Twenty.

Chicken and Carrots

 

It took a whole day to get everything I knew about the situation on paper. Jens waited until the end to leaf through it, his face growing grim and sickened with every paragraph he absorbed. Punch after punch landed in his gut, punctuating the pain of his worst fear – that something bad would happen to the few people in his life, and for all his muscles, he would be powerless to stop it.

“Grace!” Jens barked down the hall.

She entered the room with the practiced edge of bracing herself, but this time Jamie did not attack. Oh, the desire was there, but he was controlling it now. His fingers itched to hit her, but instead he held onto the bed and to my arm, breathing deeply through his nose to fend off the urge to fight.

Jens spoke in clipped tones. “I need you to start treating them for electric shock wounds. And when can they eat solid foods? Lucy’s getting smaller by the minute!”

He and Grace went back and forth on different approaches to treatment until Jens was a little less irate. He tore his phone out of his pocket and beckoned the person on the other end to take his place for a few hours.

I thought the sight of Foss would bring me peace or answers or comfort or something, but instead I felt only the same hesitation that kept me from believing Jens was real. When we were locked up, I did my best never to let my mind wander to Foss. Foss was a landmine, and I was already underground.

When Foss entered the room to take Jens’s place, he regarded me with the same uncertainty. He could barely look at me, while all I could do was stare blankly at him. I watched every movement for signs of falsity that might indicate the man sitting in the chair across the room was not actually Foss.

“I said stop staring at me like that!” Foss barked, arms folded across his chest.

How long had he been talking? I blinked at him while Jamie postured next to me. He was sitting on the side of the bed, feet on the floor in anticipation of walking. He’d waited for Grace to go make us some food, knowing he’d rather fall than let someone in hospital scrubs come too near him. Jamie rubbed his thigh muscle, doing his best to coax it into usefulness. He was determined to get to Britta. In his mind, he’d gone without attacking Grace for a couple hours now, so he should be able to see his wife.

“What? I’m not kidding, Lucy. Stop looking at me. I’ll leave right now if you don’t knock it off.” Foss was angry as he stood.

I’d heard him talking, but I couldn’t look away. I had to know if he was real. Had I really been married? The whole thing seemed ridiculous. Disjointed. I’d met Foss because of Uncle Rick.

Uncle Rick was dead. Even though my mom used his power in my mind, he was still dead.

That’s right, Jamie confirmed. So if Alrik comes through that door, we know it’s not real.

Okay. Then help me figure this out. I met Foss because I had Pesta’s rake. But he was terrible. He… did he push me around?

Yes. He’s Fossegrimen.

Why would I marry someone who pushed me around?

Jamie shrugged. That’s a good question. We were on the Isle of Fossegrim. He married you to make sure no one tried to abduct you again.

I had a ring! I exclaimed, bits and pieces surfacing as if through a muddy puddle. I looked down at my finger, and then recalled the size of the thing. It was built for The Rock, not me. It had hung around my neck. Did they take it away? My concern grew when I felt my collarbone and didn’t find a ring. Someone had taken my wedding ring. I didn’t know much about marriage, but that seemed like a big no-no.

No, Lucy. You got divorced. You gave the ring back to Foss. You’re with only Jens now.

That’s right. I love Jens. Jens is real. We’re not underground. We’re together.

Foss was towering over me next to the bed, doing his best to be intimidating. My gaze fell to the ruby on Foss’s finger, which was right at eye level to me. He was saying something, but I wasn’t listening. I reached out and grabbed the jewel, pulling his hand toward me so I could inspect the ring up close.

The fire. It branded me. I’d pulled Foss out of the burning house. I’d lived there in a red dress. I’d been his wife. We were friends now.

I nodded, pulling on his hand to drag him down to my level. He knelt by the bedside, grousing as he allowed me to examine his fist. “What are you doing?” he asked, wincing each time he looked at me.

My fingers moved to his face, trembling as they touched his cheekbones. I knew so much about him, and yet it felt distant, like I’d lived those choices in a previous life.

Foss closed his eyes so he didn’t have to look at me. “You’re too thin.” He looked pained at having to say it. “You’re not you. I don’t like it. You used to be… but now you’re…” When my finger traced under his chin, he whispered, “What did they do to you?”

I didn’t answer. There weren’t words, even if I’d had a voice.

A sandy-haired man in blue scrubs came in with a tray of food. This time I wanted to attack him, though not for the same reasons Jamie did. Roasted chicken and carrots wafted toward me, and I forgot all else. I dropped Foss’s face and reached for the food like a greedy child. My stomach was empty, and I needed to fill the gaping void inside with something other than questions and lies.

No! It’s a trap! It’s not Grace! It’s poisoned, Lucy! They got you to lower your guard! It’s not Foss! It’s not Foss! They’ll take you away again!

Even if it was true, I wanted the food – needed it, even. But the moment the bowl was placed on my lap, Jamie picked it up and threw it across the room, shattering the green ceramic against the opposite wall. He lunged at the male nurse, but fell, shaking like a madman before the well-trained nurse could force him back on the bed.

Foss whisked me away from Jamie and deposited me on the floor so he could help the nurse pin Jamie to the bed without anyone knocking me over. I took my moment and dragged my legs using my forearms and abs toward the remnants of my meal. I knew I had only seconds before Jamie took my food away again, so I snatched up the nearest bit, which was a thumb-sized chunk of chicken. I brushed away a shard of the plate and tore into the flesh, breathing hard at finally tasting real food. I wanted to weep, but there was no time. I grabbed a carrot and shoved it into my mouth, then another and another. It was all I wanted in life, and I attacked each bite with zeal to rival a wild animal.

Foss let out some noise of distress and scooped me up off the floor. “I’ll get you a new plate! Don’t eat off the floor! You were a Tribeswoman, and now you’re begging for scraps off the ground? No!” He turned to the nurse, his tone authoritative, as it always was. “Jamie’s cracked, but I know there are parts of her left in here. I’m taking her downstairs to eat. Jamie’s completely mental! She’s my wife, so this is my call.”

Jamie tore at the nurse’s shirt and reached to claw at the man’s face at the mention of Foss taking me away. I knew it would happen! I told you not to eat! Food takes you away from me! No!

Jamie, we’re dying! I have to eat sometime! It’s been too long we’ve been without food. I’m sorry! I have to try!

No, Lucy! Don’t leave me in here! They’ll shock me again! They’ll tie me to the ground. Help!

I turned my face into Foss’s shirt and wept for my weakness. I wept for Jamie and my inability to stay strong for him. I wept because I was weak, and I hated myself for the unforgivable state I’d deteriorated to.