Chapter Nineteen

 

"And that's why I think we've done Harriet more good than harm with this experience," said Em. "And that's regardless of any backlash from her decision to confess publicly that she felt inferior to everyone else on the planet."

That was Emma's closing remark in the fourth debate. It hadn't been their most rousing exchange, but a certain amount of tension was present in the air the whole time. Em and Colin both watching each other with evident discomfort and emotional distance, with double meanings in every other phrase.

"Well, that was quite a passionate defense, Doctor Emma," answered Janet, levelly. "Any rebuttal, Doctor Ferris?"

Em's remarks defending the project had become fiery at the end, prompted by Colin's seeming neutrality — or, possibly, reluctance — to express the same level of certainty. It was as if all her initial loathing for this project had vanished, even though she was the one who had refused it in the first place.

"No," he answered. "None at all. I think the public has seen enough to judge on its own." His tone was serious, level — and a touch cold, Em thought.

"Then that concludes our fourth and final debate," said Janet. "Doctor Ferris, Doctor Emma, thank you for being our guests these past few weeks."

"Thank you, Janet, for this opportunity," replied Em, dutifully.

Colin cleared his throat. "It was a pleasure to be here."

It wasn't, Em thought. Not even when they were at their best. She was relieved when Janet uttered the next topic aloud for the viewing audience. That was the signal that it was truly over. She was finally free from working with Doctor Ferris ever again.

Bill Lucas was waiting for them both, applauding heartily. "Well done!" he said. "Good show. I think that was your best — don't you think so?" Beside him, Vic and Kelly echoed his enthusiasm.

"I'm glad you were happy with it," Em answered. Her smile felt as if it might crack apart along the edges and crumble away if she kept it much longer.

"And you — Doctor Ferris! Loved the bit about personal journeys and stuff. Good input," said Lucas, attempting to look dignified and serious with the writer. Colin didn't crack a smile in response.

"Well, shall we say it?" Lucas glanced at the two producers standing by, who exchanged glances with each other quickly in return, as if confirming this suggestion.

Something was up. Em's heart plunged low with a sense of apprehension. Any other time, she might have looked at Colin to see if he felt the same, but not this time.

"You two have been so great —"

"Fantastic, actually," supplied Kelly.

"That we can't bear to have this thing end," said Lucas. "The powers that be at WMZ want you two to team up on a semi-permanent basis. Co-hosts of a reality project that shepherds participants through dating challenges. The response to this thing with what's-her-name's transformation has been crazy. This thing is still hot, and we want you two to give the public what it wants."

"People have emailed us. Phoned, even," added Kelly.

"Think of the publicity for your careers! This would mean more big milestones for your show, Emma, without a doubt," said Lucas. "And Doctor Ferris's second book would have double the audience! It couldn't get any better."

"True," chimed in Vic.

"Doctor Ferris, what do you say?" Lucas glanced at Em's debate partner, who had been listening as silently as Emma as this scenario unfolded in all its glory. "You're the tough nut to crack. Are you on board with this?"

"Yes," Colin answered. His face showed no sign of distaste as he spoke these words. "I would be willing to do it again."

His answer shocked Emma more than the calm tone with which he uttered it. Colin was agreeing to do this again, without a fight? After all the distaste he expressed for it? She could understand his answer the first time, perhaps — but, then again, maybe the reason was the same as before. Explained only by the shadowy figure behind his career, Ms. Catherine D. Burg.

"And Emma — we know you're in —"

"No," said Em. Firmly. "No. Thank you. I'm not." She looked Bill Lucas in the eye for these words, offering him a smile which was faint, but honest.

His face fell. "Emma, surely you're joking."

"I'm not, Bill. I'm perfectly serious."

"But Doctor Ferris agrees! Surely that's incentive enough — you can't let him have all the glory for this project. No indeed —"

"I'm sorry. But I won't do this again," she answered. "If it's a choice between him or me in the end, than you can have him." With that, she turned and walked out of the studio.

The door to the hall opened when she was halfway to the elevator. Em had expected Lucas to follow her — but not Colin. He was the one catching up with her, although she walked more swiftly towards the elevator when she realized who was following her.

"Emma —"

"Really?" She looked at him. "You said yes? The person who hated this experience twice as much as I did?"

"I disliked it, yes. But you didn't, at least not all the time," he answered. "Emma, think of what this means for your work —"

"And for your second book. Don't forget," she added.

"Never mind my supposed sequel," he answered, bitterly. "Listen. They would be willing to take you alone. If not now, then very soon, with the right persuasion. I'll walk away if you would take it. After what you've done for Harriet's project, you deserve it."

The elevator doors opened. He followed Em inside, although she had hoped he wouldn't.

"I don't want it," she repeated. "I said 'no' the first time. This time, it's my final answer. I was serious when I said you can have it all to yourself, Doctor Ferris."

"That isn't what I want," he answered. "And it's not what I meant by this offer." For a moment, she thought he was deeply offended. "Would working with me again, even for a few hours, be that distasteful to you?"

"Yes."

She pressed the button for the station's lobby floor. From the corner of her eye, she could see Colin's dissatisfaction with her answer was growing, bubbling under his quiet surface.

"Why?" He was struggling to remain calm, she sensed. "Why, if I may ask?"

"Because I don't like you," Em answered. "Not as a person, or as a doctor. I don't like the hypocritical way you've treated me. Or that you've lied to me." She took a breath. "And it hurt to be reminded how little you value me professionally, because you never failed to do so."

At least one of these arrows struck home. She could see the flash of pain in Colin's face. "I undervalued you," he replied. There was something mocking in his voice, strangely enough. "And I'm to assume by this statement that you believe everyone else around you values you as you deserve?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think I don't deserve to be criticized by someone who's letting another author use her on a constant basis for his own career."

"You mean Frank?" she replied. Her face flushed hot. "Or should I say 'Doctor Weston' for you? Frank has been more of a gentleman towards me —"

"Doctor Weston — Frank — is a — a cad and a thoughtless —" Colin's speech of contempt shut off at this point as he controlled his voice again. "He's using you, Emma. That should be enough in itself."

"Frank and I are in a relationship," she said. "I offered him my help freely. That's what people do in relationships, Colin. They give each other their best, freely."

"What does he give you in return?" Colin asked. "What gesture of help or recognition does he offer you and your career, Emma? Your name on the cover of his book? His thoughts on your callers' problems? Or does he believe that being in the presence of the celebrated Frank Weston is enough?"

Outrage flooded Em. "He doesn't — I never asked —" Her face flushed still hotter as a result of being unable to find the right defense. The problem lay with Colin, obviously — she was judging Frank by his standards. "My relationship with Frank is none of your business."

"You call it a romantic relationship between you two? When he has no loyalties, no exertion on his part to keep it alive? When he has the audacity to be out with Miss Fairfax —" At this point, Colin stopped speaking, abruptly, for Emma's face had gone pale in a second's time.

"I'm sorry. Emma, I — I didn't mean to —" Now Colin's face was filled with crimson, the color of shame. "I shouldn't have said —"

"No, you shouldn't have." Em was struggling very hard to keep her voice steady. Why wouldn't that lobby floor appear? Her eye was fixed on the button, willing it to glow.

Frank and Janet. It wasn't possible. It was just nonsense. This pounding in her heart, the shock in her veins, it was all Colin's imagination that inspired it. She knew Frank. She didn't know Colin Ferris at all.

She wanted to retort that Colin was the only one who undervalued her. She had no proof that anything he said about Frank was anything but his opinion. It was all inspired by the nonsense in his book — romantic nonsense that he clearly didn't believe.

"Emma, please. Say something." He sounded concerned. He was feeling guilty, she surmised. She was silent as she waited. Second floor, first floor. Lobby. The button lit up as the doors opened.

"Goodbye, Doctor Ferris." She stepped out of the elevator and didn't look back. His words about Frank had boiled her blood to the point of fury. She didn't want to wish him luck on his future with WMZ, nor with his second book, whenever that collection of lies was finally compiled.

There was a message on her phone from Frank later that evening. "Em, where are you? I'm at the Taj, and I have the book notes with me...anyway, I heard about your offer from Lucas. Stand strong, okay? Call me."

The second message was from Isabel. "Em? It's me. Heard Lucas wanted to keep the project rolling and you said no. Good for you, but ... are you sure? Just thinking about the show, girl. I mean, that is awesome P.R., even if Doctor Frankenstein's such a creep. Anyway, call me back."

Em hadn't done it yet. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to anyone at the moment. She wasn't sure how she felt about anything, except that she was angry at Colin. Not only for the things he said about her life, but for the lies that, in truth, shouldn't matter. She should only care if some part of her had respected or trusted him. Had she? It seemed impossible, but it was the only thing that explained why she felt this way.

Another message, this one left several hours later. "Emma. It's me. Colin. Please, I ... I need to explain my words, I think. I would like to talk to you, if you would only let me." A long pause followed, then Colin hung up.

Emma went out to dinner with a friend from her fitness class. She met Harriet for a drink at the girl's old hangout, a milestone moment since it was the first time Harriet had gone back there since her 'rescue' incident. Afterwards, Em caught a late-night showing of the latest action movie in a theater crowd of mostly teenagers. She did not return any of her phone calls, not even Frank's, although she had no real reason not to talk to him. As for Colin, she didn't have to talk to him ever again.