I’m the first one to arrive at the hotel room.
A few hours ago, I’d been worried that I would be too late because I’m usually very late to everything. But, actually, now that I think about it, I haven’t been late to a single one of my dates with Darren or Nadia. In fact, ever since our very first date, I’ve been right on time, and even a bit early, bus schedule depending.
I can never admit this to Emma. She would never let me live that fun fact down.
I leave my suitcase by the front door and look around this fancy ass suite that my broke ass surely could never have afforded. I offered to chip in, but no lie, I’ve never known the particular relief I felt when Darren and Nadia shot that suggestion down. I couldn’t have afforded chipping in even a few dollars without dipping heavily into next month’s student loan payment or putting it on my already taxed credit card. But I had to offer. I’m not opposed to a sugar relationship — I couldn’t have survived college without one — but that’s not what I’m building with Darren and Nadia.
There’s a smile on my face when I let myself think about the relationship I want with them — the relationship I’ve been dreaming about only late at night when I can’t stop myself, when I can’t put a check on my desires. My fantasies are somehow the filthiest shit — even for me — and the quaintest. I’ve had as many dreams about Darren fucking me in the laundry room or crawling under the dining table to lap at Nadia’s pussy as I have about the three of us watching the boys at the youth league championship basketball game. In my fantasies, I’m not Nadia and Darren’s perpetually horny little girlfriend; I’m a part of their life.
Okay, I’m not just their horny little girlfriend.
That’s why it feels like an entire murder of crows is going apeshit in my stomach right now. Anything could happen between now and the life I’ve been fantasizing about. We could all wake up one day and realize that actually, no harm, no foul, but this relationship isn’t for us. We could have a big ass fight, like a real one, one that can’t be repaired by a surprise visit to my job and a milkshake. The boys could hate me, and I’m terrified that they will. Anything could happen, meaning all the worst shit I can imagine is on the table.
But right now, only the best, bubbliest, romantically dirty things seem possible with Nadia and Darren.
In this cute, very short, white dress, with only a white lace thong underneath, standing in front of an entire wall of windows that looks out onto downtown, waiting for them to arrive, everything seems possible. The sweet bite of anticipation is nipping at my ass, but the icy doubt and the fear it inspires is in my veins.
I press my palms against my stomach and focus on slow, calming breaths. I close my eyes to the amazing view and think about something better, something I can build with Darren and Nadia.
And speaking of Nadia…
The door beeps and whirs as the lock disengages. When I turn, I come face to face with a shocked Nadia. Her mouth falls open, her eyes widen, and not to be too corny or anything, but she takes my breath away.
“Hi,” I breathe, still pressing my palms against my stomach.
“H-hi,” she gulps.
We’re both nervous, but as soon as she sees me, a shiver runs down Nadia’s body from head to toe. She tries to hide it, but I can see it, and it’s actually very adorable. I watch her take each step carefully into the room. She sets her shoulder bag on the table by the door and then runs a very shaky hand over her stomach and takes a deep breath to compose herself.
I can see her lovely brain working as she psyches herself up to look at me. I turn away from the view. Looking at her is much more breathtaking. And I wait until she’s ready, finding a strange sense of comfort knowing that it’s not just me; that I’m not the only one who wants this so badly she can taste it.
Nadia lifts her eyes from the floor slowly. I watch her appreciate my shoes — vintage Galliano that I found at an estate sale, be jealous. I see her lick her lips as her eyes travel up my legs — thank God for body shimmer — and the very brief hem of my dress. I hold my breath until we lock eyes, and then I exhale softly.
“Hi,” I say again.
Her eyes are soft with emotion, and there’s a small grin on her face. I can see it now that she’s let herself feel the nerves; Nadia is as excited as I am, and the relief I feel when I confirm that is immeasurable.
“I thought I’d have time to shower before you got here,” she sighs, with bunched eyebrows and a beautiful smile on her face. “I wanted to look good for you.”
She won’t let me join her in the shower. I don’t know that for sure because I was too nervous to ask, but I think it’s true. She would have invited me if she wanted me in there, right? And even though I’ve already showered and am perfectly made up for them, I would have gotten unready with her in a heartbeat. I should have told her that.
I’m a bundle of frazzled nerves.
But why?!
As soon as Nadia disappears into the bathroom, I start to pace along the length of carpet from the front door into the sitting area.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I whisper to myself. Like for real!
No slut-shaming or whatever, but this is not the first time I’ve met up with someone in a hotel room wearing more makeup and jewelry than clothing. But this is the first time I’ve been on the verge of an emotional and sexual breakdown because I want to fuck so badly.
I have to call Darren.
“I’m trying to get out of here, I swear,” he whispers into the phone instead of saying hello.
“I’m freaking out!” I whisper this sentence with a lot of emphasis. I need to make sure that he understands my emotional state; one of us should.
“What— What’s wrong?”
“She’s hiding in the bathroom.”
“She is?” Ugh, he makes confusion sound so fucking adorable. I can’t wait to shove his dick down my throat again.
“Kinda? Maybe. She showed up, and the first thing she wanted to do was shower.”
He sighs. “Oh. Yeah. Nadia hates to have sex if she doesn’t feel exceptionally clean. Hates it.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s fair.”
A moment of silence passes. “Is there something else?”
I flop into one of the chairs in the sitting area and groan. “No. I’m just nervous. I’ve been waiting weeks for this, and now that it’s here…”
“You’re excited?” he asks carefully.
“Well, yeah, but nothing is turning out how I expected.”
“Please don’t tell me what you expected; there are three angry moms watching my every move right now,” he says quickly.
That makes me laugh, but then I sigh. “I mean, obviously, I thought you would be here.”
“I’m trying to get away,” he says.
“And I didn’t expect Nadia to run off into the bathroom.”
“Did she run?” he asks skeptically. “Are you sure? Because I’ve known Nadia our entire adult lives, and running from a challenge really isn’t her style.”
“Okay, maybe not run. She said she wanted to look good for me, and she thought she’d have time to shower before I arrived.”
“And you don’t believe her?”
I bite my bottom lip and consider his question while I replay her arrival in my head. “I just thought she’d rush into my arms and rip my dress off.”
“Nadia would never intentionally destroy clothes. It’s wasteful. And you’ve spent enough time with her to guess that she’s not really the ‘rush into your arms’ kind of person.”
“No,” I say miserably.
“Nadia,” Darren says quietly, “is the ‘meticulously plan how to fit all the people and things she really loves into her life’ kind of person. And if she said she wanted to look good for you, it’s because — and I know this to be true — she’s spent the last two weeks dreaming about tonight and how it will go. Just like you.”
I’m blinking, staring at the wall. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh. Maybe it’s a good thing that work is holding me up.” I start to protest, but he cuts me off. “Maybe what you two need is some time without me to get to know each other better.”
I frown. “And how do you feel about that?”
I can hear the adorable smile on his face as soon as he speaks. “I want this to work,” he says gently. “I want both of you, and I want both of you to want each other. If that means that sometimes I have to take a back seat,” his voice dips to a dangerously deep tone here, “I’m okay with that.”
“Yeah?” I say, slipping my hand under my dress and between my legs. I just need to cup my pussy to calm my nerves, but my God, the way his voice sounds right now is making my skin warm. “What’re you gonna do while we get acquainted?”
His laugh is dry, needy, gorgeous. “I’ll show you as soon as I get there,” he says.
I moan. “You better.”
“Is that my husband?”
I turn in a rush, my hand still between my legs, the phone still pressed to the side of my head. I feel guilty even though there’s no need for that. But the thrill of feeling like I’ve been caught doing something that I shouldn’t is delicious.
“Is that my husband?” she asks again, a hotel towel wrapped around her body, balled into her fist above her left breast in a death grip.
“Answer her,” Darren purrs into my ear.
“Yes,” I say, my pussy melting and wetting my fingertips.
“And what is he saying?”
I swallow a lump in my throat. “He wants us to spend some time together while we wait for him,” I say, my eyes darting to her chest and then back to her face.
I swear to God, the next few moments happen in slow motion. The smile forms on her face in seconds that feel like hours. Her grip loosens over the matter of days. The towel falls to the floor in seconds but also weeks. I enjoy every moment.
“Breathe,” Darren tells me in a soft voice.
I exhale.
His voice is a heated whisper. I know he’s moved somewhere for a bit of privacy. God bless whatever corner he’s found so he can say this. “If you need to pretend I’m there, you can,” he whispers. “But you don’t need to. I know how much she wants you, and you want her, and that’s all I need.”
Nadia begins to walk toward me slowly.
“You’re a lucky woman,” I tell her.
She smiles. “I hear that a lot. I know.” She stops in front of the chair and lifts her leg onto the arm of it. “Why don’t you show me just how lucky I am.”
Darren grunts, curses, and hangs up the phone.