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Nancy and Maxine strolled back into the village with grins plastered over their faces. The curator stood outside Eloise’s hut and greeted them. ‘Welcome back, ladies. I trust that your session was satisfying.’
Nancy smiled coyly. ‘Yes, it was excellent. It was a lovely feeling to be omnipotent; I could get used to it...’
I wonder what Nancy and Maxine have been up to while I’ve been on Earth. This is proving to be less straightforward than I anticipated.
Nancy added, ‘We very much enjoyed the challenge, although I am sure Maxine will agree with me when I say that we are looking forward to some tasks back on Earth. I hope I can be a positive influence on other people, like Eloise was to me.’ Nancy looked across at Maxine and winked, which was thankfully unseen by the curator. ‘Anyhow, I am worn out for today. Can we do more training tomorrow though? I’d like to have a cuppa and a chat with Hector and Damien so Maxine and I can fill them in on the day. I’m sure they’d like to tell us about their day hunting too.’
The curator thought for a moment, eying Nancy with suspicion. ‘Yes, of course. I have some business to attend to back on Earth. See you tomorrow at ten at Eloise’s.’
Nancy smirked. ‘Alright then. By the way, can you hurry up and provide some more cushions for our sofa, and a television please? I’m missing watching Eastenders.’
The curator nodded, her lips slowly pulling into a taught line across her face. She walked away from them toward the forbidden area and vanished into thin air.
***
HECTOR, HAVING LEARNED he didn’t need to wait to be asked, set to and made a cup of tea for everyone. He knew his place as the group’s lapdog, which always amused everyone else because of the size of him.
Maxine sat with her mug of steaming Yorkshire Tea, her hands cupped around it as it warmed her fingers. She looked at Nancy, who smiled back with a slight nod of her head. Maxine took a sharp intake of breath and said, ‘Hector, I have found something monumental out today, from the lovely Nancy.’
‘Oh? What’s that? She has found a salon on the island to do her hair?’
‘Funny. Not. No, she and Damien, when they went to her funeral, spoke to the vicar.’
‘Wait. What? The vicar could see them both?’
‘Yes, but not only that, he spoke to them when the burial was over. He admitted that the curator’s words are law, but he then said that he is her boss!’
Hector sat bolt upright and perched on the edge of his chair. Maxine giggled. ‘Your face probably looks very much like mine did when Nancy told me.’
‘This is so strange. The curator makes out that she could be a god. Now we know she isn’t, but they will still expect us to follow her like ducklings following their mother.’
Damien grimaced. ‘That’s right, big man. But there’s one thing I still wonder about. The vicar says that the curator’s word is law, but we didn’t know about him before, so is he just saying that to try and keep us in line with a metaphorical stick? Is he just the next up in a long line, or is he the actual top dog?’
‘I say sod it, and let’s hand out some revenge to that lot for treating us like shit,’ mumbled Hector, shaking his head. He was still trying to work out why everything seemed like such a big mystery.
Maxine brushed her knuckles across his arm. ‘By Jove, Hector, I like your answer.’ A dark look crossed her eyes, and her nostril and mouth twitched, narrowly avoiding becoming a sneer. ‘What should we do, Hector?’
‘I think we should peer punish Eloise for being a bitch and put her in her place. It has to be solitary, sitting on Cuthbert’s chair for a month or something.’
Damien belly laughed. ‘That is brilliant, my old bean. I think we should wait to see how the curator reacts before deciding what to do with her.’
Maxine swigged the last of her drink, ignoring the burning sensation as the hot tea worked its way down her throat. ‘This is going to be great. I’d piss myself laughing if the vicar turned up here. The curator’s face would be a picture.’
Hector added, ‘But we have to think of something to do if our plan of putting Eloise in solitary doesn’t work. We should always have a plan B.’
‘I agree, Hector. Any idea of what the plan B is?’ Damien asked.
Nancy half put her hand in the air, like a pupil at school. ‘Perhaps we can banish her off the island or send her to reincarnation. I am really reluctant to send her to hell or put her inside a cold dark grave, you know, just in case it sets off karma or something and we end up in the shit ourselves.’
‘Her hair,’ muttered Damien. ‘She absolutely loves her hair. It’s her crowning glory; it kind of glows like a shampoo advert. We could shave it off... I don’t know how, but think about it; she would be beyond pissed off, which is exactly what we are aiming for. Put that bitch in her place.’
‘Let’s do both!’ Maxine grinned, her eyes flashing with a glint of lunacy. She looked at Nancy, who had an equally huge grin growing on her face. ‘Boys, you agree, don’t you?’ The men knew that this was a metaphorical question. Now that the females had made their minds up, the shaving of Eloise’s copper hair was imminent, as was her sentence of sitting in Cuthbert’s chair for a period of time.
Damien said, ‘I am really looking forward to this, although it feels like playing with fire.’
‘Don’t be so boring, babe,’ said Nancy. ‘We are dead, after all, and the curator will be pleased to see us taking management decisions and showing Eloise that she isn’t any better than us.’
Hector surprised the rest of the group by saying, ‘Right, that’s decided then. It has to be you ladies who do the shaving, though; it would seem wrong for men to restrain her and do the deed.’
‘Who is talking about restraining her?’ asked Maxine. ‘We are a supernatural management group now.’
Hector’s eyes lit up with excitement. ‘How right you are! Wow, this is going to be excellent.’
Damien stood and began to pace back and forth. ‘While we are talking about revenge, I think we should think of something to do to Niall.’
‘Who is Niall?’ asked Maxine.
Nancy sighed. ‘He was Damien’s best mate back on Earth.’
‘He waited until I disappeared, and then he took advantage of Nancy and Marcus. Niall wormed his way into my bed and made Nancy fall for him. After a few years, he left. He didn’t even try to put up a fight when Nancy told him to leave. Guess what reason he gave to Nancy that made him want to leave? No, don’t guess. I’ll tell you.’ Damien’s face flushed red with anger. ‘He was jealous of Nancy thinking about me and constantly wondering what had happened to me that day at the museum.’ Uncharacteristically for Damien, he punched the wall and made a dent. Blood trickled from two knuckles. ‘Sorry, I don’t know what came over me,’ he mumbled.
Nancy hugged him. ‘It’s alright, babe, I feel the same way. It’s natural that you are so angry. At the time, it felt like the natural thing to do, but I guess I was on the rebound. However, looking back, perhaps he wasn’t really taking advantage.’ She sighed deeply. ‘I’m realising with the benefit of hindsight that Niall was simply being true to himself. Maybe it was just too hard for both of us; I’d lost my husband, and he’d lost his best friend.’
‘Well, this is complicated.’ Maxine frowned. ‘I thought he certainly deserved a punishment at first, but maybe we should let him be.’
Nancy nodded her agreement. ‘At the wake of my funeral, I told him to never come near my family ever again. He almost shit himself and legged it out of the house. Maybe that was enough.’
Damien knew from the look in her eyes that she didn’t really know how she was feeling.
Hector chipped in. ‘You two are nice people though; I can’t imagine you hurting someone on purpose.’
Damien looked at him with a glint in his eye. ‘Who said anything about hurting him?’
‘Has he got a new partner now?’ Maxine asked.
Damien chuckled. ‘I doubt it. He’s not an outgoing person, and I never used to hear him talk about girls.’
‘Pets?’ Maxine asked with a raised eyebrow.
‘Yes, well, he had a love for cats. It wouldn’t surprise me if he doesn’t have at least one,’ Damien said. He looked at Maxine quizzically.
Maxine beamed, an idea clearly floating in her mind. ‘Nancy, come with me and we’ll pay this Niall character a visit.’
***
IT WAS SIX IN THE EVENING, and Niall walked through his front door after another monotonous day at work.
He didn’t see his ex-girlfriend and her mate sitting on his sofa, grinning at each other.
Niall made his way into the kitchen and turned his oven on. He retrieved a cheap supermarket pizza from his freezer and set it on the kitchen side to wait for his oven to heat. Talking to himself, he said, ‘Right, get changed then put the pizza in.’
Nancy shook her head and whispered to Maxine, ‘I can’t believe we fell for each other. I just hope his life takes an upturn. I was on the rebound and he was grieving for his friend. I thought he was taking advantage then, but now I feel sorry for him.’
Maxine smiled sympathetically and whispered back, ‘It isn’t your fault. Life is so complicated.’ Her face turned into a grin. ‘But we might as well have some fun now we are here.’
By now, Niall was on his way to his bedroom. His beloved tortoiseshell cat lay on his bed, asleep. Maxine and Nancy followed him into his bedroom and spotted the moggy. The cat stirred upon hearing her beloved human enter the room. Niall reached down and stroked her head. ‘Hello, Tilly, are you happy to see me?’ The cat miaowed, looking past Niall at the uninvited visitors. Maxine stood on the opposite side of the bed to Niall and rubbed her fingers together. Tilly went straight over to her and purred. Niall frowned. ‘Hey, Tilly, I’m over here!’
The cat went back across to him and rubbed herself against his hand. Niall chuckled. ‘It was like you were seeing ghosts there.’
Nancy nodded over to Maxine with a mirthful smile as Niall took off his trousers and rummaged around his wardrobe for something casual to put on. While his back was turned, Nancy moved his trousers to the opposite side of the bed to where Niall had put them.
When he turned back around, Niall frowned again. ‘Must be going mad,’ he muttered. ‘I’m sure I put them strides on this side of the bed.’
He shook his head in bemusement and slipped into a pair of jogging trousers, put on a fresh tee shirt and went back to the kitchen. Niall placed the pizza onto the bottom shelf inside his oven, closed the door, set the oven timer, and returned to his lounge. As soon as his back was turned, Maxine turned the oven down to gas mark one. Nancy laughed. ‘This is actually fun. Thank you, Maxine.’
‘It’s alright. I can’t stand stupid men who think they can do anything and then run away from responsibility. Watch this,’ Maxine said, enjoying the opportunity to haunt someone. It was plain that she was leaning on the fact that Niall had taken advantage of Nancy, and she apparently didn’t agree that Niall was a good egg. Either that or she didn’t care about the consequences of what they were doing. She flicked the power switch on the fridge freezer to the ‘off’ position. Nancy smirked approvingly. They followed Niall into the living room and sat looking at him. He turned on his television and flicked through the listings to find something to watch. Settling for the news, he sighed and sat back, shaking his head as an article came on about the war in Syria.
The oven timer beeped, so Niall went into the kitchen. Nancy and Maxine giggled when they heard him curse. He returned to the lounge mumbling to himself, ‘I must be losing my marbles...I’m sure I put the oven on the right setting.’
Tilly wandered into the room and jumped up onto the arm of the seat where Maxine was sitting. As she stroked her, she was reminded of her own cat from when she was in the land of the living. Niall said to the cat, ‘Hi Tilly! Why don’t you come and sit by me?’ He smiled at the ball of fur from across the room, obviously a dedicated owner who loved his pet.
Maxine nudged Nancy with a flash of mischief in her eyes and replied in a purring voice on the cat’s behalf, ‘I don’t feel like it. I found out what you did the other month before you got me from the shelter.’
Niall looked at the cat in shock. Maxine said, ‘I couldn’t believe my ears! You took advantage of a widow and wangled your way into your best friend’s bed before it was even cold. I hope you are ashamed of yourself. Now, make sure that you feed me tuna at least once a week.’
Maxine vigorously rubbed her fingers along the cat’s spine so that Tilly would stand up and arch her back. Niall’s mouth opened and closed several times as he watched his cat massaging its back against thin air while purring. His oven beeped again, so he went out to the kitchen and returned a minute later with his food. He sat with the plate of food on his knee, eating in slow motion as he continued to stare quizzically at his pet.
Tilly miaowed, demanding more affection from Maxine. Nancy couldn’t resist and said, ‘I will keep an eye on you, Niall. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us. I am going now, but I’ll be back to catch up with you again. Try to have a good life. You do have a lot of heart to offer a special someone; don’t let that go to waste. I know you weren’t trying to take advantage. I just wanted to let you know that everything is okay.’
Niall pushed himself as far back into his chair as he could, his plate falling from his lap as he gasped for air and went a peculiar shade of red. ‘Sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me,’ he begged.
‘There’s no need to be sorry,’ replied Nancy, who then laughed sadly.
After laughing for a few seconds at the weirdness of the situation, Maxine joined in and said, ‘I shouldn’t have done this. I’m sorry too. At least you’ll know for sure that there is an afterlife. Oh, and we turned your freezer off...’
Niall ran to his bathroom and knelt in front of his lavatory. He clung onto the porcelain bowl and lurched forwards as he vomited his stomach contents into the toilet. Without saying a word, Nancy and Maxine looked at each other in amusement. Maxine lifted a finger to her lips and winked at Nancy. Using her supernatural power, Maxine then slammed the toilet lid onto the back of Niall’s scruffy head. The women laughed again and made their way out of Niall’s house, but not before hearing him say, ‘I hope this is just a dream.’
‘Thank you, Maxine. That was tough,’ Nancy said with a sad smile on her face.
‘You are more than welcome,’ Maxine said, putting her arm around Nancy’s shoulder and squeezing her. ‘Let’s get back to the island.’