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DYLAN
The table wasn’t that hard to procure but the sushi was a couple blocks away and I wasn’t sure what exact time Kayla would get there. If I left the dish out in the warm Hawaiian air, it wouldn’t be as crisp or fresh as it should be. Not the best impression when you wanted to propose to the girl of your dreams.
The Kauai condos had a private section of a long beach along the southern part of the island. The sand wasn’t too fine or too coarse and I kicked my flip flops off as soon as I could. Every time I caught a beautiful sight like a cloud’s shadow cruising across the ocean’s cerulean blue surface, I searched for Kayla to point it out to her. I kept forgetting that I was waiting for her. She would be there soon and then I would have a chance to broach the subject I wanted her to seriously consider.
Back at home was hard to encourage real talk. Nothing was changing there, so to get to a new landscape, I had a better chance of convincing Kayla to try something different.
Would I be successful?
My parents recommended the locally owned condos. They traveled a lot and their favorite was in the more modest section of Kauai. I had requested a bottom floor room for balcony access to the pool and the beach. Kayla was outdoorsy and we both would want things to be as easy as possible. Plus, I’d seen her around stairs and as athletic as she was, stairs were not allies of hers.
Her itinerary had been sent to me via the app and she was scheduled to be at the condo right around dinnertime.
I kept checking my watch but the hands wouldn’t move and if I didn’t know any better, they were going backward. Then in the space of time it took to count a wave an hour would disappear and my panic would rise. Would she be happy to be there? Had she gotten on the plane?
My phone double-dinged and I reached reflexively for my phone. The app liked to let me know when things were happening or when I needed to do something. I needed an assistant for work who was as on the ball as the app was. Whoever their designer was, they were brilliant.
Your match has checked in at the Kauai Airport.
She would be at the condo soon. I probably had enough time to get to the sushi restaurant and pick up my order and return to set everything up. I couldn’t believe my chance was there. I would finally have her all to myself without the distractions of work, our homes, or anything else she might run off to.
After I set up the entire welcome for her, I took a breath. It wasn’t a welcome. Really, it was an opportunity to proposition her. I even went out of my way to set up the table with her favorite appetizer, spicy tuna on seaweed salad.
I preferred hot hamburgers but my girl liked appetizers. Since we were in Hawaii, I thought it would be best to go with the local seafood. Plus, it looked like local fare would get one of the tasks checked off the ClickandWed.com app list. I took a second and snapped a picture of the table just in case.
At the edge of the ocean, staring into the vastness of the sunset, I stood on the sand and welcomed the warmth of the water as it rushed up to my calves. My feet accepted the steady thrum of the water. The lady at check-in had warned me it was Portuguese man-of-war season and that I needed to be careful. It was most likely why the beach was empty of guests. I looked deep into the water and searched for the small balloon shaped bodies, but I hadn’t been able to spot one yet.
All kinds of doubts swarmed me. Was it worth it to give up? I had reached a point where either we addressed the love I had for her and she accepted we were meant to be together or it was time to move on. I waited for so long, hoping and praying I would get her attention. She never clamped onto it. She never caught on to the fact that I was here, I was never leaving.
I guessed, though, with my plan to either be together or move on I would be essentially leaving her which was the worst kind of betrayal I could imagine. I’d be no better than her father.
The first time I’d met Kayla would haunt me, if she chose to reject me.
My parents had bought a house in a newly developed subdivision in Hayden. Kayla and I were both only children and I was outside bouncing my almost flat basketball. Or trying. With my other hand, I’d worked on eating a candy bar I’d smuggled into my backpack. My mom was always trying to cut sugar from the household diet and other food I needed to cope.
Bopping out of her garage, Kayla and stopped when she’d seen me. Her French braid tamed her hair and she’d watched me while chewing on her finger. After a minute, she’d walked closer, her sandals white and brown. “Hi.”
I’d shoved my candy bar behind my back, embarrassed to get caught eating when I was my size. She wouldn’t like me, not someone as sweet as that.
She reached out and stopped me. “Don’t hide who you are. We can be friends. Do you have another one?” She’d had dimples back then and when she flashed them I think I would have given her a whole truckload of candy bars to see them again.
“We can be friends?” I didn’t have any friends then. I was new in the state and I would most likely not make any friends very fast. Kids like me never fit in. It was kids like Kayla that were popular.
She slid her arm around mine. “Are you kidding? We’re going to be best friends until we die. Let’s shake on it.” She spit into her palm and offered it to me, more dimples and deep blue eyes.
Stunned, I’d spit into my own hand and grabbed her warm skin with mine. I’d sworn then and there never to hurt her, no matter what.
The longer we’d been friends, the more I fell for her. There wasn’t a time period where she left me to be with the more popular kids. She never canceled our plans to go with anyone better. Kayla had always treated me like I was number one. I’d reciprocated in kind and I seemed to orbit around her.
But it hurt. Being around her so much and only being half present as what I wanted was like dipping my heart in acid and then rinsing it off with tap water. Being around her was a bittersweet pain that I endured willingly, but my strength was wearing down.
Was there a point where my heart’s pain would be more important than hers? Would I be forced to push my needs ahead of hers simply because I wasn’t sure I could continue surviving the way I was?
I had set everything into place for the chance that she wouldn’t choose me... choose us. My shields were lowering into place and I only had the next fourteen days to get her to choose us. We had a future and it would be amazing, but only if she could commit to me.
What would I say? I’d gone over and over in my mind for what to do and how to offer the proposition to her. Did I tell her that if she chose no, I’d given instructions to my lawyer? As dramatic as it sounded, it was exactly what I’d done.
A couple appeared on the path that angled along the top of the hill leading to the beach. Silver-haired and slow, the older pair held hands and she pointed toward the water while he chuckled. They saw me and nodded, smiling as if they knew the secret to forever.
I wanted forever. I wanted to hold Kayla’s hand and kiss her whenever I wanted, not just on the forehead when she’d fallen asleep. I wanted, no, needed to be able to rely on her for happiness, not just business decisions and an occasional date.
Setting my jaw, I watched the couple continue on their journey. I would lay it all on the table. Kayla wouldn’t have any reason to say no. She’d choose me. She’d be happy. I had to believe that I could do it. I had to have faith in something because a sinking sensation in my chest reassured me that even if she didn’t choose us, I had an alternate plan in place. That had to account for something.
But what? That I was prepared for rejection?