everyone? Because I've never made that claim about experience."

"So what claim do you make that qualifies you, Miss Benton?" He raised his eyebrows mildly as he gazed at her.

"I think my listeners could better answer that question than me, Doctor Ferris. I would hate to say anything that would give my audience the impression that I have a sense of self-importance."

Doctor Ferris was going to retaliate — but Isabel had already cut him off. From the corner of her eye, Em could see his consternation when he realized his attempt at reply wasn't being aired.

"Thank you for your insights, and for taking the time to stop by today, Doctor Ferris. We look forward to your next book." Em's voice had returned to its normal broadcast tones. "That's all we have time for today. You've been listening to Heart Therapy, and I'm Doctor Emma, wishing you all the best in pursuit of a positive, modern relationship."

"And we're clear," announced Isabel.

Em pulled off her headphones. Beside her, Colin Ferris did the same as he rose. "Miss Benton —" he began.

Em was shrugging on her blazer, gathering her shoulder bag — anything to seem busy until the moment her so-called 'guest' was out of sight. She left the room and entered the sound booth, closing the door behind her.

"What was that?" asked Isabel.

"I don't know. Maybe he's just a colossal snob, or — or a male chauvinist." Her mind flew to the critics' snarkier comments.

"And if it wasn't for all those cold fish stares, he'd be sexy," said Isabel, gazing through the glass.

"Sexy?" echoed Em. "I don't think so." She wrinkled her nose as she followed Izzy's stare. Maybe it was possible if you could completely overlook his manners. A well-formed jaw, a muscular physique, a shock of dark hair — no, it wasn't enough. The shape of his features might as well be points on an iceberg.

"Well, he's not Frank, but still..." Isabel smiled. "But after ripping our show, I hope his would-be critics call him a toad next time."

On the other side of the glass, Doctor Ferris was standing awkwardly in the studio. Not leaving, Em noted. Maybe he thought there was something more to this process. The adulation of fans gathering outside the studio, for instance.

"He's not leaving, so I'll go show him the door," said Em, shouldering her bag. The lights on the caller's board were ablaze like Christmas.

"Oh, yeah," Isabel grinned mischievously. "It's been that way since the exchange started getting dicey. Half are your supporters, half are newcomers who think every radio therapist is a hack cashing in on desperate losers."

"Great," said Em. "Have them call back tomorrow and leave their therapists' numbers so I can hand them out to future callers." She closed the sound booth door behind her.

"The show is over, Doctor Ferris, so you're free to go. I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that." Her smile was flat as she faced him. His hands were tucked in his pockets, his tie straightened from the loosened knot of a moment before. Loosened in the midst of their debate? Em couldn't remember — or imagine it was likely, either.

He cleared his throat noisily before speaking. "I should apologize if my approach seemed curt to you," he said, frowning. "Or maybe 'forward' is a better description. And for the discomfort or embarrassment you might have experienced from my remarks."

Now that he was on the threshold and obviously in the act of leaving, she should make an effort. An apology was an apology after all. She softened ever so slightly. "Apology accepted," Em answered. "Some people simply have differences."

"Nevertheless, it's disconcerting, I have no doubt, to have an actual therapist challenge your response on your show," he said.

Em's smile froze for a fraction of a second. Did he actually just say that — insult her like that — on purpose? She didn't let the smile disappear from her face afterwards.

"Don't worry, Doctor Ferris. When face to face with embarrassing things, I always choose to laugh at them directly. And, to that end —" Here, Em's speech ended as she leaned closer to him and let out a peal of mocking laughter before closing the studio door between them.

"What an insufferable prig," she muttered.